Managing Mental Health in College

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Learning to Be Kind to Yourself in a Competitive Environment

Even before college, students are put in situations where they are required to compete with their peers. In academics, sports, and the arts, students often feel they must be the “best” and outperform their peers. This idea is perpetuated well past childhood into college and professional life. Students often feel like they're still competing to be accepted into programs, securing positions in organizations, or being hired for a job. This constant competition leads to perpetual self-criticism and comparison, and this has become normalized in high-achieving spaces. Their regular judgment of oneself affects your mental health and leads to a dulled self-image. To combat this, you have to learn self-compassion and grace. This can look like discouraging self-comparison, allowing yourself to rest without guilt, and separating your worth from your accolades. Knowing how to be kind to yourself is a valuable superpower and a strength in all situations. It is important to remember to be kind to your mind!

For a deeper look into how to stop comparing yourself to others, I advise you to watch Dean Furness’ TED Talk: 

For advice on improving self-compassion, watch Melissa Robinson-Winemiller’s TED Talk on how to be kinder to yourself:

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Grieving Who You Used to Be Before College

Coming to college is a monumental change in the lives of college students. A lot of times this includes being away from home for the first time, their first time being by themselves, and their first time being away from their friends and hometown. For most people, being introduced to this novelty leads to an inevitable transition into a new personhood. This transformation in personhood can lead to a change in personality, values, and hobbies. College students may develop a new reality of how they define themselves. While all this development is positive, it often leads to a wistful feeling of being excited about your college life, but also scared that you feel like a new person, and worried about how that affects your hometown life. Coming to college brings out a certain maturity in people, and your mutuals might find this unusual or not agree with you on things that you all once agreed on. It is okay to mourn who you used to be. This person is still in you and will always be an integral part of your life story, but it is okay to not identify as that person anymore. Nostalgia and growth are able to coexist, but things might feel different, and this will just take some adjustment and a shift in mindset. It is important to remember that change may be scary, but it is growth. Open yourself up to all the new opportunities that come with change.

For information on the psychology of your future self, watch this TED Talk by Dan Gilbert:

 I also implore you to watch this interesting discussion by Jill Sherer Murray on the power of letting go:

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The Fear of Falling Behind

In college, there is a general feeling of having to be a specific benchmark at a certain time. It’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind when you’re not at the same pace as your peers. In actuality, there are numerous different reasons why we are or aren’t at a certain place in our lives, and this is different for each individual. There is this culture of comparison with Gen Z that is fueled by social media. While social media is a great opportunity for someone to highlight what they want to share with the world, at the same time it pigeonholes what college “should look like” and makes people feel like they are inadequate. This inadequacy only causes anxiety and rumination on timelines. It is important to remember that everyone’s path is unique to them and will look different from yours. Understand your own timeline and take time to redefine your progress. Live life at your own pace!

Watch this TED video to learn How Falling Behind Can Get You Ahead:

Check out Livi Redden’s talk on What Nobody Tells You About Your Twenties:

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Mental Health After a Bad Semester

In college, there will be times when everything just doesn't go the way you plan. An important friendship of yours ended badly, you didn’t receive membership into an organization, or you really struggled in a class and didn't receive the grade you wanted. In a time when academic and social achievement is praised over everything else, any of these things happening can feel like the end of the world. 

A bad semester can put a huge dent in your confidence and disrupt motivation. You may believe that you are not going to recover from that semester, or that you shouldn’t come back to college at all. It is imperative that you tell the little voice in your head that this is NOT TRUE. There was a time when I was having a terrible semester. My mental health was at its worst, my semester GPA was a 2.5, and I was seriously considering dropping out. You can absolutely get past this. It took a lot of time, patience, and self-compassion to not let myself think that this bad semester meant I was not going to have the future I envisioned for myself. Your semester may not go as planned, but you have to give yourself grace. Assess how the semester may affect your end goal and adjust your plan or end goal so you are still able to achieve it. These setbacks are an important part of growing up and learning lessons. These should be valued instead of bringing you guilt and shame! 

For an education video from TED-Ed on How to overcome your mistakes:

For a really informative discussion on how failure can lead to success watch Eduardo Zanatta’s talk:

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Academic Perfectionism & Burnout

In college, academic perfectionism can look like doing everything to achieve the grades and success you desire. But it also looks like being upset when you don’t achieve something you wanted. Academic perfectionism is an endless cycle of high standards and unrealistic expectations, and in nature will not make anyone fully satisfied. The Catch-22 about academic perfectionism is you may very well achieve your goals but not without experiencing stress and burnout. 

