stories for fandoms my friends will never know abt

she/her - closeted furry - degenerate - requests closed temporarily!!!

[bernraccnt]

MASTERLIST

current obsession: the bad guys (2022)

requests: closed temporarily

* - fan favorite

the bad guys (2022)

oneshots:

mario kart wii (wolf x gn! sheep! reader x snake)

give in (wolf x gn! reader)*

weeds (snake x gn! bear! reader)

little red and the wolf (wolf x afab! reader) - smut

hype + beast (wolf x gn! reader)

headcanons:

wolf with a jealous s/o

clingy piranha with a mature-ish s/o

wolf and snake with a cat s/o

[bernraccnt]

about my sudden disappearance

around the time i started this blog, i was going through a really rough time. i'm moving into a new apartment by the fall and i had yet to find the money to save for rent and due to this, i fell into a hard stressful depression that made it impossible to update.

but now, my life has improved significantly and now i have the energy to even log on. i understand many of you liked my stories and writing style and i'm here to tell you that it's highly likely i will return sometime in the future. it's not guaranteed but i really want to finish the asks in my inbox so i don't feel guilty lol

thank you for all the love and support on my stories so far, it makes me feel better knowing people enjoy the shit i put out.

tldr: blog revival sometime (not soon but also not-not soon)

[bernraccnt]

Hello! Hope you're doing good, here is an idea of a scenario or a oneshot your pick. What if reader was a famous criminal by their talents in robbing and they met Mr. Wolf or the gang in one of their heists and with the past of time reader joins the bad guys and develops a crush to Mr. Wolf.

lets go oneshot!!!! not my best work i must admit but i popped my god damn pussy for this oneshot damn it

hype + beast (mr wolf x gn! reader)

before u read: 2nd person pov, reader is partially inspired by hype by tokyo machine, webs fangirling moment, guns are mentioned and used but not lethally, swearing, semi enemies to lovers but in a less tense way??? idk how to explain that LMFAO

wolf would say that he didn't really run into people while he and the others were on a heist. well, other people like them, that is. because of the bad guys' reputation in the big city of metropolitan, no one ever dared to rival them on their turf. yeah, the bad guys never actually hurt people, but no one trusted them due to their species anyways.

it was like that until he and shark were attempting to rob some rich man's gala and they both spotted a sneaky figure creeping around in the shadows. wolf had noticed the glint in their hands and recognized it as the super expensive necklace the group of criminals were targeting.

"stay here, wait for my order." wolf patted his aquatic friend on the shoulder, before slipping through the crowd. he kept his eyes on the figure in the shadows, following them out of the main room of the gala and into the empty hallways that led to a less populated section of the mansion.

wolf cupped his mouth, "you know, you got a lot of nerve taking our target!" his voice echoed down the hall, alerting the figure and making them jump a foot in the air.

"jesus christ." they whispered under their breath, looking over their shoulder. still in the shadows, wolf could only make out that they were wearing dark green dress pants and a crisp white button up.

to wolf's shock, they didn't do anything but give him a once over before turning back around and continuing their trek down the hall. now mildly offended, wolf broke into a sprint after them, which prompted the crook to start running as well.

wolf was many things and one of them was an incredibly fast runner, so he had no doubt he'd catch up to their person and be able to take the necklace from their hands. but, the longer the chase had gone, with both parties moving to the far side of the mansion, long gone from the party, it had shown that that wouldn't be the case. this person was just as fast as wolf and they seemed pretty strategic as well, since every hall they turned into never led to a dead end.

wolf had seen a glimpse of them pulling a mask over their face in the darkness, but ignored it for the most part. he gasped when they pulled out a gun and turned around pointing it at him. "whoa, whoa, whoa! hold on now!" he stopped in his tracks instantly, barely seeing the figure in the moonlight.

a third surprise for the night was when they pointed the weapon upwards and that was when wolf noticed that it wasn't a gun, but a grappling hook, that latched up to the sunroof of the room. the glass shattered and the hook caught itself on the window's edge, forcing the thief upwards.

"hey!" now that he wasn't scared of dying via bullet, wolf was angry as he searched himself for his own handy grappling hook. fuck, he must've given it to piranha today. "fuck!"

now on the standing roof, the mask figure let out a few giggles, mocking poor wolf as he sneered up at them. they tilted their head and waved their fingers. in that moment, their head was far enough back that wolf could make out a neon green and sharp grin painted on their mask.

the bandit pulled out goggles from one of their pockets and turned away, putting on the eyewear and sprinting from the sunroof and out of sight.

wolf stood there in the glass covered room before grunting angrily and tuning into his earpiece. "mission's over. someone else took the necklace."

"what?" the enraged cry that came from webs made wolf wince and suck in air through his teeth. "wolf, you made me research this damn necklace for weeks--"

"yeah, i know, but this guy was good. they already had it by the time shark and i were in the ballroom." wolf began to make his wack back down the halls he and the other sprinted down, now looking for an exit. "they were fast and were prepared. i think they knew we were coming."

"eugh. i hate it when people know what our plans are." webs sighed. typing could be heard from her end. "got any descriptors? height, body type, gender? anything?"

"uhhh..." wolf drawled, still walking the maze of a home. "they were shorter than me... couldn't tell many other features, we were in the dark for the most part-- oh! their mask was all black and had a green smile painted on it. they also had goggles--"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD." webs shrieked, blowing out wolf and shark's ear pieces. both men winced and groaned at the spider. "sorry-- but-- it's just that the person you ran into is, like, really fucking famous."

that was news to wolf. "they are?" he had finally found an exit through the gardens and started his stroll towards the car he and the others took to get here.

shark let out a confused hum. "what? like crimson paw famous?"

"nearly!" webs sent messages to their heist group chat and wolf opened it. it was links to articles, all of them having photos of the masked crook he just had a run in with. "their name-- well, alias, is hype and they're one of the best criminals of our time. they're on snake's level of thievery. maybe higher!"

"hm." was all wolf said, staring at the blurry photo. behind the silver goggles, he could pick out shining eyes that crinkled happily at the person taking the photo. "well... i guess that's understandable. we probably wouldn't have gotten the necklace anyways if that's the case."

he then heard webs let out an almost dreamy sigh, something that made him freeze. he never heard a noise like that from the youngest. "god, i wanna meet them so bad. you're so lucky, wolf."

he smirked to himself, a bright idea popping into his mind. "ah, who knows? we might meet them again someday."

waking up to your 7am alarm, you groaned and rolled over. your hand smacked against your bedside table until the music stopped and momentarily, there was peace.

and then your phone began to buzz, a phone call coming in. you let out another groan, picking your head up from your pillows and snatching your phone to your ear. "h'lo?"

"hey, i was just wondering if you could come into the shop today and pick up miranda's shift." your manager, damian, grunted through the phone. you could heard shuffling on his end and some clicking noises. "miranda did some shit and now her parents are flipping out on her. she lost her car privileges, so she can't--"

"save me the sob story." you cut him off, voice scratchy. "what time do i need to be in by?"

"9am on the dot."

"alright, see you then." you hung up before he could finish and let out a long sigh, flopping back against your comfortable bed. fuck, you were so tired of having to work and keep up appearances of being a normal person. once those student loans were gone and your parents didn't have to worry about you, you were going to live as a criminal for the rest of your life.

for now, though, you had a shift at a certain flower shop you had to prepare for.

you took a shower and after dressing in the light green polo and brown khakis that were apart of you uniform, you only had a coffee and a breakfast sandwich before walking out of your comfortable but small apartment. hopefully, life on the run will give you a better home to live in.

the drive to the flower shop was always less than thirty minutes, so you had arrived at the large shop. seeing damian out front and water the plants, you gave him a wave as you parked on the street and shut off your car. "what's good, big d?"

"never call me that." he snarled, glaring at you. "i got flowers that need to be put into pots in the back."

"at least say please, princess." you joked, smiling wider when he gave you a heated stare. you decided then to walk inside the large store and past all the flowers to go clock in.

shifts at the flower shop were normally either extremely busy or extremely boring. today was a busy shift, thank god, as you spent a majority of it giving people bouquets or explaining the significance of every flower when asked. you taught some kids how to properly pot some seeds and let some of them leave the store with pretty pink roses.

once 9pm had hit, you and damian got to work cleaning up the shop as best as you could. you swept the dirt off of the linoleum flooring and mopped afterwards, ignoring how much of the dirt had gotten onto you. damian and you counted up the money from today and split it, with him patting your back.

"i knew i could count on you."

"shut up." you replied, still smiling as you watched him lock up the shop. "when's my next shift?"

"two days from now, same time. i'm not sure when miranda will be back so i'll just put you on her schedule entirely." yay, more money for you.

you both went your separate ways, going to your cars and driving away from your job. you let out a hearty yawn, twelve hours of work finally catching up to you.

working wasn't something you enjoyed, but then again, most people didn't like it either. still, you found more purpose when you were out stealing things as the criminal, hype. when you would successfully break in and out of places, irreplaceable items in your palms. it was so worthwhile to see social media pages and new sites blowing up at your recent successes. you liked the attention you got from how good you were and wouldn't mind having it constantly.

still, the anonymity you got from wearing a mask would be unmatched. it was nice to go out and get essentials still and you knew most other criminals wouldn't get that luxury.

like that wolf you saw last night. god, you almost forgot about him. he was so angry with you, pretty fast runner too. of course, you knew the ever famous bad guy from anywhere. you'd be dumb not to, since they were always robbing the bank around the corner from the flower shop. you had seen them a few times, but never as close as you did last night.

they must've been living the high life. all they needed to do was steal and in style, it was what you wanted. but, alas, here you were. driving home half awake because of your shitty college debt. damn it, you should've never gone to school.

eventually, you reached your apartment complex and sighed in relief, shutting your car off and grabbing your bag before going inside. god, you shouldn't have taken a shower this morning, you were tracking dirt everywhere.

going back up to your apartment, you unlocked the door and stomped inside, being mindful to take off your dusty shoes before moving into the kitchen. you set your bag down on your kitchen counter and began rooting around in it. let out a small "aha!" you found what you were looking for and pulled it out.

cocking back the pistol, you turned and aimed it at the five animals frozen in your living room. "i'll give you ten seconds to get to fuck out of my house."

the wolf spluttered, seeing the deadly glint in your eyes and your finger on the trigger, the gun's sights aimed on him. "woah-- hold on a second!"

"wow, they didn't even hesitate!" piranha gasped, already liking your unpredictable nature.

"look, we don't mean to alarm you--"

you cut wolf off with a scoff and an eyeroll. "yeah, doin' a real good job of that by breaking and entering."

"--okay, that's understandable, but we were just looking into your government file--"

"ah, stalking. great." you sarcastically muttered, expression turning angrier by the second. "i'm going to singlehandedly bury you all in a few seconds. i'm not saying it again. get. the. fuck. out."

this time, webs crawled forward, holding her hands high as to not set you off. "sorry for breaking in, but we had to know whether or not hype lived here. i assume you're hype?" she asked, eyes shining with admiration.

you looked down at her, mouth curling into a frown. "you obviously know the answer to that question. don't you hack government databases daily, little spider?"

wolf shuffled and you returned your gaze back to him, still having the gun trained on him. "well, after running into you last night and doing some of our own research, we realized how good of an asset you'd be." he explained, sweating a little. you were terrifying to him right now and had he known this would've gone like this, he wouldn't have ever considered coming to you.

"ah, sick. you guys need my skill set." you grumbled, looking over the five of them. "why not use your little reptilian pal here? isn't he a modern day houdini or some shit?"

"i'm flattered, sweetheart." snake droned, with a sarcastic smile that you felt compelled to return.

"alright, i like you." you told him, breaking your glare to nod at him. wolf and piranha looked at you like you were crazy while shark muttered something about "seeing double" and webs wilted a little. "no, for real, why?"

"i believe you'll have to ask her that." wolf pointed at webs, who now was pink in the face. she flinched when you fixed your steely gaze on her and stuttered.

"ah-- i mean-- you-- you just have been a super big figure in the crime scene and-- it's kinda cool to see a human criminal. you guys are pretty rare." she was right, most criminals in the past had been animals. "and-- i kinda really admire your work. the whole anonymous thing is really hard to pull off and i'm surprised that you've never been found out."

"that brings up my next question: how'd you figure out it was me?" feeling your will slowly dissolving from the adorably sincere spider, you decided to change the subject. "i've been keeping everything on the down low."

this time, webs perked up again and began to ramble. "well, you had a great track record of keeping out of camera's sights and finding hidden places to make your escape, but i tied together all of your crimes to the camera footages of the places you had been to--" and webs just kept going and going, growing out of breath the more excited she got.

you held up your other hand, silencing her immediately. she muttered an apology but you waved it off. "okay, i can tell that you don't have any shitty intentions, so i'll trust your judgement for now."

"oh, but when i tell the truth, i'm the untrustworthy one." fed up with wolf, you turned and fired three shots at his stomach area. three bb bullets bounced off of him and he let out a yelp, crumpling to the floor in pain.

the other four were terrified for a moment, but you let out a chuckle. "not a real gun, by the way. he'll be fine in a few minutes." you reassured them, setting the gun on the counter. "now, i'm covered in dirt and you all look hungry, so why don't i order in and we can talk this over some pizza?" no longer feeling threatened, you smiled at them.

"pfft, after you just fired three bullets into our boss's kidneys?" shark guffawed, "fuck yeah, i'm down for dinner!"

after wolf had licked his wounds (not literally) and you had gotten a quick shower in, all six of you sat in your tiny little living room and ate dinner together. right off the bat, you and snake were best friends, sharing the same sarcastic humor and same love for thieving. webs was another fast friend, but that was more in like an older sibling younger sibling way.

shark and piranha were alright, they both were a little too excitable for your taste, but they made funny jokes so it was easy for you to ignore that. wolf, on the other hand, pouted the entire dinner, angrily munching on his pizza as he watched you bond with his friends. you knew it was getting on his nerves but you couldn't really care less about how he felt. served him right for being a little bitch.

"i'm super curious," shark said after he finished wiping his mouth clean of pizza sauce, "why haven't you quit your day job?"

you shrugged, debating between telling them the truth or not. despite actually only getting to know them for less than an hour, they already were closer to you than most of the people you interacted with on a daily basis.

you settled for not saying the specifics. "my parents got money troubles, so i gotta stay on the grid until they're fine. it's gonna look suspicious if i become a famous criminal and i'm still shooting money back home."

surprisingly, snake nodded like he understood and wolf gave you an empathetic look from across the room. "well, we can help with that." wolf shrugged like it was nothing, making you freeze. he noticed immediately and smiled, "yeah. what if we help you pay off whatever they need? would you join us then?"

fuck, he was saying all the shit you wanted to hear. you looked away, trying to think about it. i mean, all you needed was the money and you literally could have the life of your dreams that you wanted.

you tapped your fingers against your leg. "if you can get the money to my parents in a way that won't get them in trouble, i'll be a part of this crew." you conceded, raising your eyebrows as shark, webs, and piranha cheered. snake and wolf gave you smiles and shared a look with one another.

it was only four days later that you got a call from a number you hadn't saved. you were chilling in the kitchen, waiting for the water in the pot to boil and decided to pick it up.

"h'lo?"

"your parents are going to call you in a few minutes." wolf's voice echoed on the other end, making you stand up instantly.

"what--?"

"tell them that you've been applying for loans and this one was given by the new governor because she's a friend of a friend." and then he hung up. you had pulled the phone back from your ear and jumped when your mom's contact came up.

when you answered, you heard her sniffling like she was crying. "baby, i don't know what you did, but you did it! we just got a check for your college funds from the government!" your stomach dropped and your jaw popped open as she blubbered. "it's enough to finish it off! where'd you even find something this good?"

"i-- eu-- i had connections." is what you settle with, walking to your couch with shaky legs and sitting down. holy fuck, they actually did it. just like they promised. "who-- uh, who called you?"

"some man who called himself mr. poodleton-- that's not what we're worrying about right now! honey, we're debtless! you can start building your credit like we told you to--" as she began to go and rant and rave about the new steps in your already adult life, you stared down at your floor in awe.

just like that, you were free.

you smiled, the widest smile you had ever had on your face in the last six or so years. finally, you would be living the life of your dreams. and you only had one last thing to do.

"hey, mom." you cut her off, standing up and rushing to your bedroom. you pulled out your suitcase and popped them open. "why don't you and dad use the money that you were saving up and take a vacation this week? maybe hawaii? panama? somewhere beach-y?"

