Garden of Small Beginnings

"You'll never love me like the way you did before But would you open up if I knocked on your door?" - Come Over, BTS

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Last night I was listening to Jamais Vu for the first time in a while... And guess what. These two popped up in my head for the nth time.

So there you have it, another self-indulgent edit.

A lot of things happening here :) I tried my best okay?

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Get yourself a friend who would try to do everything in their capabilities to help you out when you are suddenly hit with an unexpected diagnosis of ALS.

Get yourself a friend who would cry with you after you get your diagnosis.

Get yourself a friend who would open the water bottles for you.

I love Chen Guangpu as a friend. He is the ultimate friendship goal.

(Thank you for not setting eyes on your friend's girlfriend and having your own girlfriend. That was another refreshing thing about him)

And then there's Que. We all deserve a partner like her, who would fight ourselves and the world to be with us.

That scene where Que, Chen Guangpu and He Xindi made artificial snowfall for his birthday gift, that scene has my heart.

Lin Tuo, you are so loved. (I don't need to say anything, Que said all needed to be said.)

But I do understand where he is coming from, too. It just breaks my heart that just as life started going to the right direction for him, he was hit with that deadly diagnosis. Who wouldn’t be devastated?

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Big World opens with the shot of someone dragging his feet up the stairs. Getting up the stairs clearly isn't an easy task for him. However, he still persists. Eventually he reaches the rooftop, and we, viewers learn his intention behind coming up. It was to end it all.

The world has been anything but fair to Liu Chunhe, a young man nearing his twenties suffering from Cerebral Palsy. The only person who sees him past his disorder is his maternal grandmother, the only person insisting that he can do anything if he puts his mind to it. He has a dream, to study literature and become a teacher. He writes poems secretly. But very few people around him seem to care about that side of him, including his parents. He continues to face rejection, and one person’s support couldn’t stop him from reaching the breaking point...

I saw myself in Liu Chunhe. I, too, had the dream of studying literature and being a teacher.

Watching the movie, I felt thankful that I have a supportive family, one that I consider a privilege. Liu Chunhe's mother's attitude towards him boiled my blood and broke my heart. Even now, as I am writing this, I am feeling that rage towards her. The confrontation between her and Chunhe devastated me. No one deserves deserves that kind of rejection from their parents of all people.

Also there is another character who induces my rage - I forgot her name and I shouldn’t mention it anyway as it is a spoiler - but I came to hate her with a passion. What she did was unforgivable. She could've handled it better.

However, you didn’t forget the name of the movie, did you? It's called Big World. The world rejects people like us left and right, but there is also another side that accepts and embraces us. As much as there are people who tries to stop us from dreaming, there are also those who enables us to dream, telling us that beyond our disorders, we are human beings. Liu Chunhe might be unlucky with his parents and surrounding, but he is lucky to have his grandmother and people people like her by his side. Familial support is needed as much as accessibility when it comes to people like us.

I have days when I feel like too much, when I want to die. But when I get out of that mindset, I do feel that the world is, in fact, big.

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A movie about childhood friends who couldn’t keep their promise to travel together after high school graduation, who decided to keep that promise as adults... The premise sounded promising to me. And it did not disappoint. The First Ride opens with a narration. That narration was what got me hooked, and made me stay. The emotional impact the movie has on me is because of the narrator. I found such a way of storytelling quite unique. The only other time I witnessed this kind of narration is in Seasons of Blossom. 'Next time'. The promise of next time when we do not know what the future might hold. Friends who grow up and grow apart. Amidst their chaotic journey, the pain that they are carrying touches me.

Poor Dojin, that guy lost his dreams not once, but twice. How devastating is that. No wonder he lost his mind. Ok-shim's character is one whose addition felt unnecessary to me. I guess her purpose was stirring up more chaos. I like the way childhood friendship is portrayed as something life-shaping, as it should be. The way the narrator never leaves the story, until the very end, his presence throughout the story was felt despite him not physically being there, the way it's his story as much as the others', I loved it so much as someone who struggles to let things go. If you are looking for a movie about friendship that actually focuses on the friendship instead of romance or third wheeling romance, if you want to laugh a lot and then have your heart broken, you should watch The First Ride. It's chaotic, ridiculous and devastating.

