Alyssa, '98 liner, I don't have a life anymore thanks to Kpop. Very multi-fandom but I ult Astro 🌙⭐, Ateez 🏴☠️, and Stray Kids🚦 I have too much love to give so I scream about it in my weird tags. Also, I make mood boards. So if you would like one, feel free to request! I have a writing side blog, too. This is a safe place, always. OK ily bye 💜🧡
Almost five years ago, in January of 2019, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "Word on the Street," had been plagiarized.
I remember that the stolen fic was posted in k-pop fandom, though not what specific band it related to -- I'm not into k-pop, or really into pop music at all.
I remember that the person who messaged me told me that they had found my fic because the plagiarist had a reputation for stealing fic, so when they'd posted a new story, this person had known to do some digging.
I don't remember what the plagiarist's username was. I remember scanning the stolen story, trying both to read every detail and to avoiding taking any of it in, because looking at that right-but-wrong, not-quite-there, uncanny-valley-ness of it made me queasy.
I remember being darkly amused that the plagiarist had cut out the reference to the main character suffering physical abuse at the hands of his father -- I guess it didn't make sense in the context of the new character. It's almost like the story wasn't written for him. It's almost like someone wrote the story about Adam Parrish, instead.
I filed an AO3 complaint, on the grounds that this was a blatant and unarguable violation of their plagiarism policy. Within twenty-four hours, they got back to me, and the story was removed.
It was a weird, uncomfortable, gross feeling, knowing someone had taken words I'd written and passed them off as their own.
But at the same time -- "Word on the Street" was a silly thing I dashed off pretty quickly, during a period of my life when I was doing a lot of writing. It hurt to have it stolen. It was a violation. But…I had other words, that were more important to me. Maybe that was a buffer.
-
Last month, about six weeks ago, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "there's talk going 'round this town," had been plagiarized.
I was, bizarrely, amused.
I was less bizarrely furious. I was understandably, relatably, I would say rationally, furious. But in a way (and as always, when I say in a way, I am calling back to the scholars of overthinkingit.com for whom in a way is meant as the thing I have just said or am about to say is false) -- in a way, I was amused.
The plagiarist clearly did a 'find and replace' on the character names, to replace Adam and Ronan's names with those of k-pop characters. They did a bad job of it, since the name "Ronan" still appears in one paragraph and the name "Parrish" still appears in two paragraphs. The fic is here, in case anyone doesn't believe me, under the name "i do(n't remember)". At first when I complained about the fic on tumblr, I didn't mention the name, or which fic they'd stolen, because I was worried about anyone…I don't know, making a scene. I've stopped caring. AO3 user springguk is bad at find and replace and they should feel bad. About their computer skills, and also about their blatant plagiarism.
springguk also did some more edits to my fic, I have to give them credit for that. I wrote "there's talk going 'round this town" within a relatively short time span, for me. I tend to either finish things within one week, or else take several months. I believe this one took about five or six weeks completely to write -- I was very inspired.
(I was inspired, specifically, by the press coverage of Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves 'discovering' they might be 'accidentally' married. I mention that in my author's notes. springguk doesn't mention what 'inspired' them in their author's notes. I wonder how they talk about it with friends. They do, in their author's notes, include a link to their ko-fi, and a request that people buy them a coffee.)
If I'd taken longer with this fic, I might have made some edits. Even at the time, I knew I was being self-indulgent in letting the scene with my teenage female OC talk at such length with Ronan about what his non-canonical film career had meant to her, a person the audience didn't care about. But I had fun. I liked Fox. I didn't want to cut her, and what the hell, it was fanfic. I decided to self-indulge.
I was darkly amused to find that springguk did cut out the scene with Fox from their plagiarized version. Maybe springguk is a more disciplined editor than I am. Maybe springguk just didn't have a good k-pop character to map Fox onto. Maybe springguk didn't even realize that Fox was an OC. Do you know anything about the fandom you steal fics from, springguk? I can't help but wonder. Have you read The Raven Cycle? Do you care about teenage OCs who steal cars because of fake films that are clearly meant to be stand-ins for The Fast and the Furious franchise?
