I needed to put down some ridiculous ship headcanons somewhere and I think putting them here will do fine.
Basically the premise is that Bernard was Evil Married once and nobody knows about it.
This is supposed to be funny, or at least it's funny in my head so don't take it too seriously. I just had way too much fun with this idea and I can't stop wanting to draw it.
Random Machiavillain x Bernard HCs:
They first met while Machiavillain was causing mayhem in Metro City
Bernard is annoyed that the rampant chaos makes him late all the time
Machiavillain is baffled by that haughty nerd's indifference to all his brilliant villainy, like how dare he????
He starts trying to fuck with Bernard on purpose to teach him a lesson
Machiavillain gets pissed off that not even explosions seem to shake him
So he kidnaps Bernard because regular terrorism isn't working
Bernard spends the first few minutes of the plot complaining about Machiavillain being an inconsiderate jerk for making him spill his coffee
"Do you have any idea how long it takes me to get enough points for a free coffee?"
Every time they meet ( by design ), Bernard is obstinate, critical, and as rude as possible
Machiavillain is kind of into him at this point lol
Now he just wants to see that scowling face every day
He starts using PRESENTATION on the regular to woo the nerd of his dreams
Bernard is kind of like a mean cat that finally decides it likes you one day and that moment changes your life forever
Insufferable chemistry ensues
Dating isn't enough -- I MUST POSSES HIM
They get Evil Married and nobody knows about it ( they both hate people anyway )
Machiavillain is the only person who has ever seen Bernard smile
They really are so weird together
Machiavillain is a Tier 1 threat to society...
Bernard is just some guy lol
Somehow this works really well for years, but eventually villainy takes its toll
I haven't decided what exactly unfolds but it's a certifiable disaster
Things end with an Evil Divorce :(
The Official Rules of Evil Divorce dictate that they must eliminate each other
Well, that escalated quickly!
They passionately despise each other, as divorcés tend to do
Most attempts to kill each other usually end with hate sex
Really though, they're still bitterly in love with each other but don't know how to deal with it in a normal way lol
The only respite from assassination Bernard gets is when Machiavillain is too busy with his star pupil MEGAMIND to bother with him
One day, Megamind vaporizes Machiavillain while trying to cook a burrito ( no one knows the truth about this )
Bernard is depressed about it
But hey, Megamind saved his ass from his Evil Ex, even if it was unintentional
Bernard makes it up to Megs by secretly helping him in his quest to destroy Metro Man ( he fucking hates Wayne Scott )
Long story short ( because this is an entire different set of headcanons ), he's the Romanian Connection that sells some of the tech stuff Megs needs for his evil plots
Gets stupid rich but hates life without his Evil Ex
Megamind+MMvsDS+Megamind Rules! happens??
I haven't thought this far tbh lol
Ok, that's all I got for now.
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