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Love and Deepspace X Die with A Smile

In celebration of all three of mains having myths where the couple dies together.

Song: Die with A Smile cover by Taka from ONE OK ROCK

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Link Click X The Underworld

The idea came to me on one lazy noon.

This particular part of The Underworld broke my heart. Made me cry, almost.

Then I remembered... I know a certain someone who also waited, waited...and waited.

Whose waiting also ended in death...

But instead of parent waiting for child, it's the other way around.

And so, here you go.

Please watch until the very end, and I mean VERY LAST SECOND OF IT.

My plan was to include both parents, but I ended up including only one. Maybe someday I will figure out how to include both...

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Loving Summer Sky, just as the title suggests, is a love letter towards sky. Not only sky, but also photography, youth, and youthful love.

The artstyle is so calming and beautiful, it was the cherry on top. The use of colours, especially for the sky, the softly drawn lines...they tell us the story of four young people and the unusual bond that they form. Their perspective couldn’t be more different.

While one came to love the sky after an accident, another came to fear and hate it, and another had a whole cycle of love-hate relationship with the sky.

They loved each other in different ways. Their friendship might've faced threat because of their past or feelings, but ultimately it never fell apart. They held onto each other, pushed each other to grow...and to live.

(Spoilers below, do not proceed if you haven’t finished reading the webtoon but you plan on doing so)

The title has a fun twist to it. The Korean title is 'Saranghaneun Yeoreum Haneul'. These three words contain the names of the three girls who fell for Gihu - two as children, one as teen. Sarang Han's love towards Gihu was one-sided and never reciprocated, which led her to turn against Haneul. Gihu and Yeoreum had mutual feelings toward each other as children, however, Gihu's feelings were lost to amnesia. Gihu and Haneul met each other as children too, but they developed feelings towards each other as teens, and the knowledge of Yeoreum being Gihu's first love did not waver his love towards Haneul. Yeoreum and Haneul, unlike Sarang, did not hold malice towards each other. They became genuine friends despite the unrequited feelings, doubt and jealousy.

Like my another favourite webtoon Back to You/Just A Girl He Knows, this is another "Who says first love always have to come true?" story, and I love that.

Loving Summer Sky was such a beautiful depiction of youth, personal growth, friendship and teenage romance. Following through it for 61 weeks was so worth it.

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When I finally reunited with Seo Sunwoo again, he was lying on snow, beside what looked like a newly-dug grave. His face was covered… 

“Hey, what do you think you are doing?” I yelled as I uncovered his face and tried to get him to sit up, “You will freeze to death at this rate!”

He didn’t respond. 

I looked at Lim Jaehyun and the other people behind him, “What are you doing? Hurry up! He's frozen! We gotta warm him up!”

“Don't you think it's too late for that?”

I looked at Seo Sunwoo again.

His face, drained of colour, looked as white as the snow. 

I was too late. 

I shouldn’t have left him…

“Don't you need a guardian?”

What were his last thoughts as the cold claimed him? He was lonely until the very end, wasn’t he…

Alas, he never got to know that he was not abandoned, there were people who would welcome him and save him… If only he waited a little bit longer… 

“If God existed, this kid here would've lived.”

Even at this moment, I didn’t question God's existence. 

I just asked quietly, “Why, God, why did you let him die like that, thinking that he was all alone? You didn’t let someone like me die, so why him?”

Then I remembered how he carried the girl all the way here, risking his life, even with his malfunctioning prosthetic leg. Just for the sake of a promise he made.

I knew what I had to do.

I picked his frozen body up. This time, he didn’t protest. 

“Let's take him home.”

We found the parents of that little girl after arriving at the survivor's village. I told them about Sunwoo's journey and showed them his diary. They cried so much after going through it.

