that's how it's gotta be

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

The small smile curled at the girl’s lips inched wider as he kissed at the corner of her mouth; yet another thing Ben seemed to be so good at, making it easy for her to smile. Vanessa recognized that she was probably a little in over her head, but she was rolling with it at this point. She gave a tilted nod of her head in agreement with his assessment, considering what time it was. She had every intention of grabbing her own things for herself, but she also couldn’t say she was terribly surprised to find that Ben beat her to it, so she took the apartment keys instead and took whatever direction he gave so that she knew she was headed the right way to get to his place. Taking in a slow deep breath through her nose as the front door was pushed open, she stepped in slowly, unconsciously chewing at the inside of her lower lip. Quirking a brow at Ben’s words, she was only looking at him for a moment before taking in her surroundings. She hadn’t expected much, because she had a good idea of the sort of person Ben was - making good money with his dealing or not - but it was nice. It was homey in a simple and comfortable kind of way. There was the lingering smell of old cigarette smoke, undoubtedly clinging to Ben’s clothes from all his life as a chimney, and all. Toying absently with the collar of her over-sized shirt, she wandered a little through the living room, peering out the back glass onto the balcony patio curiously. “This is pretty cool.” She murmured, thinking out loud as she half-circled back in Ben’s direction. She dragged her hand along the back edge of the couch as she moved back toward him. “Do you have a takeout menu drawer? Are you that organized?” She toyed, brow furrowing in a teasing questioning expression as she looped her arms up over his shoulders. “You should probably give me a tour or something, isn’t that polite or whatever?”

Ben honestly hoped this would be the first of many nights Vanessa spent at his apartment. It definitely beat her sneaking into her moms house, he figured, and he was never going to complain about her company, so he was hoping this went well. Hanging up his backpack on his typical hook, he put Vanessa’s next to it then moved to the laundry closet doors, dropping their wet clothes into the washer, figuring the least he could do is wash her wet clothes for her, but he’d get to that after the shower. Looking at the brunette, he smiled as he leaned back against the kitchen counter, eyeing the way she moved in the space. His eyebrows lifted up at her question, head tilting back and forth to the side a few times. “I might.” He breathed out through a chuckle. Ben smiled as she moved over to him, her arms moving up over his shoulders had his hands looping around her waist, pulling her close to him. “There’s not much to see, it’s not huge or anything.” He smiled down at her, squeezing her sides and dipping his head into her neck. “And I thought we were gonna order take out then shower, huh?” He murmured into her skin, hands moving down over her ass to squeeze there next as he breathed out a sigh, inching back to look down at his girlfriend. “I’ll show you, c’mon.” He moved his hands from her ass to slide one up her arm, lacing their fingers and turning to walk towards his balcony with her hand in his. “I just smoke out here, there’s a plastic chair I got at Walmart, but.” He laughed, opening the door so she could peek outside if she wanted to. 

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

The sighed words that left Ben brought a subtle smirk to Vanessa’s lips, though she couldn’t deny the way that it felt like her stomach took a leap up into her chest for a couple seconds. He was stupidly good at saying and doing things that made her feel ways she wasn’t familiar with, always in a good way. As they eased back from being so rudely interrupted, the casual question about food came easily. Her hand landed on top of his in her lap while she looked over at him still. “True. Chinese leftovers are usually better than leftover pizza, too.” She shrugged loosely with one shoulder. She toyed absently with Ben’s fingers for the remainder of the drive to his apartment, though the motion stopped as they were pulling into the parking area for the complex. The girl’s head lifted from being lazily leaned against her seat to look out her window, looking curiously at the building that Ben lived in. It still felt a little weird, her being there, if only because of the newness of it. She was used to having to go back to her mom’s house - sneak back in, rather. There was a split second’s worth of envy, that Ben had a place his own, somewhere that the space belonged to him and only him. However, she also couldn’t shake the momentary thought that maybe coming here could end up being something that served as a kind of safe space; a better home, even, maybe. She was getting ahead of herself, though - as she could when it came to ‘claiming’ places that weren’t her mother’s house. Looking back over at Ben, Vanessa smiled faintly before leaning over across the middle console again to press a couple of kisses against the edge of his jaw, then graze her teeth there gently. “Should I put pants on before I go walking around?” She asked with a snicker, still leaned closely toward him.

Pulling away from the red light, Ben was ready to get home. No interruptions, no other people, just him and Vanessa, exactly how he liked it. Keeping his hand on her thigh while he drove in the direction of his apartment, he nodded his head at her answer, head lulling in her direction for a second. “Think about what you wanna order, so we can call right when we get there, I’m starvin’.” He squeezed at her thigh after speaking, head looking back at the road. Finally they were pulling into the parking lot of his building, parking in his reserved spot and cutting the engine. He didn’t move right away, he just looked at Vanessa beside him, watching the way she looked up at the large building in front of them. He wondered idly what was going on in her head, but he figured they’d get to that later. As she leaned over to kiss and nip at his jaw, Ben’s hand moved from her thigh to the side of her face, grinning before breathing out a sigh. He shrugged his shoulder up, turning his head to kiss the corner of her mouth a few quick times. “I mean, it’s late enough we probably won’t see anyone, I’m on the second floor so it’s not like I’m all the way up.” Ben answered, grinning. “I can give you my shirt though, if you want it, it’s all just gonna come off once we’re inside anyway.” He grinned, playfully scratching his dulled nails along her cheek before kissing her lips once more, finally inching back and pulling the keys out of the ignition, pushing himself out of the car. He opened the back door and grabbed Vanessa’s backpack and then his own, then the pile of wet clothes from the back seat. “Take my keys, baby.” He held them out to her, knowing she’d have an easier time opening the door than he would with his hands full of their things. They were up the elevator and to his door without seeing anyone, which again he wasn’t too surprised by considering the time. Nodding for her to open the door, he nudged it open with his foot after she unlocked it, closing it behind them once they were inside with a light flicked on. “Home sweet home.” Ben sighed, walking a few steps backwards from where Vanessa was, watching her carefully. 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

As they seemed to be easing into a little bit less deep of a territory, Aiden couldn’t help but continue to let his mind wander to other conversations they could have. What were Ben’s friends like, what was he like in high school, did he play any sports, too, what did he do for fun, what was his favorite book - okay the last one might have been a little hit or miss, he could very well find out Ben hated reading, but that was beside the point. Opening a door to more communication between the two of them meant the opportunity to know so much more about this brother that he never got the chance to know before. As nerve wracking and definitely weird as that was, there was also a little bit of excitement present, too. He stood by saying what he had, that not looking for Ben at seventeen in the state he’d been in was a good plan, because who knew how different things would have gone then. Perhaps it was naive to think so optimistically about things already, here and now, too, but spending the last eight years with Steve and Peggy, he had learned to try to stay positive - weird as it might seem to a younger version of himself. Getting each other’s phone numbers, extending the ability to talk to each other more, hang out more, that was a good thing, and he was going to take it as such.