"that's a great idea sweetheart!" she squealed. "i'll tell you when we buy the tickets, let me go tell your father this now!" and she hung up without saying goodbye.

works for you, you're shit at goodbyes anyways. and while your parents were off at some island somewhere in the world, you were severing the last of your ties to regular society. you called damian and told him something had come up that caused you to quit and you gave your landlord the last of your lease's payments, because she was a nice landlord. you sold your major furniture and made sure to cease your phone plan, as webs said she was going to give you a personalized one.

at the end of that week, the five bad guys came and helped you move the last of your things out of your apartment. and since they were going to be driving downtown, you decided to wear your hype gear on your face, the mask and the goggles.

people gawked when they noticed the six of you in one car. it sent the right message, judging by the double takes.

the bad guys got a new member and just like them, this one's just as good at being bad.

piranha and shark were insistent on celebrating the occasion once you were back at their home, so you sat down and let piranha sing feliz navidad to you (because he said it was like an early christmas gift to have you around) while you sliced open an ice cream cake. on the top of the cake was written "welcome to the bad guys, hype <3" in green frosting. shark began passing around champagne and that's when the celebration truly kicked off.

you laughed and talked the most you had in your entire life. criminal activities weren't something you'd ever find yourself bonding with someone over, but here you were, sharing your best heist stories with webs and snake. hell, you even found yourself happily chatting up wolf, who was especially eager to hear all about the tale of how you took the necklace before he and shark could.

the festivities lasted until the early morning hours and by then, everyone else had gone to their bedrooms. this had left you and wolf on the couch, still talking and sipping your drinks.

"so, how'd you get yourself out of that one?" he asked, pouring the last of the champagne into his glass.

you snorted and rolled your eyes. "how else do you think? i beat up the rich piece of shit and hid his body so his staff would panic looking for him more than the ring." you were confident with every word, a smug smile on your face that made wolf's eyes lock onto it.

he went quiet after chuckling and darted his eyes back to your own. "y'know, up until recently, i thought you were a major jackass." he admitted.

"oh, not surprising." you smirked. "most people hate me. i just don't have time for bumfuckery, my canine friend." you had taken off the mask but your goggles hung around your neck. wolf then realized how much he liked seeing you in your gear. "but i also thought you sucked dick until you paid off my debt. seriously, dude, you saved me so much time." you tone had begun to be sincere and wolf found his ears tilting backwards at it.

"eh, it's nothing." he tried to shrug off your thanks but you were determined.

your smile dropped and you glared at him. "maybe not to you but i had tens of thousands i had to account for. shit, i didn't even want the damn degree in the first place, and you saved me from actually having to use it."

he snickered, drinking his alcohol. "well, i think you would've been fine. you were, like, in the fifth of your class. i'm sure anyone in that field of work would've wanted you."

"and i would've wanted myself in a casket after year one." you grumbled, making him bark a laugh. you laughed with him, finding it easy to unwind with him. "i'm serious! you five made me a very happy criminal. i don't know how i could make it up to you."

he smiled mischievously and jokingly stated, "i dunno. maybe a kiss would suffice." he laughed afterwards, turning to you.

you were already crawling over and he had to do a double take. "whoa-- wait, it was a joke!" he spluttered, going pink in the face as you stopped less than a foot away on all fours.

"well, you asked for one!" you defended yourself, giving him the biggest smile he had seen on you. "i did say i wanted to make it up to you."

for once in his life, wolf was lost for words as you continued to move forward. he subconsciously leaned back on the couch as you moved to be on top of him, knees on either side of his hips. a part of him screamed at him to stop this from escalating but the rest of him could only focus on how right it felt for you two to be this close.

you leaned down, just enough so your nose would brush against his gently. "hey, tell me if you don't want this." you whispered, staring him dead in the eyes.

wolf felt like he had swallowed a frog when he croaked out, "please kiss me."

you laughed under your breath before pressing forward and kissing him, starting slowly to make sure he was comfortable with this. wolf's hands came up and wrapped around your back, pulling you closer. you fell to your forearms. holding yourself above wolf's head and continuing to kiss him.

he tilted his head, slipping his tongue past your lips and deepening the kiss with a soft groan. you felt yourself smiling into the kiss, mentally cooing at the man below you. when he wasn't being a little shit, he was pretty cute you had to admit.

and yeah, kissing him is probably going to muddy up your already muddy relationship, but that honestly didn't stop you. for now, all you cared about was getting more groans out of him.

when you ground your hips into his, he let out a louder groan and glared up at you, pulling back. "you're evil." he pouted.

you laughed. "yeah, i know."

[bernraccnt]

Hi!

I seen your request are open and was wondering if I could request how Mr. snake and Mr. Wolf would react to their s/o who is a cat start purring while they are cuddling and like other cat like things like their tail poofing up when they get spooked if that makes sense

I’ve kinda had this idea running around in my brain for a sec :))

If not that’s totally fine thank you! :D

yes i gotchu bestie, i love writing animal readers

mr snake and mr wolf with a cat s/o

before u read: furries, reader is a cuddly tired person, swearing

mr wolf

god, it's almost hilarious how night and day you are. since he's pretty much almost a dog, you guys are actual opposites. you're all soft and tired and he's a little shit

his heart melts when you're against him and you start purring. literally not doing anything but cuddling and you're like a finely tuned motor going off

your purring gets louder when he smooths down your hair and he constantly exploits this

his love language is all over the place, so he's always down to cuddle with you, enjoying how vulnerable you can be when you fall asleep on him

"jeez, it's only been five minutes." wolf laughs to himself, smiling at your face being smushed into his chest. you had suggested an afternoon nap and now, you were dead to the world. every snore was tailed with a purr, which made his smile grow wider. "d'aw." he coos, rubbing at the back of your head.

he's used a red dot laser sight on you and you hate him for it because its like all your other thoughts melt away and the only thing you care about it that little dot on the floor

if you start sulking and ignoring him, he'll apologize. not without laughter tho

he's an asshole

"i-- i didn't-- PFFT-- i--" your frown increased the longer your boyfriend attempted to apologize to you. attempted being the big word, as he was trying his hardest not to start laughing again. you clenched the red dot laser in your hand, frowning harder when his snout fell in between your shoulder blades. "no, fuck you." you said. "BAHAHAHAHA--"

he will carry you wherever you please. to the bedroom? already on it, c'mon sweetheart. to the other couch cushion since the one you're on is too cold? he is picking you up without hesitation.

his ideal morning is falling in and out of sleep with you on top of him. even with how crazy his life is, he enjoys having slower moments with someone like you.

you guys balance each other out in a good way, so overall, a successful relationship.

mr snake

this old man is your opposite but in a different way. you're very loving and calm and he's a cranky boy who just needs a hug every once in a while

he's too fidgety to cuddle for very long periods of time but every now and then, he wraps himself around your body and puts his head on top of yours

in this position, he practically feels your purrs all over his body and every time, he subconsciously smiles at it. he can't help himself, you're just too good for him not to smile

snake tightened himself when he shifted, smiling when your chest rumbled harder at the sudden movement. he knew you felt safest when you were being held closely and hey, he really liked holding you tight. blame it on the snake genes or something. "love ya, pumpkin." he whispered, smooching at the top of your head.

he's still an asshole and after he realized you're incredibly easy to scare, he is going to exploit this as much as he could

the funniest was when he was looking through the kitchen cabinets and climbed on top of the fridge to find something

he had dropped down when you turned the corner, but neither of you knew the other was there

snake falling flat on his face onto the floor in front of you made you let out a shriek of fear. your limbs moved on their own and you launched yourself over to the kitchen's island and to the other side of the room without hesitation. you and snake stared at one another wide-eyed, not sure what to make of what had just happened.

he still laughs about that to this day

he's a big smoocher, btw. anytime you cuddle, smooches will be included im just sayin

however he doesn't really enjoy extended periods of physical touch, so there's a nice and even balance of you guys cuddling and doing other things!

bonus! mr wolf and mr snake

they both love how soft you are, both physically and emotionally

you are the thing they look forward to coming home to you every night, knowing some good ass cuddles are waiting for them in your big ass bed

wolf is typically the one laying on the bed and you're on his chest, with snake wrapped around you both and keeping you all firmly together

good luck if you need to pee bc you have to peel off your boyfriends first

[bernraccnt]

hey! i love the fics but pls try to get some sleep if you can

LMFAO i did! all is well here! im ready to work

thanks for the concern though, makes me feel good :]

[bernraccnt]

sorry for the delay in fics yall! i should have something ready by tmrw lol

[bernraccnt]

thank u SO MUCH for give in. feeding my guilty pleasure rn😗👌🏼

(also is it bad to ask how smutty u can go or if u want u can completely ignore this question)

oh shit i just saw this! i can write smut, im just not that good at it LMAO

feel free to request it tho, nothing better than to write it and grow my skill

[bernraccnt]

Can you do like a Clingy Piranha headcanon?? I feel like piranha would be an absolute manchild while their s/o is the parent

P.s. Your fics are amazing 😭😭😭😭

THANKS FOR LIKING MY FICS BESTIE. i also leaned into the manchild/parent dynamic, so the clingy doesn't come until a little further in the fic my b

piranha, piranha, piranha. when will he learn that terrorizing thugs in the alleyways isn't a good pastime?

look, i think you’re probably just another burnt out adult. you worked too long in customer service and you’ve babysat too many kids so now you’re just a professional when it comes to dealing with chaos

so, when you were out on a walk downtown and you saw a little piranha man singlehandedly fighting a group of bikers, a part of you just sighed in a "just another day" manner

to be honest, he really was kicking their asses too, holy shit

when piranha was done wreaking havoc and had caught you staring, he flashed you a dangerous grin. his sharp teeth were on full display. "looking for trouble, amigo?" you just blinked at him and then proceeded to carry on with your day without thinking twice about what you had witnessed. piranha's eyebrows raised and he watched as you just pulled out a grocery list, muttering the entire time you walked.

needless to say, piranha was smitten by how easily you moved on and went home to instantly pester webs about information on you

after learning that you were a waiter at a little diner that snake and wolf tended to frequent, he instantly tagged along with them one morning

"piranha, don't you hate waking up before ten?" asked wolf, who glanced up at his rearview mirror in concern. having been with the small fish for years, he was thrown off by his odd behaviour. piranha simply hummed along to the music on the radio, smiling. "nah, it's all good, boss!"

snake was shitting himself discreetly in the passenger seat

when the three men came up to the diner and were seated, piranha was more than excited to see you approach the table, menus in hand

he was laying it on thick with you, vibrating in his seat every time you had brushed him off with a "oh that's nice."

but, you would be lying if you said you didn't think he was cute

after spending weeks showing up to your diner at least three times a week, you both had introduced yourselves and a friendship quickly bloomed

piranha quickly learned that you had a sixth sense for whenever he was about to start trouble, as you always appear just in time to stop a fight from starting

"yeah-ha-ha! come and get me, chico!" he growled out at the big, beefy man with a knife in his hand. god, he always loved fights where the odds were supposedly against him. "little wimpy-- HEY!" you had bent over and plucked up piranha from the ground with no emotion on your face, tucking him under your arm like he was a sack of potatoes. "hey, sorry about him, man. he gets like this when he has caffeine." you apologized to the burly man. "i didn't even drink coffee today-- mmf!" your hand covered his mouth in an instant.

though it had annoyed the shit out of him at first, he soon turned it into a fun game of chase. he wanted to test your sixth sense, so he would toss himself into random bits of violence at any chance he could get

you once had to swoop in and save him from getting jumped by multiple gangs in the city's underground mafia and had to lie your ass off to get off the hook

yeah, you weren't too happy with him about that. you literally blocked his number for a week with how pissed you were and he didn't know what to do with himself

but, the monday after radio silence on your end, you were straight up with him and told him how you felt

"it's really scary to see you in those situations." you admitted while sliding him a cup of his favorite coffee. you sat across from him with a small frown on your face. piranha looked away sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "i'm sorry, amigo, it's-- i don't know-- i just--" "you like me." you finished for him, making the poor guy choke on his drink. "but i'm not attracted to brashness, piranha. i like you too but i don't wanna get with you if you're gonna be pulling stupid shit like this."

piranha was still choking on his drink after your confession, which dramatically ruined whatever lovely mood you were trying to set

but, y'all get together and that was when you realized he was a clingy little shit

piranha always has a hand on you, whether it by your leg (bc short king) or holding your hand, he wants to be touching you at all times

and when he gets upset that you're giving too much attention to anyone else, he is on your lap and holding you like you were his life force

you're used to that, obviously

"so, you think i should just buy diane flowers next time?" wolf asked you, the two of you lounging on the bad guys' couch and watching reruns of some tv show. "i don't even know what flowers she likes." piranha crawled over the back of the couch, glaring the entire time at wolf as he did so. he stopped when he was on your thighs and plopped himself down, wrapping his arms around your waist and putting his head on your chest. "see, you gotta get something pretty, like lilies." you weren't fazed at all, ignoring the way wolf looked at his friend like was on drugs. you hand started playing with the fins on piranha's head. "or something super unique, like hyacinths or chrysanthemums."

he also is a biter, but like, not sexually. he just likes showing affection in more aggressive ways like that

but obviously, when your arm looks like you got into a fight with a bear trap is when you tell him that, no, you will not let him bite you for hours on end.

he now has a three bite per two days limit

long story short, you and piranha are a very sweet couple in all the wrong ways. you roll with the punches while keeping your boyfriend on a kiddie leash

and sometimes you let him go crazy. because hey, he deserves it.

[bernraccnt]

okay now that i finished that train wreck of a porn fic, i should be updating semi-regularly now

[bernraccnt]

little red and the wolf (wolf x afab! reader)

dm requested:  HI!! can i request a NSFW/smut mr. Wolf x fem reader if thats ok and thanks!! 😁😁

i literally had the hardest time writing this but I DID IT

before u read: smut (+18), switch wolf and switch reader, reader and wolf are brat coded i don’t make the rules, still using they/them 4 reader, 2nd person pov, i really enjoy this reader’s characterization if you can’t tell, i also tried not to take it super seriously bc im not a big fan of serious sexy times, i suck at describing things my b

you once heard someone say that nightclubs bring out the most primal instincts in people. and sitting here, at the bar and being blinded by the lighting in the dark, crowded space, you felt inclined to agree with that.

when you were dragged out to the club by an old friend of yours, you wanted nothing more than to drink yourself into a coma and force them to drag your drunk ass home. hell, you were planning on throwing up on their shoes just to make them reconsider ever asking you to do this again.

but, when your eyes trailed along the partygoers, sweat and musk heavy on your nose, and you saw a slim figure already staring back at you, you decided to stop thinking about your future victim and take in how fucking attractive this man was.

even in the shadows of drunk people and a shitty remix of lady gaga’s telephone and shakira’s hips don’t lie blurring your senses, you could tell this guy was a wolf. long grey snout, golden eyes, and a row of teeth-- oh my fucking god, you were nearly salivating over those teeth.

you darted your eyes away before you could be considered a creeper, frantically bringing your glass of whatever bitter drink your friend forced you to order to your lips and chugging. god damn, either you are really thirsty or that man is really fucking hot.

you buried your head into your arms, trying to hold yourself together. even with liquid courage, you could never build up the balls to go over there and lay it thick on him. hell, even if your life depended on it, you’d probably still coward out.

“your outfit’s really nice.” the four words were spoken from a deep voice, one you didn’t recognize. picking your head up, you turned to your right and blanched upon seeing the wolf man leaning against the bar, now a foot away from you. he gave you an almost knowing smirk, “i’m digging the red.”

oh, of course you’re wearing red and talking to a wolf. next thing you know, you’re gonna watch him swallow your grandma. “eh, just threw on the first thing i saw.” you played off, swirling your drink and reeling back your panic. “though, it’s quite ironic that you’re talking to someone in red, ain’t it?”

he seemed to like this connection, let out a chuckle that you found attractive as well. god damn it, why couldn’t he have an ugly laugh? “what can i say? i seem to like the trouble that comes with the color.” fuck, why was that attractive? or were you just drunk? “my name’s wolf. it’s my first time comin’ here and honestly this place is a little too rowdy for me, but if you’re a regular, i feel like i’d reconsider.”

“shit, you think i come here regularly?” you guffawed in his face, smiling far wider than was probably socially acceptable for strangers. you then told him your name, “my friend dragged me here tonight, i don’t go clubbing.”

he mirrored your grin, showcasing a grin full of sharp teeth as he slid into the barstool next to you. “more of a homebody, eh? yeah, i get it.” wow, this guy was speaking your language. “i used to not go out much either. not many people are a big fan of me, y’know how it is.”

the dangerous glint in his eyes made you flustered, but also nagged at the back of your brain. somehow, you knew this guy from somewhere. the mannerisms, the ego, all of it was familiar to your tipsy brain.

but, you chose not to address it, only kept smiling. “that’s surprising! you seem pretty alright to me.” you took another sip of your drink. “what brings you here? i hope you’re not a poor soul like me.”

“eh, wanted to see what all the hype was.” he shrugged, resting both arms on the bar. he waved over the bartender and ordered some fancy drink, something you didn’t care for. “my friends would never drag me anywhere, i do all the dragging.”

“ah, a leader type.” you hummed before you could even stop yourself. “hot.” fuck, why do you say the things you do?

wolf took it in stride, in fact, he even seemed to be elated in your blatant attraction. “glad you think so. you’re not too bad yourself.” he leaned in, as if he was about to tell you a secret. “though, i’d prefer seeing the full masterpiece you are, without clothes that is.”

if this was any piece of shit in this club, you would’ve socked the living hell out of them. but wolf wasn’t exactly ordinary in your standards, so instead, you felt your stomach clench in excitement and had to school your expression.