We buried him in the town. At one point I thought whether it was the right decision, whether we should've buried him beside the little girl instead.

I prayed in front of his grave. He didn’t believe in God, but I want to believe that God loved him, too….

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I have a theory that death might not be the only factor that transfers their powers to one another in Link Click. There might be another factor, which is trust and desperation.

In Li Tianxi's case, why was it Qiao Ling and not her brother? Because her brother, who was already using her abilities for wrong purpose, couldn’t be trusted with those abilities. So she entrusted it to Qiao Ling instead.

Tianxi's ability transfer took the form of teardrop. Other than her brother, Qiao Ling was the only one to cry for her. The only other person whom she could trust.

In Cheng Xiaoshi's case, the imagery of trust was described through basketball metaphor. Also the desperation was something very much evident from his dying wish "Save them". And it cut to Qiao Ling and probably Captain Xiao, already dead. Saving them wasn't something that was possible with Lu Guang's ability alone.

I love the way the ability transfer process is portrayed every time, despite it being followed by utterly tragic sequences.

Link Click always has its way with "Blood of covenant is thicker than the water of womb".

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Seasons of Blossom: Summary Review

**Spoilers Ahead!

Seasons of Blossom was a wonderful read. Everything in it tied together neatly, and actions and events that happened in the past affected what happened towards the end. I think Bomi and Jinsong were cute. But they were the only season of the story. Bomi’s Flower, which represents spring, is the opening season that we start off with in the webtoon. Part of it is because I don’t really care much for high school first love romances since I’ve consumed so much media that has the same premise. The only “difference” about this love story is that the girl is taller than the guy in the case—not a very commonly used trope, but it’s still not that impactful in the grand scheme of this story. I would describe Bomi’s Flower, as being very similar to what you would find as the main plot in a shojo manga or typical fake dating, high school set, misunderstoodlove story. This is not to say that I hate Bomi’s Flower, but more so that there were parts of this story that better resonated with me. 

Meanwhile, Hamin’s flower (Summer) was so heartbreaking to read, and it made me sob. The feeling of pressure weighing down as the eldest child and trying to protect your younger siblings from having to meet the same expectations your family expects of you—I don’t think anyone could have blamed Hamin for his choice. I think the most gut wrenching thing about Hamin’s flower, was that we were reading everything that led up to his death. We, as readers, knew what was going to happen, but it was a bomb with a timer that no one knew would go off. I love how the entire series places a very big theme on understanding that someone choosing suicide can hardly ever be counted as one person’s fault. If it’s one’s person’s fault, it was also anyone else’s fault that the deceased met that day, or the weather, or the clothes they wore, or place they were in. Everything would have been at fault. Grief was also something very prominent, and Somang, Hamin’s classmate and love interest, is such a strong and kind woman. She has had to keep living without ever knowing how Hamin felt about her until Jaemin gave her Hamin’s diary, which detailed how much Hamin cherished her and wanted to reach out but couldn’t. The way she grows up and does her best to help people through art is also wonderfully done, because she was able to give Jaemin, Hamin’s younger brother, a piece of Hamin to remember him by. 

As for the rest of the series, Gaeul’s flower (Autumn) was also a favorite of mine because of Subin, to be honest. And also for the fact that it focused on those in college rather than high school. I still find there’s a lack of representation of media that is geared toward or written with college students involved in the plot, so this was something I really liked about this webtoon. I loved Subin and Gaeul’s relationship probably the most. But I think the unfortunate thing is that if Hamin were alive in the series, Gaeul wouldn’t be. Because Gaeul only stayed alive for the sake of Somang, who was dealing with Hamin’s death. She couldn’t allow herself to die when Somang had practically nobody to rely on. Had Hamin stayed alive, Gaeul would have offed herself, knowing that Hamin would catch Somang in his arms. I also loved, loved, loved the development of Seonhui, Subin’s younger sister, and her classmate, Jaehyun. I mainly started “Seasons of Blossom” to witness their development, but I’m glad I ended up being able to read about all the other wonderful parts that the story had to offer. Seonhui and Jaehyun were important in the sense that Seonhui was able to find someone who made her feel special, and so she was able to move on from her crush on her childhood friend, Jaemin. Jaehyun also found someone whom he didn’t necessarily have to be a mediator for all the time; if anything, he likes to start things with Seonhui because she reacted cutely. Jaehyun being raised around three sisters also made sense as to why he knew how to handle things so well. The height difference was also super cute! 