After they were situated on the phone number front, Aiden wasn’t sure if he should be preparing a momentary goodbye or not. Ben was speaking again then, however, and the question that he asked made Aiden’s brow crease initially. Not because he had to think very hard about it, because the fact of the matter was that he didn’t, the answer was super easy. It was more that he hadn’t expected the other male to ask the question in the first place. “Uh, my best friend. Her name’s Amelia. We’ve known each other since the Ryland’s adopted me. We tell each other pretty much everything, yeah.” He explained, nodding slowly. After hearing the mention of Ben having a girlfriend, he figured that would be his answer to the same question, but he could also be wrong. It wasn’t like he knew all the in and out details of Ben’s life, what his social sphere looked like, so there was at least a little curiosity. “You’re probably gonna talk to your girlfriend about it, right? Or do you have somebody else you’re gonna talk to first? The tattoo guy, maybe?”

While Ben still had many questions he wanted to ask, things he wanted to know about his brother, he didn’t want to overload either of them or the situation. So he planned to keep most of them at bay for now, deciding he would pull questions out when it felt appropriate, if they were big or small. Still, they were easing out of the heavier part of the conversation, but Ben felt like there was a weight that settled on him anyway. Aiden had known for years he had a twin, he had a brother and Ben hadn’t known a thing. There was so much for him to process and he was sure when he and Aiden did say goodbye for the day, he’d be a bit of a mess, but he was trying not to think of that right now. 

Exchanging phone numbers was a necessary step if they wanted to spend time together again, which Ben was sure that he did even with the uncertainty of how this was going to hit him later. Asking who he was going to tell about this besides his parents, his head nodded as Ben explained that he was going to tell his best friend first, only his eyebrows lifted when he said a girls name. “Interesting.” He answered simply, looking over Aiden’s expression. Ben didn’t have much experience being only friends with girls, so he couldn’t compare but as far as he could tell it never tended to be just best friends with at least one party in those situations, he wondered if this was one of those times. Leaning back into the tree, he listened to Aiden’s follow up question about who he was going to talk to, earning a shrug from Ben. “Probably Vanessa, yeah.” He rolled his lips together. “Isaiah like..” He waved his hand around in a circle while he thought. “He’s got so much shit on his plate anyway, like he’s got a kid and a whole fucking business to run and his girlfriend has been living in New York for the last year doing some fucking fashion job or whatever so he’s basically just working and being a dad like.. I don’t needa add to his shit with my problems, you know?” He answered, then shrugged again subtly. 

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

Now that the adrenaline of jumping into the ocean was slowly but surely settling down, Vanessa had reality to focus on again. Sure, she and Ben weren’t talking about that little moment he seemed to have - subtle as it was - but she tucked it into the back of her mind all the same. Now the focus was the fact that they were going back to his place. For the first time since they’d met. It dawned on Vanessa, too, that there was conversation to be had about the fact that he had his own apartment, where he lived alone, as a casual twenty-one year old. She knew about his more than average paying job, but still. Quirking a brow at Ben’s immediate reply, she listened wordlessly to him, though her head lulled to a tilt as he started listing off suggestions for what they were going to do. Vanessa snorted out a laugh at his tacked on added suggestion, her eyes rolling though a smirk remained present on her features. “Don’t leave things up to me, baby, I’ll get you in trouble.” She teased with a faint wrinkle in her nose. As they slowed to a stop and he looked at her more fully, Vanessa let go of his hand and shifted in her seat toward him, hand falling against his jaw. “We’ve got all night, right? Can do a little bit of everything, probably.” She toyed, leaned in close, nose brushing his. She inched in further still to press their lips together. Her hand slid up into the back of his hair, fingers gripping onto the short strands as she kissed him, letting out a deep sigh through her nose. She sucked his lower lip into her mouth, between her teeth and sinking them in noticeably with a low hum. Her tongue traced over it a moment later before easing passed into his mouth, kissing him deeper. It wasn’t until several seconds passed the honk of a car behind them sounded that Vanessa made any move to pull back. A middle finger was held up toward Ben’s back windshield, at the car behind them, before she finally pulled back and flopped into her seat again, looking up at the green light in front of them. “What do you think,” She started casually, back in her seat fully, head lulled against the head rest in his direction. “Chinese or pizza?”

Ben was honestly the tiniest bit confused about how this hadn’t happened for them yet; they’d been dating far long enough for him to have Vanessa to his apartment. Whatever the reason it hadn’t happened yet, he wasn’t going to worry about it, especially considering they were on their way to his place now. Thankfully he was a relatively clean person, or else he’d be rushing in ahead of her to clean up anything lying around, at most it was going to be his clothes in the bathroom that he’d taken off before he showered but that was not at all the most incriminating thing in his apartment. Pulling up at the red light, he glanced fully in her direction, grinning at the girl beside him now. Most of his anxiety had faded now, and all that lingered was a subtle tension in his shoulders that he was hoping the hot shower they were planning would fix. “I’m already in trouble.” Ben breathed out in a sigh, but then his head nodded when she continued, mentioning how they had all night which they truly did. Grinning as she leaned over to him, he kept a firm foot on the break as he kissed her back, but his hand at that she held squeezed at his, leaning into the kiss more. Humming out a groan as she sucked at his lower lip, he moved his other hand from the steering wheel to hold the side of her head, kissing her further. The sound of a honk had Ben snapping back, but his eyes rolled and a ‘fuck off man’ rolled off his tongue as he pulled his foot from the break and pressed on the gas, flying through the intersection with a smirk shot in Vanessa’s direction. “I dunno, gorgeous.” Ben answered, one hand back on the steering wheel and the other back on her thigh. “Chinese sounds good, it’ll probably take longer than pizza too, so we could get our shower in first.”

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

Despite it being a nice enough gesture on Ben’s behalf that he was trying to play willing to jump again, Vanessa wasn’t really in the business of making him do something that he didn’t actually want. She’d put an abnormal amount of trust in Ben, going into a relationship with him, and part of her trust in him had also been that he wasn’t pushing her into anything she wasn’t good with, either. It was a mutual respect thing, a trust thing. She was an asshole, sure, but she wasn’t that asshole, if he didn’t want to jump, she wasn’t going to make him, even if she would have done it again. Presenting him with the shell she had noticed and picked up from the sand was as much a playful trophy as some sort of peace offering, trying to diffuse whatever tension there may still be - though admittedly she didn’t feel much of it, she just had a vague idea that something was going on up in that beautiful head of his. Grabbing his keys and unlocking the car before he could offer again was both a successful avoidance as much as it was because she was in a hurry to no longer be half naked in a wet bikini.

