rant post tw in the tags idk i need to vent and also advice
my mom broke up with her long term live in boyfriend like two weeks ago. hes from out of town and stayed here to be with her for almost 7 years. both are recovering addicts who met at a sobriety treatment center here in town. my mom was working there temporarily and he was at the end of his program but was also staying to work there. anyway. they both started on Adderall and klonopin... both diagnosed with adhd/anxiety and given these meds despite their history with drug abuse. so.. like... whatever. theyd been on them for about a year when he started to act really erratic. paranoid about his phone. lost his job. paranoid in general and hearing/seeing things that werent there + making up insane stories (like that he met the CEO of Temu at a grocery store in town, mind you we live in rural KY) and a bunch of other weird stuff. notes left on his car that we never had proof of. twisting stories and straight up lying... hes been using meth. I have thought so for several months, my mom denies says its his Adderall and hes taking too much etc. but she finally kicked him out for good this past weekend and he wanted to talk to me and my brother before he left town. he admitted to the meth use. told us that our mom was also using and drinking on top of it.
my mom denies it of course... she seems okay enough. emotional of course. she wants to help him but she cant. he talks his way out of all police encounters (the cops around here are idiots and the social systems in place for people with addictions are overrun and underfunded/staffed) and despite his behavior and the fact that we know he is using and we know he is living out of his car and that he is actively going through some kind of psychotic episode, there is no help to be found. my mom filed an EPO against him this morning, so she cant be in contact with him anymore. ive been through this kind of thing before with her. my mother is a recovering addict and at 18 I had to go the legal route to get her help. but the legal route is closed off by a pay wall now... so its just like we're out of options. but I haven't blocked him because I feel bad. he is truly alone. his ex has instructed his daughters to cease any communication with him. and ive known the guy for 7 years. thought he was gonna marry into the family.
I have such a hard time letting go. and hes messaging me. but I cant say anything back. or I dont know what to say or if I should and im just beside myself and so tired and worried sick and pissed at the system and at him but I know he needs help and theres still a part of me that worries if my mom has really relapsed even if Im like... 70% sure she hasn't? its just so much and I wish I could turn it all off. stop caring so damn much and stop letting this stuff eat me up but its like I cant. I thought id grown past it. but im just as sick and worried as I was when I was a kid. I wanna cry and curl up in a ball and turn it all off but I cant. and I cant really tell my mom because I dont want to further upset her. so again I carry this weight that no one else around me seems to feel. my brother doesnt care. my grandparents (who I dont speak to) i know they dont care either. not like I do. and I cant burden my mom with it anymore.
why is it so hard for me to just let people go and so easy for everyone else?
vaporwave
areudirty
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
janainaart
