Vinnie's System!

Hi, I'm Vincent! And this is my mental illness blog documenting my experiences with mainly schizophrenia and DID ! {Schizophrenia, C-PTSD, DID, Major Depression, GAD, BPD, minor ED disorders, ADHD/ASD} [main is ink-moths]

[belowe-system]

I'm still alive. i'm not sure if anyone is still around, though.

an update; i've discovered a lot of things. i've healed a lot, changed a lot. im homeless, still have a long ways to go to reach a comfortable living situation. it's been almost a year now.

i am tentatively posting because being vulnerable about mental health has remained a constant. linking it with art is still a lifeline. i've been posting on @1nkm1nd , and most of my art pertains to that kind of vulnerability. i'm here to share. give a peruse of the #doodles tag, if you'd like.

thank you to everyone who has supported me on this blog. i dont really enjoy it existing much longer though, since becoming increasingly uncomfortable over Any of my postings online as a minor. but also whats done is done. i guess. im uncomfortable even making a post here at all- so... thanks, everyone. genuinely.

[belowe-system]

if i take too long i will DIE . if im not quiet enough i will DIE . if im not even better than before i will FUCKING DIE

[ink-mind]

ah, yes, the "body part dont work" alter

[belowe-system]

before when i was like 17 i honestly thought my psychotic symptoms were bad as they were. now it literally feels like every video i watch is talking to me and i’m susceptible to like. any delusion at this point if i think about it long enough

[belowe-system]

definitely still having those dreams. i spent a lot of time in my bedroom. it looks.. nice? clean. my bed switches back and forth between a nest style bed or a day bed (which are visually similar in my dream), and the dresser and tv are in the same place as my childhood bedroom except theyre.. nicer? its still a box tv but idk it looks nicer. its weird to have a dream that has pale blues and yellows as opposed to explicitly flesh colors and dark colors.

i explored the hallway a bit. very boring.. i couldnt open any doors except my own or it was just... a mostly empty room. it feels like my granparents were there. the good ones. amd i remember looking out my window which.. doesnt have blinds anymore nor curtains, and im definitely pretty high up as if three stories up even tho this was technically the second floor

[belowe-system]

i keep having dreams about this. house? mansion? its a narrow but tall house. theres a kitchen and living room on the first floor, probably a half bathroom. and then theres these.. Steep two flights of stairs, and there are two large rooms that the stairs are between, completely filled with covered furniture. everything has a sheet on it to prevent dust.

that same floor has a hallway and some rooms, and it all feels so big. i have a room at the very end of the hallway, but its totally fine. it feels like .. the same shape as my bedroom from my childhood home. the window, bed, and door are in the same areas.

i never get out of the house unless the dream transitions. but i never try to escape, either. im just so focused on making it work in this abandoned looking home. there were people on the first floor, and its huge so they always stay down there. the general feeling i get from the dream is exploritive and survival and a little bit of frantic tension when the people on the first floor call for me

i just wanted to write this down bc its been weeks now and im still dreaming about this house and its just. wild to revisit the same consistently structured place.. over and over again?

[belowe-system]

I love going to the backyard to smoke and I see the grass and its rolling like waves of water

[ink-mind]

Support Ink-Moths on Ko-fi.com!

Support INKMOTHS on ko-fi, or view my gallery!

☆ Hello! I'm broke as shit, but I still have bills and stuff to pay ! If you enjoy my content, consider supporting me! You can view the details of my current goal on my ko-fi page!☆

At the very least, if you're unable to donate, my ko-fi has a Gallery tab where you can easily access and view my art pieces all in one place, and I think that's very neat!! I'll normally upload drawings up there every month or so.

