bisexual pest control

[morxwar]

[99-rebdoomer]

this dude knows whats up

[ultimatelustforlife]

𐙚⋆.˚

[bisexualterminix]

Write whatever fanfic you want but the thing about Shane Hollander is that he is 1. gay and 2. farsighted and 3. Canadians do not call apartments "flats".

[color-palettes]

Cosmic Surfin' - Submitted by: fastman27

#341646 #4A2299 #9AAAE4 #D3D9E7 #EBBEE2 #EC87B3

[frcknbutayaki]

link? but it's just rachel reid—a growing collection

[falterfreundin]

@shanehollandertwentyfour

[nest-of-shiny-things]

every day people are out here weaving elaborate fictional narratives for nhl players meanwhile pwhl players will just straight up say shit like “we were skinny dipping with team canada while training for the olympics and a shooting star passed overhead and no one else saw it but us and we locked eyes and thus began a secret teammate romance that almost fell apart after we lost the gold medal but the next time our teams played against each other she chased down my team bus after the game to win me back and seven years later we were married and I said in my wedding vows that she was the wish I had always dreamed of and I didn’t realize it until now.” anyway true story and it happened to my girl laura stacey.

[nest-of-shiny-things]

every day people are out here weaving elaborate fictional narratives for nhl players meanwhile pwhl players will just straight up say shit like “we were skinny dipping with team canada while training for the olympics and a shooting star passed overhead and no one else saw it but us and we locked eyes and thus began a secret teammate romance that almost fell apart after we lost the gold medal but the next time our teams played against each other she chased down my team bus after the game to win me back and seven years later we were married and I said in my wedding vows that she was the wish I had always dreamed of and I didn’t realize it until now.” anyway true story and it happened to my girl laura stacey.

[jiminy-crickets]

heartbreaking: this heated rivalry fic author has no idea how hockey works

[jiminy-crickets]

warm up doesn't end with them starting the game....

[jiminy-crickets]

it's alternate captain NOT assistant captain!

[jiminy-crickets]

there is nothing in the world that a player could do to "break a goalpost" and they also can't "stomp on a puck and split it in half"

[jiminy-crickets]

NHL teams are not sharing a tunnel!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

ILYA ROZANOV AND SHANE HOLLANDER ARE NOT GETTING SENT DOWN TO THE MINORS NO MATTER HOW GAY THEY ARE!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

i don't care that it's the all star game they are NOT UP BY SEVEN!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

THE TEAM CAPTAINS DO NOT RUN PRACTICE THE COACHES DO!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

There is no extended break around Christmas!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

ROOKIES ARE NOT MAKING "MORE MONEY THAN THEY EVER IMAGINED" BECAUSE 1) THEY DID NOT STUMBLE INTO THE NHL THEY HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES 2) ELCs START AT 750K A YEAR, THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY YES, BUT ALSO THAT IS AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY, EVEN IF THEY GET A CHUNKY FIRST CONTRACT THAT IS STILL AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

this is a canon nitpick not a how hockey works nitpick, but..... Shane won 2 cups with Montreal, Ilya won 1 cup with Boston, together they have three COMBINED cups, BUT neither Ilya NOR Shane are winning their INDIVIDUAL FOURTH CUP while on the centaurs (unless you've written them already winning a cup while on the cens) because 2+1=3 (Shane) and 1+1=2 (Ilya)

[jiminy-crickets]

if you're going to make your own names for teams that aren't mentioned in the book or show awesome! maybe just like.... check the list of NHL teams first???? because uhhhh......

the VANCOUVER CANADIANS?????

and the BUFFALO SABRETOOTHS?????

[jiminy-crickets]

WAGs aren't making posters to hold up at the game.

[jiminy-crickets]

defensemen are called defensemen because they are the skaters who defend the goal NOT because they are the skaters who take do the fights.

[jiminy-crickets]

SHANE HOLLANDER AND ILYA ROZANOV DO NOT HAVE ROAD ROOMMATES AT THEIR BIG AGE!!!!!! THE NHLPA BARGANED THAT OUT OF EXISTENCE (except for players on ently level contracts) IN TWENTY FUCKING THIRTEEN!!!!!! this inaccuracy is unforch reinforced by the show and the book which has Ilya rooming with Connors and Shane rooming with Hayden long after their ELCs would've been done. HOWEVER I am choosing to believe that the book and show is NOT inaccurate, but simply that the NHLPA is somehow even more useless in the game changer universe than it is in our universe.