She rifled around in her bag for the over-sized band tee and pair of underwear she had stuffed in there, getting her bikini off - because who fucking cared about being naked in the beach parking lot at night, right? - before she pulled the dry clothes on. The adrenaline of her jump was slowly but surely subsiding as she resolved to settling down more for the night - though god only knew what they’d get up to at the apartment. Getting shoes on was pointless, instead the brunette grabbed one of the towels from the back seat and plopped into the passenger seat, covering her cold legs with the towel. Looking over with a ‘hm?’ when Ben called for her attention, Vanessa only hummed further into the gentle press of their lips, one hand lifting to the edge of his jaw before it fell away again when he pulled back. “Like I said, I’m fucking freezing.” She laughed lightly, though it seemed that her teeth chattering had stopped for the time being finally. As they pulled out of the beach lot and got on their way, it dawned on the girl once again, that she hadn’t actually spent a night with Ben yet. Going on drives or not making it home until the late, late hours of the night didn’t count and she knew it. Sinking in her seat, she let her head lull sideways, glancing at bed as he drove. “So,” She started simply, toying with the fingers of his hand at her thigh before lifting it from the spot, bringing it toward her mouth. She grazed her teeth against one knuckle before kissing softly at the same spot, light brows raising. “Your apartment, huh?”

He wasn’t naive enough to think that Vanessa couldn’t tell that something was up with him, he hadn’t exactly hid his anxiety well considering, but he hoped they could just skirt by it, at least for now. They were heading back to his apartment now, the little shell she’d picked up for him sitting in the center console of his car and his hand rest on top of her thigh. Tonight was apparently coming with a lot of firsts, first jumping into the ocean and taking Vanessa back to his apartment. It’d been a long time coming, really, she should have been there with him weeks ago but they just kept jumping over that step somehow. Glancing over at the girl when she spoke, smiling subtly as she toyed with his fingers. Letting out a laugh as her teeth grazed his knuckle, Ben breathed out an airy sigh after the fact, fingers wiggling in her grasp playfully while he nodded her head. “Probably should have gotten you there a long time ago.” He answered, voice a little softer as he spoke again. “I thought we could take a nice hot shower and hang out in bed, maybe order something to eat if you want.” His hand lifted both of their hands to use his finger to brush a wet piece of hair from in front of her eyes. “Or we can just fuck all night, totally up to you.” Ben grinned, smirking at her as he stopped at a red light, turning his head fully in her direction now with a squeeze to her hand. 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

They heavy weight of ‘where do we go from here’ lingered, and Aiden was well aware of it. By some twist of fate, they had ended up in the same area, so close enough in fact that here they were, sitting together under a tree that Aiden spent time with his family under more than once. But what did that mean long term? After 21 years, was the possibility of any semblance of a normal relationship even there? Did their mom ruin that for them more than they’d even realized already? The bigger part of Aiden hoped that it would be different, that things might actually get to be alright between them. There may not have been some intense moment of recognition, no cosmic connection that made him feel automatically tethered to this person, no it wasn’t dramatic like that, but it was subtle. It lingered in his subconscious, in all the questions that he had, in all the hopeful potential he thought there might be for the both of them to somehow bring a good into one another’s lives in some capacity. He didn’t want Ben going anywhere, he just wasn’t totally sure where that left them, or what Ben felt about it all, either.

Only then Ben was explaining it, voicing whatever was going on in his mind, and Aiden listened, processing the sentiment. It still didn’t clear a whole ton up, because it didn’t answer any of the looping questions about how they were going to go about this, if it was going to work, or anything else. Aiden knew he had to talk to his parents about it all, too, because they probably had some answers of their own to offer. He couldn’t imagine that they would deter him from getting to know his twin brother, considering. Chewing at the inside of his lower lip, Aiden nodded his head slowly and took a deep breath in through his nose. “Should we like–” He paused, huffing shortly and scrunching his face up subtly. “It feels so fucking weird asking if we’re supposed to exchange numbers or something now, because.. I mean…” He didn’t elaborate, didn’t think he needed to. He figured the circumstances at this point kind of spoke for themselves. “I, um,” Pausing once again, he cleared his throat, not totally sure how Ben was about to react to what he was going to say. “I’m gonna tell my parents about meeting you and talking to you more and stuff, so. I don’t think it’s gonna cause anything bad or anything, just like.. a heads up, I guess.”

Telling Aiden he didn’t plan on letting this die out was the easy part, it was the actual doing that worried him. There were lots of things Ben didn’t like about himself, lots of insecurities and lots of questions he had about his life and his future, Aiden seemed to have his life together, at least far more than he did. They were very obviously on different levels, and Ben simply worried about it being something that ended up tearing them apart after all. But it was worth a shot, he had a brother now, he’d had a brother all his life and while he wished he could go back and change it there was nothing he could do about the past, so he just had the future to look forward to. Still, he wondered what it was going to be like. 

Leaning back into the tree, Ben watched wheels turning in Aiden’s head, wondering what exactly was going on up there considering he knew how much was going on in his head. He was definitely heading towards a headache later, and a long conversation with Vanessa for sure, but right now he was sticking whatever this moment was out with Aiden. Nodding his head, he fished his phone out of his pocket, twisting it in his hands a few times. “We should probably do that, yeah, like if we’re gonna talk and hang out more we should be able to contact each other, right?” Ben held his phone out to Aiden finally, letting him put his phone number in it. “Just send me a text so I have your number.” He murmured before taking his phone back. Eyebrow lifting as Aiden mentioned telling his parents, the idea alone seemed odd to Ben, but that probably had more to do with the fact that he didn’t have communication like that with his mother, at all. But still, he nodded his head then something else peaked his interest. “Who else are you going to tell? Like who’s the first person outside of your parents that you’re going to tell?” It felt like a decent question, it could tell Ben a lot about Aiden with just the simple answer. 

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

Letting out a light laugh, Vanessa called back a ‘both’ in answer to Ben’s question, because it was the truth. Whether she knew Ben for very long or not, Vanessa like to consider herself a smart enough person, she was intuitive enough. Sure, she didn’t always take advice or remain logical when it was herself in question, but this was a little different. Because she was aware rather easily of the fact that Ben didn’t actually answer her question correctly. His saying that they could jump again if she wanted to was not confirming that he wanted to, in fact it nearly did the opposite. As they finally reached the sand after a slightly challenging swim to get there, Vanessa’s question about if he were alright was more generalized than about jumping again. Quirking a light brow as Ben said they didn’t have to leave yet, the girl didn’t speak right away, teeth still chattering together as she remained planted where she stood - shaking a little, but still planted. She squinted faintly as he appeared to urge her further, and she came very close to asking him if he really didn’t realize she was onto him.

By some miracle she managed to refrain, however, and instead she spared a glance in the ledge’s direction, gaze thoughtful. It was all of two second’s consideration before she shook her head once and started up the beach, getting to the dryer sand. “I’m fucking freezing.” She shuddered as she walked. “I’m going back to the car.” She turned her head half over her shoulder to call toward where she had moved away from him. Arms still tight across her chest, she shook notably as she trudged through the sand, looking down so that she didn’t step on anything weird - it was a SoCal beach after all, god only fucking knew what could be there. Pausing, though, the brunette tilted her head as her gaze caught on a seashell that was actually full size and not just a partial piece. Squatting down through her shivering, she picked it up and turned it a couple times in her fingers, examining it, before standing and swinging the one outstretched arm in Ben’s direction. Incidentally hitting him in the chest, but that was beside the point. “For you,” Vanessa announced, holding the shell out in front of him. “Your 'I survived’ trophy.” She added by way of explanation before leaning in and smacking a shaking kiss against his cheek - salt water be damned.