☆ Feel free to boost this post as another effort to support a struggling mentally ill artist! ☆

[belowe-system]

I have to... attempt to record my experiences as my health is rapidly declining, in some aspects. my psychosis and anxiety is immensely worse and I’m getting constant delusions and I’m starting to have more and more trouble deciphering reality.. It sucks since I am extremely against the idea of anti psychotics, they’ve ruined me initially.

my amnesia is also way way worse.. feels like a week happens in the blink of an eye. I’ve been on T for a month but it.. legitimately feels like I started yesterday... communication with my system has also been hard. Maylo is back, and so I’m getting more intense roller-coaster mood swings. I was really manic for like.. 3 days straight. everything was so fast. I don’t remember it but I wrote about it. I don’t remember anything.

When Tiny reads to me I remember that moment like. so vividly. I should try books again. It’s just hard to focus on the words. But when tiny read to me I could remember such niche details. I remember how I felt. I remember where we were. I remember the chapters he read. I remember that I slept on my stomach.

The last time he read to me was years ago, when we visited Oregon. We were in our tent and he was reading me Howl’s Moving Castle. I remember that too.. I remember he was sitting up and I was laying down. I remember the battery light bulb hanging from the top center of the tent. I remember how cold and damp it was. I remember the chapters he read. It’s.. crazy honestly. I wonder if books could save my fucking life. I’m scared that in theory, if I read too many, the memories will add up and blur because it becomes less significant.. but I kind of want to try. shrug

[belowe-system]

Hi, if anyone knows about Plume (HRT treatment program) or has any personal experience with the company, I'd like to hear about it! I already scheduled an appointment with them to see for myself if this shit is real, so far the service is impressively responsive and nice but I guess I won't know for sure until if and when I'm prescribed testosterone.

[positivity-in-recovery]

[textsfromtheborderline]

[jadorexjaii]

Oh okay

[amynchan]

It’s… in words…

[maikusakabe]

oh, hey. I know some people who need this printed and stuck everywhere they’ll see

[ink-mind]

[belowe-system]

vent art piece drawn during a psychotic episode

[belowe-system]

The other day I had a psychotic episode and I got an insane delusion where I was totally convinced that I became a tuna fish and was cooking myself from the inside out and I was like terrified my organs were frying

[belowe-system]

i love that my entire system just loves minecraft

[emerald-studies]

George Floyd - change.org

George Floyd - amnesty.org

George Floyd - colorofchange.org

Get The Officers Charged

Charge All Four Officers

Breonna Taylor - moveon.org

Breonna Taylor - colorofchange.org

Breonna Taylor - justiceforbreonna.org

Breonna Taylor - change.org

Breonna Taylor - thepetitionsite.com

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 2

Ahmaud Arbery - change.org 3

Justice for Oluwatoyin Salau

Pass The Georgia Hate Crime Bill

Defund MPD

Life Sentence For Police Brutality

Regis Korchinski - change.org

Tete Gulley - change.org

Tony McDade - change.org

Tony McDade - actionnetwork.org

Tony McDade - thepetitionsite.com

Joao Pedro - change.org

Julius Jones - change.org

Belly Mujinga - change.org

Willie Simmons - change.org

Hands Up Act - change.org

National Action Against Police Brutality

Kyjuanzi Harris - change.org

Alejandro Vargas Martinez - change.org

Censorship Of Police Brutality In France

Sean Reed - change.org

Sean Reed - change.org 2

Kendrick Johnson - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org

Tamir Rice - change.org 2

Fire Racist Criminal From The NYPD

Jamee Johnson - organizefor.org

Darius Stewart - change.org

Darius Stewart - moveon.org

Abolish Prison Labor

Free Siyanda - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org

Chrystul Kizer - change.org 2

Andile Mchunu (Bobo) - change.org

Eric Riddick - change.org

Amiya Braxton - change.org

Emerald Black - change.org

Elijah Nichols - change.org

Zinedine Karabo Gioia - change.org

Angel Bumpass - change.org

Sheku Bayoh - change.org

Angel DeCarlo - change.org

Sandra Bland - change.org

Sherrie Walker - change.org

Darrien Hunt - change.org

Cornelius Fredericks - change.org

Elijah McClain - change.org

James Scurlock - change.org

Darren Rainey- change.org

http://www.pb-resources.com/

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Do something!