Maybe springguk just didn't give a fuck, because none of their heart and soul was poured into this fic. I cared too much about Fox. springguk doesn't care about a single word in the fic they published. Why would they? They didn't write it.
I'm being a little mean in naming them so many times. But I'm able to, this time, because although I filed a plagiarism complaint with AO3 six weeks ago, springguk's stolen fic "i do(n't remember)," is still available to read on AO3 to this very day. I don't have to wrack my brains to remember what their username was, or which k-pop band they recast my work with. I can just look at their fic with its 24 comments and 151 kudos. Hell, maybe that fic is even better than mine, if you don't mind that by cutting the sequence with Fox they've sacrificed a fairly substantial development in the romantic relationship, and also if you don't care that at one point the characters names switch from Jeongguk and Taehyung to Ronan and Parrish, because seriously, for fuck's sake, if you're going to steal a fic at least do a goddamn ctrl+f at the end.
I was mad. I was amused. I made a complaint that the AO3, six weeks later, has still not acted on. I mostly moved on.
-
Tonight, someone I'd never met before reached out to tell me that one of my Pynch fics, "while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now," had been plagiarized.
I wanted to vomit.
I was supposed to be playing Dungeons and Dragons online with friends tonight; I spent the entire call unable to focus on anything anyone was saying. I had to keep reminding myself that I was on camera and my face wasn't supposed to look like that.
"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is the first of a series of, currently, twelve fics. skytoseungmin, the person who stole it to pass it off as their own work, knew this. Their stolen version was published as part one of a series, though they hadn't published any of the sequels. Presumably, they wanted to wait long enough to make it plausible they'd gone and written the follow ups, instead of just finding them.
skytoseungmin likely didn't know that this fic and this series are intensely personal. They didn't know that the apartment that Adam -- Seungmin, in their ill-gotten version -- lives in, that was based in part off of the apartment I lived in for a year in Pico-Robertson with talldecafcappuccino. They didn't know that the 7-Eleven Adam buys coffee at is the same one I used to tease talldecafcappuccino for buying coffee at. They didn't know that the strip club where Adam and Ronan have their humorously ill-timed romantic revelation outside of, that was the strip club I used to use as a landmark when giving people directions for how to navigate the confusing as fuck freeway exit I lived near, which once caused me to accidentally tell my highly Catholic parents "just go past the strip club and you're good!"
skytoseungmin didn't know that the apartment Adam -- sorry, Seungmin, thoroughly, they were better with find and replace than springguk -- lived in, was also based off of my ex's apartment in Palms, where I as the mere visiting girlfriend was never allowed to park in the parking lot. Where I would sometimes have to spend twenty or thirty minutes circling the neighborhood before I could find parking, often a walk of several minutes away. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when Ronan's car get towed from a McDonald's parking lot, that that was a specific McDonald's on Venice Boulevards, the same one my ex's asshole roommate used to just roll his eyes and say that I should park at. skytoseungmin doesn't know that I once wished passionately that I had just parked in that McDonald's parking lot and risked getting towed, on the occasion that a man followed me several unlit blocks from my car. skytoseungmin doesn't know that when I talk about how helping someone park is the truest love language there is in Los Angeles, that that was what I meant. Has skytoseungmin ever had to circle to half an hour to find parking in Los Angeles? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone enough to do that, instead of saying, fuck it, they can come to me or we're breaking up? Has skytoseungmin ever loved someone in Los Angeles enough, to do as my ex did, and come running as fast as humanly possibly when their girlfriend called them whispering and crying on the phone, someone's following me, please, I'm scared, I wish I just parked at the McDonald's?
"while we're on the subject, could we change the subject now" is a very personal fic.