[jiminy-crickets]

Players from opposing teams are not doing locker room media scrums together!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

Neither shane nor ilya nor scott nor troy not hayden nor ryan nor nor nor nor will ever ever and i mean EVERRRRR win SEVEN (7) STANLEY CUPS! That is not happening in this universe, or the game changer universe! that is not how the sport of hockey has worked in DECADES PLURAL!!!!! there are nine (9) players TOTAL who have won seven (7) Stanley cups and the last time any of those bitches won was..... NINETEEN SEVENTY NINE (1979)!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

weeknight hockey games typically start at 7pm and end at 9:30ish plus showering, media, and commute, Hayden Pike is getting home LONG after his children have gone to bed.

[jiminy-crickets]

NHL TEAMS ARE NOT DRAFTING GUYS WHO ARE ONLY "OKAY" AT HOCKEY!!!! AND THEY ESPECIALLY AREN'T DOING IT WHEN THEY'RE FIVE FOOT SIX!!! (5'6)

[jiminy-crickets]

a 6-2 win is neither breathtaking NOR record breaking. that's a normal ass blowout.

[jiminy-crickets]

TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPS TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPS TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEAMS.

DO.

NOT.

TAKE.

BUSES.

ON.

ROADTRIPS.

[jiminy-crickets]

general managers are NOT coaches and VICE VERSA (troy ryan is an idiot and should not be looked to for inspiration) coaches don't make trades! and gms don't run practices!!! (NEITHER DO THE CAPTAINS!!!!!)

[jiminy-crickets]

finding a secular french elementry school in MONTREAL QUEBEC is not a challenge.

[jiminy-crickets]

holy shit prev you're right shane did win a 3rd cup in montreal and i forgot because it's barely fucking mentioned in the books, and we DON'T SEE IT HAPPEN IN EITHER OF SHANE AND ILYA'S!!! IT GETS A THROWAWAY LINE IN THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE LONG GAME AND THAT'S IT!!!!!!

^ THAT'S IT!!! okay well it also gets mentioned a bit in ch4 because they bring the cup to the camp, but like STILL!!!! shane won a whole ass cup OFF OF THE PAGE?!?!?!

I do stand by the "ilya isn't winning his fourth cup" comment, because that incorrect fact is what lead me to write that addition to the post. Ilya has won one (1) cup.

[jiminy-crickets]

they aren't organizing whole team PR events for the second week of july!!! during second week of july at most only the guys with families are in town!!!! EVERYONE ELSE IS ON VACATION!!!!!!

and also THE PLAYOFFS ARE DONE BY JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

12 year old boys know what boners are

[jiminy-crickets]

defensemen don't take faceoffs

[jiminy-crickets]

god damn it not even my hockey RPF is safe, read a truly god awful fic and the authors note said like "tehehehe i don't know anything about hockey eveything i know about it i learned from heated rivalry" and like well number 1) i could fucking tell and number 2) why the FUCK ARE YOU WRITING HOCKEY RPF IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOCKEY??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO THESE MEN ARE??? IT WAS INSANELY OOC SO I'M GUESSING YOU JUST LOOKED AT THE DROP DOWN OF RELATIONSHIPS IN THE HRPF TAG AND PICKED ONE AT RANDOM!!! THIS IS ALMOST (BUT NOT AS BAD) AS WHEN I CAME ACROSS SOMEONE WRITING CJ JACKSON FIC WHO HAD NO IDEA WHO CJ WAS TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY WERE MISGENDERING CJ IN THE FUCKING FIC!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

This post is PRO Heated Rivalry and PRO Rachel Reid. This post is ANTI HR fic writers making erroneous hockey and also Shane winning his third cup off page (he could’ve just not won it! That would’ve been FINE!!) DO NOT DERAIL!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

If I see more than 3 lies in the tags the next time I open my notifs reblogs are getting turned off, I do NOT have the energy to be dealing with facts checking you idiots while I am 1000km away from home and using Tumblr on my phone!!!!! This was an “lol so funny vent” post for my mutuals (who are hockey fans) and it has gotten WAY out of hand with a bunch of HR fans writing lies!!! So DON’T lie and ruin it for everyone else. GOT IT???