Lastly, Dongchae’s flower (Winter) was mainly an accumulation of everyone working together like cogs in a clock to prevent him from doing the same thing as Hamin. Everyone played a part in making sure Dongchae was okay and that his bullies didn’t get away with the trauma they created for him. Dongchae’s flower was a very good arc but also a good conclusion that encapsulated all the main themes we learned from the other flowers. 

Bomi’s Spring Flower focuses on blooming love and friendship. Hamin’s Summer Flower tells a tale of grief, acceptance, and pressures set upon kids by their parents to achieve success. Gaeul’s Autumn Flower details the consequences and aftermath of bullying and the concepts of forgiveness and consideration. Dongchae’s Winter Flower then encapsulates the story by showing how community and connection will be one’s strongest weapons against declining mental health and suicide contemplation. 

If there is one webtoon that I would recommend that isn’t solely a romance or only for aesthetics, I would recommend “Season’s Blosson” to anyone who wants to be served a multitude of life lessons all encapsulated in a beautifully written webtoon. 

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Seasons of Blossom × The Truth Untold

One day, as I was listening to A Truth Untold, I suddenly had this thought: this song describes Lee Hamin so well.

Especially his diary entries from chapter 55. His darkness, depression, fear to fall in love, self hatred...

Maybe one day, I will edit him with the entire song.

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I have such a peculiar condition. It’s not like I can't move around by myself. I can, but within a limited area and on plain surface. I got weak muscles. They are not so weak to stop me from walking entirely, but just enough to make me lose my balance. People keep telling me to use a wheelchair, but of what use would be for me? I can't push it myself anyway. The only time it's ever useful to me is when my legs hurt too much to continue on. In fact, I am required to walk to keep myself stable... My hands are strong enough to write, but not strong enough to open a bottle. It’s a condition especially designed to make me depend on another human. Funny, isn't it? So whenever I get angry, I curse not at my condition, but at the humans who are supposed to aid me. Because as much as it's a test for me, it's also a test for them. A test to see if they are patient enough to accommodate a person with a disability that's not severe enough to take away mobility, but just enough to always require assistance.

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Stories about education reform has always fascinated me. It started with watching Cholo Paltai when I was in class three. Then as a teen, I watched My Strange Hero and SKY Castle. And now, at my early twenties, I found my newest fascination: Mikami Sensei. I learnt about this Japanese drama thanks to the fact that the song that plays at the end of every episode is Puppets Can't Control You by ONE OK ROCK. The song itself is an intense one, paired with the drama, it becomes even more intense. Think, he says. The personal is political, he says.

As someone who claims myself to be nonpolitical, that line stuck with me.

He is successful, because watching the drama made me think, too. It's been a long time since I got so immersed in a drama like that.

I love how the characters and their actions aren’t exactly stereotypical and predictable. They are multidimensional humans. From Koreeda sensei to top student Sakurai to Makino, they all ended up growing on me. The entire class 3-2 grew on me. I loved the participatory and discussing aspect of their classes, made me wonder how things would be if we were to have that kind of class. Their topic of discussion ranged from textbook screening, poverty, the responsibility that comes with being a journalist, finance... As a law student, I would love to have a teacher like Mikami sensei. We also learn about stories of people who tried to change society at the cost of themselves, and how that altered their lives and surroundings forever... A society so warped that it drove them insane to the point of self-destruction.