This idea of “perfect” academics makes you push and push until you can’t keep going and you become burned out. Burnout is the state of emotional or physical exhaustion. Perfectionism can morph into burnout when it leads to anxiety, exhaustion, and loss of motivation which can quickly become unhealthy for you. It is important to remember that perfection is not something that we can achieve, and the mindset of achieving the impossible is damaging. Some small shifts in mindset to help prevent burnout but still striving for success include scheduling intentional breaks and practicing self-compassion. 

You cannot pour into anything else with an empty cup!

I highly suggest Sprout’s really informative video on what the 5 stages of burnout is and how to identify them:

Watch Jacqueline Kerr’s talk on how to stop burnout out before it begins: 

I also suggest Sophie Scott’s talk on how to heal from burnout:

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Why Rest is A Skill in College

In college, it can feel like “being busy” is a badge of honor and something everyone should strive to do. I think this belief is rooted in the idea of “hustle culture,” which is the promotion of constant productivity and having a nonstop work ethic. During the rise of social media in the 2010s, we viewed these celebrities and influencers as having the life we wanted. The answer to “How did you get to where you are?” was always hard work, and I believe this pushed the idea that you will have to sacrifice in order to achieve your goals. Since our generation grew up with this hustle culture in middle and high school, this is something that we carried with us to college. However, this nonstop work and busyness can have an adverse impact on your mental health. Life is about balance, and rest is the other end of productivity. Allowing yourself to rest is not a sign of laziness, but something that promotes inner harmony. This is a skill that is important for students to learn in order to maintain their mental and physical well-being.

But what does rest actually look like? Rest goes much further than just sleeping. Rest is something that fills your bucket and brings you your happiness. Rest can include taking a nap, going for a walk, reading a book, or watching your favorite TV show. Rest allows your brain to reset and supports better focus, memory, and mental health. Rest can be especially hard for high-achieving and involved students, but it is integral to your health. It is important to set boundaries for yourself and create time in your routine for rest.

Rest is a big change to incorporate in one’s schedule, but there are small ways to contribute to the bigger shift in approach. Some of these small things are making sure you get a full eight hours of sleep or even giving yourself fifteen minutes before bed to meditate. 

Rest helps prevent burnout, so it should not be treated as optional!

Watch Alex Soojung-Kim Pang's discussion on How Rest Can Make You Better at Your Job: 

For more information check out Safa Prasla’s TedTalk on hustle culture:

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Supporting Friends With Anxiety and Depression in College

For most students, college is the first time in their lives that they’ve been away from their homes and everything that is familiar to them. Being far away from family and friends can feel really isolating and cause a sense of loneliness. We are pushed to make friends with the students in our classes or dormitories and now these people may become your entire support system while in college. There are a lot of new feelings and emotions going on in your first year of college and having people to connect with and relate to these new feelings is so important. However, with this feeling of loneliness a lot of students might struggle with a new feeling of depression and as a support system we must learn how to uplift ourselves and others. Knowing someone is there for you during your lowest can be the support that keeps someone afloat. 

Depression looks different in every person and may not be a noticeable change even with someone you’re close to. The Cleveland Clinic provides this really informative infographic on the signs and symptoms of depression.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression

Support should be catered to the needs of the person that you’re helping. Some people might need you to help them make a decision or to offer alternative advice, while others just need you to affirm their feelings and be a listening ear. Either way, it is important to consider that the person you are helping may be at their lowest and does not necessarily need judgement or a solution. Support should not look like trying to find a “quick fix” but constantly working so the individual has the tools they need to function. 

Encouraging your friend to seek professional help will always be the best way to support them. You may feel like the help they need is something you are able to do, or that you are overstepping, but professionals go to school and train to specifically help people with depression. They will offer the best help and resources to your friend.

Mental Health and Wellbeing are important to EVERYONE! It is important to denounce the negative stereotypes around depression and work with others to end the stigma on college campuses.

Take a moment to watch this TedEd video by Helen M. Farrell explains depression.

Please watch this TED video to learn how to connect with depressed friends.

