hollanov

hi this is ilya i will never listen to your voicemail Kat, she/her, 27, aries,

[ilya-sweetheart]

someone overhears ilya threatening shane with releasing an incriminating photo and the whole league and twitter goes wild because this is blackmail !!

so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander

instead it’s a picture of canadas golden boy hungover eating mcdonald’s for breakfast flipping off the camera wearing a raiders hoodie

[tinylilhollander]

Cliff: I will live bicuriously through you and Roz.

Shane: You mean 'vicariously'?

Cliff: I said what I said.

[bambicoded]

[madebymothman]

HE'S HERE! I actually had a lot of fun drawing this more semi-realistic Shanebug, and so now without furhter ado--

I'm hoping to get a code for Vgen with him! I'll be under the same name on there (https://vgen.co/MadeByMothman), so it'll be easy to find me, though all my old commissions I've done are signed under an old username and most of them are under an old reddit account pff

Also ty everyone for 100 followers!! Super psyched about that! <3

[plumeriyaaa]

“Lucky”

“The luckiest ;)”

(Polaroid from when the Hollander-Rozanovs tied the knot)

[lavenderprose]

At some point during some media thing Shane was asked the question "Walk us through your perfect day" and he had to basically ascend to another plane of existence to say "Aha well it starts with a protein smoothie for breakfast of course--" and never ever say anything that even resembles "I wake up and Ilya Rozanov is there and he eats my ass. I take a long hot shower and Ilya Rozanov is there. I make a protein smoothie with extra spinach and then I go for a run and Ilya Rozanov is there too. I come home and Ilya Rozanov is there and we eat salad for lunch. The dressing? Well--"

[firstprinced]

[allstarrocks]

spot the difference

[lavenderprose]

Shane also needs to interact with other gay men just to understand how truly lucky he is. He needs to hear someone go off about going on Grindr to find a top for the night and then finding out that all of the guys who have the 'Hung' tag on their profile are packing like five and a half inches at MOST and then Shane has to be like "Oh that. Yeah that sounds rough." Meanwhile he lost his anal virginity to a knockout with model looks who works out for a living and started their relationship by jerking his enormous hog at him in a communal shower which has always been one of Shane's top five fantasies. And he's literally never had to be on The Apps because he's the bottom of all time actually and the DomTop with the enormous dick imprinted on him like a fucking duckling the first time Shane came untouched under him which was, I cannot stress this enough, when he LOST HIS VIRGINITY.

Like shut the fuck up Shane Hollander how does it feel to be the chosen one. He has to confront all of this because he needs to know that he has, once again, won at life in every meaningful way. And then he can sit there like :] while that sad bottom over there bemoans the Grindr biome.

[madebymothman]

Shanebug insisted he didn't want ice cream but he's a filthy little liar (affectionate)

[ilya-sweetheart]

ilya Rozanov is the pinnacle of

“i must ride my carriage past my neighbour’s estate so she will see my new hat”

[hr-rep]

(Shane drunk w/ a little Russian accent) gimme kiss

[lavenderprose]

Like I just knooooow people are tired of them. Everyone knows without being told that they are having freak sex CONSTANTLY and that they are so in love about it. Like how does it feel to be together for twelve years married for one and you are STILL knocking the walls down every night. Everyone said it HAS to stop at some point and they are WRONG. Second season on the Cens Shane is still coming in routinely with bite marks on the BACK OF HIS SHOULDER and there is only one mathematical explanation for how they got there. Like ohhhh my name is Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov and the only thing I do is win Stanley Cups and have hot freaky athletic people sex with a man who would kill and die for me and I make MILLIONS OF MONEYS while doing it. I know people hate them.

[ilya-sweetheart]

king arthur pendragon was reborn as arthur pike and he has #thoughts about hayden pike but at least he’s better than fucking uther so

[ilya-sweetheart]

ilya talks in his sleep btw. it’s a combination of russian and english, and it never makes any sense, sometimes he will sit up abruptly and say one coherent sentence, before laying down peacefully

[ilya-sweetheart]

fat baby shane who kicked his feet in his sleep. cute.

fat child shane who started walking in his sleep. a terror.

david and yuna had to use a baby call for years into his childhood because shane would just get out of bed and wander wherever he felt like

usually to the car so he could get to practice

most nights david had to gently steer his sleeping son back into the house with the promise that practice was held indoors today won’t that be fun let’s go op the stairs ok buddy

[bees-reads]

After Shane takes a photo with the girls from the aquarium they post it online mentioning how he was there with his baby.

The post gets a bit of traction and eventually the media gets a hold of it.

At his next press conference one of the reporters decided to bring it up.

Reporter: Shane do you have any comment about the recent post showing you on a family outing with a baby?

Shane: uhhh, baby?

R: yes at the aquarium

S: oh you mean Arthur?

R: yes, sure. Do you have comment on who the mother of the child is?

S: Jackie

R: Jackie Pike?

S: yeah???

Obviously the internet explodes discussing how the Shane Hollander has just admitted to having an affair with his best friend’s wife that resulted in a baby! Until Shane had to clarify that he isn’t the father of the child, he was just fulfilling his uncle duties that day.

Hayden also had to say that he was *with Shane* at the time the photo was taken and that the girls asked him to hold “Shane’s baby” so that they could take a photo him with. The Shayden shippers are very satisfied by this and now have enough content to keep them going for 3-5 years.