“we’ll see where the night goes, wolfy.” you teased with a playful wink.

the next few hours of your night was spent sitting right on your spot on that barstool and laughing it up with your newest stranger turned acquaintance. you were so entranced by the charming wolf that when your friend came over and said they wanted to go home, you did a double take.

“ay yo? what time is it?” you fumbled for your phone, eyes widening when it showed you it was nearly four in the morning. “oh shit, we gotta go get an uber.” you grunted under your breath, turning to wolf with an apologetic smile. “hey, man, i’m sorry to cut this short but this dumbass behind me can’t even walk straight.”

“fuck you.” your friend muttered, slurring and swaying as they stood to your left.

wolf let out a hearty laugh, waving you both off. “it’s alright, i’m just sad it couldn’t have been longer.” you physically perked up when he pulled out his phone and tapped on the contacts app, creating a new one before your eyes. “is it alright if i get your number?”

“fuck YES it is.” your mouth spoke before your mind could come up with an actually alright response to his question and you snatched up that phone like it was the last piece of candy on halloween. wolf had trouble hiding his snickers as you frantically typed out your number, made your contact name “hottie at the club”, and took a blurry selfie with flash as your contact photo. that made you giggle so hard it hurt your stomach.

wolf watched with the widest grin as you left the bar, dragging your friend by the back of their hood. never before had he been treated so nonchalantly, so nicely, by a stranger. it was odd that you didn’t recognize him, but he chalked it up to your own drunkenness getting in the way of the fear that consumed most people.

and despite all the signs that he probably shouldn’t shoot you a text, lest you become a suspect by the m.p.d. or if you report him to the m.p.d., he did so anyways, only less than two days after your first meeting.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: hey! it’s wolf, the guy from the club on friday, i hope you were successful in throwing up on your friends shoes

while he was mulling over his decision with mild anxiety, you were sitting on your couch, rewatching your favorite movie for the day. when you saw the text, your eyes popped open, and you choked on the chips you were munching on. your fingers rapidly pressed against your phone, movie forgotten.

hottie at the club: OH FUCK I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT???

wolf let out a loud cackle that startled the other bad guys at the kitchen table around him. if he tried hard enough, he felt like he could hear you shrieking that with a panicked expression.

you added xxx-xxx-xxxx as furry!

furry: sure did. all the way down to which alcohol you were planning on chugging to get the grossest effect

hottie at the club: i am so sorry you listened to me scheme against my friend

you let out a long groan, burying your head into the couch cushions and screaming as hard as you could. you even threw a few punches in there for good measure. god, you were such an idiot.

furry: dont be it was funny

furry: anyways i was wondering if you wanted to do something sometime soon? 

him. you wanted to do him.

furry: like a movie?

hottie at the club: sure! i don’t really like movie theaters but we could do something at one of our places if you want!!

oh fuck, wolf thought, it’s like you were made for him. he breathed a sigh of relief, as he was dreading being seen in public. he didn’t want to scare you away now, not when he’s just started getting to know you.

furry: yours might be better. my roommates are kinda nosy lol

and speaking of nosy, webs peeked over wolf’s shoulder with a huge grin. “oohhhhhh” she drawled, laughing at the glare she got from the bad guys’ leader. “who’s the ‘hottie at the club’?”

“mind your fucking business, that’s who.”

hottie at the club: how about this friday at 8?? i can pick u up if needed :)!

aw, he mentally cooed at your use of emoticon. that was kinda cute.

“oh, wolf’s gotta partner now?” and now shark had joined in peering over wolf’s shoulder, eyes wide with curiosity. “oh, is that a date?” meanwhile, webs had looked at the number listed next to the contact and was now looking up the person wolf was texting discreetly.

furry: works for me! i’ll text you my address then

furry: excuse me for a second i have some heads to bash in

wolf had sent that last message and quickly pocketed his phone before webs and shark could relay any more information to the others. “not a word--”

“WOLFY’S GOT A DATE!” shark gushed like a teenager, balling his hands against his face. “are they cute? when did you meet them? do we know them?”

“pfft, as if.” snake sneered, but wolf didn’t take it seriously. it was his way of joking. “you think wolf can reel in any person?”

“like you could, boomer.” webs retorted before wolf could. he was mildly thankful for her interjection and gave her a small smile of gratitude.

which quickly fell when webs turned the computer around and showed your citizenship file and everything else related to you, ranging from social media to past jobs.

“what-- webs!” he was utterly scandalized when he saw a glimpse of what looked to be a private twitter account, with many retweets of porn related things. “knock it off!”

“oh, and they’re freaky.” piranha was impressed, reaching forward and clicking on the tab with your twitter, scrolling through it. “lots and lots of sex stuff here, chico.”

“eugh, don’t turn the computer this way.” snake gagged, hiding the computer screen from his eyes. “i don’t wanna see this.”

“piranha! snake!”

“they seem to be a keeper.” shark took over the trackpad from piranha and clicked open your instagram, looking through the far and few photos of yourself on there. “really good looking. good job, wolf.”

“shaaark.” this one came out as a groan.

the group of four snickered at the puddle their boss was melting into. it was oddly hilarious to see the typically cool and calm wolf was dying at the sight of his friends discovering his future date.

“so, what? you hoping to fuck or...?” snake decided to ask the question of the hour, quirking an eyebrow over at his friend as he buried his face into his hands. “because, no judgement here, man.”

“shut up, for the love of god.” his deadpan tone caused a domino effect of laughter at his expense.

unfortunately, wolf didn’t stop getting teased all the way up to the actual date, where he took the car and drove it to a nicer part of town, partially to escape his friends and partially to not give away where his homebase was. he let his fingers drum against the light pole he was leaning against, waiting patiently for your “bunk ass car” (your words, not his) to make its appearance.

he was surprised to see that your car, was in fact, a bunk ass vehicle. not exactly the best condition and there were dents here and there, but he couldn’t complain. not when you had that adorably large grin from your spot in the driver’s seat.

“what’s up, wolf?” you hummed, happily bobbing to a song on the radio. wolf recognized it as something webs enjoyed listening to. “you ready for this sick ass movie date?”

he buckled himself, trying his hardest not to sniff aggressively. the car had a uniquely you smell, it made his mood brighten instantly. “depends. what’re we watching, red?”

you gave him a sideways glance. “red?”

“like the thing you were wearing when we met?” he explained, glancing over. his eyes caught onto your shoe against the gas pedal and smirked. “and apparently the same color as the crocs you own.”

to your credit, you didn’t immediately crash your car as you leaned down and frantically ripped off the red shoe wear, throwing them over your shoulder and into the backseat. “fuck you, i’m just gonna stop wearing clothes around you at this point.”

wolf’s grin turned evil. “i wouldn’t mind that.”

“of course you wouldn’t, you pervert.” you scoffed, but your grin was an exact mirror to his.

wolf turned so his upper body was fully facing you and leaned over the center console. “you can call me a pervert, but i think you’d probably enjoy it too.”

you had stopped at a red light, giving you the opportunity to reached over and tug him by his plain shirt’s collar, now inches apart. “fuck around and find out.” all the breath in wolf’s lungs escaped him as he saw the power trip you currently were taking.

shit, you were his equal in every single way. he laughed, your lips brushing against one another. “i have a feeling we’re not gonna be watching anything when we get to your place.”

the only thing that stopped you from making out with him right there was the light flashing green. you released your grip on his shirt and returned to being a safe driver. “like i said, fuck around and find out.”

when you were about five minutes from your place, wolf reached over and set his hand on your thigh. everything but that part of your body tensed up and you had to fight the urge to pull over in a random parking lot and fuck him right there.

needless to say, as soon as you walked inside your apartment, you snatched wolf by the shirt and shoved him up against the wall next to your door. he gave you an equally eager grin, grabbing the back of your head and smashing your lips against one another.

it was a clumsy kiss, teeth bumping and with way too much tongue, but neither of you really cared. your hands wrapped around his neck, entangling your fingers into the fur on the back of his head, while his own hands shoved themselves up your hoodie.

his nails lightly scraped your stomach, dull enough not to scratch you, but also sharp enough to hurt if he grabbed you too hard. he leaned back against the wall and moved his hands down to your ass, giving it a quick squeeze.

you could feel him smile into the kiss as you jumped, then shivered at this motion. “asshole.” you muttered against his mouth, still jumping when he prompted you to. his hands caught the underside of your thighs and he pulled back, panting. you both looked equally roughed up.

“where’s your bedroom?”

“furthest door down the hall.” you instantly responded, moving to press kisses against his neck. wolf wasted no time, speed walking across your messy apartment and all but kicking your door in when he reached it.

one moment, you’re mouthing at his neck, and the next, you’re flying through the air and onto the bed. you let out a loud shriek-laugh, smiling widely when wolf dove to land on top of you. you both still were smiling at one another.

once again, you guys found yourselves kissing, your crotch moving to slot against his and you grinded as hard as you could. the reaction was instant, a groan coming from his throat as his hips jerked.

he pulled back, giving you a playful glare. “hey, now.” he grunted, even though he was returning your motions with his own. you both sighed in pleasure when his dick rubbed you in just the right way, your head falling back. “fuck.” he whined.

“that’s what we’re doing.” you cheekily replied, still smiling the entire time. wolf, in retaliation, leaned down and started pressing his teeth into your neck, leaving bite marks. you sucked in a deep breath of air in response a rough bite, arching your back and gripping at the hair right underneath his ears.

“shit, you’re gonna be the death of me.” he said under his breath, pulling back far enough to start tugging your hoodie off. “take this off.” he demanded.

thankfully, you didn’t have a smart comment waiting for him, instantly sitting up and ripping off the article of clothing.

wolf’s jaw dropped when he realized that you weren’t wearing anything else underneath it, eyes zeroing in on your boobs. “you-- where’s your shirt?” he ears tilted back and he swore if he was capable of blushing, he would be neon red.

you shrugged with no explanation, tilting your head. “you were gonna see them eventually, might as well give you easier access.” you could’ve burst out laughing at how flabbergasted the poor guy was. one pair of boobs and he’s gone.

then you suddenly stopped smiling and looked at him with wide, fearful eyes. “wait, are you a virgin?”

he immediately started shaking his head frantically. “nononononono! i would’ve said something if i was.” he reassured you.

“oh.” was all you said.

and then wolf leaned forward, hands outstretched to your chest. you laughed at the mood shift and suddenly, you were back on track.

he gave an experimental squeeze and planted a kiss on your boobs before pulling back and taking off his shirt himself. he instantly was back to hovering over you and hand his fingers wrapped around the waistband of your pants and underwear. “normally, i’d take it slow, but i just wanna see you, red.”

“go for it, mr. big and bad.” you gave your consent, picking up your hips and allowing him the proper space to pull off the clothing. he gave you no time to adjust to the sudden naked state you were in, already tugging your thighs over his shoulder. his eyes zeroed in on your pussy, your slick glinting in the light of your bedside lamp.

you could’ve disintegrated when he started placing small nips and bites on your inner thigh, the pad of his thumb coming up and resting on your clit. you sucked in a hard breath as he stared at you, maw closing over the plush fat on your thigh.

he pulled back to tell you, “i can’t finger you with these,” he wiggled his fingers, more specifically motioning at his nails, “so you’re gonna have to do the hard work for me, sweetheart.”

you groaned as if he asked you to go do the dishes. “damn it, i was gonna have you do all the hard work--” you let out a choked moan, cutting yourself off as wolf pressed his finger back against your swollen clit. “alright, i’ll do it, shit--!”

you propped yourself up on your left elbow and shoved a few of your pillows under your shoulder to make it a little easier for you. lying back against them, you slowly dragged your fingers down your stomach, eyeing the way wolf’s eyes were locked onto them.

trying to hide your growing smirk, you traced the outside of your pussy with a finger, entertaining yourself with the way his eyes just wouldn’t look away. he did snap out of it when he heard you hide a snicker and glared up at you.

“sorry.” you muttered, pushing one finger inside of you and arching your back at how good it felt. “give me a sec, i’ll have it all figured out in no time.” from the way you were talking so casually, one might expect you to be doing literally any other activity.

wolf gave you a look you couldn’t quite discern. “no, go slow.” he demanded.

“what the fuck-- do you wanna fuck me or not?” you retorted, glaring as you pushed the finger in and out.

“i do, but i also wanna see this.”

“...fucking weirdo.” you grumble and flopped back, trying to move at a steady pace. wolf hummed in accomplishment, pulling one of his own hands away and using it to take off his boxers as he watched you with eager eyes.

when you pushed in a second a finger with the first was when it started feeling really good. curling them like the expert you were, you let out soft moans. wolf’s eyes took in how your hips rose to meet your fingers and how carried away you were getting as you tried to prepare yourself for him.

“yeah, just like that, baby.” he murmured, pushing your hips down and holding you to the bed. his thumb returned to your clit, with slow circles, and you let out a long whine, head falling against your pillow. “oh, you’re so pretty like this.” he beamed when you let out an embarrassed huff that melted into a groan.

“please just fuck me.” you whimpered, eyes squeezing shut from the mixture of yours and wolf’s motions. your fingers rubbed against a specific part inside of you and your vision went white for a second. “please, please, please!”

“alright, alright.” he spoke as if he was being inconvenienced, but you saw the way he moved to sit up immediately. he took his thumb off and then paused, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your clit, making you jolt from the sudden pressure. “sorry, just giving you a good luck kiss before i destroy your guts, little red.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever, loser.” you chortled, pulling your fingers out and pushing the pillows underneath you away. when you laid back down, flat on your back, you brought your legs up and presented yourself to him with a wicked smile. “now come over here and fuck me with your big bad cock.”

wolf didn’t even get the chance to fully comprehend what you had just said to him before he burst out into hysterical cackles, falling face first into your chest as he laughed and laughed. you were no better, tears streaming down your face as you let out a long wheeze.

“my WHA-HA-HAT?”

“BUAHAHA!” you both were losing your minds, clinging to one another like you were going to disappear if you didn’t.

and when you had cooled down and wiped your face dry, you and wolf stared at one another, trying to catch your breaths. you then snorted and that’s what started another laughing fit, with wolf’s laugh going super high pitched.

then, after recovering from that, wolf had picked out a condom from his pants and tore it open, rolling it onto himself with a chuckle. he looked like he wanted to laugh more about your comment, but the throbbing of his dick reminded him of the task at hand.

“you’re so ridiculous.” he muttered, returning to his position above you. both of his hands moved to hook your thighs over his and you could feel the tip of his dick pressed against your pussy.

your heart thumped with anticipation. “don’t go easy on me, wolf. i can handle a little pain.” you teased, making him roll his eyes.

“after all the shit you just pulled, i don’t think i even have it in me to consider going gentle on you.” and then he pushed in. both of your jaws dropped as he moved at a semi-slow but steady pace until his hips had met your own. the hands that held your thighs open were now gripping hard enough to hurt.

“oh fuck.” you moaned.

“ditto.” he agreed, eyes fluttering shut. “shit, this might become a regular occurrence.”

“fuck, if your dick feels like this every time, i might make it a daily one.” you spoke in a breathy tone. your back arched and you shimmied your hips up, attempting to set a pace.

wolf met your motions with his own and soon, you both fell into a steady movement. every time you fell down and the tip of his dick rubbed against your sweet spot, you felt like you were going to pass out. he wasn’t like anything you ever had before, his dick shape unique enough to make just enough of a difference.

wolf, meanwhile, felt like he was in heaven. every clench and every sound that left you made him reach the edge far faster than he’d like to admit it. he was holding back with all of his might at every thrust, snarling to himself. fuck, he was about to start paying to be around him all day if it meant he got to do this whenever and wherever.

he leaned down, still thrusting at a consistent pace, and started marking up your body, wherever he could. one hickey on your stomach, another few on your boobs, and more littering your neck. he couldn’t get enough, he needed to be smothered in you.

so, he stopped thrusting and held you close to him, chest to chest. “what, why’d you stop--” you let out a surprised shriek when he flipped you both over, with him now at the edge of your bed and you straddling him.

“ride me.” he gasped, looking up at you with such desperation. “god, fuck, ride me.”

you didn’t even bother trying to act smart, using your knees as leverage and bouncing up and down on his cock. from this new angle, you felt him even better, his tip rubbing against your gummy walls at just the right pace. fuck, now you were embarrassingly close.

“shit.” you two cursed in unison, making you both snicker through the moans.

“i’m-- fuck-- i’m already close, red.” wolf murmured in disbelief, returning to his task at marking you up.