Unfortunately, Ben was aware of the fact that he wasn’t a very good actor, and despite his best efforts he was pretty sure she saw right through him. He just felt unsettled by it, and he was very much ready to get out of the water even if it meant he had to jump again. He wanted to make Vanessa happy, maybe now that he’d done it once already he’d be over it, sounded like bullshit but it was a hope he had as he trudged out of the water. Arms over his chest as they stood in the sand, Vanessa shivering in front of him, he rolled his lips together at her announcement that she was going back to the car. Sighing, Ben walked a few steps behind her in the sand, starting to shiver himself while they walked. He’d suggest it again when they got back to the ledge, if even just for show. He really didn’t want to jump again, but he would if she wanted to. Lost in thought, he didn’t see her stop and nearly ran into her as she bent to pick something up. 

Halting at the arm against his chest, he looked down at the shell in her hand, a small smile on his face. “Thanks.” He huffed out a laugh, but his smile widened as she kissed his face. Getting back up from the beach to where his car was parked, Ben glanced over his shoulder at the ledge, thinking about asking but before he could the lights of his car flashed, turning to see Vanessa holding his car keys. He didn’t argue it, he was too cold and anxiety ridden now to think try to fight her on it. Instead he opened the back door of his car and pulled his sweatpants out of his backpack, quickly pushing his wet trunks down and pulling his sweatpants up his legs. Plopping down in the drivers seat after shutting the door, he turned his car on and blasted the heat, the luke warm air even feeling better than the air outside. “Hey.” He said to her as she sat down in the passengers seat, hand landing on her thigh. He didn’t say anything else, just leaned over to kiss her gently, mouth just barely moving against hers before he inched back, smiling softly. “Baby, your lips are a little blue.” Ben chuckled lightly, pulling the car in reverse to head back to his apartment with her. 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

It was impossible for Aiden to know how things were going to turn out by the end of all of this. It was also impossible for him to know what was going through Ben’s head the longer that they sat there for. He knew what a mess his own brain currently felt like, how it sort of felt like he was a little out of his own body in all this, so he could only imagine that Ben felt similarly. Maybe even more intensely, given at least Aiden had had some sort of warning, regardless of how likely he had figured these odds to be. Glancing toward the other male as Ben went to light another cigarette, Aiden’s lips rolled together loosely as he took in a deep breath through his nose. He wasn’t about to tell the guy how to handle his stress or anything, and given current circumstances, he figured he couldn’t exactly blame him, either. Having spoken about the life he’d been given after his adoption, and noting the distinct differences between what he had going for him now and what Ben did, Aiden could only hope that it wouldn’t lead to some sort of distaste for him. Ben wasn’t up and bailing on current conversation, so he took that as as good a sign as he could for the time being.

It dawned on Aiden as Ben got into some more explanation about their mom that he had failed to express a distinct detail in his emotional thought process at that previously mentioned time. Still, he let Ben finish, took in what he was saying. If nothing else, it validated further something that Aiden had already sort of construed in his mind in the last eight years; he was better off without her. Steve and Peggy had been so good to him from the moment that they’d met, he wasn’t foolish to think that anyone was going to match what they had given to a little boy who felt all alone in the world after all that. He did find himself wishing, though, that Ben had had someone like that in his life, because from experience, he knew the kind of difference it made. “It, um,” Aiden paused, brow furrowed as he looked down in front of him at the grass he had taken to twisting anxiously with his fingers. “It was never really about her? It was more about you.” He shrugged and then cleared his throat.

“I was seventeen and yeah, I’d had a good few years in this family, but like, at that point I had really fully like, come outta this shell of a person I was for a long time in that last year or two then, like made friends, got into sports. I had a good support system and I recognize that, but I had just gotten there with myself, it felt like. And then it was just a curve ball to find out I had a brother, twin or not. ‘Cause I started thinking about all these scenarios of like, how different things could have been. Like would I have been different when I was younger, how foster homes maybe wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d had someone with me, if we were anything alike, but then it like snowballed into dumb teenage shit like 'well what if he fucking hated me,’ y'know? Like I could’ve met you and you could’ve just been this– this fucking earth-shattering thing that happened to me because I was seventeen and I was just figuring it all out and I knew that if I met you then and it didn’t go well that I was in a position where I wouldn’t come back from it. Not then.” His head shook slowly, brow still furrowed deeply. “I don’t– I’m not really sure what that means for now. I never even thought this would fucking happen after a certain point, because what are the fucking odds? But– But I dunno.” Aiden paused and lifted a hand to drag down his face, head shaking slowly once again. “I don’t.. really know what we do now, where we go from here.”

Explaining to Aiden that their mother wasn’t exactly California’s Number One Citizen, he wondered it would do. He could only assume that meeting his birth mother was an important thing he wanted, and he might have just squashed it for him. Opening his mouth to try to backtrack a little, Aiden was talking before him. Ben blinked a few times, very obviously surprised by the fact that Aiden didn’t care about meeting their mother, that whatever struggle he’d had at seventeen after finding out he’d had a brother was about him. He was quiet as Aiden went a little deeper into his explanation, he listened carefully to what he was saying, and related to all of it. The fact that his life would have been completely different if he’d had his whole brother and it angered him that his mother took that away from the both of them but even more, Ben had so little figured out at seventeen. He was living day to day trying to stay out of homeless shelters and trying to graduate high school so he could at least say he achieved something, even if it was just a high school diploma. If he’d had Aiden walk into his life then and it didn’t work out? That would have sent him on a downward spiral he probably wouldn’t have made it out of, which scared him to think about even all these years later. 

His head nodded quietly when Aiden finished talking, and even after Ben asked what they were supposed to do now, it didn’t feel like there were any clear answers. They knew about each other, evidently his parents knew about him too, but what were they supposed to do? Just dive right into being brothers, to trying to piece together the last twenty one years? It felt more right than just avoiding it all completely, he wasn’t sure what was going to happen after he left the park, but he felt like he owed it to himself and to Aiden and the shitty cards they’d both been dealt to at least try to be some kind of semblance of brothers, right? There were obvious hurdles, Aiden’s family, his “job”, other things they’d have to tackle but he figured it was worth a shot. All he knew is that he wasn’t just going to let this person walk out of his life, especially when he had so few people that actually meant something to him. Aiden already did, just by existing. 