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Difference Between Being “Stressed” and Being Anxious in College

As college students, stress usually takes the form of balancing academic and social lives, staying on track with coursework, preparing for large tests and assignments, and keeping up with deadlines, whether those are in school or in extracurriculars. According to Merriam-Webster, anxiety is “apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated misfortune: a state of being anxious.” The term anxiety can be used quite loosely in an attempt to identify emotions, however, there is a major difference between anxiety and everyday stress. To me this is comparable to the concept that every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square that we were all taught in elementary school. Most anxiety is caused by stress, but everyday stress is not necessarily anxiety. Anxiety is the prolonged feeling of stress, where your fight or flight response has been flipped on for a while. On top of the extended period of distress, anxiety is usually more intense than everyday stress, and can impact daily functioning. It is so often that students go through a period of anxiety without being able to identify their feelings. I believe with this concept being unfamiliar that it gets dismissed as everyday stress that you “shouldn’t worry about” because “everyone gets a little stressed sometimes”. Anxiety can make you lose focus and motivation. But beyond this, it can deeply affect your sleep patterns and even show up in physical manifestations such as nausea or headaches. The ability to recognize the difference between anxiety and stress can be imperative to your day-to-day. Understanding that I was dealing with anxiety, not just normal stress, and finding help was crucial to my life journey. Going through this realization while having external support, someone to explain my feelings, and coach me through coping is something that I will always be grateful for. One piece of advice I would suggest is to look deeper into your feelings if it doesn’t feel right to you. These systems and programs at universities were put in place to help you be the best you. Utilize your resources and ASK FOR HELP!

To get more information on this topic please check out TED’s video on Normal Anxiety vs. an Anxiety Disorder by Dr. Jen Gunter!

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Learning How to Ask For Help

Asking for help can feel like a deviation from our expectation of perfection that we place on ourselves as college students. We ask ourselves, why do I need assistance when my peers don’t? Getting help leads us to believe that something is fundamentally “wrong” with us. However, this notion is flawed.

When I first received my generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis, I was placed into a 504 plan where I was allotted certain accommodations. I felt like it was unfair. I was disappointed I had additional aid when my classmates didn’t and angry that I even needed this support. It took me almost five years to realize that programs like this exist for a reason. These systems support you and lift you up, and to receive any support does not equate to failure.

Asking for help is a powerful skill. It takes a mature individual to know when they are struggling, assess what they need, and leave their comfort zone to ask for help. Understanding how much bravery is required in order to ask for help has helped me look past any uneasiness I had about needing it at all. For me, utilizing institutional resources such as mental health counseling, psychiatry, and the student disability resource center has made me feel much more comfortable with communicating my needs. 

Advocating for yourself takes courage, and that is something that should never be looked down upon.

Please watch this TedTalk how asking for help can positively affect your mental health:

Resources for when you’re struggling with mental health:

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 

Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org for free, confidential support anytime.

National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine

Call 1-800-950-6264 or Text "NAMI" to 62640 with the HelpLine  M-F, 10 a.m. - 10 p.m. ET

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Redefining “Success” in College

What is success? Well, by dictionary definition, it means “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.” Most college students think of success as high grades, university awards, leadership positions, etc. But each college student is different, meaning success should look different for each of us. My name is Paige & I am currently a senior in college. When I first entered college, my image of success was maintaining a 4.0 GPA, having executive positions in multiple organizations, & balancing a healthy social life. While being a common goal for most students, I found this to be a driver of my anxiety. This idea of success & perfection became something I thought I needed to attain, & when I realized that this goal was impractical, I became depressed. As I gained external help for coping with my anxiety, I learned that I could still be successful, but I had to redefine what success looked like for me.  This shift in mindset can be daunting, so I will discuss three steps I took to take control of my future with less anxiety.

Let Go of the Old Standard

Success does not equal perfection! Take time to admit that the objectives that you previously set down are causing you more harm than benefitting you. Knowing something is not good for you makes it a little bit easier to let go of.

Separate Worth From Output

Shift your value from physical outcomes to your personal well-being, effort, & persistence. Effort is just as important as the outcomes. GPA, titles & productivity do not define worth. Just because rest & healing does not have a physical outcome does not mean it is fruitless. 

Establish Success Centered Around Support & Flexibility

Your systems should be building you up, not breaking you down. Interdependence is knowing when you need to lean on the people you trust, whether that be a therapist or your friends & family. Be okay with your definition of success & continue to adjust based on your life & your needs. 

Redefining success was not failure but a way to ensure prosperity!

For further insight watch this incredible TedTalk for Eva Sánchez!