“glad to know it’s mutual.” you sighed, eyes squeezed shut and thighs beginning to tense uncontrollably.

it was like a wave of static crashed over you after a particularly good thrust, your entire body losing feeling except for in your pussy. you squeezed harshly and that’s what made wolf let out a broken moan before he came as well. he fell back, grabbing your back and dragging you with him.

you moaned into a rather clumsy kiss, riding out the waves of pleasure that felt like they would never end. eventually, you both had to pull back and while panting, you calmed down from the sensitive high.

wolf stared up at you like you were a god, smiling when you swiped the sweat off of your forehead. “pretty good, right?” he asked, both joking, but also making sure you enjoyed yourself.

you nodded rapidly, dispelling whatever worry he had. “oh yeah, i enjoyed that.” your voice was now gravelly, over-exertion from all the moaning and groaning ruining it.

you then moved to sit up, hands planted against his chest. “pretty good fuck for a criminal, i gotta admit.”

wolf blanched, eyes popping wide. you let out a half shriek, half laugh at his reaction, covering your mouth and leaning away.

though he probably should be shitting his pants, wolf just let out a long groan, wiping at his face. 

fuck, you were lucky your pussy was talented, or he would’ve ran out the room.

[bernraccnt]

writing a smut-shot is the world’s most daunting task

[bernraccnt]

wolf with a s / o who’s the jealous type 

i made this into headcanons because i think it’d fit better

good god, i never considered wolf being the less envious one in a relationship, but you just take the damn cake

depending on what type of person you are, there are two ways this can be gone about. you’re either outwardly or inwardly jealous, my friend.

if your jealousy is expressed in a more outward way, then i can expect that you don’t like/get along with diane at all

you saw their chemistry firsthand and if you’re the jealous type, you will be vibrating angrily in the background anytime you see them together

even though their conversation is mundane as hell

“nice tie, poodleton. where’d you get it?” “can’t remember, i think i stole it off of the last governor.” from afar, you are stabbing your fork through the dinner table. snake, who is sitting beside you, is afraid he’ll be your first choice of murder victim.

of course, if you’re that obvious about it, wolf will dial back his more charismatic and flirty tendencies. the last thing he wants is to purposefully upset you over something like that.

but, he’s going to tease the FUCK out of you

“sweets, i was just telling diane she looked pretty in blue. is that such a criminal act?” he cooed into your ear, holding you around the shoulders. you slowly turn to wolf, eyes ablaze. “yes.”

and he also is willing to tell you when you’re overstepping your boundaries with him. no matter how jealous you can get, you have to respect his free-will as well.

“sorry, baby.” you shrunk under his disappointed face. you had just threatened some chick’s life because she decided to ask wolf a question and now, wolf wasn’t too happy with you. “don’t get me wrong, i’m glad you want me for yourself, but this is ridiculous.” he sighed, reaching out and smoothing down your hair. “just-- let me handle it next time? please?”

oh and you have 100% made out with him just to ward off the more persistent flirters

“fuck off, eat shit, and die.” was all you said to the stranger before grabbing your lanky boyfriend and dipping him dramatically. you then kissed him so passionately that his mind went blank, unable to protest when he had lost his breath from how good of a kiss it was. the stranger decided to not flirt with wolf after that one.

now, if you’re more of an inwardly jealous, then i feel like wolf wouldn’t be as reprimanding. mostly because he won’t be able to tell if you’re jealous unless you say so.

what most likely comes from this is you sulking in your own sadness, watching from afar as wolf chats up so rich lady. of course, you know he’s just trying to pick pocket her (even as a good guy, old habits die hard) but still, it doesn’t make you feel to great

but sometimes, it happens right in front of your face and the only thing you can do is give the other person the most angry glare

wolf does pick up on that

the girls kept chatting up wolf, going on and on about how wolf was such a good criminal, not at all giving you any attention, despite you standing shoulder to shoulder to your boyfriend. when wolf glanced down at you and saw how you were silently seething, holding in your emotions, he knew that it was time to call it a day with this conversation. “excuse me, ladies,” he had cut off one’s rambling, putting an arm around your shoulder, “but me and my partner have a movie to catch.” he gave you a sly wink when you turned to him.

he also urges you to tell him about your more jealous moments, since you’re prone to internalizing them quite often. and communication is key to a healthy relationship, so it’s good to be able to express something like this!

at the end of the day, wolf is yours and you are his, so even if you do get green with envy, he’ll remind you that you are the only person he has any romantic interest in.

not without a joke about you marking your territory, though.

[bernraccnt]

weeds (snake x gn! bear! reader)

before u read: childhood friends to lovers arc hehehehe, a really fucking long fic i must admit, slow burn???, wholesome ngl, implied parental abuse if you squint, while writing this i learned snake is 50 and now it ruined my plot so :(, the last part of the fic is straight up just the movie, a little bit of wolf x reader if you squint harder now that im looking at it

snake first met you all the way back in elementary school, during third-grade.

he was a shy guy back then, clinging onto his friendship with wolf with whatever hope he could. all the other little kids were beyond terrified of the two of them at that point, so it wasn’t like they had very many options on who to befriend in the first place.

they had a dedicated corner in the classroom, many seats empty around them. the third-grade teacher hadn’t seen anything wrong with this blatant avoidance, hell, they even encouraged it some days. to the humans around the room, they were nothing but trouble.

it hurt snake’s feelings at first, especially when he tried to invite some of them to his ninth birthday party a few months back. no one had shown up (just like the years before) and wolf hadn’t been transferred into his class at the time, so he was left feeling empty, lonely. looking back, he could directly tie that third-grade class to when he started to despise the world and how it worked. the way that he and wolf were treated like a few weeds from a flourishing flower garden jumpstarted a deep seated hatred.

but something was new one wednesday morning and that was when snake had met you.

he and wolf were coloring together, using their well-loved, worn crayons to make a masterpiece out of the snoopy coloring book wolf’s mom had bought them. wolf was a loud kid, always spoke his mind whenever he could and never let a moment pass without asking snake a crazy question. like right now...

“would you rather... eat your old skin.... oorrrrr....” while they were coloring, wolf looked up in thought, trying to come up with something good enough to make snake laugh. that was one of his favorite past times. “or--! or eat my shaved fur?”

snake let out a comically loud gag, making many heads turn in their direction from the sound. this gesture made wolf start laughing loudly, enjoying the reaction he pulled out of his friend. his laughter was contagious, and snake couldn’t help himself either, the two of them giggling up a storm together.

“that’s so gross!” snake cried with a cringe, sticking his tongue out playfully. “why would i eat either?”

“you gotta choose!” wolf urged, golden eyes sparkling with mischief. “choose, choose, choose!” snake looked like he’d rather die than pick either or, but the big grin on his face said that he was still enjoying this interaction.

thankfully, before this disgusting choice could be made, their teacher had called for the attention of all the students in the class. her usually complacent smile was twinged with a hint of nervous energy, something both boys had picked up on.

snake recognized this look. he saw it on her face when his mom had introduced him to the teacher and when wolf was transferred into the classroom. that can only mean--

“kids, we have a new student joining us today!” wow, her voice was shaking! that was a first for all the kids. nervous glances were being shared around the classroom and even wolf and snake gave each other a confused shrug. “they moved here all the way from the artic! isn’t that exciting?”

well, that caught everyone’s attention. chatter rose around the room between all the kids, wondering who on earth would move from artic to their small little town in california? that’s like exact opposite climate!

“do you think they lived in an igloo?” wolf murmured, tail wagging rapidly behind him. a new person meant a new chance to befriend someone! and he wouldn’t mind trying his hand at befriending someone. unlike snake, he wasn’t wholly discouraged in befriending others.

snake gasped dramatically, eyes wide. “do you think they went fishing every morning for breakfast?” both he and wolf had their mouths in an o shape, excited to meet someone from a new continent.

the teacher felt nervous sweat building on the back of her neck as she walked over to the closed door. the new student behind it would definitely freak out her students, she was aware. fuck, why was she the teacher that got all the bad seeds? she cursed up a storm in her mind as she slowly pulled the door open and motioned for her newest student to step inside.

silence washed over the classroom and almost all the children’s expressions fell fearfully. taking unnaturally quiet steps inside was a polar bear cub. their fur was shaggy but neatly combed, covering their eyes from the room and they wore a nice orange sweater on top of it. despite being a bear, they seemed like they could’ve fit in with the other kids at first glance.

but then, a little girl with pigtails let out a shriek, causing a chain reaction of hysteria among the children. the polar bear flinched at the loudness, watching as the teacher tried to get a hold of all the students. but, everyone could see how terrified she was of her newest student herself. 

only two students didn’t scream, they didn’t panic at all. in fact, they shared a hopeful smile with one another, not having to say a word to know what the other was thinking. 

just like that, another weed was added to the bunch.

the new student was assigned the seat in front of wolf. seeing nowhere better to put them, the teacher decided to keep all the “bad kids” together and tried to ignore them for the most part.

that afternoon, during recess, was when wolf and snake decided to actually talk to the bear. wolf marched up to the bench they sat at and smiled down at them, holding his hand out with a flourish. “hi! my name’s wolf and this is my best buddy, snake! we sit behind you in class, what’s your name?”

the polar bear looked up slowly, moving almost sluggishly, and glanced between the two boys. they gently took wolf’s hand and shook it, muttering their name softly under their breath. despite it being such a quiet introduction, it only further heightened wolf and snake’s excitement.

that afternoon, wolf and snake introduced you to their personalized card game. they chose to ignore how you didn’t know anything about their favorite tv shows or games, or the fact that you didn’t enjoy talking in general. and they both perked up when you smiled brightly after winning their game, despite it only being your third round playing.

snake, at first, saw you as another friend. just like him and wolf, you were unfairly treated just for being the way you were. you were the quietest person he interacted with, often spooking him without meaning to just by walking next to him. you also didn’t say much about yourself, other than explaining that you lived in a foster home with a few others and that you missed artic.

and boy, snake found your love of the cold continent interesting. it was the one topic anyone could get you to talk about for over five minutes. you described the ice caps and cold waters with such detail that he felt like he knew the area just as well as you did.

years passed and soon enough, you, wolf, and snake became as thick as thieves. the more the teachers and the other kids deemed you as villainous bad guys, the more you began to lean into that reputation. by the time you all were in your second year of middle school, there were actual reasons to the townspeople’s fear of you three.

puberty had begun to hit all three of you by this point in time and everyday didn’t pass with a few laughs at wolf’s voice cracking or groans of disgust when snake’s skin would randomly just peel off. you also started growing and growing, easily having a foot and some inches on wolf. (who used to be the tallest) this was also when your personalities began to tweak with these new changes.

snake, now having no hopes of being considered normal, had turned a new leaf. he was bordering on cynical, finding reasons to fight other kids just because he could. he became mean and rough, spewing insults left and right. but, he remained soft when it came to you two. mostly. sometimes he got real nasty when one of you would best him at poker.

in what felt like overnight, wolf suddenly became obsessed with girls. any moment spent with him that wasn’t involving petty theft or beating up kids who picked on you guys was dedicated to listening to him ramble on and on about how his newest crush would be the one. you and snake knew otherwise, having watched wolf get his feelings trampled on time and time again, but like the good friends you were, decided to encourage him every time anyways. who knows, maybe the next girl will be the one.

somehow, you remained the most consistent to your younger self. still quiet, but now you were able to hold up some decent conversations on a good day. you preferred the company of your friends and was willing to intimidate anyone trying to get under your skin. wolf and snake witnessed as you turned into a more confident being, calling out teachers when they would treat you three unfairly and even arguing with adults in higher places.

it was a welcome change for all three of you to have a more realistic world view. wolf, though optimistic at heart, poured his attention into making grand thefts against the people who had wronged you, and snake was starting to grow an affinity for sneaking into places he probably shouldn’t be at. and for a while, you didn’t really have an interest in their past time of crime.

well, until you found yourself sitting in seventh-grade biology.

your love for the random labs with chemicals and how science worked had led wolf and snake to sneak you back into the lab one night. and that was when you discovered chemical explosions.

and boy, you loved chemical explosions. with how some of them smoked heavily and covered you in a blanket of opaque gas and how others were so bright that it burned your eyes, it made you feel like now you had a place in their crimes. you could offer chaos as a distraction.

so, finding your niche, you solidified your scary trio. wolf as the strategist, snake as the sleuth, and yourself as the distractor. and the rest of your years in that tiny town in california went without a hitch.

you all stood united when snake was expelled and had to transfer to the delinquency school the next town over. 

his mom was heartbroken, yelling and screaming at her only son after he came home with the police and the principal. snake was just as upset, never wanting to disappoint the only family member he had.

you and wolf had found him later that night, curled up in a cardboard box a few blocks from his home. snake was quiet, dejected as wolf picked him up and handed him to you, all three of you embracing quietly as snake muttered about how he didn’t want to make his mom hate him.

“she’ll come around, buddy.” wolf hummed, stroking the back of his head. “and we won’t let it get too bad. we can stop by and pick you up after school.”

“i’ll find a tandem bike.” you offered, squeezing both boys in your arms. now that you were fourteen going on fifteen, you had finally stopped growing, but still easily towered over your friends. “and we can attach a wagon just for you, snake.”

the mental image of you and wolf speeding down the road on a tandem bike quickly snapped snake out of his sadness, as he cackled into your shoulders. you and wolf shared a huge grin as your shortest friend laughed and laughed over the idea of you two carting him around like that.

he pulled away after a while, allowing you and wolf to wipe his face of dried tears. “promise you won’t forget about me?” he asked, worried that you two would grow bored and tired of maintaining a friendship over a longer distance.

wolf playfully squeezed snake’s head. “what makes you think i’m just gonna toss out five years of friendship for a hop, skip, and a jump away?” he chastised him, shaking him around like snake was a toy. “you’re more stupid than i thought.”

“you’re our friend, snake.” your voice rumbled from the back of your throat as you pulled them closer to you. both boys made grunting noises from the force behind your hug, but didn’t even consider pulling away. “neither of us are leaving you.”

snake started crying again, wrapping himself around you both and squeezing you so hard that it felt like you were going to split in half.

at sixteen, you were there to help wolf after his dad finally died to alcohol poisoning.

it took you and snake hours to find him, only having a few townspeople actually help you in your search by telling you where they had seen him last. with the hot, summer rain beating down on you both, you grew more and more worried the longer it took to find him.

“wolf!” snake did all the yelling, curled over your shoulders as you ran up and down streets. “wolf, buddy! wolf!” the rain made you feel heavier, your fur weighing you down and tiring you far faster than you’d like to be.

you tripped over your feet and when you hair flew up from your eyes for a moment, you spotted a familiar patch of grey in between two houses across the street. immediately, you sprinted over and sighed in relief when you saw wolf crying into his hands behind a trashcan.

dropping to your knees, you embraced him, allowing snake to move off of your shoulders and to hold onto his best friend as well. wolf sobbed and sobbed, grabbing onto your sweater and burying his head into you.

rather than try and distract him, snake rested his head ontop of wolf’s and nuzzled against him. “we’re right here. you’re not alone. we have you, buddy.” he murmured into wolf’s ear.

and you sat there for hours, allowing the rain to soak you to your bone and waiting for wolf to stop crying. he pulled back afterwards, not bothering wiping his face when he as already wet. “he was a piece of shit but...” he tried to voice his reasonings, but he didn’t know how to.

snake and you softly shushed him, nodding with bitter smiles. “we get it, man. we really do.” you wiped his hair backwards. “and we’ll be here as long as you want us.”

that night was one spent outdoors, underneath an abandoned bus stop as you and snake began to tell a wild and crazy story about how a wolf, a snake, and a bear (who totally weren’t you three) became the world’s greatest criminals. it was a poorly done story but did its job in making wolf feel better for the remainder of the night.

and both boys were there for you when you finally cracked open and explained your reason to moving to the states.

“my parents weren’t great people.” you expressed one night, all three of you laying in some stranger’s trampoline. the sky was clear, but the light pollution made it hard to see any stars. “they did a lot of illegal things and got away with it because we lived in a remote area.”

by this point, you all were eighteen. old enough to drink with adult supervision, wolf always reminded you. and you all were more than old enough to recognize when something important was being said, as both wolf and snake turned to you.

for clarification, wolf tilted his head. “you mean your foster parents or...”

“my real parents, back in artic.” a silence fell over the three of you, wolf and snake patiently waiting for the whole story. “they sold drugs, never told me or my siblings about it. and got so good at it that we had cops from all over trying to take them down.”

a hand and a tail placed themselves in your hands, with wolf smoothing your fur down while snake squeezed in reassurance. “so, did a cop bring you here?” snake asked.

you shook your head with a humorless huff. “some agents raided my house. while my mom tried to make us run away, i fell into an export crate and got shipped to some science place in silicon valley. i almost died, went one week without food or water.” wolf sat up and turned to you with the world’s saddest gaze. “it’s alright. i got saved when they found me in there and they put me into the system.”

“but...” even snake looked horrified by this, curling into the space between your neck and your shoulder. “but that must’ve been scary. a week with nothing but yourself.”

