🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 @beyondexistential - Tumblr Blog

thenatsdorf

bee-dot-exe

The slide and snuggle is a favorite of my two

viostormcaller

IM GONNA CRY

honey-dippers-deactivated201907

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

paramud

The hardest drug I can picture John Mulvaney doing is a bottle of tums

ebhenah

John Mulaney looks and sounds a LOT like the friend I had in high school that had his dad (who had a doctorate in chemistry) making him LSD to sell for spending money. I think I knew him for five years before I ever encountered him NOT high as balls. His best friend had that same ‘50′s wholesome boy next door’ vibe. I once walked in on him deep throating the landlord in his kitchen. I squeaked in surprise, he held up one finger in the universal ‘hang on’ gestured, opened the fridge, blindly grabbed a beer, and tossed it to me- all without missing a beat. There wasn’t even a party going on. To the best of my knowledge he was not in any way involved with the landlord, nor was he in a position where he was likely to be coerced into some kind of real life porno ‘bjs for rent’ scenario. He just… did that… for… some reason that was never adequately explained to me. When I returned to the living room and told my friend (the one that sold the LSD his dad made) what I saw, he just shrugged and said “practice.”

What?!?!

Another time we showed up for a potluck and pregaming and their apartment was killed with chickens. Live chickens. Like a few dozen of them. The only explanation? “it’s a long story”.

One time I was offered tea, I said yes. The roommate asked what kind. I said “whatever you are having is fine”… and that’s how I tried magic mushrooms for the first time.

I once got a phone call from them asking for a favor. If they reimbursed me the gas, could I come pick them up- they’d also buy me dinner. They sounded out of their minds on something, so I said I would. I drove 3 hours to a payphone in a campground in the dead of winter to pick them up. There was no other tire tracks, just their footprints. Neither of them had any idea how they got there or what they had been doing for TWO DAYS, but they each had close to $300 in cash, and we wearing clothes neither of them recognized.

I am honestly amazed they are still alive.

TLDR: guys who look and sound like John Mulaney are like 99.999% WILD AS FUCK

chiribomb-deactivated20220820

Goals

chiribomb-deactivated20220820

I don’t remember this post at all but my reaction is still the same

zarohk

I’m 90% sure one of those two friends was my college English professor, and it’s wild hear about him again.

hilarioushumorfromouterspace

equallydeep-inyoureyes

We forgot about it

I once signed up to participate in a study on how depression affects memory, forgot I was meant to go do it, and when I emailed to apologise to the PhD student running it she basically told me that a) she was very used to this happening and b) the weird irony of her theories’ correctness making it very difficult to arrange proving them had by now gone from infuriating to hysterical

plain-flavoured-english

I went to the Grand Canyon when I was depressed and I literally forgot the whole thing. Like, the only reason I even know I was there is that I have photographs of myself standing in front of the Grand Canyon with dead eyes but i have absolutely no memory of it

People talk about depression like it’s just being sad all the time but straight up your brain stops working and sadness is just one of the many, many consequences of that