Brow creased downwards thoughtfully, he breathed in deeply from his cigarette, the cherry at the end illuminating his fingers in the shade of the tree as he sighed the smoke from his nose. “Personally,” He paused, snuffling out the second cigarette into the ground next to the other before continuing. “I think if we just took this very obvious moment of good karma, fate, desitny, whatever you want to call it, and said fuck it that it’d come back to bite us in the ass, and I’m not really in the business of letting bad karma get me when I’ve already lived through a few versions of hell, so.” Ben offered, leaning back on his hands as he looked at Aiden almost expectantly, head tipped to the side. 

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

Breaking the surface of the water, feeling the push and pull of the tide dragging her this way than that, Vanessa felt a little dizzied by it all. Between the free-fall, the abrupt cold, the motion itself, it all combined with the rapid thrum of her heart, the pulse of adrenaline shooting through her, and it was a dangerous cocktail. She’d gotten into plenty of trouble, done a number of less than safe things while riding the high of adrenaline. Turning to find Ben, grinning over at him, she wasn’t honestly sure what to expect from his reaction. They had a number of things in common, sure, but her propensity for danger and reckless self endangerment? May not have been on that list. “Never more than three, I usually can’t really breathe after the third one.” She admitted with a laugh, eyes flicking back toward the cement ledge they’d just jumped from. Easing closer to him as he moved nearer to her, the brunette lifted her eyebrows at him at his question. “Do you want to do it again?” She countered. 

Given it was his first time, not to mention the fact that it was easy enough to read that he was not nearly as enthused about current circumstances as she was, she wasn’t about to make him do anything that he didn’t like or didn’t want to. That wasn’t the point. Giggling despite herself as the tug of the current yanked her sideways away from him a little bit, she shook her head as she swam carefully back toward him again. “We can leave, don’t worry.” She conceded, offering him a faint grin still. Glancing the distance toward the shoreline, Vanessa nodded her head in that direction before taking the lead and starting to swim that way. Her heart was still hammering away in her rib cage, and she probably could have done at least a second jump, but maybe there was enough to be said about how wired she already currently felt by the first one. After a handful of minutes, getting pushed and pulled by the tide as she swam, the girl reached the shore and quickly looked in Ben’s direction to make sure he was still there with her, too. Being out of the water, her teeth almost immediately began chattering together, the breeze on her wet skin earning a shiver before she folded her arms tight across her chest and bounced on her feet in the sand, facing him and speaking unevenly through her chattering teeth. “You okay, baby? All good?”

Ben was feeling a weird combination of anxiety and adrenaline. He was sure that if they’d done the same jump during the day he’d feel better about it, but it was the not knowing of the circumstances that were throwing him for a loop, and he didn’t love that. The push and pull of the ocean wasn’t helping his nerves though, so he fought to stay close to Vanessa for both of their sake, doing his best not to wear the bouts of panic that he felt on his face. As she answered his question, Ben was ready to get out of the water. “Can’t breathe like because of the adrenaline or can’t breathe because of the water?” He asked, clarifying, but if he had to guess the answer to the question he’d say it was probably both, considering he felt like he wasn’t doing best on the breathing front either. Despite the fact that his head was giving him lots of warning signs, his mouth betrayed his brain. “We can if you want to.” He called over the waves, shaking his wet hair out while he tread in the water. 

It was odd for him, to have so much anxiety over something so normal, over something that put him in potential harms way when he’d done that before. Again though, the circumstances felt a little different, considering, but it still felt weird. Shaking his head as she mentioned leaving, Ben followed her as best he could towards the shore, being tugged a few feet away from her by the current but making it up onto the sand all the same. The cool air immediately hit him and he sucked in air through his teeth, coming up behind her with his arms over his chest in the same way she had hers over her chest. “V, we don’t have to leave yet.” Ben breathed out. “You wanted to do this, lets go do it one more time.” Ben urged, not wanting her to cut this short for herself even if he didn’t love the idea. “I’m good, I’m good, lets go.” Ben nodded her forward for her to lead the way to get back to the ledge so they could jump again and then he’d be done. He could do one more time, right? 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

More than just the conversation at hand and how much was going on in Aiden’s head sitting there with the twin brother he had never met before, there was the realization that he had zero fucking idea where this was all going to leave them. He had conversations to have with his parents, because he wasn’t just going to not tell them that he’d met Ben. How could he? He didn’t know what their reaction would be. He wondered idly what Amelia would tell him to do, if she would tell him that this was his brother and whether it felt like it or not at the moment, that he shouldn’t let that go. He kind of had that feeling already; like just because it wasn’t there right now didn’t mean he could just walk away from this interaction and never talk to Ben again. There were so many questions, so many things he probably wasn’t even thinking of right now, things that would come to mind later on. He didn’t want finding this person to be just this; this lingering awkward tension, this tiptoeing around questions to each other because it was so weird to take in looking at and listening to one another. Maybe with time things could be different, easier, better. Maybe.

It was a little deep in his brain, a pocket of suppressed hope that had appeared at age seventeen when he had first even heard about having a twin brother in the world. Nothing had come of it then and he honestly never expected anything to. Aiden wasn’t sure if the here and now circumstances of it all were going to pan out in any way he might have imagined back then. Sucking his lower lip between his teeth, he nodded his head slowly at Ben’s initial statement, because, yeah. Yeah, it was pretty fucked, wasn’t it? It was the question about his life that had Aiden’s brow furrowing faintly, though, gaze lifting from the grass to look at– Jesus, it really was going to take some getting used to, looking at his own face on someone else. “After the Ryland’s adopted me, yeah.” He murmured finally, then cleared his throat. “I was– kinda weird as a kid, kept to myself, didn’t really.. fit anywhere, but they made me feel like I had somewhere I was supposed to be. Made me feel like I belonged somewhere. As fucking dumb as that may sound.” He admitted with a very faint breath of a passing laugh. “They’re good people. They adopted a baby girl when I was sixteen, too, Isabella. She’s five now, pretty much thinks I’m a superhero.” He nodded slowly once again, faint hints of a small smile twitching at the corner of his mouth before it faltered a little once again and he breathed out a heavy sigh. “I got so pissed at them at first, when I first found out I was a twin, like it was their fault, even though deep down I knew it wasn’t. Steve– My dad, he felt so bad, he initially offered to try to see if he could contact my birth mom if that was what I really wanted.” Aiden paused, swallowing thickly as his brow creased. “I think I was too freaked out by what it all would mean at the time to let him go through with it.”

Ben’s bottom lip was going to be worked raw after he left this park, and he was probably also going to be leaving with a higher risk of lung cancer than when he came in. Pulling his cigarette carton out, he lit another one without pausing, deciding he didn’t care all that much about what Aiden thought of him, he needed to cut the edge some how. Ben didn’t know how to feel, he didn’t know what to think. Aiden had known he’d had a brother somewhere in the world, he had years to process it, wonder and day dream about it, and Ben didn’t have time to cram any of that in between sentences. He knew one thing though, this kid was far better off than he would have been if their mother had kept the both of them, and maybe that was her reasoning behind it, but it didn’t seem fair considering the hell he went through even though she had picked him. Maybe he’d have time later on to think about the reasoning behind it, maybe he’d even go talk to her but he didn’t think she’d give him much, considering he wasn’t even allowed in her house currently. 