The teacher-student relationship is my another favourite part of this drama. The relationship between Mikami and his students is more than teacher-student, they see each other fellow humans of equal standing. They trust each other with their stories, showing vulnerabilities. Koreeda sensei is also a good teacher, I have to say. There is a reason she is loved by her students so much.

Mikami Sensei was an experience. A journey. I would love to recommend this to people, especially those who are fond of critical thinking.

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I found the Chinese drama called Twelve Letters by chance on a drama watching website while searching for another drama.

Of course, sign me up in anything that deals with letters.

The drama is the definition of bittersweet in so many aspects. It shows a love story that is not based on physical affection. Being each other's safe place is the love language of Tang and Xun.

The bond of friendship that developed between those people who had a good heart but grew up in a dark, dirty environment, it's so beautiful too. It made me root for them - all of them - and pray for their happy ending. They fall, they stand on the verge of giving up, but they give one another the push to get back up...In a world where the society and the adults failed them, they had the back of one another.

Misfortune kept chasing the characters, so much so that every happy moment shared among the character felt like the calm before the storm. What was happy ending for them? Being with each other, or making out of their dark situation alive to see a future? Would it be too greedy to want both?

Now the mystery part. The suspense was so well-built and it kept me at the edge of my seat until the very end. I kept guessing and brainstorming. I was not a big fan of the present-day character. Shen Cheng especially annoyed me...til the last episode. The ending. It blew my mind. I won't say a word about it, other than saying that I didn't see it coming at all. It was, like the rest of the drama, bittersweet. That one sequence near the end got stuck in my head and I keep thinking about it with a heavy heart... The OSTs. My favourite would be the song that plays at the end of the drama.

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Link Click × Stay Alive

Spoiler warning: This video contains major spoilers for Link Click season 2 and Bridon arc. DO NOT proceed if you want to avoid spoilers.

Content warning: Blood, Character Death

Song used: Stay Alive by Jungkook

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“Shen Xinghui.”

“Hmm?”

“Let's switch positions.”

“Why?”

“All my life, you have been telling me to rest. While you haven't gotten a proper night's sleep in probably the last three centuries. Don't you think you deserve a good rest, too?”

“I don't know… Do I…?”

I get up from the position I was in and move so that I can put Shen Xinghui’s head on my lap.

“Shen Xinghui, in your next life, make sure to eat a lot and sleep a lot. Even if I am not around. Don't push yourself too hard, okay? I will get really mad if we meet again and find you in a disastrous shape like this.”

“Okay… I will keep your words in my mind… If there is a next life, that is…”

Shen Xinghui stares into my eyes without blinking. “What, why are you looking at me so intensely?”

“I haven’t seen you for centuries… And soon, we'll part ways again…So I am taking you in as much as I can.”

“Think of this as taking a nap. Don't be too sad. This isn't farewell. We'll meet again. Now, let's rest together.”

I hold Shen Xinghui in my arms as I struggle to keep my eyes open. I touch his face that's gotten cold. He grabs my hand and holds it tight.

“We'll always…be together…”

That's the last thing I hear before our eyes clamp shut.

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Unconditional (Link Click)

You never gave me a chance. If you did, then you would've seen that I am not so different from you. I am silly, clumsy and annoying sometimes. Small things make me laugh. I can't bear to see other people in pain. I act on impulse and I can be reckless when it comes to someone I care about. But you never gave me a chance. You only saw me through your prejudiced eyes. You only saw the fact that my parents weren’t around. You didn’t ever try to see me for who I am. But that's okay. It’s not like I have time to care about that now...

Because now, I have met people who chose me. I didn’t have to fit any standard or to do anything for them for that. They chose me for who I am. They reached out to me and took my hand when I was walking alone. They embraced my clumsy, broken, foolish self. They are someone I would risk my life for... My family. My partners. To have someone I can impose myself on, to have someone around whom I can be myself, to have someone who would hold me as I cry... To have partners like that... Isn't that so beautiful? Say, ain't I so blessed?