The really nice thing about the #NotAllMen tag is that on one level it's saying "Those douchebags don't represent us, we're on your side, not theirs." It's an expression of solidarity with women. This is great. It's always good to be reminded there are supportive men out there, who care about us and consider those who treat women badly as anathema. Thank you men, we really appreciate that. The really not nice thing about the #NotAllMen tag is that often it's not saying that at all, it's saying "please reassure me that you know I'm a nice person", which means we have to take time out of discussing a problem (what the unrelated douchebags are doing) to mollify an individual guy's ego. They've derailed the conversation and made themselves the focus, again. It's ultimately narcissistic. Yup, not all men are misogynist douchebags, but we're not talking about those that aren't, we're talking about those that are, and discussing how we as a wider society, and that includes you, Mr #NotAllMen, might need to change in order to deal with these douchebags and minimize or prevent the damage they're causing. Yes, there will always be some women who have been so fundamentally hurt by men in their lives that they hate all men, that's not really their fault so bear with them and give them a modicum of consideration. And there will always be some women who are young and impressionable and caught up in the anger at the douchebags and fail to differentiate between those and ordinary, perfectly nice guys. But if we have to spend all our time adding a caveat to everything we say "*disclaimer, yes we know you're not like that," we are expending time and energy on a side issue, in order to make a small group of men (who have decided that they are incapable of reading what we are saying and thinking to themselves "hmm I don't do this, they must not be talking about me") feel better about themselves. That means, instead of dealing with the issue, we're dealing with your ego. Instead of dealing with a wider problem, we're juggling an individual who isn't directly related to what we're talking about. And ultimately, that individual is claiming that they and how they're feeling is more important than anything else. That's kind of a problem. What if I were to burst into a discussion on how to cook oranges, that doesn't involve me, and say "oh I can't eat oranges"? What I'm doing is derailing the conversation removing its productive direction and impetus, and making it about me. So what if I can't eat oranges? Are other people not free to discuss orange culinary issues without my bursting in? We as social animals would generally agree that my behavior was rude. Right? I should be sitting back and letting those for whom the conversation is relevant have their discussion uninterrupted, and listening. I might even learn something. Even if I never cook an orange in my life. "Ok fine," I hear you say, sarcastically, "What do you WANT us to say?" Well there you go #NotAllMen, once again you are demonstrating that you care and you want to help. Thank you. (I'm going to ignore your sarcasm, because obviously it's just stemming from your frustration, and that's fine). What we want you to say and do, is realize you don't have to defend your honor. That the increase in visibility of the discussion over how to deal with the 'douchebags' is not an assault on you, or men as a whole. Because it's not. That women and men are not locked in a battle. Because we're not. That we're not enemies. Because we're not. That the best way forward is to walk forward in unity, side by side. Because it is. And with that in mind, the very best thing you can do is say "how can we help?"
gummygunk
origamiaround
romaincrisis
areudirty
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
ellievsbear
pixelskylines
discoholicmusic