“it was.” you didn’t deny it, being in that crate still haunted you years down the line. “but, it brought me here. and i don’t know what happened to my family, but i don’t need them when i have you both.”

those words changed something in snake. while wolf blubbered and hugged you dramatically, snake eyed you with something new in his eyes. it was like he was seeing you for the first time again.

here you were, a bear from a different continent, a different life. and you survived everything being thrown at you, still coming out a genuine person who cared for their own. you were there for many bad days and were also a big part of the good days as well.

and that night was when snake started viewing you in a more... loving way. in a way that was foreign to him, but he wanted to see how it would turn out, so he kept that part of him that admired you under wraps. it might be platonic, he told himself.

the may of your senior year, just one day after you all had graduated, you, snake, and wolf all packed up your precious belongings and took a (stolen) car out of town. where to? none of you knew or cared! it was an opportunity to leave behind your hometown and all the bad memories.

and yeah, snake would miss his mom dearly. out of the three of you, he was the only one with a good connection with his parental figure. but, sharing the passenger seat with you as wolf sped down the empty freeway, hot air whipping everything in the car around, snake knew that this was the right choice. he knew that his mom would be better off without him and now had something bigger to look forward to.

like weeds, you guys had persisted together. years on the road (and run) had brought you three to metropolitan. a bustling city full of life and a steady crime rate that allowed your smaller crimes to go under the radar. stuff like robbing cashiers and pickpocketing, y’know.

you all found an abandoned place on the far side of town, where a bunch of old factories and flats sat, unused and unwanted. inside one of these places is where you had found a small, little tarantula, who was scared by the fact that someone had seen her after years of being alone.

wolf noticed her when you guys stumbled inside one of the many workshops and held a hand to stop you and snake behind him. he crouched down with a sincere and kind smile. “hi there.” he whispered, then alerting you and snake that someone else was in here with you.

from underneath an old press machine crawled out an orange tarantula. she was dusty and had a few cuts here and there, but her eyes were wide with such innocence that you couldn’t help but drop your guard the moment you saw her.

she didn’t have a name or family or anything, at least, that’s what she told you. she was no older than six but already, the world had shown its cruelty to someone like her. it made you all angry, angry enough to take her under your wing while still searching for a home to place your roots in.

“you’re really big.” she mumbled up at you, sitting on your shoulder as you continued to follow wolf from building to building.

she wasn’t wrong, either. now fully out of puberty and into your early twenties, you towered over most adults by now. wolf still looked short next to you and snake barely reached the middle of your chest when fully stretched out.

“you’re pretty small.” you countered, smiling when she didn’t act offended, but nodded in agreement. “but we can work with small. what do you like to do?”

she fell silent, thinking hard. “i don’t know.” she admitted, sounding troubled.

this time, snake peeked over from his spot slithering in front of you. “that’s alright. we can find a place for you, pipsqueak.” to say he was happy about not being the shortest anymore would be an understatement.

the tarantula frowned and sent a childish glare over. “you smell weird.” is what she settled to insult him with.

when snake’s jaw dropped in offense, your laughter bubbled to the surface instantly. the times you showed raw emotion like that was far and few between, so this interaction was no small feat. snake swept away the offense to admire how each laugh shook your body, how much he enjoyed seeing you laugh without a care in the world.

somewhere in the back of his brain, he was starting to realize that this wasn’t just a platonic admiration.

you three and your new... ward, for lack of a better term, found a relatively nice and clean warehouse. just far enough out of the city so no cops would consider searching here for you but also close enough for quick trips.

you spent a few more years, just the four of you, before your lovely little tarantula had turned twelve. and when she did, you all decided to surprise her with her very own personal laptop.

and that day was how the little tarantula turned into webs. anywhere on the internet, any database, any thing she could get her eight arms on, she found a way. she became a tech wiz by fourteen and then a certified online genius when she turned fifteen. you all watched as she flourished before your very eyes.

the weeds became stronger over the years, growing in numbers.

it would be another three years before you’d meet shark. after hearing about the tale of him stealing the mona lisa as the mona lisa, you all hounded on webs to find him and track him down. and it turned out, he was looking for a safe place to stay and commit crimes.

the last of your crew was a spunky little piranha, who had a thirst for blood and an even bigger thirst for crime. he was plucked off of the street by none other than wolf himself and fit in instantly. it was endearing to have such an energetic and chaotic person on the team, although the arguments were endless. then again, there were already plenty of arguments before piranha had appeared, so no one could even fault him.

it was around the time snake had turned thirty-seven that he finally recognized how he felt for you. after the whole stunt of trying to get the golden dolphin and getting mixed up with marmalade, he didn’t realize how deeply he loved you until the events after everyone figured out that wolf had wanted to be a good guy.

you sat there, slack jaw in awe as professor marmalade revealed wolf’s intentions and then, his own. a part of you wasn’t surprised at all by this, it was wolf for crying out loud. despite all the bravado and the pickpocketing and the stealing, he was an optimist at heart. a true softie. why didn’t any of you see this coming?

no. why didn’t he tell you?

“wolf--” you turned to question him, but wolf was already straining against his shackles, launching across the prison van and spewing threats towards the guinea pig...

which ended with the doors opening and everyone witnessing his anger, therefore ruining any possible chance of you guys being redeemed.

the ride to the prison was tense, as no one knew what to say. what could you say? you guys got played, doubled-crossed so fucking hard! and by a guinea pig of all things.

“i should’ve let you eat him.” you whispered, only loud enough for snake, who was on your left, to hear. he didn’t move or reply or even acknowledge your words, just stared at the ground angrily.

when you all were escorted inside the maximum security prison, that was when the others started to talk.

“i can’t believe we got double-crossed by a tiny rodent!” shark grumbled, full of frustration as he glared down at his handcuffs.

snake decided now he wanted to talk. “oh, we got double-crossed by a rodent all right, but, uh, not a tiny one.” he glared to the back of the group, where wolf was walking right beside you.

“what?” shark’s confusion made you roll your eyes as you all were split into separate parts of the process to getting admitted into the prison. 

“we were supposed to con marmalade.” you grunted, allowing two officers to pat you down for any items. “but, i guess wolf here had other plans.” you watched as a cop wrung snake dry of any object he had swallowed and kept for safe keeping.

after gagging and coughing, snake turned his glare over to wolf. “yeah, does that sound familiar to ya, wolf?”

wolf was beginning to grow annoyed by the accusations being thrown around by his closest friends. “why would you think that?” he grunted as another cop scanned him for any metal.

“oh, I don’t know.” while snake was being escorted to another station, he slipped out of the cop’s grasp to get up in wolf’s face. “maybe because you just sabotaged the biggest heist of our lives!” the cop snatched him back into walking.

“yeah, no kidding.” you also walked past, glaring at your friend from underneath the fur covering your eyes. “mind explaining that one to us?”

seeing as you both were furious, wolf sighed and began to retell the events of his run-in with marmalade, who was apparently disguised as an old lady he was trying to steal from. as you all got into your orange jumpsuits, he recounted how she had praised him after he helped her and something just clicked for him, much to everyone else’s confusion.

“i dunno what it was but it felt... uh... y’know, good.” at wolf’s words, piranha, webs, and shark all gasped in shock. who would’ve thought their leader, their boss of all people, felt good about something good?

meanwhile, you and snake were mean mugging him. hard. snake opened his mouth--

“ahhh.” piranha suddenly nodded with a smile, pointing at wolf. “but then you stole the purse.”

“NO!” everyone else shouted at him, making him jump.

as wolf walked away towards his holding cell, you and snake followed behind him. “you know, i heard what the pig said to you about cutting us loose!” snake spat out venomously.

that was news to you. you turned to snake with wide eyes. “you’re lying.” came out as a whisper.

“but i never thought you’d actually do it, man.” snake finished, the end of his tail coming up to wrap around your wrist comfortingly.

wolf turned around, hands held up. “hey, hey, hey, hey.” he tried to calm his best friends down. “i would never-- i was trying to-- i was trying to find us a better life.” and then he smiled as if he was doing something good.

you were quicker to the punch than snake, jutting your head forward. “a better life? what? since when was our life bad in the first place?”

“our life was perfect until you tried to ruin it!” snake backed you up.

wolf knew you two were stubborn in how you saw the events play out and decided to take a different approach. “i didn’t! you guys felt it at the gala.” he moved to sweep his gaze to all of his friends. “the clapping, the cheering. we were more than-- than just scary villains!” his eyes landed back onto the two of you. “they loved us.”

“yeah, when we fit into their little mold of goodness they did.” you countered, stepping forward and getting in wolf’s face. “you heard marmalade himself and he put it perfectly: as long as we are the way we are, people won’t like us.”

“in this world there are scary people and people who get scared.” snake grumbled, a few steps away from you two. “and can you take a fat guess at which ones we are?”

wolf looked you in the eyes and then over your shoulder. “oh yeah?” the hair on his face and shoulders puffed up angrily. “well, i’m tired of being scary. i’m-- i’m tired of being an outcast. maybe I don’t want to be a--”

“what?” snake slid up onto your shoulder, making it the two of you getting up in wolf’s face now. “a bad guy?” wolf jerked away, looking between the two of you. “don’t want to be a bad guy anymore, huh? say it, wolf.” snake dared him.

silence fell. and wolf didn’t say anything, just glared at you both.

you let out a huff, full of held in anger. “no, it’s okay. he wants to be one when it’s convenient to him only.” you took a step backwards, hands curled into fists. “because obviously he doesn’t care about us. the people he took in and said was his family. all we do is hold him back.”

wolf snapped, “yeah, maybe you do!” and the words echoed in the large room.

you and snake reeled back, pain covering both of your expressions. it felt like your chest was about to pull apart from how badly it hurt to hear something like that come from wolf. all those years, those decades of committing crimes and being with one another, down the drain.

snake acted first, using your body as a launchpad and throwing himself into wolf’s shoulder, biting down as hard as he could. “you take it back!” he screeched, as wolf stumbled backwards at the weight.

wolf punched him off but was met with your fist to his stomach, keeling him over. “i can’t believe you!” you shouted at him, enraged. “you backstabbing asshole!”

and as you, snake, and wolf dissolved into a pile of gnashing teeth and thrown punches, a few officers on duty came over to pull you all off of one another. it took three of them for just you alone, but they were mostly successful.

“prison is no place for fighting!” one of them cried.

then an officer’s body fell from above and along with it, came a masked person. you, snake, and wolf all froze and watched in awe as this person proceeded to beat the ever-loving shit out of every officer they saw, thoroughly impressed by their finesse and speed.

and then you wore broken out of prison. by none other than the governor, diane. who just so happened to be world famous criminal, the crimson paw.

yeah, it was a lot at once.

but when diane took you on a boat ride to shore and explained marmalade’s plans and how it was impossible to do alone, only wolf was jumping out of his seat to run after her.

you and the rest began your walk along the coast, no longer wanting to hear whatever had to be said. wolf whipped around, noticing this. “wh-- guys?”

“oh, i’m sorry. i thought it was made clear back at the prison.” snake whirled around angrily. “there is no ‘us’ anymore, wolf! we’re done! finito!”

wolf wasn’t convinced, snorting with a smile. “because of that little tiff back there? come on, guys, that’s what we do!” his laidback speech made you turn around, now standing next to snake. “you guys serve, i volley. that’s our little dance.”

“oh, and does our little dance include you telling us we do nothing but hold you back?!” you roared. all the others turned to you, surprised. “you think you can call us dead weights and turn around and act like we’re still best buddies?!”

in the three decades of knowing you, neither wolf nor snake had ever seen you this pissed off. wolf stuttered, “but-- i mean, c’mon! we’ve-- back in high school, we said things--”

“never once had either of us ever told you that we thought you meant nothing to us.” snake cut him off, at his limit. “there’s nothing that can be salvaged from you tossing twenty-eight years of friendship out the window.”

neither of you said anything else, just glared at him for moment longer. he looked crestfallen at your words, but said nothing, watching as you and the other three stormed off down the beach and back in the direction of your apartment.

one of the weeds bloomed into a beautiful yellow dandelion, fitting in with the flowers around them. the rest of them stayed weeds.

it took the rest of the morning to get back, but finally, you all were home.

and your home was bare, gone and empty of all the riches and the proof of robbery you had. your jaw dropped, hard. nothing was there but a few empty boxes, a hanging stand or two, and the fridge.

“no!”

“what?”

“all our stuff?”

“where is everything?” everyone began to panic, frantically searching for whatever remains of the stolen items could’ve been left.

it hit you while you watch shark frantically search the empty clothing rack for his disguises. “wolf gave away our things!”

“we stole it fair and square!” snake huffed, glaring as piranha ran around the room in panic. you both ignored him as he began to rant about how bad it felt to be stolen from, walking over to the untouched fridge.

pictures of all of you were still on there, memories of your friendship hung up. it put a bitter taste in your mouth, seeing it all in front of you. of all the things he wanted to leave you, this is what he left? tainted memories of when he wasn’t a backstabbing sack of shit?

snake angrily tore the freezer open, revealing there was only one orange push pop in there. the sight of it alone made you both bristle.

shark going into hysterics behind you was not helping your case. “we got no food! we got no money! we got no money we could use to buy food! no food we can sell for money!” all of his rambling built up to him bursting into tears, sitting on the floor.

snake rolled his eyes and you sighed, closing the freezer as snake slid over to the younger criminal, push pop in hand.

“alright, jeez, shut your trap.” he grumbled, shoving the ice cream into shark’s hand and then, his hand into shark’s mouth, forcing the guy to eat instead of cry. “c’mon, man, stop crying.” snake slithered away, trying to think of what to do next.

the rest of you stared at him like he broke loose from the insane asylum. 

“what the fuck?” you stopped him before he could look through the fridge next, putting a hand on his shirt and holding him in place.

snake gave you a weird look in return. “what? my friend was sad. i was just cheering him up.” he slid around you and began rooting through the fridge, groaning when he found no food. “did that fucker give away the stuff in the pantry too?”

“you did a good thing! for me.” shark looked touched and his tone alone made snake’s eyes roll for what felt like the fiftieth time that day.

“don’t be ridiculous.” he brushed off, peering at you all from the corner of his eye. “i just put your needs before my own.”

“yeah. you’re being good.” webs pointed out.

growing irritated, snake turned around fully. “i’m not! i was simply making a sacrifice so shark could be happy.”

“snake, man, that’s pretty close to the dictionary definition of goodness.” you stared down at him, still in awe at such a display of selflessness.

“snake, you!” shark began, “the worst one of us, the most selfish--”

“spiteful--” webs interjected.

“terrible--”

“sneaky--” piranha popped out of a cardboard box to say that one.

“dishonest--” you added.

“insensitive--”

“manipulative--”

“snakelike--”

“stanky--”

snake was growing fed up with the negative adjectives being pinned on him. “and your point is?”

webs took a moment and chose her words carefully. “i think wolf was right. maybe we could be more than just scary villains!”

like clockwork, everyone’s posterior limbs began to shake back and forth, like how wolf described his tail wagging. even snake’s bottom end and your little nub tail were moving, the prospect of being capable of goodness swelling inside all of you.

three more weeds turned into tiny little daisies, soaking up the sun and swaying in the breeze.

snake glanced at his end and for a moment, everything seemed to be alright. like wolf said, he felt it! it felt nice to know that he was capable of goodness, even after everything he’s done. he looked up at you, a smile threatening to break on his face.

you had looked like someone murdered your family in front of you. and that’s when snake snapped out of his happy facade and grit his teeth. no! he couldn’t just leave life as a criminal! and after what wolf put you both through, how could he even consider doing something like that?

“no!” he cried, breaking up the happiness. he snatched your wrist and dragged you to the elevator, needing a quick escape. “we will ALWAYS be the bad guys!” was all the others heard before the doors closed and you two were gone from sight.

you stood in silence, unsure of what to make of the warmth that you both had felt. the elevator slowly began to bring you upwards.

“do you...” you spoke first, trying to find your words. “do you think he really meant it?”

“that we’re dead weights?” snake filled in, moving his glare to you. “because he said it himself! that’s what we are. we’re nothing to him!”

“i know what he said!” you snapped back, throwing your hands up. “but sometimes we say weird shit when we’re angry. i’m just...” you moved to rub at your face. “i don’t think we’re doing the right thing here.”

snake’s betrayal grew in his chest. “what? since when have we done the right thing?! you’re just siding with him--”

“not the right thing for others but for us, shitass!” you interrupted him, getting just as riled up as he was. “we-- wolf doesn’t just toss out three decades of history without feeling something! i can’t even do that and half the damn time, i don’t feel anything!”

“so you’re on his side.” snake conceded, rolling his eyes again. “figures.”

“i am NOT PICKING SIDES!” finally fed up with him, you yelled loud enough to strain your throat. snake clamped his mouth shut and stared up at you. “there is no sides here! it’s always been us three, i can’t-- we can’t just let him go like that!”

“why not? that’s what he did to us!”

“yeah and guess what? does it make us any better to do the same to him without considering why he did it?”

