BESTOFTEXTPOSTS

The finest collection of text posts on tumblr.

[deceive-remade-deactivated20171]

me not understanding a movie: wow… the cinnamon tography

[serpentwife-deactivated20200820]

why are we still here? just to suffer? every day i get emails

[l0nely-smiles]

hey when the fuck are things gonna get easier

[showerthoughtsofficial]

If you press the clitoris and the g-spot at the same time the vagina takes a screenshot

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.

[officialunitedstates]

I don’t trust the media, too many acronyms.  what does cnn stand for?  literally no one knows the answer

[accioconfusion]

cable news network

[officialunitedstates]

could be.  literally no one knows

[bromojumbo]

I can’t wait to go to Italy this summer so I can meet the Pope and propose some new ideas:

Baptism water park

Everybody gets a glass of wine instead of a sip

Extreme Confessions (where you confess your sins and then have to battle with one of the priests in order to be forgiven)

Buff Jesus

Every choir song is replaced with “Smooth” by Carlos Santana

A 15 min period where we try to summon Satan in order to defeat him once and for all

[foodchewer]

its almost midnight you know what that means..

[merylstreepismymom]

That it’s almost midnight

[foodchewer]

[jacquelinebouvier]

Who Wants to be a Millionaire? What a stupid question. Of course I want to be a millionaire. I thought this show would have harder questions.

[typecozey-deactivated20201222]

I talk to myself way too much like I’ll be pumping gas or in the grocery store, then I’ll be thinking about some dumb meme that was like “spare dick sir?” And say it out loud to myself and be like “that shit killed me” and i know seeing me from afar im giving crackhead energy probably

[typecozey-deactivated20201222]

This is the one that kills me

[xodarkparadise]

I know I'm a handful but thats what you got two hands for

[athetos]

I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver

[sensiblesnail-deactivated201907]

When it hits a corner perfect, I’m allowed one (1) good idea.

[mailbox-arson]

god I wish I was decomposing in the mountains

[pileofknives]

Attention all customers: our store will be closing in five minutes. If you are present in the store after closing you will be hunted for sport.

[nickyflowers]

what does html stand for?

[theantigovernor]

hypertext markup language

[nickyflowers]

no i mean like, what does it believe in?

[mixedican-deactivated20190330]

whos granny smith where shes getting all of these damb apples.

[iheartgrandma]

fun fact! granny smith is nabed aftr marea am smift frugh huh dibrack blarn eat showegh whale snert yargh hugh mort B

b

hhngh… .. .. .…. … . ..

j

[mixedican-deactivated20190330]

eeach day i learn some more ! :) thank you for the share

[astrophagia]

tearing bread apart and handing it to someone else is so… spiritual and intimate

[shadovvlurking]

lets give this bread

[margbarcis]

jesus of nazareth made this post