well fuck.

hey y'all just here having weird thoughts

[bitching-existentialism]

Why do I have to be male or female, a binary non-binary or both? Can't I just be an enigma?

[bitching-existentialism]

Well well well look what the clock dragged in...

Hello Friday I've missed you xx

[bitching-existentialism]

My heart is filled with hate and it's only Tuesday

[bitching-existentialism]

Me looking regrettably at the store brand pizza I bought

"you don't have nearly enough mushroom or olives to be considered edible"

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ok it’s time i made a post on artisanal insect chocolate startups

[kodakrying-56]

hey gaud quick question. are you gonna fuckin explain this one?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

have a maggot, maggot

[dekatria]

Those came from some child’s corpse after dying in Charlie’s Chocolate Factory

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

jesus christ my dude

[bitching-existentialism]

Feeling magical today, put on extra glitter and flirted with Satan through the pentagram

[bitching-existentialism]

Why do wedges at the bowling alley just hit different?

[bitching-existentialism]

Oh to be as confident in my voice as a bird screaming bloody murder into the night.

[bitching-existentialism]

Pro tip: if a guy asks for you number give him your Instagram. That way you can see if he's a 40 yr old, married with kids, looking to get his dick wet and not the younger gentleman he would pretend to be if you were just texting.

Pro tip 2: tell him you're gay and watch your potential chance at homewrecking turn brain cogs, before sputtering and leaving you alone.

[bitching-existentialism]

Was babysitting and went to check on the kid in the bathroom... They were picking, licking, and eating the grouting from around the bathtub.

Needless to say I kept a closer eye on that kid after that.

[bitching-existentialism]

You ever get that angry-sad feeling? But you don't know if it was the weather, low blood sugar, dehydration, lack of sleep, or your upcoming period that caused it?

Yeah I hate that feeling.

[bitching-existentialism]

I feel like the world is eating me today, and really chewing hard with those back teeth

[bitching-existentialism]

Bitches be here feeling-

Stressed,

Depressed,

And not well dressed.

[bitching-existentialism]

A bitch slap and a booty slap are both spontaneous and leave lasting impressions on the recipient, and both can effect the reputation of all parties involved.

@showerthoughtsofficial

[bitching-existentialism]

Be brave, go out there and snap a brastrap.

Entertainment for the whole family, see how many people you can piss off today!

[bitching-existentialism]

Things I have said about small children I know:

Their taste in Disney music is shit.

I know she is 5 but she can shove it.

You don't pay me enough to listen to their screeching.

[bitching-existentialism]

Just thinking that in any position of endeavour, the bones are a good place to start.