“being better than someone has nothing to do with this--”

“yes it fucking does.” you and snake go into each other’s personal space, glaring one another down. “you’re telling me that if you wanted us to go good the way he did, you would have told us your reasoning behind it beforehand?”

snake fell silent at that one, still frowning angrily. “well, no but i wouldn’t even consider--”

“and he didn’t, i’m not disagreeing there! but the entire time, he had our best interest in mind.” your logical explanation started to make snake feel like a piece of shit, but he didn’t dare let it show on his face. “he was a good fucking friend until the very end and yeah, he could’ve told us something, anything about what he thought he could’ve done for us, but he didn’t. and us turning our backs to him now, when there’s a threat that could hurt him, isn’t something i’m too keen on doing.”

when you put it like that way, it made snake feeling like an even larger piece of shit. “so-- what, you just wanna forgive him?”

“oh fuck no!” you denied, finally pulling back. “you think i want him to think he can get away with that? it’s not about forgiving him, it’s about being the better person and helping him anyways.”

“...you’re telling me all of this mushy, gushy good shit now of all times?” snake looked away, his resolve broken by your argument in favor of you ex-friend turned... acquaintance? ally? “what makes you think he’ll think we’re on his side after telling him he was a piece of shit?”

“he won’t.” you sighed, standing back to your full height and looking at the elevator doors as they opened, showing you the deserted sewer outside.

and then a lightbulb flickered overhead, the same time you and snake had thought of a genius plan. “but someone else will!” you both spoke. sharing a grin with your shorter friend, you picked him up and pulled him over your shoulders, running out of the elevator. 

you had a con-man to con.

“oh, what an unorthodox surprise!” professor marmalade looked thoroughly elated to see you and snake on his porch, angry scowls still on your faces. “two villains, right on my doorstep!”

“listen, small guy, we got a bone to pick with wolf.” you grunted, kneeling down so you could be closer to his height. “whatever your plan is, we want in.” and you held your hand out, a sign of trust.

marmalade looked like he had won the lottery, immediately snatching up your significantly large hand and shaking it rapidly. “you two got yourselves a deal!”

you had spent the next thirty minutes listening to marmalade go over the ins and outs of his wicked plan and he even showed you where the meteorite was being held and used as a power source. though you hated to admit it, he was a pretty smart guy when it came to planning this evil shit out.

and while you were on your way to his control room, an alarm started blaring overhead. marmalade pulled out a communicator and dialed up his assistant, who had explained that he just caught diane and wolf attempting to steal the golden dolphin.

“we ought to greet our guests, right?” after hanging up with his assistant, the guinea pig gave you guys an evil grin. “i’m sure they’d be delighted to see a few familiar faces.” he turned away, ready to lead you to where the two criminals were being held.

using that as an excuse, you seized the professor’s arm before he could run back to the source room. “hey, man, before we go, i really gotta piss. where’s your bathroom?”

for all the smarts marmalade had before, it went all out the window as he directed you to his bathroom in the opposite direction. “snake and i will take care of them.” he stated, waving you off and walking down the hallway. snake didn’t turn or look back as you both went in different directions and neither did you.

after standing inside the bathroom for a few minutes, you opened the door and took a step out. a squeaking noise at your feet made you jump a foot in the air and you glanced down, seeing a guinea pig staring up at you.

it sat there for a moment before turning and skittering down the hallway, glancing back at you every now and then. ah, it wanted you to follow.

you moved quickly and quietly, following the guinea pig all the way back to the hallway leading up to where the meteorite was being used to hypnotize the creatures. you watched with a laugh as they picked up a replica of the meteor and hid the other one behind a few levers.

you got to work, pulling out a few chemical bombs and planting them on the far side of the bomb and around the room, keeping them hidden from sight. for this to work, no one can catch onto you too early.

you attached the last bomb and started jogging to the door, prepared to leave.

only to scream when a car burst through the entrance, holding all of your friends inside of it.

you all fell silent, blinking at one another. you weren’t surprised to see that piranha, shark, and webs all ran to help diane and wolf, so at least you felt like you weren’t entirely out of the loop.

deciding to go with the flow, you gave the guys a wave. “yo. can someone help me steal that?” you pointed at the fake meteor, praying that they’ll fall for the bait. if they don’t, then this plan would all be a bust.

diane and wolf scrambled and all three of you pulled it off of its stand, planting it into shark’s waiting hands.

“oh, wait, i gotta see marmalade’s face.” wolf mumbled and made you all pose and stare at the door. a few seconds later, you heard muffled talking behind the entrance.

“with this meteorite, we will be able to commit crimes people have only dreamed about!” marmalade gushed excitedly.

“not bad for a butt rock.” snake said. you snorted, smiling to yourself. even when double-crossing someone, he can’t help himself.

marmalade opened the door and he and snake gasped at the sight of all six of you sitting on the car. wolf spoke up, “don’t mind us, just robbing this place.” he shrugged.

shark threw down the meteor and then, you peeled out of the room and onto the streets of metropolitan.

not before grabbing the cat from earlier. the cat takes priority.

and together, the six of you moved to stop marmalade’s plan. from hijacking the money trucks he was planning on looting, you thought you all were in the clear from saving the day.

that was, until you realized that you would be clearing your names without snake.

wolf pressed the brakes and you set a hand on his shoulder. “i’m not doing this without him. go back.” your command was soft, but to the point. you would rather be a villain with him than be a hero with them.

wolf looked you in the eyes, conflicted. “but, would he even want to--”

“yes.” you cut him off, certain. “turn back.”

that was all he needed to hear, the two of you sharing a gentle smile as he did a one eighty and peeled down the street, in the last direction you guys saw marmalade’s helicopter going.

while snake and marmalade were arguing over god knows what, wolf drove underneath them and cried out, “snake! snake!” and catching both of their attention. “snake, come back!”

“we need you, baby!” shark made grabby hands at him from afar.

“and you need us!” webs added.

to put the nail in the coffin, you stood up from your spot in the passenger seat and held a hand up. “there’s nothing wrong with being good, snake! at the end of the day, we will always want you!”

and that moment, seeing your fur getting blown in the wind, seeing the pure hope and love in your eyes, was when snake realized that he liked you. he liked you far more than he had ever liked someone. you were someone he loved dearly and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you.

marmalade said something to snake, unaware of his epiphany, and then shouted down at you guys, “i’ll give you one last chance to give me the meteorite!” he barked out, growing angry by the second.

piranha wasn’t fazed, crying back, “oh, yeah? what you gonna do, whiskers?”

marmalade snatched the mind helmet off of snake and the ground began to rumble. you looked over your shoulder and saw a tsunami of adorable little guinea pigs stampeding in your direction.

you gave piranha a slap to the back of his head. “stop antagonizing people, dipshit.”

wolf, to his credit, was keeping a good path ahead of the guinea pigs. wherever they slammed, he dodged. wherever marmalade tried to throw him off, he swerved around. you smirked to yourself, having been one of the few to watch his skills in driving and evasion grow from the beginning.

marmalade seemed to notice this too and he smirked deviously, turning to the snake by his side. perhaps, he thought, there’s one way i can get what i want.

when you and wolf looked up at the helicopter, you both gasped when marmalade had thrown snake off of the vehicle, then sighed in relief when he caught himself on one of the bars.

“that fucker.” you growled. god, you should’ve let snake eat him sooner. “wolf!” you turned to the driver.

“i’m on it!” he grunted back and you both swapped places, with you now behind the wheel. “you win, marmalade, you win!” he cried at the helicopter. “you can have the space rock, take it!”

marmalade snickered, muttering a condescending praise under his breath and forced the guinea pigs apart, allowing his goon steering the helicopter easy access to send a grapple down to grab the meteorite.

before marmalade could pull it up, wolf hopped onto it and pulled out a lipstick from his pocket, sneering at the helicopter. “ah, ah, ah! pull him up first or i’ll use this!”

marmalade wasn’t convinced, rolling his eyes. “oh, come now.”

wolf clicked the lipstick and suddenly, it was blowing fire like a blow torch. he held it up to the chain coming from the helicopter, his expression like stone.

both you and snake chuckled, proud of him for somehow having the upperhand.

or at least you thought you did until marmalade’s helicopter pulled away, higher and further into the sky, and he kicked snake off from where he had his teeth buried into the metal.

“SNAKE!” you and wolf cried in unison, with you stepping harder on the gas pedal and him climbing off of the meteor to move into the passenger seat beside you.

“swap on go. three--” wolf counted down,

“two--” you spoke back.

“one-- go!” and while wolf climbed over to the driver’s side, you went under his body and leaned forward, keeping your eyes on the snake falling through the sky.

for a moment, it felt like your heart had stopped beating in your chest. one of your closest friends, your ride or die, was soaring to his death. and if you couldn’t reach him in time, fuck, you didn’t even want to consider that.

you loved him too much. you couldn’t lose him like this.

wait... you loved him.

you sat there in realization for a split second before sitting up further. you needed to tell him. now. because you refused to think of what might happen if you didn’t reach him, if you didn’t get to tell him.

wolf drove to the edge of the street covered and guinea pigs and ramped off the construction, the car moving upwards in a perfect arc. snake was still falling from the sky.

“we’re gonna make it!” piranha yelled, smiling giddily.

and then the car started falling, all five of you not going with it. the others screamed, but you had a mission in mind, forcing your body to move so you would be pulled into snake’s direction.

and in midair, you embraced him, holding the reptile close to your chest. “snake!” you cried, tears falling from your eyes as relief filled your veins. at least if you die, you’ll die with him and everyone else.

“you-- you all came back!” he was in no better state than you, as he was already crying when he started falling.

you pulled away, still holding onto his body and uttered. “snake, i fucking love you. i’m in love with you!”

his entire body went straight and his face flushed red. “wh-- are you serious?”

“one hundred percent.” you both stared at one another for a moment, the only noise being the wind flying through your ears.

he was silent and then he let out a disbelieving laugh. “i love you too!”

nearly three decades of comradery, stuck together through horrible odds, had brought you both to where you were now. staring one another in the eyes, feeling weightless, both because of the unlimited fall you were on and because finally, you both realized something important. you guys were in love.

the last of the weeds bloomed into beautiful, little yellow buttercups.

wolf swam down to you two and you pulled him closer by the hand. the gesture encouraged him, and he sighed, staring at you both. “guys, i should’ve been honest.” he admitted. “i wanted to be honest but-- i just thought that if i was, and if i told you guys i wanted to be good, you both would--”

“be angry at you?” you and snake supplied. all three of you shared a watery laugh, falling in a triangle formation.

“we were.” you honestly replied. “but... i’m not gonna throw out our friendship over something like this.”

“me neither.” snake agreed. “but, we’re gonna have to talk about this when we get back.”

“i know, i know.” wolf smiled, blinking away the tears. “the point is-- i-- i love you, guys.”

you couldn’t help yourself, you were smiling so widely. “i love you too, wolf.”

“i love you too, buddy.” snake nodded.

and just like that, you all were back on track to being the killer trio you knew you once were. you all embraced, ignoring the fact that you were still falling to your deaths. you’d handle it in a moment.

for now, you were just content in being in your boys’ arms.

[bernraccnt]

not a request however your fanfics are so good like id read them daily

holy shit thats all i've ever wanted to hear

thank u so much!!! i enjoy writing fics and i like hearing that ppl enjoy reading them :]

[bernraccnt]

give in (wolf x gn! reader)

before u read: LOTS of flirting, 2nd person pov, wolf is thirsty and reader is dying from embarrassment, swearing (mostly from the reader), diane and snake are the best wingmen, slightly longer than i expected for this to me, steamy kissing sesh further in the fic

“gooood morning, beautiful.” you had to hold in your groan as you stepped out of your bedroom, being instantly greeted by wolf walking down the hallway towards the kitchen. “looking especially adorable this morning, i must say.”

you cringed (out of embarrassment? or just at how corny it was? who knows) as soon as he turned away. “does that mean i look ugly every other day?” trying your hardest to play it cool, you followed behind him as you walked through your apartment that you shared with four others.

wolf glanced back with a smile far too wide for it being ten in the morning. “not necessarily, you look adorable every day.”

this time, you groaned openly and shoulder checked him as you stormed into the kitchen. “god, shut up.” was all you said, wanting to die the longer he kept spewing these flirtatious things.

this, unfortunately, was a normal routine between you for the last few months. having been an old and trusty friend of diane, you had offered your roommate-less apartment for the now good guys to live at since their old one wasn’t in the best shape after a year in prison. and over the time the group of five had stayed with you, they had warmed up to your presence and for the most part, had considered you one of them.

you and webs were the best of pals when it came to video games and oftentimes, piranha joined you both when he had nothing better to do. you three were the minecraft hardcore mode trio. and shark had leeched onto your music taste and now has tickets to almost every single concert he thinks you both would enjoy. hell, even snake found you a peach to be around, enjoying when you would practice drink making and makes “friendly” insults with you when you both were piss faced. of course, the appeal here was that neither of you took it to heart, it was just your way of bonding.

and it just so happens that their leader considered you more than just one of them.

at first, wolf was just another guy in your life. just an overall slick and charismatic guy who made a good joke every movie night and always had something to say to you while you and him were running errands together. you and him grew closer than the rest and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel a little more than a friendship with him. every smile of his felt like a stab to your heart (but in a simp way) and when he would toss an arm around your shoulder or grab your wrist to pull you along you swore you could ascend to the heavens.

of course, you weren’t an idiot when it came to your feelings. you just didn’t want anyone else to know that, so for the most part, you played oblivious. acted like it was nothing, treated him as you would anyone else, and buried away anything that could hint at you liking him romantically.

and because you weren’t an idiot, you could also tell that he liked you in return. his hands would linger near yours when you guys sat together and every shared look was prolonged on his end. hell, you even heard him talk about you to snake and diane, singing your praises in a not-so-platonically way.

but this certainty is what drove you to not let him know about your feelings. i mean, it was terrifying to know that you both felt the same. you never had a successful relationship romantically and that’s what forced you further away from even attempting a date or a kiss or even a cuddle session. but fuck, it was getting harder now that he was trying to flirt with you every moment he got.

“has anyone ever told you you look like a deity? i almost mistook you for one earlier.” still laying it on thick, wolf wiggled his eyebrows as you began to mess with your coffee machine.

you shot him another glare. “wolf, i just rolled out of bed after getting only a few hours of sleep. the only thing i resemble right now is prince phillip.”

thankfully, rather than shoot you another flirt, he laughed at your comparison, giving you a few seconds of peace. you took that time to load in the coffee grinds and place the carafe under the drip and start up the caffeinated goodness.

you sucked in a long sigh, stretching your arms above your head and going over the day’s tasks. you would need to go out and pick up some alcoholic drinks for diane’s super high-end party tonight and buy something nice to dress yourself up in. god, that’s gonna be so annoying, fitting rooms and shopping sprees were your worst nightmare. especially when it came to semi-formal wear.

“y’know, i’d say your lips are looking a little lonely.” recovering from his fit of laughter, wolf leaned up against the counter to your right with a huge, shiteating grin. “you think they want a visit from another pair?” he then puckered his lips, eyes going half lidded.

you stared at him blankly. “don’t you have to get to work soon? you have a shift at ten thirty today.”

wolf’s grin widened. “the only thing i want to shift into is your pants.” oh fuck, that one was kinda smooth.

it took every bone in your body not to smile or let your face flash into a hot blush, averting eye contact and finding a new interest in the coffee that was currently dripping. “dude.” was all you muttered.

as if he knew the dilemma you were facing, wolf leaned in closer. despite him being the one in the corner of the counter and you having all the space on your other side, with the way he was closing the distance between you two, you felt like you were the trapped one.

“when are you going to give in, sweetness?” you could basically feel the rumbling of every word as he purred them out. “you know you’re only delaying the inevitable between us.” his nose was inches away from your throat, causing you to grip the counter so hard it made your hand hurt.

your saving grace was piranha walking into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

your head snapped over at the speed of light and you plastered on your biggest smile. “piranha! how was your speedrun attempt last night?” knowing if you brought up minecraft, piranha would dissolve any semblance of a tense mood by rambling.

and thankfully, he perked right up when you mentioned the block game, ignoring the lack of space between yourself and his “boss”. “oh, it went terribly! i spawned in a jungle biome and it all went downhill from there.” he hopped up onto the barstool at the kitchen counter’s island, prompting you to ditch wolf and go lean against the island instead. you nodded at every word that came out of the fish’s mouth and listened intensely as he ranted passionately about his poor luck. you missed wolf huffing in frustration behind you.

see, it wasn’t always wolf laying it on thick with you, at least, this outwardly. a few months ago, you had woken up and something seemed to have changed. the day before, he was being mostly friendly and would flirt through small and innocent gestures.

but that first morning had thrown you so far off, it was burned into your memory.