[jiminy-crickets]

@shujube PLEASE don’t let this discourage you from reading the books, I really loved them, they’re up on my list for re-reading, absolutely *everything* I say in this post (except for my little scream about Shane’s third cup win being very off page) is my reaction to heated rivalry FANFICTION!!! Read on archive of our own!!! Not the books!!!! The very minor hockey issues with the books were few, far between, and served to further the plot. (And also… it’s a romance book, I can bitch and moan all day about Shane and Ilya’s cup wins not being on the page but, any editor worth their salt would’ve cut those scenes because it wouldn’t further the plot)

[especiallyintherapy]

Wyatt Hayes is my baby. I love him. He is a nerd, he is one hell of a goalie, he is an ally, he is a crack head, he is a comic book fan, he is a certified wife guy, he is an ao3 fanfic author, he is a tumblrina, he is is when fanboying/girling/personing over his interest, he is a philanthropist, he married Lisa!!!!, a doctor, he plays with Hollanov.

That man won a life.

[bisexualterminix]

I firmly believe Wyatt Hayes is in the ao3 comments on Stucky fics explaining to straight women that non-penetrative sex between men is real sex, actually.

[especiallyintherapy]

Yes you are correct, this is my canon now. ❤️

[rauko]

Cross Section Photography of Smoothly Polished Agate Minerals

[emmikay]

Shane Hollander: I think we’re going to have to limit Haas’s time with Marleau and Connors when we’re in Boston.

Ilya Rozanov: I don’t think that is really our place, but why do you say this?

Shane Hollander: All they do is teach him how to use american slang and it’s-

Luca Haas: Rise and grind, my dudes. Let’s eat today’s ass.

Shane Hollander: See?

[especiallyintherapy]

Wyatt Hayes is my baby. I love him. He is a nerd, he is one hell of a goalie, he is an ally, he is a crack head, he is a comic book fan, he is a certified wife guy, he is an ao3 fanfic author, he is a tumblrina, he is is when fanboying/girling/personing over his interest, he is a philanthropist, he married Lisa!!!!, a doctor, he plays with Hollanov.

That man won a life.

[bisexualterminix]

I firmly believe Wyatt Hayes is in the ao3 comments on Stucky fics explaining to straight women that non-penetrative sex between men is real sex, actually.

[vampfreakzz]

I'm so freaking bisexual right now

[notahungrywish]

Can I say something brave? I think it’s biphobia that we talk all the live long day about how Ilya lovessss Shane’s hole and tits (and he doessss he does he does) but fully ignore his canonical and beautiful obsession with his useless dick and huge balls.

This is spelled out so clearly in the book but also pretty obvious in the show. That man is also babying and torturing and being psychosexually obsessed with his mannnnnnnn’s junk and we should CENTER that. #mytruth

(I would also talk about how Shane is obsessed with Ilya’s ass and tits too but the people aren’t ready for it.)

[bisexualterminix]

Respectfully, for every five fics where Ilya refers to Shane's asshole as his pussy, there should be at least one fic where Ilya fucks a cis woman and calls her clit a dick. For science.

[ramslambsandwolves]

Why the fuck are y’all so uncomfortable with fictional characters occasionally making bad decisions? Especially in the HR fandom, like anytime Shane or Ilya behave in a way that isn’t ‘prince charming, wokest gayest hockey player’ yall attack the author and it’s like???????????

In a deleted scene Ilya’s teammates were talking shit about Shane and he doesn’t say anything. Like yeah, a perfect bf, even if he was a secret, would’ve said something. But Ilya is not perfect. Shane is not perfect. They have imperfect thoughts and do things that unintentionally hurt each other or perpetuate shitty social norms.

“Shane / Ilya would never do this.” Well they did. and it’s okay. I promise it’s okay. RR isn’t this fucking villain y’all wanna make her out to be just because the characters you like occasionally do shitty things.

Write your own fucking perfect characters then, but stop insisting you are just SOOO much more enlightened about the characters than the literal creators like you sound dumb as fuck saying shit like “#myshane/ilya would never’ in regards to things they CANONICALLY do. Like y’all are BIG delusional.

Also complaining about a DELETED SCENE? SOMETHING NOT INCLUDED IN THE STORY? Please touch grass and I’m dead ass.

[ilya-sweetheart]

broke: shane trading to boston so he can live with ilya full time and they can share rooms on roadie all the time <3

woke: shane trading to boston so he can room with connor connors his new bestie and have quiet time in the hotel rooms. watching tape and nature documentaries, discuss landscaping, order room service. socks on.

ilya and marley are partying rocking in their room next door

[thesinginglaundromat]