It isn't half as personal as some of the fics that come after.
skytoseungmin marked their plagiarized version of the fic as part one of a series. Were they planning on stealing part two, where I, through an alternate universe characterization of Ronan Lynch, dig into my experience of grief and trauma surrounding my grandmother's dementia? Were they planning on stealing any of the explicit fics, where I play with kink and desire in ways I haven't even exposed to my actual sexual partners, but where I felt able to through the guise of fandom? What else was skytoseungmin planning on stealing, with charming little author's notes apologizing for how they missed the fandom-relevant date they were shooting for, because they were so busy with exams, tee-hee! Why the excuses, skytoseungmin? how long does it take you to ctrl+f, even if you are more thorough about it than springguk?
If I seem too accusatory and mean-spirited toward skytoseungmin, well, the LA verse is a very personal fic.
And it's also, it turns out, only one of eight different fics that they stole from me.
I didn't even notice at first, to be honest. I was too stunned. But my friend Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went to my defense and clicked through to the author's page, while I was still reeling at the horrible possibilities of part one of a series. It turned out, of eight fics on skytoseungmin's author's page…I had written every single one of them.
Some were short and pretty lighthearted, things I hadn't had to invest too much of myself into -- like I said, sometimes, I can write a fic in under a week.
Other things…
They stole the space western AU.
I don't think I can articulate to any human being how much that hurt me, to look at it, to see.
I wrote that as a thank you gift for someone who donated to Fandom Trumps Hate.
I spent nearly two years of my life on it -- two years during which, because of mental health issues and life situation changes, my words per year dropped precipitously. I still haven't recovered. I still think of what a failure I am for not writing more, currently, actively, and I remember how the space western AU was both a symptom of that and a defiance of it: yes, writing has become fucking hard, fucking NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE, but I'm still doing it, goddamn it, you can't stop me, even if all I produce is the tiniest trickle of words a month. it can still add up, somehow, if we just keep TRYING.
To see the space western AU, casually nestled amongst a half dozen other fics that were all apparently casually dashed off in the same month…I know it was theft, I know it was a lie, but it still felt like a slap in the face, why can't you write this fast?
Jessie, my Lady Galahad, went on a campaign of commenting on all of skytoseungmin's (my) fics, and I am so thankful. The k-pop fans who heard Jessie have been reaching out, to her, to me, to each other on Twitter, and I am so thankful for them too. skytoseungmin has deleted all of their (my) fics on AO3, and their entire AO3 account, and their entire twitter, apparently. Maybe they were hoping to get enough clicks to parlay them into some kind of book deal, and they'd now rather give up what was a low investment effort on their part than be associated with accusation of plagiarism.
I suppose they can always start over with a new user name and someone else's fics if they really want to.
I suppose they can always start over with a new username and my fics, if they really want to.
And after all, AO3 has still not reached out to me about springguk, and "i do(n't remember)" is still sitting there. Maybe springguk is also going for a book deal. Who knows?
Why complain about any of it?
In a way* (and remember what "in a way" means), isn't it a compliment, if someone loves the words I wrote, even if they don't know it was me that wrote them? toast-the-unknowing and shinealightonme, if they're the same name (and they are), then why not springguk or skytoseungmin, too?
Am I making too big of a deal out of this? Does everyone just have their work stolen from them, all of the time? Is that simply the cost of doing business in an era and an ecosystem where we all can copy and paste twenty-four thousand words with greater ease than our ancestors could transcribe a single phrase? Are more prolific, more famous, more successful fan authors looking at my piteous cries and thinking, bitch, you've only been ripped off by k-pop fans ten times, come back when you have real problems?
And yet in a month, a year, a whole life phase of not being able to write as much as I would like to, because of my health, because of my work, to have someone else just casually pass off the words I have managed to eke out, as though they have no value, as though it were no more than photo copying a shitty flier to stick under a windshield wiper…
I can't imagine springguk or skytoseungmin give a shit how I feel about any of this. At best, they roll their eyes; at worst they laugh to know they hurt me -- and what's the difference between the two? I'll never know either way.
I know that some of the people they duped do care, and are also upset. That helps. And also, it doesn't help.
I just fucking hate all of this, and if all I have are words, and if my words are valuable enough for someone to steal, then here, here are enough of them to choke on. I know I did.