“y’know there’s a mirror in your pants right?” he had whispered to you while you were frying eggs for breakfast. the others were talking loudly at the island, arguing over which marvel hero was the most useless, nearly drowning out his voice had he not had been a foot away from your ear.

you looked over, both in confusion and concern. you weren’t sure what he meant but it made you worry anyways. “what? where?” searching all over your jeans, you tried to figure out what he meant.

before you could go spiraling in your mind for what the hell he could mean, wolf’s nose brushed against your ear as he spoke in a hushed tone. “because i can see myself in them.” as he spoke, one of his fingers hooked around a belt loop on your jeans, tugging them teasingly.

and then as quick as he got close, he pulled back to watch your reaction.

you froze, face burning instantly as you gaped at the taller man. the sudden sizzle of the eggs you were cooking snapped you out of your shock and you avoided any eye contact, trying to compose yourself. “i-- eugh-- uh-- wow, okay.” is what you settled on saying.

but sadly, that was all wolf had wanted to see, and as the months progressed, you swore to yourself to not have such an obvious reaction to his words, no matter how badly you wanted to.

as piranha had just started on his venture into the nether, the coffee drip beeped once at you. you ignored it, knowing that you had a few more minutes before the coffee cooled down anyways and could waste it listening to his tale of fighting off two wither skeletons.

“oh my god, is he complaining about his speedrun again?” ever the grumpy morning person, webs crawled into the room with an eye roll. “dude, did you even tell them how you died yet?”

piranha wasn’t affected by webs’ annoyance, turning his head to her. “not yet!” he spoke in a confident, matter of fact tone. “i just got to the nether, chica.”

webs looked at you with a deadpan. “he fell off of the platform as soon as he spawned in the end.” she explained.

“ay, you just spoiled the ending!”

“it’s not spoiling if they knew what was going to happen!” while you were preoccupied with the two shortest animals getting into a small argument, you forgot that wolf was still in the kitchen with you guys. it wasn’t until you felt him stand behind you and watch him slide a coffee mug into your hand that you remembered his existence.

“just how you like it, sweets.” he murmured, far too close to you as you could literally feel the heat of him on your back. from the others’ point of view, it might look like a friendly gesture that a friend would do for another friend because there’s nothing there but friendship.

but, the claws trailing up your arm and then against your waist as he pulled away screamed nothing akin to a platonic friendship.

you grit your teeth and brought the coffee mug to your lips, giving yourself an excuse not to say anything as he left the room, presumably to actually go get ready for work. and when you tasted the bitter substance, you cursed. 

fuck, he’s even got your coffee to creamer ratio down. slick bastard.

the rest of the day without a mention nor a glimpse of the former criminal was a blessing for your mental state. you had a semi-enjoyable time picking out the best tasing champagne and calling up diane about your choices and a significantly less fun time sitting in a formal wear store, choosing something that didn’t make you feel like an idiot. you had settled on a dark vest and slacks, deciding simplicity was better and comfier than anything else.

by the time you had stopped to drop off your alcohol supply at diane’s apartment, it was an hour before sundown and two hours before the aforementioned party. she greeted you with a big hug and helped you cart the boxes of champagne into the elevator.

on the slow ride up to her floor, you saw her smirk from the corner of your eye and mentally steeled yourself for whatever shit she was going to drop on you.

“sooo...” she started, tail flicking behind her lazily. “what’s been going on in your life?”

you looked at her suspiciously. “dee, we called last week for three hours, the fuck do you mean what’s going on in my life?”

she laughed at your words, shaking her head. “yeah, yeah, you got me there.” her eyes looked away as a grin began to form on her features. “i’m just curious about how your love life’s been going.”

... “what the fuck did wolf tell you?”

diane let out loud laughter, nearly toppling over from how bluntly their friend asked the question. leave it to her friend to sniff out her intentions, she supposed. “okay, he didn’t say anything, but--”

“i swear to god if that motherfucker told you we’re dating, i’m going to shave him and use his hair to make myself a new welcome mat.” you threatened, a new fire in your eyes.

diane let out a pathetic wheeze. “no, no! i swear, he didn’t say anything!” she defended their mutual friend. “i was just-- i just heard from the others that you guys had gotten closer than normal.”

that made panic flash in your body. “oh fuck, what did they say?” you didn’t even consider the others picking up on wolf’s simping habits, you were hoping that they would just be oblivious to his actions.

“snake’s been pretty smug about it, says that you shoot down wolf every chance you get.” diane elaborated as the elevator reached her floor. using the trolleys they had borrowed from the apartment lobby, the duo began to cart in the bottles. “he said the way you two interacted was like a gross, mushy dance of sexual tension. shark agreed and piranha and webs said that they didn’t care if you guys were dating now.”

yeah, that sounded like something they all would say. you groaned, frowning as you walked down diane’s foyer. “none of that’s true at all. wolf’s been dead set on flirting with me, i’m just rolling with the punches.” you shot a glance at all the glittery decor hung around the living space. pretty tasteful, you had to admit.

“see, i’d be inclined to believe that if i didn’t know you as well as i do.” diane’s smile became a twinge more smug when she noticed you were actively avoiding any chances of eye contact. “you like him.”

you decided to take the stupid route, hoping that the dumber you act, the quicker she’ll drop the conversation. “of course i like him, i live with him.” you pulled the trolley to a stop right in front of diane’s fridge and began pulling boxes onto her counter.

diane put both of her hands on yours when you set down the first box, successfully halting you. “no, my friend, you like like him.”

to say you were not impressed would be an understatement. “did we get transported back to middle school? or did you regress in age while we were speaking? c’mon, dee, ‘like like’?”

“you’re not denying it!” diane felt like she won the lottery, helping you as you pull another box off of the trolley. “you like wolf romantically!”

“pfft, says who?” despite you playing it off coolly and denying everything she was saying, deep down inside, you were panicking so badly. fuck, no one was supposed to catch onto this elongated game of cat and mouse.

“no one has to say anything.” after they had set down the second box, diane stepped right in front of you, stopping you again. “i can tell it in your face.”

your easygoing facade fell and you gave her another blank stare. “wow, what a mind reader you are.” your sarcasm was coming off of you in waves.

however, diane wasn’t known to be a person who let topics drop without laying all her cards on the table. she placed both hands on her hips, giving you a smug look. “i’ll let this drop if you look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you don’t want to makeout with wolf.”

immediately, you choked on your spit. “diane, what is WRONG with you?!” growing flustered, you barreled past her and plucked up the last box on your trolley. “i can’t even tell you what time of day it is with a straight face, the fuck makes you think i can say that?”

“hmm, that’s fair.” she conceded, watching you set down the third box next to the first two. “but, we’ve been friends for years now. if anyone can tell if you’re serious, its me. so, even if you laugh or giggle, i’ll know whether or not you’re telling me the truth.”

you turned back to facing her, sucking in a deep breath. “diane, i don’t like wolf, nor do i want to kiss or makeout or do whatever the hell else with him.” you spoke evenly, impressing yourself with how serious you could be.

you and diane stared into each other’s eyes for an uncomfortable amount of time. you were nearly about to break but she did it for you, leaning in and whispering, “god, you are so in love.”

“I AM NOT!” unable to help yourself, you basically shouted it at her. she let out an evil cackle, pointing a finger in your face.

“denial! first stage of grief!”

“wh-- WHAT DOES GRIEF HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?”

“anger, second stage!” seeing as diane was now fully taking the piss out of you, you decided to reel yourself back. the last thing you wanted was to choke her out out of anger.

you took in a deep breath, forcing your expression to melt back into something calmer. “diane, i swear to you, i have no romantic feelings for that little shit--”

“and you’re still lying to me! why?” growing fed up with your denial, diane threw her hands in the air. “are you scared that he might pop around the corner and overhear this? or is it something else? he’s clearly in love with you, his tail wags every single time he sees you!”

“i. don’t. like. him.” you walked past her, clutching your fists.

“oh, give me a break, you guys are eyefucking each other at every given opportunity.” at her words, you stopped in your tracks and turned around. “yeah, you can thank snake for that tidbit of information.”

“why can’t you just drop this?” seeing as denial wasn’t getting you anywhere, you had just decided to try and get an easy ending to this conversation by “giving in”. “this hasn’t been a problem the first few months he started trying to get with me, why is it one now?”

“because i didn’t think much of it until the others told me how you’ve been acting. i mean, come on!” diane spoke to your back as you began to unload the boxes on her trolley. “if a guy you didn’t like flirted with you, you would’ve kicked his shins and threatened his life! and yet, look at you. wolf’s been frothing on his knees for you and you haven’t said an outright no!”

“okay, don’t say he’s frothing on his knees.” you cringed, giving her the side eye as you passed her. “he just doesn’t have a skirt to chase, so he’s determined to get under mine. it’ll pass once he realizes--”

“oh no, we’re not doing this.” diane cut you off, snatching the champagne box away from you so you wouldn’t be distracted. “you are not going to keep running away from something you want! why is it so hard for you to admit that you like him?”

finally fed up, you shouted, “because i’m scared, dee!” the explosive yell made diane snap her mouth shut and stare at you wide eyed. seeing her reaction, you rubbed your face and looked away again. “you... you can’t expect me to jump in headfirst into a relationship like this after all the fumbles i made in high school. none of the partners i had stuck around for even one year, what makes you think wolf will be any different?”

“why do you think wolf will be the same as a fleeting relationship in high school?” diane countered, slamming down the champagne. “i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you’re actively making this worse for yourself the longer you try and run away.” she spluttered, growing frustrated. “what are you even trying to save here? your relationship? his feelings?”

“i don’t know!” you cried, nearly tugging your hair out. “i’m-- it’s just scary. to look him in the eyes and to know that he trusts me and likes me! i’ve never been that vulnerable with anyone, not in such a long time.” you don’t know how you got here, typically having a good grasp on where a conversation would be heading to and controlling it.

well, that was thrown out the window.

diane came over and embraced you, trying to soothe you by rubbing your back. “you can’t keep running, babe.” she whispered. “because running only hurts you both.” she paused and looked up. “and he’s pretty stubborn, so you’ll be running for a long time before he considers giving up.”

you sniffed audibly. “persistent little shit.”

the both of you giggled at the insult, bodies rumbling against one another.

diane kept rubbing your back, now finding a solid rhythm. “i’m not saying confess tonight or even right now, but you have to let him know that he’s not an idiot for assuming that you’re into him too.”

you sniffed again, this one becoming watery. “but that’s scary.”

“isn’t everything scary when it comes to relationships?” she countered. “just please, please promise me that you’ll do something about it.” diane pulled back, holding you at arms length. “even if its telling him no flat out, i’ll support you if its what you want. you need to put an end of this, for his sake and yours.”

diane’s words stuck with you the entire drive back to your apartment complex. you had sat inside the parking garage once you reached your home, thinking hard about what she told you.

fuck, this was impossible. you had no excuse you could come up with, you had no reasoning to tell wolf if you told him that you knew. shutting off your car, you let your head fall onto the steering wheel and bashed it a few good times.

“fuck!” your shout was muffled, nails digging into the fabric. god, why was romance so fucking daunting? why couldn’t you just wake up one day and have wolf be back to the way he was, before the flirting? before you knew how he felt--

no. that was too unfair, even for your standards. you couldn’t wish for that, it’s too late to consider things going back the way they were without a good conversation. fuck.

“okay, okay.” you spoke outloud to yourself, head still against your wheel. “i am going to go inside. get dressed for the party, go to the party, come back. i am going to talk to wolf before he goes to bed, hopefully, we won’t be drunk, and we move on with our lives starting tomorrow morning.”

you repeated that to yourself a few times, the game plan solidifying in your mind. worst case scenario, wolf hates your guts because you led him on for so long and he doesn’t talk to you anymore. best case?

god, you were too worried to consider a good outcome to this.

sitting up, you slid off your seatbelt and moved to get out of your car, but froze when you saw a familiar person standing outside the driver’s window, getting ready to knock and grab your attention.

why now of all times is wolf right outside your car?

you made a motion for him to step to the side and he did so, watching as you got out of the car. instead of greeting you with a smirk or a flirty remark, wolf only gave you a concerned glance. “hey, are you alright? i saw your head was against the wheel while i was passing and...”

“yeah, yeah, i’m fine.” you waved off, shutting the door behind yourself and moving to the door on the backseat. “just tired. diane had me carrying boxes around.” you mumbled the half truth as you pulled your newly purchased formal clothes out of the backrow, the plastic covering crinkling as you held it.

wolf didn’t seem convinced but let it go, a smile washing over the concerned expression he was making. “ah, right. diane’s party! i forgot all about that.” he chuckled, allowing you to pass first before following behind you as you walked to the elevator. “i take it that’s why you’re lugging around these?” he picked up one end of the plastic covering you were holding.

you glanced over your shoulder. “yeah, i had to cough up my money for this thing. not my best purchase.” you tried to joke, but it came out more sad than you intended it to.

now wolf was genuinely concerned. “are you sure you’re alright? you can tell me if anything is wrong.”

you could’ve evaporated right then and there but held it in. “yes. i’m fine.” with your tone of finality, all wolf could do was accept your answer and let you press the button for the elevator.

standing there side by side in the dark car park really did a number on your already declining mental state. you could feel every glance of his on the left side of your face, could hear him thinking about asking you for a third time if you were okay.

you knew that if you said anything yet, you would run. so, you waited patiently until the elevator came down and stepped inside, watching wolf press the button for your floor.

as soon as the doors closed on you both, you knew it was time to face your fears. prolonging the conversation would only make things worse, like diane said.

so, you started with a question. “why do you flirt with me all the time?” something to confirm his emotions towards you, easy enough.

wolf looked down at you, eyebrows raising slightly. “after months of me hitting on you, you finally decide to ask this?”

“okay, look--!” you cut yourself off, hearing your voice rise to a defensive yell. quieter, you spoke, “i-- i’m just asking right now to confirm something.”

“that i like you?” he pressed, jutting his head forward slightly. you both were staring one another in the eyes, your gaze nervous, his being oddly emotionless. “what? you think i just hit on anybody and call it a day?”

you looked away. “well, i-- look, you were hitting on diane when you first met her and when she settled with that guy from hollywood, i just assumed that i was another person--”

“what i felt for diane was a passing crush. she was just another hot and badass i liked.” wolf cut you off with a shrug, putting his hands in his pockets. “what i feel for you is entirely different.”

okay, confirmation that he does still have something for you. good to know, good to know. “oh.” you said. “okay, um--”

“did you think i was hitting on you this entire time because i saw you as an easy fuck?” wolf looked offended at this conclusion, glaring down at you. the tension raised higher in the elevator and you suddenly found it hard to speak. “you think i memorize fast food orders, favorite things, coffee to creamer ratios for just anybody?” his whole body turned and he slowly begun to approach you.

instinctively, you walked backwards. “whoa, okay-- hang on a second, i didn’t say that--”

you shut up immediately when your back hit the wall, allowing wolf to loom over you. “good, i’m glad we’re on the same page then.” his volume had dropped, barely audible over the elevator’s hum. his hand hesitantly reached out and rested itself against your hip, looking into your eyes for any signs of discomfort.

you didn’t know where to look, having an iron grip on your expensive clothing. “yeah.” came out shakily, your heart pounding a mile per minute. “glad we-- uh-- we are. wolf--” you cut yourself off with a sharp intake of air as his other hand moved to mirror the first hand’s position.

“that’s me.” he hummed, maintaining a mostly respectable distance between you both, allowing you to know that you’re not actually trapped in this position.

“wolf, i knew you liked me.” you came clean, breaking eye contact and looking down. “i-- i knew about you telling snake and i kept seeing the signs, and fuck, i like you too, but i didn’t know-- i couldn’t--” it was getting harder for you to form a coherent thought when he was inches away and staring at you expectantly.

pulling up the vest and slacks, you hid your face behind them and spoke, “i was scared of committing to it-- to you.” thankfully your voice came out clearly still. “you’re terrifying to me, i’ve never wanted-- no, i never thought someone like you, someone so sure of themself and their emotions, would actually like someone like me.”

“...like you?” you couldn’t see his face from where you hid, but you heard him come closer.

“uncertain. unemotional, apathetic almost.” you elaborated.

wolf didn’t respond at first, worsening the path your mind decided to take. oh fuck, he hates you now, there’s no doubt about it. maybe you should run as soon as the doors open or hide out in your room for the rest of the night--

“well, thanks for telling me.” wolf said like he was having a completely normal conversation. “now i know your motivations, at least.” he chuckled, a smile coming back to his features. “but i knew you liked me back, sweetheart.”

your head whipped up from its spot and you looked at wolf like he was crazy. “what?” your jaw dropped even harder when he laughed at your expression. “wait--”

“why do you think i started hitting on you in the first place?” he spoke in between giggles. “at first, i thought you didn’t know, but after the first few reactions, it kinda clicked. you knew but were in denial.”