Sighing smoke out from his lips, Ben flicked the ash from his cigarette and watched it fall to the grass between his shoes, looking up at Aiden when he was answering his question. Just the explanation alone confirmed that Aiden had been better off without their mother, the fact that his adoptive parents were better than his birth mother was was a blessing for Aiden, and Ben wasn’t oblivious to the little green monster that flared up in his head for a second. He’d done so much growing up on his own, what would he be like if he’d had good people on his side for most of his life? He figured it was something else to contemplate later on. Squinting, he shook his head as he inhaled another breath from his smoke, fingers twitching on his leg. “She would have put on a good show, acted like some doting mother who had no choice but to give you up then asked your parents for money after the fact. That's why she's with the guy she's with now, cause he's got money and she thinks she deserves the fuckin' world after what she went through with my- our dad, like she's an absolute saint or something, but she had no problem kicking me to the curb once her husband decided he didn't like me, some saint.” He answered, then shook his head. “You’re better off not having her in your life, in case that wasn’t obvious.” He gestured to himself then slumped back into the tree. “So what now?” 

[benxwaters]

vanessaquinn·:

The prospect of spending the night at Ben’s apartment was new, and it seemed like such a casual invitation, but Vanessa wasn’t sure what else she really expected. It wasn’t like much of their relationship thus far was exactly formal in the least. They were moving passed the subject for the moment, however, because they were getting up to their ledge instead. In the few times that Vanessa had done this in the past, she’d always given herself an extra few moments to think of what she was jumping for. That was paused momentarily to give her boyfriend one last potential out, however, as the dark haired girl looked over at him with a faint grin. “At least you know.” The girl snorted out a laugh in response to his answer. She half expected that Ben suggest they count down and make sure to jump at the same time, but then he was going ahead of her, Vanessa’s brows shooting upward as he did so. She let out an easy sounding laugh as he went down and she watched him for a moment. 

It wasn’t as long of a hesitation as she might have made typically for her thoughts - for fun, to stop thinking, to let go of being angry for now, to feel something - before she was jumping off, too. Ben had already hit the water, she was distantly aware of the sound of his splash as she flew downward toward the water. Unable to help herself, an excited sort of squeal left her on the way down, and only several seconds later she was hitting the cold water - always colder than she expected, no matter how many times she’d done this - and sinking downward. The back and forth of the tide always caused her to take an extra moment to catch her bearings, so to speak, before she was more able to push back up the few feet to the surface. Vanessa sucked in a quick breath as she came up out of the water and she had to laugh as she was caught by a wave that tossed her sideways before towing her back the other direction again. She could feel how fast her heart was beating in her chest, the adrenaline of the moment really kicking in. Half-twirling where she bobbed in the water, she sought out Ben finally, brows lifted and a wide grin on her face. “Tell me that shit’s not fun, I dare you.”

Jumping off the ledge into the water, Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared. He’d done plenty of reckless things, gotten into countless fist fights or drag raced a car or two, he deals drugs even, but for whatever reason, this scared him. The uncertainty of the water and the dark felt unsettling, but either way he knew he had to jump or else he wasn’t going to ever live it down. He was underwater still when Vanessa landed with a splash, only hearing the sound of her breaking the surface to sink down into the depths. Pushing himself back up to the surface, he blinked quickly, trying to spot Vanessa around him while the tide pulled him in different directions. He could see the grin on her face and he definitely didn’t feel the same. “The jump was cool.” Ben called to her as he tried to pull a smile onto his face then swam closer to where she was. “How many times do you jump? Like in a row?” He asked, really working on keeping his voice level. He really didn’t like this, it was an anxiety attack waiting to happen and he didn’t even know he had anxiety about the water like this, but he attested it too the many factors that contributed to it. Treading next to her, he bit back the question about getting out of the water, taking a deep breath in through his nose. Vanessa had wanted to do this with him, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for her. “Do you wanna do it again?” 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

It felt a little like sharing war stories or something, Aiden realized. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting going into the conversation, but at the very least he had known what his own earlier life had been like, the varying shades of unpleasant it had been. Some part of him had to have hoped for better for Ben, but then another part of him had already kind of assumed that things couldn’t have been too great, having a mom who was willing to give up his unknown twin and all. Still, it didn’t make it suck any less that the both of them had such crappy things to tell each other about their lives, whether things were on the up for them now or not. Aiden nodded his head along with Ben’s seemingly frustrated words; he got it, both from a self standpoint and given the things that Ben had been through growing up. Brows lifting subtly, he tilted his head at the mention of the guy who had recognized him back at the tattoo shop. “He seemed pretty concerned about you when I told him you had to be my twin, so.” He noted with a loose shrug of his shoulders. He did have to admit that it was a good thing to hear, that things seemed to be good for Ben now. Though, he wasn’t totally sure why, given they really didn’t know each other.

How fucking weird did the world have to be that he could share DNA with someone, be their twin, and still not know them? There was no cosmic connection that made him suddenly feel like there was a bond between them, no subconscious trigger that was set off to make him feel like they were automatically a pair. Their mom had really fucked something up here in keeping them separate all their lives, he figured. As he was asked about his parents and what they knew, Aiden nodded his head in answer, breathing out a sigh through his nose. “It was in all my paperwork with social services, but I didn’t ever see that shit. They knew from the moment they met me.” He shrugged his shoulders, lips twisting to the side. “I found out when I was seventeen, on accident, sort of.” The boy shifted to remove his hands from his sweatshirt pockets to push up the sleeve on his right arm passed his elbow. There was a three inch scar right beneath the bend of his elbow, on the backside of his arm, and he pointed it out now. “Compound fracture. My friends and I were dicking around, playing football without our equipment on and I took a bad hit. Bone broke right through.” He started by way of explanation, tugging his sleeve back down again. “Apparently hospitals double check for any internal bleeding with compound fractures because of the open wound and all, so they had to run blood work and shit. I overheard the doctor mentioning to my parents that my blood make up results had two names in the system. My dad told him I had a twin brother.” He nodded slowly, gaze thoughtful, bordering on zoned out as he stared ahead of him. “It was a weird few days after that.”

Ben didn’t know how he was supposed to process everything coming at him right now. Finding out he had a twin out of the blue was far from expected when he woke up that morning, let alone when he’d been called by Isaiah to come see him. Yet there he was, sitting in the park with a kid who looked exactly like him, but had a completely separate life than him. He had so many questions, for Aiden, for his mother, for himself, and he didn’t know how he was supposed to get to them all. His life would have been completely different if he’d known Aiden forever, if he’d had a brother forever. Maybe it would have even been better for the both of them, but there was no way of knowing that now. Shrugging silently, he didn’t say anything further about Isaiah, he was still a little lost in his own head trying to process this right now, he’d get around to unpacking anything else later on. 

