Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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@betterlovestorythantwilight
Au where Bella goes "fuck it" at some point and just stops hanging out with her supernatural friends entirely, realised they're all super toxic to her and starts living her life normally again
Right until these two brothers in an impala come to town and now she's worried about them being hunted down and murdered.
Happy pride to those 5 seconds where Charlie Swan thought Jacob was coming out to him in the most insane way possible
Bella and Alice go on a date in a fancy little restaurant and it goes well for the most part asides from the fact by the end of it they realise it's not their vibe and they weren't having all that much fun. They go to do something else and by the end of the night they come home covered in twigs, paint, sauce, mud and who knows what else. No one knows what they did because they won't tell anyone but giggle everytime somebody asks.
STOP roasting Twilight for being girly. Roast it for being mormon.
I finished twilight yesterday and Edward is so gross I hate that dude
Ok but like
Jacob tops. There's no way he doesn't top. Edward is the world's biggest bottom and he would so cry during sex....
Anyway Jacob tops no doubt about it.
Edward really has nothing going for him 😔
Different versions under cut.
Au where Bella is just creeped tf out by Edward and just tells her dad about him and one thing leads to another and just like... somehow Charlie is shooting him. That's it, that's the au. The shooting him thing doesn't work ofc and then there's that to address about finding out about them being vampires. It's a whole mess and I want it to be messy.
Am I the only one who thinks the Cullens were massively stupid when it came to Bree? Cos, like, what tf do you mean 'she gave up and offered to work with us'?
JUST SAY SHE'S YOURS. Carlisle keeps turning people left and right, it'll be fine. Jesus Christ. Just fucking lie and say she was dying in hospital and Carlisle was like 'don't mind if I do'. He collects them anyway, so who's gonna question that?
Ooooh, that's too risky? THEN SAY SHE'S FROM FUCKING CANADA, WHO CARES. Seattle? Nah girlie pop hasn't been there once in her life. Never heard of Seattle, in fact.
Aro wasn't even there then, what is Jane gonna do? Risk both Carlisles and Aro's ire cos she wants to murder a random new born? Please.
Stop being so fucking honest for five minutes and lie a little.
She should have gotten better.
Got an early Christmas present from my bestie
This is exactly why she's my bestie.
Au where
Charlie's recently chief of police. He and Billy are living their lives as normally as one does in a small town like theirs. Two buds against the world, if you will.
The Cullen's start showing up and wow is that doctor hot-
Charlie questions that, a little too oblivious to his own sexuality, I mean, Billy's fine looking too, doesn't mean anything right?
There's attacks going on in the forest, around town too. Billy seems to think the Cullen's have something to do with that... but why? They're quite a nice family and these look like animal attacks if anything else. Still Billy warns Charlie to be careful of them.
That doctor, Carlisle... he's rather sweet and so is his wife when Charlie's distraught of the latest victim, they're a comforting presence.
Billy's words still linger in his mind, he's never been wrong before but how can this lovely family really be behind something so gruesome?
Charlie catches Carlisle in the act, or so he thinks. Charlie doesn't get the chance to find out what's going on, he isn't sure if he wants to know. The idea Carlisle might really be behind these attacks makes something in his chest hurt.
He tells Billy, Billy stays silent but he's thinking, Charlie can tell.
He runs into the Cullen kids, eyeing them wearily, are they just like their dad?
Charlie gets attacked, not by Carlisle like he initially thought but by three people, two men and a woman.
He barely gets away. Carlisle saves him along side Billy but it's not how he was expecting.
What do you mean vampires and werewolves?
Carlisle didn't kill those people, it was those other three? Something about hearing that makes Charlie feel better. It probably shouldn't thought.
Ahem anyway gay yaoi dads in a supernatural (the series) vibe universe
Also I think all the blacks should be able to turn, like a dna thing and not "when the vampires are around" even though it would trigger for him anyway here bc the Cullen's move back earlier.
Bella can still show up but she's like a normal kid who happens to be friends with vampires and werewolves
(Not dating any of them bc her dad beat her to it and it'd be weird if she did)
I’m so funny.
say whatever you want about twilight movies but the first movie being nearly completely in cool tones while new moon is completely in warm tones to represent the difference between edward and jacob aka vampire vs werewolf was so peak. the cool tones in twilight grouped bella with the cullens since she was pale and looked kind of dead, but the warm tones in new moon showed the great contrast between how unlike humans cullens were, and how bella, with her little tanned, blushing face, didn't belong to them. Not yet, at least.
Sighs
Sometimes they get a little crossed over.
Twilight from Charlie's perspective is an absolute horror show. I really want a movie in his perspective.
I know nothing about twilight can someone elaborate
Ok so yk the sparkling Vampire movie?
I do know the sparkling Vampire movie :D
Yes well, with everything Bella gets up to, could you image everything from her dads perspective? Charlie has a heart attack everytime that girl gets up to anything. Breaks her leg, goes missing in the forest, disappears for 3 days and really it goes on.
Let me elaborate. I know of the sparkling Vampire movie
I have never seen the sparkling Vampire movie
Ah, my mistake. Well the main character, Bella, keeps doing reckless shit for her boytoy Vampire and her dad has no idea what's going on, only knowing his daughter is getting hurt and disappearing all the time. The twilight movies would probably be a horror movie for him.
Doesn't she get pregnant. Where was he then hello. She's off doing all this shit and he's just? Watching ig lmfao
"Oh no. My daughter. She's broken. Anyways"
She got pregnant on her honey moon and gave birth like a week later I think or a few days at the least. Super speedy growing baby.
I
Holy stretch marks?
Is her uterus okay?
Hahahahaha, no.
It kills her
But then she lives (kinda?) and all is well
It's really not for those who are squeamish (like me) it's so uncomfortable to watch the part where she "gives birth" and oh god the sounds. Pretty sure her uterus gets bitten into just to help the baby out.
The way my jaw dropped
I thought this was like a cutesy girl meets problematically older guy teenaged hormone young adult book? Is it not a cutesy girl and Vampire book? What???
It's pretty much like that
Only if you ignore everything else lol. Bella is just very horny for the immortal 17 yr old *cough* 104 *cough* and is terrified of growing old
And other vampires want them dead and stuff... to sum it up to its simplest form.