“wh--” if you couldn’t form a sentence then, you definitely couldn’t right now. “and you didn’t say a thing?!”

wolf’s smile fell and he gave you a blank look, causing you to backtrack. “okay, yeah, that’s more on me.” you sighed, loosening your hold on the plastic wrapped clothes. “sorry, wolf--”

“don’t apologize now.” he laughed, cutting you off before you could spiral again. “it’s water under the bridge to me.” his hands squeezed your hips, and you were aware of the lack of space in between you two once again. “but if you want to make it up to me, i might have a few things in mind.” he moved slowly, deliberately almost, and pressed his face into your neck, smiling against you when he felt your pulse racing.

your mouth went dry and for a moment, your brain had stopped working. here you were, cornered by your crush after he just admitted to knowing you liked him for months now. it was all starting to become too much all at once--

DING!

the elevator’s doors opened on your floor and you didn’t think twice about ripping yourself from his arms and bolting it down the hallway to your door. you heard him laugh from afar but ignored it, pulling your keys out and busting your way inside your apartment.

“where’s the fire?” you heard snake call from the living room, but you ignored him in favor of sprinting straight to your room and shutting the door behind you, panting all the while.

it took you a few minutes to gather yourself, resting your dress clothes on your bed and thanking whatever god above that there weren’t any lasting wrinkles you couldn’t smooth out with your hands. great, at least you won’t look like the car wreck you certainly felt like.

you heard a knock and then wolf calling you name. “hey, i forgot to tell you something.” he spoke from the other side of the door. your back went straight and you struggled to keep it together.

“come in!” your voice was steady, thankfully.

the wolf slipped into the room and closed the door behind him with an easygoing expression. “sorry, sweetheart, i almost forgot something in that elevator.” the way he wasn’t even fazed by your little... whatever the hell that was in the elevator irritated a part of you, but you didn’t say anything about it.

“oh? what’d you--” and suddenly, you found yourself being pulled in by the front of your shirt into a kiss. wolf’s lips pressed against yours slowly but passionately, making you feel lightheaded at first.

his hands found their purchase quickly, one against your lower back and the other back on your hip, tugging you closer. it was then that you snapped back into it and started kissing him back, following his lead and tossing your arms around his neck.

wolf walked with you in his arms, backing you against your dress and placing you on it, leaving his hands on your thighs as you kept kissing one another. he stopped suddenly and pulled back a few inches. “sorry, i should’ve asked--”

“shut up and fucking kiss me right now.” you grunted, tugging at the hair on the back of his head.

he let out a loud groan and smiled against your lips. “so pushy. who would’ve guessed--” before he could say anything else smart, you pulled him back for a second kiss, this time being the one in control of the pace.

eventually, you both broke apart to get some air inside of your lungs. wolf was still smirking and even you had a smile like you won the lottery.

“what time do you think you need to start getting ready by?” he asked, moving his head down to your neck and beginning to press kisses along the length of it.

“seven thirty-- fuck.” you cursed and shivered under all the affection, entire body growing warm. “but we can push it back to seven forty five if you want.”

“whatever works for you, baby.” was all he mumbled before digging his teeth into you, trying his hardest not to be super rough. “i can make this quick, just for you. all you gotta do is say the words.”

fuck, he was good at this. too good for you to even be snarky at him. “please.” you whispered, once again pulling at the back of his head.

wolf snickered, pulling away to admire his hickey that was beginning to bruise. “well, since you asked so nicely...”

[bernraccnt]

mario kart wii (wolf x gn! sheep! reader x snake)

before u read: swearing, implied age gap between reader and the other two, reader referred to as sheep rather than y/n, (name), etc., reader also hinted to being gen z, gamer rage

“get the fuck out of town.” sheep had muttered, eyes wide as they glanced between their two partners. “you’re fucking lying.”

meanwhile, their boyfriends exchanged incredulous glances. snake kept pouring sugar into his coffee mug, unsure on what their partner was making a big deal out of. “what? we’re being honest, we’ve never played the wii before.”

“how could you have NEVER played the wii?!” the sheep animal was nearly snapping their neck as they rapid fire shot their head between the two others. “super smash bros brawl, just dance, metroid prime? you haven’t played any of them?”

this time, wolf snickered at them, taking a bite out of his breakfast platter. “pfft, what do you take us for? we were in high school when it released, doll, it’s not like we didn’t have better things to do.”

“other than pickpocketing people, of course.” snake interjected, attempting to mix the pile of sugar into his hot coffee.

“right, right.” both men exchanged a look of reminiscing, remember the days they would relax around their hometown after robbing the nearest grocery store or infiltrating a rich person’s house. they never even considered playing video games when they could do better and more entertaining things in real life.

when they turned to sheep, they were giving the two of them the biggest stink eye known to man. to their credit, sheep could be intimidating when genuinely angry, but all their boyfriends had thought was how adorable they looked with their eyebrows furrowed.

“what about when piranha and webs showed up? didn’t you see them playing video games?” remembering that they still hadn’t even started on their breakfast, sheep moved to start eating their omelet. “no one fps, adventurer, rpg? not even a phone game?”

“oh, there was that one time we saw webs playing a first person shooter.” wolf spoke through a mouthful of pancake, holding up a finger and wagging it around. “what was it... call of... d, it started with a d--”

“call of duty--”

“call of duty!” wolf snapped his fingers, before thanking sheep for reminding him. “yeah, she got real nasty on that game. calling people pussies, telling people their mom should’ve aborted them. she even doxed someone on there. it was an awkward dinner that night for the rest of us.”

snake nudged sheep’s leg under the table with a proud smile. “nah, i was happy to see webs that unhinged. made me real proud of her.” a few chuckles were exchanged around the table.

sheep was quick to move the conversation back on topic, wiping their mouth clean of their food’s crumbs. “no, but that’s crazy. i mean, i literally came home from school every day just to play the wii, i can’t believe y’all haven’t even touched one before!” sheep sat up, trying to recount their favorite memories. “oh man, i used to sit there for hours on mario kart. i got so good that none of the kids on my street even considered playing with me after a while and i had to only play online--”

both wolf and snake simply ate their breakfast in silence, smiling as their significant other began to go on a ramble about their experiences on their favorite game.

years ago, if you would’ve asked either former criminal if they would consider adding a third person to their relationship, let alone one as excitable yet law abiding as sheep, they both would’ve laughed in your face and robbed you of everything you owned. sheep was so far out of what they considered their type was, they were just another average civilian in the city. not at all the kickass crook wolf seemed to be drawn to or the soft lover snake found himself hoping for. then again, they were dating each other before meeting sheep, so that honestly threw out any prior types they had out the window.

they had met their white furred lover shortly after they had been pardoned out of prison. they had gone out for groceries one weekday and saw sheep in the cereal aisle, holding handfuls of coupons and dumping every single cereal they could into their cart. they were so domestic, wolf practically was attracted at first sight. their little smirk on confidence as they did something so mundane drew him to a conversation with them.

snake was a little harder to come around, he had his fair share of interacting with prey and after professor marmalade, he wasn’t too keen befriending another. but, when the sheep gushed over his choice of red hawaiian shirt and offered to help him pick out a cheaper coffee brand when he offhandedly mentioned how expensive his favorite was, his walls came crashing down far faster than he liked to admit.

so, that’s why both men were staring at the young sheep like they were the most amazing sight, even though all they were doing was ranting about an online player that had bested them on their favorite map back in their younger years.

seeing as sheep could go on for hours if no one interrupted them, snake leaned forward and shoved their plate closer to them. “why don’t you save your breath and finish your food, pumpkin? we still have the rest of the day to ourselves.” and he was right. all three had miraculously gotten today off from work and wanted to spend it with one another.

“right, sorry.” sheep flushed in the face, scooping in another mouthful of the egg-y goodness. “i-- i don’t know, i just forgot how good of a game it was.” they shrugged.

wolf’s fingers drummed against the diner’s table and he glanced around. unlike in the past, no one had batted an eye at the sight of himself and snake sitting inside. “well, maybe we should play it sometime. you said it was a racing game, right?” his yellow eyes crinkled happily when sheep nodded. “i wouldn’t mind doing that. i mean, i’m the city’s best driver, how hard could it be?”

after finishing their breakfast, the three partners left the diner and started for wolf’s super expensive and probably not legally bought car, excited for the movie they had planned on watching today. snake and wolf took the front two seats, unaware of sheep in the backrow texting their family’s group chat with a simple question.

xxx-xxx-xxxx: hey guys is the wii still in the attic? if so, could someone ship it and all the games to me?

it would be another week before snake and wolf got a text from sheep, asking them if they would be free that night. seeing as wolf had finished his shift at the bar earlier that afternoon and snake didn’t have work until tomorrow evening, they both agreed. ultimately unaware of what was to come.

when snake unlocked sheep’s front door with the key he was given and opened it, both he and wolf exchanged a glance at the now hearable music coming from sheep’s living room. it was upbeat, something they didn’t recognize sheep ever listening to before.

“doll? you in here?” wolf decided to shout inside as he took off his shoes by the door.

“in the living room!” sheep replied, causing both boyfriends to make their way further inside.

they were greeted by the widest smile they had seen on sheep in a while as they craned their neck from their spot on the couch, an oddly shaped controller in their hands and an unfamiliar title screen on their semi-large tv. “sit down, sit down!” unlike usual when they would green the men with kisses on their cheeks, the sheep snatched snake and wolf into sitting on either side of them.

“oh god, is this that mario kart thing you were talking about?” wolf snorted, grinning when the title screen flashed the words mario kart wii on the tv. “i admire your dedication, i know the wii is basically outdated by now.”

snake suddenly looked over, eyes wide. “pumpkin, did you buy a wii just for us to play it?” he was mildly concerned but also really touched at the lengths their partner would go to have them experience things they enjoyed.

noticing the mood softening, sheep saw up with a half laugh. “no, no, no! i asked my family if they kept it and they shipped it up here for me.” snake’s soft look didn’t disappear and now, even wolf looked at them in appreciation. sheep began to fluster. “wh-- but-- guys, c’mon, it’s just a few pixels on the screen. it’s not like i took you on a five star date.”

wolf slung his arm over sheep’s shoulder and cupped it around snake, pulling all three of them into an embrace. “but you still went into the effort to get this game and have us experience something you love.” he cooed into their ear, playing up his sincere feelings to get a reaction out of them.

snake curled the end of his tail around sheep’s arm, his own subtler form of a hug. “yeah, that’s really nice of you. you’re too good for us, pumpkin.”

“i’m going to launch you both out of my window if you don’t stop.” sheep spoke through gritted teeth, trying their hardest not to die from all the affection their boyfriends had decided to bless them with.

both men burst out laughing, apologizing through laughs as their lover pouted at the teasing. while wolf was cackling and snake was hitting the couch like he had heard the funniest joke ever, sheep simply picked up the other two wii remotes on the table and turned them on, deciding to get this shit show over with.

the mayhem died down after a while and snake and wolf turned their eyes to the screen, where sheep had picked their account and picked out a 100cc grand prix. they now were on the character selection screen.

“does it matter what character we pick?” snake asked, picking up the remote and adjusting it in his tail. he turned it sideways after glancing at how sheep held it.

wolf didn’t catch onto the proper way to hold the controller, prompting sheep to turn it for him. “not really?” sheep hummed. “i mean, the characters have weights and that affects how well you can control them, but it doesn’t matter in the long run.”

three columns of characters popped up, each more ridiculous than the last. wolf’s eyes popped open and he leaned forward to make sure he wasn’t seeing it wrong. “you can play as a dragon?!”

“yeah, that’s good ol’ bowser. he’s the major bad guy of the series.” that was all snake needed to hear and he instantly picked the spiked dragon/turtle without a second thought. his speed made wolf and sheep start giggling as they looked over their choices.

“i guess i’ll be... waluigi.” pleased with himself, wolf turned to look down at sheep. “who’re you picking, baby?”

“well, as a kid, i played baby mario, but i think i’ll change it up for once.” sheep moved their selector over mario. “i have grown up.”

“pfft.”

“that you have.” all three snickered like the geeks they were, as the next selection screen appeared, this time for karts. after all sticking to the first kart that appeared and all picking automatic drifting, they were finally on the circuits list.

“alright, boys, what’re we feeling?” leaning back against the couch, sheep watching as the two looked over their choices.

ever the egotistical man, wolf peered down with a smirk. “which one’s the hardest?” which caused snake to glare heavily across the couch.

“wolf, c’mon, we haven’t played this before!” he complained.

“i know, i know, but we’ll be fiiine. we were criminal masterminds, what can a little racing game even do?”

“...fuckinnng, fine.” snake gave in, turning his head back to the tv. “whatever, fuck it.”

wolf winked at his partner slumped against the couch. “go ahead, do your worst.”

and so, sheep sat up and picked out the lightning cup on the far right, desperately stifling whatever evil smile wanting to show itself on their face. they decided to show mercy and explained how to play the game properly to the men, just in time as the beginning of the race fanfare played, showcasing the snes mario circuit 3.

it was snake in tenth, wolf in eleventh, and sheep in twelfth right off the bat. wolf had made a joke about sheep being used to last place but it fell upon deaf ears as the countdown began.

both snake and wolf jolted when as soon as the race started, their partner had blasted past them and jumped from dead last to fifth.

“you’re cheating!” snake gasped, squinting when sheep let out a few evil giggles. “there’s no way you’re not!”

“what kind of pro reveals all their tricks?” sheep shot back, smacking into the first item box of the game. the two other animals were not that far behind.

as the race continued, wolf and snake quickly realized that this wasn’t just a simple racing game, oh no. this game had items, some that track people, others that hit everyone else besides yourself, and some that didn’t make sense to either of them. and even the ai racers were ruthless, making sure that they hit both men in attempts to keep them in the back.

sheep couldn’t help their smug grin when they had successfully taken first place, seeing as wolf was struggling his ass off in sixth place and snake was cursing up a storm, still in tenth place despite two laps having passed.

“what kind of sadist makes a game like this-- FUCK!” snake yelled as he was hit by a bullet bill.

“that is HORSE SHIT!” wolf roared when he was hit by two red shells in a road, successfully knocking him back three places.

“aw, you guys are one after the other.” sheep cooed like it was something adorable and wasn’t caused by their lack of skill.

it only served more fuel to the fire when the race had ended, leaving sheep at the very top of the leaderboard and their partners lingering near the bottom spots. both of them were glaring at their relaxed demeanor and all parties involved were now aware of the competitive air rising among them.

ds peach gardens wasn’t any easier, but snake and wolf had begun adjusting to the game mechanics, able to hit more enemies and even being behind sheep at one point in the race. that was before sheep had tactically thrown a bob-bomb, stunning the both of them while they made their escape.

“oh you little--!” snake was fully immersed in the gameplay, not liking losing one bit. no, he’d rather eat his old skin that admit defeat, especially to his starry eyed lovers. “you’re a god damn piece of shit, sheep!”

“l + ratio, old man.” sheep was enjoying themselves immensely, laughing super hard when they took a quick glance at wolf’s little screen and saw him get sniped by a green shell and knocked into a chain chomp. “bro, you guys BOTH suck.”

“FUCK YOU!” they spoke in unison, blood pressure rising every passing second they spent on the game.

the third map, gcn dk mountain, had been the easiest so far. with wide turns and a pretty simple layout, neither men had a hard time driving like the previous maps. because of this, they climbed up the ranks steadily and had ended that race in third and fifth respectively.

“i’m coming for your spot, you asshole.” wolf sneered, mostly playfully. he wanted nothing more than to knock his partner out of first, especially when they had begun to shit talk the way they drove.

“not with your nineteen points you’re not.” sheep howled, pointed a finger at the screen. “you’re barely above half the coms, what makes you think one first place will make you win?”

“start the next race!” snake was getting impatient from the banter, barring his teeth at both of his lovers. 

“yeah, yeah, yeah, hold yourself together, twink.” wow, this game was easily bringing out the worst in all of them.

any hopes of knocking sheep out of first place was crushed the second both men were inside of the n64 bowser’s castle. with lava everywhere and a lack of safety rails, they had spent more time being picked up by lakitu than actually racing.

“FUCK YOU AND YOUR LIGHTNING, TOADETTE!” wolf’s voice was going hoarse by how loud he was getting and sheep just kept laughing and laughing, having the time of their life. “STUPID FUCKING POLKA DOTTED WHORE, PINK BITCH--”

“EVERYONE GETS A BULLET BILL EXCEPT FOR ME?” snake was in twelfth, watching as the three coms in front of him all got the aforementioned item and left him in the dust. given up, snake turned his anger to sheep. “YOUR GAME FUCKING SUCKS!”

sheep had tears in their eyes, laughing so hard as they crossed the finish line without much trouble. it was further enhanced when wolf let out a pained yell as he drove off the side of the map, going from sixth place to eleventh in just a few seconds.

the results were in and sitting in first with sixty points was none other than sheep themself, their boyfriends left in the dust and coming in eighth and tenth. sheep was rolling on the floor, losing their mind as snake dissolved into an angry rant about how unfair and stupid the game was.

it took a few more minutes for snake to get everything off of his chest and for sheep to get back on the couch, wiping their face dry with a laugh every now and then. it was silent for a few moments, only the ambient mario kart music making noise in the room.

wolf stood up, pulling out his phone and walking to the kitchen. “i’m ordering dominoes. fuck you, sheep.”

sheep let out a long wheeze.