I Want To Line The Pieces Up

Gamer, Dungeon Master, geek, INFP, straight, single, 24. He/whatever, I don't particularly care. Possibly a blog about stuff you'd like. My posts are almost exclusively queued at unreasonable times at night and posted automatically the next day. I post mostly about gaming, D&D, and things I find funny. If you wanna learn more about me and the stuff I post, the "About Me" tag is probably your best bet. Still a Christian, but probably screwed if we're saved by works. If you're one of my mutuals and would like to join one of my D&D campaigns, throw me a message on here!

[billeh007]

Me: Fails high school math in high school

Also me: Fails high school math in uni

Me, applying for high school math for the third time:

[billeh007]

Oh, as a side note, I’m developing a game right now, so if any of you actually still follow me and wanna keep up with what I’m doing, you can follow me on my indie studio’s Twitter or Facebook, or if we interacted at all and you wanna be actual friends message me on here and I’ll send you my personal Facebook

[billeh007]

I hardly ever use Tumblr anymore, so if I interact with one of your posts you are one of the chosen ones

[catharticboredom]

Sirfetch’d straight up fucking kills you

[retrogamingblog]

source

[billeh007]

@bobbi-has-no-hobbies

[dailydungeondelves]

This happened last night and now I’m so tried aaaaaaahhhhhh

[thorthedorkworld]

I’m screaming why does Mamma Mia fit every fight scene so perfectly ajkaslajjddhhajadkjfh

[dmofstormandsea]

this video is what dnd feels like

[breelandwalker]

ROLL INTIATIVE

[lywinis]

@kamibanani

[freshairandspearmint]

@shelivesindaydreams

Also, @billeh007, petition for the night fight scene music to be ABBA if I ever show up again

[billeh007]

@freshairandspearmint keywords being "if I ever show up again"

Speaking of, @ all my mutuals, if you ever want to come try out D&D you're more than welcome to message me and come join us :)

[kingslacky]

[changelingsrule]

@billeh007

[nottyouraveragegoblin]

You know, I see a lot of posts out there about dumb shit that players do and while all of those posts are incredibly valid, I feel like this is dumbass DM erasure. I dearly love every story about bards who seduce the final boss and warlocks with sugar daddies and all that BUT I think DMs are greatly misunderstood to all be these serious controlling entities who just want their players to follow through with their perfectly planned scenerios. Here’s to all the dumbass DMs out there who:

- forget their NPC names and constantly make up new names for unimportant recurring NPCs when the players see them in hopes that they wont remember

- plan a whole dungeon around one (1) spongebob reference that they really wanted to fit in

- accidentally give two NPCs the same name bc you just pull from a list and you forgot to cross it off

- choose to homebrew everything bc they have an Artistic Vision but the vision is just that you want there to be three gnomes in a trench coat selling sketchy magical items somewhere in the setting

- use the same dumbass voice for every NPC but with different 90s surfer slang for different characters

- make just awful items and make their players buy them (I’m currently working on the “Ross From Friends” tramp stamp of +1 AC)

- realize they only have 28 minutes before the next session to plan and instead make text posts on tumblr.com

Anyway if any DMs want to add onto this with some dumbass shit they’ve subjected their players to feel free

[billeh007]

To add to the list:

-Run a game while half asleep and accidentally call a new NPC by a player name and just run with it

-Spend two hours homebrewing a magic item just to realize it's already a thing in the DMG nearly word for word (Flask of Iron, if you were wondering)

-Get distracted while your players are strategizing and realize you've missed their whole conversation

-Spend the whole session winging everything because you didn't realize it was D&D night

-Use a dumb derpy voice for every large friendly NPC and hope the players don't catch on

[hotboyproblems]

does it scare you that in less than 3 months it’ll be 2014

[forgamers]

[crunchthedeerstroyer-deactivate]

I one time did a campaign in DND where the entire party woke up in a trash heap, memories wiped, when a man in shining white armor approached them. He helped them up, healed them, and helped them escape what was essentially the dump and find their way into the sunlight. He told them of the tale of a wicked king of immense power who bargained for his abilities from a demon, hoping to save his kingdom, and succumbed to the evil after his wife died. The wife had a pearl necklace, and it was the man’s duty to find those pearls, because they held a magic in them that could defeat the king. 

