Orheiln

Thoughts and short poem dump acc

[bigphilosophercoffee]

I'm going to be updating with poems I made in the past 7 -ish years Hahaha here's the first

[bigphilosophercoffee]

I cherished the person I couldn't continue to be and I missed them ever so dearly.

[bigphilosophercoffee]

Oh to be a maiden who fell in love and dance with her shadows underneath a pale moonlight. Thinking of a home that she missed despite only experiencing it on her past life.

[bigphilosophercoffee]

Dumping a poem I made from the past. I felt like sharing it because I'm a bit older now but I still kind of relate to it:

One of these days,

I'm going to live far away

Cut my hair so short in length

Grow through self reflection and develop personal strength

One of these days I'll do what I've always wanted,

And never be taunted

By a responsibility placed on my shoulders

Screaming that my self worth be lowered

One of these days I will finally love with all my heart

Start a gallery with my personal works of art

Live in a house I designed by the lake

Shut off the world for sanity's sake

One of these days I will fly away outside my parent's nest

The heavy chains disappear off my chest

No more will I hear "back in my days.." alike

No more of my cries will they be able to downstrike

No more of the unstability that they've tried to ignore

No more of the madness they brought with their own discord

No more of the tears that convinced me I wasn't good enough

No more of the desperation to seemingly act tough

No need to constantly defend myself from one-sided fights

No more of the silent sobbing out of sight

No more prayers asking to move away soon

No need for tiptoeing in the dead of noon

No more words telling me "I believe in you"

But rather aknowledging my hardships and pain are valid too.

But these are just thoughts that I will think again some day

And I know my mindset in the future might change

For now, here my words shall be buried and laid

On paper texture, signed by the Deranged

[bigphilosophercoffee]

I could never hate my siblings for surpassing me. Rather, I could never forgive myself for not being better.

[bigphilosophercoffee]

It's 01:07 AM and here I am listening to Sleeping At Last with you and

I cannot help but want to bombard you with the voice of my heart using his songs as my message.

In another universe, I would've told you how happy I was that you liked me.

[bigphilosophercoffee]

Imagine this: Someone's in love you, they're a total green flag, they're doing their best to court you properly and they know your not ready for relationships yet so they say they will wait for you and you know they will, but you also know you're not looking for love at this time, you like them and their actions are so sweet to you that you do end up liking them a bit more and it makes you want to try the idea of a relationship, however, there is a place in your heart that cannot grasp the possibility that the two of you together would end up well as a couple. That there is something in your heart whispering in your mind that it really wouldn't work out for many reasons and the biggest one being that you don't love them the same way they love you. So you stop them from pursuing you before they, as well as you, fall any deeper. You end up thinking this phrase as you watch their walking figure fade away from a distance. Regret aching in your bones, the scream itching to be let out agonizingly quiet.

You got me romanticizing the possibility of us

But somehow it just stayed that way,

I did not grow so fond of you that I would burn cities in your name.

[bigphilosophercoffee]

I feel a bit disappointed today.

It's so easy for people to feel righteously kind when they've done a good deed but they hesitate to even act upon it unless someone steps up.

It's always the "we need more people like them" and never the "we need to be one of those people".