The Dinner Party: James Balmont, Swim Deep
Meet James Balmont, chief keyboard tapper in Swim Deep. I’ve known James for a long time, and he’s definitely someone you want at your dinner party. Whether it’s his enviable long locks, strong pout or spot on Simpsons references, he brings the pardee. Enough about him; Swim Deep are making waves (lol) on the music scene. Formed initially in 2011, the B-town babes are playing at tons of festivals including Glastonbury and Reading/Leeds this summer and have just announced their UK tour in October. Watch their latest video below:
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The Guests: I’m gonna have to pick Joel Amey from Wolf Alice since he picked me when he did this. I’ve had many a good dinner with him over the years – his family have been handing down a recipe of sausages, chips and baked beans for generations now and it’s an absolute treat. On the other hand, he’s prone to misusing cutlery, so he’ll be eating with a big wooden spoon while the rest of us dine with fine silverware.
Children’s entertainer Dave Benson Phillips will be invited, but only if he’s as enthusiastic about everything as he was when he hosted Get Your Own Back. He also has to drink two fingers whenever he addresses another guest by their first name for the duration of the evening.
The last guest would have to be female to balance out the genders, so I’m gonna go with Jennifer Lawrence.
Our food will be served by Riff Raff.
The Food: Starters are everyone’s favourite, and sharing food is always fun, so I’ll head along to Iceland and get a 100-piece frozen party platter and then bung some other little things out there. Like nuts and shit. For mains, Pad Thai is the best dish I can cook from scratch so I’ll make that. I’ll hide a lucky Diazepam in one of the meals like they traditionally do in Thailand, where the dish originated. For dessert: McFlurry. Guests choice of flavour.
The Drinks: Champagne will be offered to all guests aside from Dave Benson Phillips, who will be given a 3litre bottle of Frosty Jack’s immediately upon arrival. He won’t be offered anything else for the rest of the night, and he has to drink straight from the bottle. Frozen margaritas will accompany the food. Not on ice. Proper frozen - from a slush puppy machine. One for each course, offered in a variety of flavours (classic, strawberry, mango). And after everyone’s finished their plates I’ll insist that we all drink a load of fancy Belgian beers out of those novelty “metre of beer” sticks.
The Music: Classical music to set the mood for the dining table. Anything by Bach. During the main course, I’m going to request that we all sing football anthems while we eat. Vindaloo by Fat Les would go down particularly well. When Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd comes on that’s the signal for everyone to go home, but not until they’ve listened to the full 9.5 minutes, including all the guitar solos.
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Follow James on Twitter for regular updates of his fun life, and visit Swim Deep’s website/Twitter for more information.