(I thought I posted this last night but I just had it saved in my drafts god damnit I'm late 😭)
HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY MY SWEET LITTLE SCAREDY-CAT ❤️❤️❤️ I'm having an extra tough time with words lately but I just wish you could know how much I adore you, how much you mean to me, how much you've helped, inspired, and strengthened me. You're sarcastic and odd, in the best way possible of course, but one of the most loveable human beings and I wouldn't have you any other way. You're honestly a mood the majority of the time and I can't count how many times you've made me cry laughing. You have the voice of an angel but you can be such a little devil sometimes, too. Really, you're perfect and biasing you was a damn good decision on my part 😌 I'm so proud of you, baby. You've come so far and you're so strong. You're such a wonderful big brother for all the boys to look up to and you're an inspiration for Stay, too. Thank you for everything. I love you so so much, precious kitty ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Happy birthday, Minho 😚
I feel so bad, it's almost midnight and I'm just now getting to post about Chan's birthday 😔
I wish so badly I could do more than just make a lame post with a bunch of words that he'll never see. I've felt that with all the boys birthday posts, but something is different with Chan. There's nothing I want more than for Skz to be happy and healthy and for them to absolutely thrive and every single one of them deserves a world of beautiful, wonderful, good things.
But Chan, our dear leader, if I could give you all the universes and galaxies, I would. You give so much for your boys and for Stay and I think I speak for all Stay when I say that we don't know how to repay you other than to love you with our entire beings. You've given so many of us a safe place, an escape from our emotionally taxing realities, an oasis in this desert hell of a world. And for that, we can't thank you enough.
I know personally, I've struggled with my mental health for many years and I truly feel like no matter how much therapy I've under gone, no matter how many doctors I've seen, no matter how many coping skills I've been taught, nothing has helped me quite like Stray Kids and their music and their support as a whole. For being my crutch through times when I was barely crawling, for just holding my hand when I felt like I was doing something on my own, for bringing a smile to my face or making me laugh when I genuinely thought it was physically impossible to do so, for being a release, a friend, a confidant, for giving me a will to live through the days that don't feel worth it in the moment, for giving me something to pour my love and adoration into, for inspiring me when I couldn't find inspiration and felt like it was gone forever, for just existing - there really aren't enough words in any language to express my thankfulness.
Chan, you are a prince to all of us Stay. You joke about it all the time, but you really are fantastic boyfriend material, and I'm not talking about your shirts! But really, you're just a wonderful, gifted, amazing person and to bask in the glow you radiate is a privilege in and of itself. Thank you for existing and for being born. You've made so many lives better through your hard work and your smile and by just being you. Thank you, so so much.
There's so much more I wish I could say but I don't really know how. Just know that I love you to the moon and back and I'm so immensely proud of you, Chan. You're incredible.
Precious puppy, happy birthday ❤️ You shine so bright, my love. When I say your eyes hold other universes, I truly mean it - I could get lost in your sparkly universes. You smile is so infectious and I just know I would do absolutely anything to make you show that beautiful smile or to hear you laugh. You are so talented and you possess one of the most enchanting voices I've ever had the privilege of hearing. I'm so proud of how far you've come and I can't thank you enough for bringing me so much joy, so many smiles, so many squeals of pure happiness. You're just the cutest, most precious boy and I love you so so much. Happy birthday, Minnie, my sky full of sunshine ❤️
So I tried my hand at digital art for the first time and this is the result. I know it's not that great but like, I've never done this before so 🤷🏼♀️ It's taken me since the end of May so I've spent quite awhile on it. And I'm decently proud of something I did for once haha. The coloring got a little effed up when I saved the file, not sure how that happened but whatever, so the hair and lips read much more intense than I actually made them. But first times, something's bound to screw up 😂
So in honor of Seungmin's birthday, here is his cute face! I doubt I did him justice but I tried my best haha (Can anyone really do him justice tho? He's too precious 😔) Anywho, happy birthday, Minnie ❤️❤️❤️
Happy birthday, sweet sunshine boy ❤️ Thank you for always putting a smile on my face when things are difficult - I could stare at your smile for the rest of my life and never get tired of it. You and your beautiful face covered with lovely little constellations has brought so much light into my life and I don't want to think about the darkness I'd be in if it weren't for you. You're so strong and loving and joyful and I'm so proud of you. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me, Lixie. You deserve everything good and wonderful in this world. Never lose your smile, pretty baby. I love you more than words can say ❤️
Happy birthday to the cutest squirrel/quokka to ever exist!!! Thank you for always putting a smile on my face during the hard times. I think I'll always wonder if you're actually an angel disguised as a human -- you're honestly too precious and sweet and loving for this world. We don't deserve you, sweet boy, but thank you for being born bc you make the world a better place by existing. And that smile of yours, it could light up the darkest places and warm the coldest hearts. I love you so much you beautiful, dorky baby you ❤️❤️❤️
I'm... really upset in more ways than one right now. Hurt and disgusted and in disbelief and just so distraught for the boys. I'll be going thru my posts and deleting as much as I can of him. If I miss anything, please let me know.