This particular NPC was startlingly overpowered at first, right a long the levels of 6 while everyone else was just starting out, and he helped them along in the most dire situations, healing, defeating, and even resurrecting for them. There would be periods where he would be gone, and the party would have to face a crypt full of mummies together, or dive into the deepest parts of the ocean and retrieve these milky white pearls that would give them the ability to help their friend and defeat the wicked king. Slowly, their memories came back to them, and that was a stark comfort for them, but the entire time, there seemed to be a piece missing. 

After they retrieved 5 pearls (they broke the 6th one), they journied with the man to the wicked king’s castle, and fought their way through endless ranks of guards, undead, demons, and even a lich, until they made their way to the sacred bed chamber of the king, that they all remembered the story of from before they had awoken in that garbage pile. They opened the doors, only to find it empty, save the usual furniture, marred by scratches and the ancient scrawl of demons. The man in the white armor sighed and walked into the bedroom. 

And his armor changed from white to pitch black, and the whole party remembered suddenly. That was the face of the wicked king, the face that smiled at them whenever he healed them, the face that looked stern as they suggested stupids things to find the pearls. Apparently, in lapses of the demon’s control, the king had found a way to set him self up for defeat, by bringing his wive’s pearls along with brave, powerful warriors. Every absence he felt was where he had to return to the demon’s control and become the wicked king again, but he was determined to fight himself, to rid his own evil from the world, to end this curse of immortality and see his loved one again. 

I made the party fight the final boss, and they saw the eyes of a friend. 

They all cried, and I am no longer allowed to DM for them.

[fuckyeahsnackables]

GLORIOUS.

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

Excellent DMing!

[freshairandspearmint]

@billeh007

[billeh007]

OOF

[themanicnami]

What does my D&D group do?

They try to seduce trees in hopes the trees will give them directions. Normal pine trees.

[billeh007]

@changeling-collective it's you

[billeh007]

no u

no u

[billeh007]

Everyone is doing a great JOB! Except BILLY

This sounds like @bobby-has-no-hobbies or @randomcanfly

[billeh007]

re: first fight when i actually show up again: BRING IT ONNNNNNNNNNNN #fireworksforall

Though to be fair you can't TURN this one into fireworks, but you could definitely HIT it with them

[mihri-the-sasscatte]

Size comparison of Y’gathok, the Ceaseless Hunger and Bjorn, our level 20 Goliath Barbarian.

[professorsparklepants]

Hey quick question: why the FUCK do you have that

[kittyopteryx]

Imagine, from out of nowhere, your dm casually slapping this thing down on the table like any other encounter.

[mooretimetoplay]

“Yeah, the fight will start in a sec, uh…I’ll give inspiration to whomever helps me get this fucking box out of my car.”

[necrowemancer]

https://www.reddit.com/r/DnD/comments/7asxci/oc_ygathok_the_ceaseless_hunger_final_boss_of_our/ This is the reveal of this ridiculousness during their game

[jelloapocalypse]

Please watch this reveal video it’s kickass

[creepsandcrawlers]

FUCK ME  the reveal video

[threefeline]

“CHRIS??????”

[tanoraqui]

“Um, I don’t think our plan is gonna work.”

[8bitmickey]

[ratsatthesoupstore]

@dragonfuckerllc

[freshairandspearmint]

@billeh007 and whoever else is DND-ing when I don’t show up like a goof

[billeh007]

whAT I NEED IT

Also @freshairandspearmint this is going to be the fight the first time you actually show up again

@changeling-collective

[billeh007]

Whispers loudly in your ear: "HAY WELCOME TO ASMR! TODAY WE ARE GOING TO RELAX TO THE SOUND OF NAILS ON A CHALK BOARD! Next we will listen to the sound of my counting my sweet sweet youtube monies. Sooooooo Relaxing! Like Comment And Subscribe! Like Comment And Subscribe!"

not like this