It was an odd sensation, hearing Aiden speak. If Ben closed his eyes it’d sound like a recording of himself, but even more odd than that was that the person talking looked exactly like him. This whole thing was a little bit trippy. Still, he tried to focus on the conversation they were having. His head nodded towards the end of Aiden’s explanation, then he breathed out a sigh. “This is fucked.” He rubbed his hand down his face, head lulling back into the tree as he thought for a moment. “Your life was alright though, like you’re good?” Ben asked, finally looking back at his brother, thinking to himself about how he was concerned that Aiden had ended up with something better than he had, despite being the one their mother had kept, because even though Ben couldn’t change anything about the past, he hoped that his moms decision hadn’t fucked up Aiden’s life entirely the way it had definitely fucked with his. 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

As he sat there with this twin he had only known he had for a handful of years now, Aiden came to the realization that a lot of his questions had to do solely with Ben. There weren’t many questions he could ask Steve and Peggy; they didn’t know much, they only had what paperwork told them and that was mostly just medical records. He wasn’t exactly intending on getting in contact with any social workers about his mom, hell, he wasn’t even totally sure he did want to meet his mom in the first place. It was Ben that he was more curious about than anything, this other person that had a whole different life than he did, in different ways, for different reasons. Ben seemed to be getting to some explanation about some of those differences, and while Aiden was curious, that didn’t mean he had to like what he was hearing still. Chewing at the inside of his lower lip still, he found himself nodding slowly along with what the other male explained. Another mumbled apology lingered on the tip of his tongue, but he figured it would go dismissed again so he bit it back in favor of letting out a heavy sigh. There was a subtle sadness in his gaze, combined with the confusion still, when Aiden looked up at Ben again at his question. 

He twisted his lips to the side at first before huffing out a sigh. “Technically I was adopted not real long after I was put in the system in the first place. This guy took me in, basically let his cleaning lady raise me for a few years. I dunno, I was still pretty little then.” He paused, swallowing thickly as his brow furrowed. “They took me from him and put me back in the system when I was five. He, uhhh.. went to a bar and left me in my car seat in the car for like three hours. Some college kids called the cops and off I went.” A deep breath was taken in through his nose as his gaze dropped down to the grass again. “The time it actually really counted for something was when I was thirteen. My, um– My parents I still have now adopted me then.” He explained, nodding once. “But I was in a lot of overcrowded homes before that. Like, one a year, pretty much. There was one year, I was nine, I got bounced to two homes in the same year because social services found out the dad in that house was touching some of the kids, so.” He cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders back and tilting his head one way then the next. “Things have been good since I got adopted by the Ryland’s, though. My life’s a hell of a lot better than I ever thought it would be, growing up.” He shrugged his shoulders, frowning when he realized that that statement might be a little insensitive. “Are things good for you? On your own and whatever?”

Telling Aiden a little about his past felt like the right thing to do, considering. He had been given up by their mom, but even with the first impression Ben figured he’d somehow still gotten a short stick here, but maybe that was just an assumption. Still, he explained bits of his past, the main parts, the parts that mattered and he wondered how Aiden’s life had been, truly hoping that it had been better than what his had been. Only hearing the explanation the other male had given him, Ben didn’t get that vibe right away. Pressing his cigarette butt into the ground he ran a hand down his face after Aiden explained himself, palm pressing into his face. “Shit.” He sighed, shaking his head. “People are fuckin’ awful sometimes, you know? I’ll never get fuckers who wail on kids and women or put them through hell just because they can, like shit, I didn’t ask to be born, why are you taking it out on me?” Ben rolled his eyes then licked his lips, running his hand back through his hair with another sigh, then shrugged. “Shit’s better for me now than it’s ever been, that idiot at the tattoo shop that called me? He looks out for me, he probably wouldn’t admit that he does, but he does. I got a girlfriend, an apartment, a car.” Ben shrugged, rolling his lips together. “I got a decent life, it’s not lavish or anything but it’s decent.” He leaned back against the tree, looking Aiden over. “These parents of yours, do they know about me? Like that you have a twin?”

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

While there was no perfect way to approach the situation at hand, Aiden at least hoped that it would go smoothly enough that some questions could be answered. Considering the sheer amount of them that looped around in his own head, he could only imagine that Ben had them, too. He hoped that their getting to talk to each other, no matter how unexpected and discombobulating all of it seemed, that it ultimately ended up being a good thing, somehow. Listening to Ben’s answer to his question, his teeth worked at the inside of his lower lip, his head nodding gently. He knew next to nothing about the woman that had given birth to him, other than the fact that his records said he was one of a pair of twins and that his mother had chosen to give him up to the foster system when he was two years old. He had formulated his own opinion of her based on that alone, which led to an unfortunate lack of surprise to find that Ben said their relationship wasn’t so great. Still, it didn’t exactly make him happy to hear it for the other male. “Sorry.” He mumbled, maybe for asking, maybe for all of it. His hands stuffed into his sweatshirt pockets and fiddled with his car keys on his lanyard there as he looked down at the grass. “When I was little I imagined this great mom I had out there somewhere, like she’d come find me or something, but then I got older and that went away.”

He didn’t know much about Aiden yet, and he didn’t know if he’d get to know much about him at all, considering how poorly this conversation seemed to be going. He was curious about this guy, his brother, his twin, but under that there was a lot of questions and confusion there, but that mostly had to do with his mother, their mother. Brow creasing downwards at the apology that left Aiden, he flicked the ash of his cigarette and looked at him with a crease in his brow. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, man.” Ben answered, lifting his brow now as if to challenge him. Nodding his head, Ben took another drag from his cigarette and leaned his head back against the tree, blinking up at the branches above him while the other boy explained his childhood wishes. “We were both pretty busy getting smacked around by my dad, who probably isn’t even my- our biological father considering all the other shit she’s lied about. Anyway, we were getting wailed on, she left that dirtbag when I was 12, by the time I was 14 she was married to another dirtbag who didn’t want me around much so I stayed at friends houses or shelters, wherever I could until I graduated and could get my own place.” He shrugged a little looking back at Aiden finally. “So you didn’t miss out on much.” Ben chuckled, taking another drag of his cigarette finally. “Were you in the foster system until you aged out or what?” 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

As he stood there under the familiar tree, Aiden started working through some sort of gameplan in his head; how long he would actually wait there for, how he would go about the conversation with his parents when he was telling them he met his twin for like five whole seconds, whether or not he may need some kind of therapy after it all. Ben showed up not too far along into all that thinking, though, and kind of put a pause on it. Aiden stepped off from leaning against the tree - as if that was some kind of necessary, or they were going to shake hands or something else just as equally ridiculous. He murmured a quiet ‘hey’ of his own, and practically winced at the way that it sounded exactly the same as the greeting before it. In his moment of deliberation on sitting down or not, Aiden was halted once again as Ben held his newly opened back of cigarettes out to him. “Uhh, I’m good, actually, thanks..” He mumbled with a subtle dismissive wave of his hand. Smoking had never been his thing; between living in multiple homes where he’d gained a dislike for the smell, and then playing football once he was older, it just wasn’t for him. Clearing his throat turned into puffing out a heavy breath before he finally resolved to sitting down on the grass diagonal from where Ben sat back against the tree. “So, did you–” Aiden cut off on the beginning of his question, trying to figure out if there were a better way to go about asking it, his brow furrowed faintly. “Have you, um– have you been with our mom this whole time?”