How on earth did you manage to steal my entire heart? You little stinker!! You just waddled into top spot, didn't you? You are seriously the cutest, most precious, most adorable human being I've ever seen. You're unbelievably talented, so hard-working, so determined. You have an amazing sense of humor, you're loyal and loving, strong, captivating, and you belong on a stage because the world needs to know how wonderful you are. You bring joy to my heart every waking moment and I truly hope one day, face to face, I'm able to thank you for saving my life and making it worth living. There aren't enough words in any language to express how much I appreciate you, how much I love you, how much you inspire me. You are an angel on earth and I honestly believe I wouldn't be the person I am today without you. I didn't know it was even possible to love someone I don't even know this much. You've helped me, encouraged me, given me strength, made me smile when I didn't know I still could, made my heart squeeze like no one else. That smile of yours, those eyes, your boopable nose, those sweet chubby cheeks, I adore every inch of you! And I have so much more I wish I could say but I feel like I don't have the words. In any case, thank you for being born, Changbin. I love you to the moon and back. Happy Birthday, Binnie ❤️
🌻🌼💛 a gentle reminder to get up and stretch, grab something to drink (and a snack if you can manage it) and message someone that you care about, make today a good day💛🌼🌻
that moment when your insane mother complains about your mood not being consistent and promptly rearranges all the medications you take for your mile long list of issues so you don't know where anything is. MAYBE THIS IS WHY I'M FUCKING INSANE?? like first of all, don't touch my stuff. second of all, /definitely/ don't touch my medications and rearrange them to the point where i can't find the med i need to take?? even my dad got royally pissed at her (mainly bc she also "organizes" his stuff w/out permission) but seriously!! you complain about my inconsistent mood but screw up the things that work to keep my mood consistent aND WONDER WHY IT'S FUCKING INCONSISTENT HMM I WONDER WHY!!!??! (and you barge into my room at the ass crack of dawn bc you think i have symptoms of a heart attack, ma'am mayhaps you need these meds more than i do) but <- that's a whole other story
i'm losing what little is left of my mind 🙃
i'm sorry i ranted
ok bye
P.S. Day 2 of being 22: not all that fun. and it's only 7:45AM. and i haven't slept yet. i'm fine. 🙃
P.P.S. here's a pic to maybe make up for me complaining (if you even read this far)
i think im late sjshfh so happy belated birthday !!!! hope you have been doing well take care ily 💕💕
It's ok, love bug! I posted very late in the day so that's on me! No worries ❤️ but thank you!!! I've been doing my best and I hope you're doing good too! ily2 ❤️❤️❤️
Omg Aly HAPPY BDAY!! I swear I have your bday on my calendar but I never check my calendar till hella late 🙃 hope you have a relaxing day, you deserve it!! 💜💜🥳🥳
Aww that's so sweet of you to even have it on your calendar 😭 thank you so much, darling ❤️❤️❤️
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
prguitarman
pixelskylines
gummygunk
