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Hello, my name is liza. feel free to join me on my journey to health and happiness.

[bemymysteryguest]

Bottom Picture: August 1st 2013

Top Picture: January 1st 2014

These past few months have probably been the most mentally challenging of my life. But safe to say, I’m so proud of the results. I may be heavier, but I’m also a billion times happier. I’m finally enjoying living life, without constant inner battles. It’s taken a while, but I’m finally in a better place. 

Just proof that recovery is so worth it <3

[bemymysteryguest]

finallyyyy

I never imagined I would be this excited to get my period back.. I think it's time for a celebratory box of chocolates, because I promised myself I would treat myself with an entire box if I ever got it back.

Recover is so, so worth it. I promise.

[bemymysteryguest]

Body Image

It's been so long since I've been on my blog, but I thought I might share something with those struggling with body image. I've been eating far greater amounts than I ever believed I was capable of over the past two months, and as a result I've noticeably gained some weight. No, no matter what my mind sometimes wants me to believe, I'm not fat. I could still do with putting on more weight, as I'd like to actually feel like a grown up for the first time in a long time.

I've been so anxious about what other people think about my weight gain. I used to get complimented on being 'thin', so would people call me fat now? Not at all. People stopped giving me compliments such a long time ago when I reached a 'bony' skinny, rather than a healthy 'thin'.

I dated this guy last year, and things ended pretty badly. A few months ago my best friend was telling me how his friends had spoken to her about me, because they were afraid of how skinny I had gotten. But a few days ago, I was talking to that same friend, and she mentioned how m ex and his friends had all told her how I look so much better now, how my clothes fit 'nicely' and how I'm finally 'filling out'. And these are the people who I don't exactly have the best relationship with..

A few months ago, words like these would have scared me back into giving in to my thoughts. But not today. I'm so proud of myself for getting where I am, and I'm definitely going to keep going. I have never had so many people tell me how wonderful I'm looking... And I know that my Mum is finally happy, not spending every night and day worrying about me.

I am so grateful for that. It's worth it, I promise.

[bemymysteryguest]

Cheers to a New Beginning

I am making a promise to myself, starting now, to nourish and care for my body. I am going to stop counting calories, for, ironically, it drives me to binge. My body knows when in needs to be fed- WHAT- it needs to be fed, so I will listen for once. I am forgiving myself and starting a new beginning. And no- I don't care that it's not a new week/new month. Because that's a ridiculous little rule that I always follow. Well here's to breaking free of rules and restrictions.

I'm actually so excited to wake up tomorrow and start this.

[bemymysteryguest]

TW (numbers mentioned)

Does anyone eat/ use to eat around 3000 calories or more during their journey? I feel like I'm the only one going up to that amount, and it really scares me S: Could you possibly message me with any advice/ their personal experience? That would be really appreciated, thank you :) x

[bemymysteryguest]

Spending an entire week exploring tiny villages in Scotland, without access to internet or phone service, has made me realise how much more to life there is outside of this virtual world that I've managed to become sucked into. I've learnt so much- how to appreciate natural beauty, my family, and even myself. I'm escaping these silly little rules, and numbers, and soulnessness- and it feels so wonderful. So liberating. 

School starts in two days.. And for the first time in a long time- the prospect of new opportunities actually excites me. I'm ready for my final year. 

[bemymysteryguest]

Scotland

I'm leaving for Scotland tomorrow with my parents- we're staying in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, and it is the biggest challenge I've had to face yet.. My mum will be monitoring every single meal and it makes me so nervous because we always fight about how much I eat/ what I eat.. But in determined to enjoy myself nonetheless. A week away from Internet I'll probably do me some good, too..

[bemymysteryguest]

I'm halfway through my Extended Essay and have just finished about 100000 different assignments that are due at the beginning of school..

Yet the hardest thing is still deciding what to have for breakfast. 

Why is there so much wonderful food? Can I just have it all? Every day? ..please? 

[bemymysteryguest]

A small bag of low-calorie baked crisps still scares me, but I can eat a 500 calorie bag of sugar-coated puffs on top of everything I ate today? 

#no regrets, it was absolutely delightful. 

[zoeblancsec]

[bemymysteryguest]

Fired Earth

If anyone lives in London and wants to find a good pizza place, I would definitely suggest Fired Earth in Covent Garden. Their pizzas are all so unique and delicious- they have a pizza dedicated to several different cities, and you can choose to have your pizza on a thin crust if you don't want anything too heavy :) 

I went with my best friend yesterday and had a pizza with melted brie, roasted butternut squash, rocket, balsamic glaze, and pumpkin seeds. I kind of died and went to heaven, and surprisingly, it wasn't as scary to eat as I'd imagined- pizza is still one of those things that makes me anxious.

[bemymysteryguest]

I just got berry punch from Waitrose because I remember how I used to flavour my water when I was little to make myself drink more. I'm on my 4th 750ml bottle in about 5 hours.. When should I start worrying about how much I'm drinking? hahah 

[bemymysteryguest]

I eat so clean

I ALWAYS WASH MY HANDS BEFORE EATING MY FOOD

THATS WHAT CLEAN EATING IS ISNT IT

[bemymysteryguest]

At first I read ur username as be my my stery guest hahahah :) I hope you're doing well xx

thank you, lovely (: 

looking through your blog, I realised we have quite a few things in common- I come from a Russian family, too (: And have always had broad shoulders hahha.

I hope you're doing well, too! x

[bemymysteryguest]

Thats a really good point, Liza.

Thank you! You have a great voice by the way, I really like the songs on your blog (: 

[bemymysteryguest]

Revelation

Eating and breathing are two of the fundamental processes that keep us alive. Restricting your eating is like restricting your breathing.. So why would you do that to yourself? If you were to consciously stop breathing as much, your body would instantly revolt because it NEEDS to breathe at that natural rate to keep you alive and functioning to your best abilities. Unlike with eating, the consequences are immediate and are therefore easier to feel and understand.. But if you think about it, it's the same thing. 

Similarly, each person requires different amounts of food, just like their bodies require them to take different amounts of breaths. You wouldn't judge someone for breathing 'too much', would you? Or waste your time controlling how many times you inhale? No, because that's just ridiculous. So why do we do it with food?

[bemymysteryguest]

I wish I could just reach out to all those so-called 'fitblrs' that are convinced they're miraculously going to achieve the perfect body by over-exercising and under-eating. There's a delicate line between losing weight by looking after your body, and abusing it. I've learnt the hard way and desperately wish other people could realise that what they're doing to themselves now may cause significant damage in the future. And unfortunately, so much of this damage is irreversible. 

Please look after yourselves <3 We have our whole lives to live, we shouldn't be wasting the precious years that we should be enjoying.