Ben didn’t know what to expect walking into the park to see Aiden. He hadn’t been expecting this kind of meeting at all, let alone a conversation that had to be had because of it. He was capable though, he was mature enough to be able to hold the conversation, answer and ask his own questions, and he had lots of those; this was just something he didn’t know how he was going to handle in the long run, or what it was going to change. He’d have to take to day by day, though. Sitting down against the tree, he wasn’t shy about smoking now, he never had been and he felt like he deserved a cigarette now more than ever. Stuffing the carton back in his pocket after Aiden turned him down, he leaned his head back, eyeing where the other boy had settled in the grass. It was weird, like looking into a mirror that wasn’t all a mirror looking at Aiden, hearing the way they sounded the same was even another reason to really be weirded out like this. Head lulling towards the other male, he lifted an eyebrow as he inhaled through the filter. “Yeah.” He paused, squinting subtly. “It’s kind of complicated, I guess. I haven’t talked to her in a while, a few months but it’s not like we had the greatest relationship anyway.” 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

Aiden couldn’t figure out whether things were going well or not, it was still very early into the interaction, but on top of that, he wasn’t totally sure that there was a good way to go about abruptly meeting your twin who didn’t know about you for the first time. Getting away from himself, having so many things running through his mind at once, it didn’t come as too much of a surprise that he started rattling off unfinished sentences. He had already figured the answer to his question, but something about Ben’s definitive, plain ‘no’ in answer made him feel a little guilty somehow, like maybe he should have just bailed once things got weird and not let things come to this. The broken up suggestion to go elsewhere was both a surprise and not one at the same time, considering. Aiden nodded his head at the mention of the park nearby; he took Isabella there sometimes. Seeming to come to an agreement to meet each other at the park, Aiden walked out of the back area, mumbling an awkward and potentially not-merited 'thanks’ under his breath to Isaiah on his way out. While he was driving to the park, he found himself caught up in his brain for a number of reasons. There were so many questions that could be asked, but a primary one stuck out; was it a good idea to do this in the first place? There was no going back on Ben knowing he existed now, but would it be worse for them to actually have a conversation, to potentially get to know each other? He couldn’t tell. As he pulled into the parking lot at the park, it dawned on Aiden that there was a potentially high possibility that Ben bailed and wasn’t going to come meet him there after all. Still, he got out of his car and hit the button to lock it behind him as he headed toward the tree that he and his family usually chose as a sitting spot when they went to the park all together to lean against it, hoping - somehow - for the best.

The agreement on the park near by had Ben thinking about bailing on whatever this was to just go back to hanging out with his girlfriend and forgetting any of this even happened, and as he walked out the back door without another word and dropped into the drivers seat of his car, he was almost sure he was going to head in that direction. But turning the car on he headed in the direction of the park instead. Stopping at a 7-Eleven, he got another pack of cigarettes and stuffed them in his pocket, knowing he’d need them later. Pulling up in the parking lot of the park, he scanned the area while he sat in his car for another few seconds. He had a twin, not just someone who looked like him, not a long lost brother, a twin. He felt dizzy again. Taking another few seconds to collect himself, Ben finally got out of the car and headed down to where he saw Aiden, his fucking twin, standing by a tree. “Hey.” He murmured quietly, carelessly moving to sit with his back against the tree, pulling his new pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and packing them against his hand after pulling the plastic off and stuffing the trash in his pocket. Opening the carton and pulling one out for himself, he held it between his lips before offering one to Aiden, raising an eyebrow. “Might as well start now, this could be a long conversation.” Ben drawled, still holding the carton up to the other boy as he lit the smoke between his lips with his other hand. 

[benxwaters]

aidenjryland·:

It was clear immediately to Aiden that he was very far out of his depth here. The thought had occurred to him even as Isaiah had been presenting him with the fact that he knew his twin, but now as Ben stood in front of him, rightfully obviously surprised, it really hit him. He had no idea what the fuck he was doing in this situation. It was also clear, though, that he had at least a little bit more of an idea of this reality than Ben seemed to; whether it was initially by accident or not, Aiden at least knew for a few years now that he had a twin somewhere out there. If facial expression alone was any indicator, Ben didn’t have a clue. Going into the back area of the shop once again, Aiden’s lips rolled tightly together. He moved passed where Ben stood to lean against one of the desks, his own hands stuffing into the pocket of his sweatshirt as he rocked subtly on the balls of his feet where he stood a few feet away from the other boy. God, it was really fucking weird being consciously aware of looking at another person but having that person look exactly like himself, this whole thing was going to be quite a time.

When Ben was speaking finally, Aiden didn’t respond right away. Firstly, it wasn’t really an engaging statement, and second of all, he pretty much echoed the sentiment. He wasn’t really sure how to go about this, where to begin, how to approach it. He had half a second’s thought to calling his parents and seeing what would happen, but then he thought better of it. “My name’s Aiden.” He began, face scrunching up faintly, because given the circumstances that felt like such a casual place to start, but what else was he supposed to do? Just because they looked the same didn’t mean they knew each other. It was a hell of a trip, though, introducing himself to what felt like.. well, himself. “Sorry, I don’t–” He huffed out a vaguely hysterical sounding laugh and shook his head. “I never thought we’d actually like be in the same– It’s just fucking crazy and I’m not sure what to– You had no idea at all? None?”

This didn’t seem real, it didn’t seem like something that actually happened to people in real life. Movies, TV shows? Sure, absolutely someone could have a long lost identical twin, but in real life? No. He felt like he was outside of his body watching this happen, watching himself in the presence of someone who had his face and body and voice. He felt out of place. His hands tightened around his arms, keeping them against his chest while he stared at the floor. Breathing in through his nose and letting it out in a sigh, he didn’t look up until the other was speaking, brow creased downwards. Aiden. Aiden and Ben. It didn’t not fit, but he was still more confused than he knew what to do with. So he just nodded his head and stared at Aiden for a few seconds. He felt like he might pass out, like he could scream and throw something, like for the first time in his life that he needed to get high to process this. His gaze flickered up to Aiden once again when he was speaking, head shaking in question. “No.” Ben answered simply, brow creased downwards. “Could we–” Ben glanced around then closed his eyes to break out a sigh. “Can we not do this here? There’s a park like five minutes away..” Ben offered, arms still crossed tightly over his chest while he tried to figure out how he was supposed to understand this, while at the same time deciding he was going to need way more cigarettes than he had on him right now.