Litter

A bitter letter to an unspecified individual.

[bitter-letter]

You told me I could talk to you about anything.

So I express some hopelessness. You judged me for feeling that way, then ignored me and forgot to reply—knowing how I feel about being ignored and forgotten—and doubled down the next time we saw each other. You admitted to not considering or thinking about how I was feeling, about what I’m going through. I know I should feel better than I do. I can’t always help it, the struggle to fight the darkness and dullness of depression can be overwhelming. I am glad you’re not familiar with the bleakness. But you don’t have to know what it feels like to be kinder in your reactions and responses.

[catchymemes]

[miseducatedmelanicmuse]

[worldwithoutmiracles]

“My thesis is that at many levels of human interaction there is the opportunity to conflate discomfort with threat, to mistake internal anxiety for exterior danger, and in turn to escalate rather than resolve.” (from Conflict Is Not Abuse by Sarah Schulman. highly recommend it if you’re interested in having better dialogues and feeling less defensive in your life)

[bitter-letter]

It is signs like these that show me how much I can make a difference. I choose to heal through my pain. I choose to love even when I am filled with resentment. I work on forgiving in spite of others’ denial instead of apologies.

[hiveswap]

You're not immune to being the bully btw. You're not immune to being in the wrong

[hiveswap]

"But i'm-" there is no identity or state of being that makes you immune to hurting someone. You can be convinced that you are in the right for doing so. You can be convinced that you're defending someone by doing so. You have always got to examine if you're taking pleasure in hurting someone or if you're actually doing something good.

[nirtonic]

[Image text: there's actually no political label or identity that absolves you of doing harm.]

[despazito]

we are the daughters of parents who should not have had kids

[laughconfetti]

[bitter-letter]

They were right. By choosing to care, I’m setting myself up for heartache too. I’m watching you let your heart break again. I can’t handle it anymore. So I guess I will just have to pretend to not care until eventually, hopefully, I no longer care. Gosh it hurts

[bitter-letter]

To the impatient prick who cut me off before the freeway on-ramp,

I hope you heard me scream my lungs out in uncontrollable, explosive anger when you proceeded to fuck up the merge, and that my rage instilled fear in you.

[bitter-letter]

If you didn’t pay for the food, news flash, you can’t just do whatever you want with it whenever you want.

[bitter-letter]

I again thought to greet good morning but remembered every other time it was only met with disdain, and I’m proven many moments over that I can’t be open, that my safe space is somewhere else. So I keep my door closed here.

[bitter-letter]

To my father,

Stop looking for reasons to be angry.

[bitter-letter]

I am indescribably mad at my parents, right now for more than neglect and abuse. They lack so much awareness and caution that they gave me COVID.

[bitter-letter]

The only job I’ve been able to get in a year is physically demanding, and I cannot magically fix whatever the hell is wrong with me, so don’t get mad that I have to limit how much I work, which may result in leaving that job. I will not kill myself for $16/hr and I can’t get better if I’m doing too much. I’m also taking classes. You make it so hard to exist.

[bitter-letter]

I don’t think I want to hate you, but right now I do. You know now that I understand you well, but you haven’t done anything to understand me. You don’t respect me, and for whatever reason refuse to listen to almost anything I say. I’ve known that for a long time, but it still hurts. It definitely feels like you don’t care. You make me wish I didn’t exist.

[bitter-letter]

I am becoming a safe space, and while you may feel safe around me in ways you should have made us feel yet never did, it is not for you. I will be safe for me, and I will be safe for my sister. One day, we will thrive, not just survive the trauma you inherited and multiplied.

[bitter-letter]

Stone heart, showcasing your name self-etched out of love and in no real pain.

Each letter groove filled with melted remains of memories, jaded and bittersweet.

[bitter-letter]

It’s a secret I didn’t even know I had. Until I heard about people going to the ER to find out they’d been experiencing a panic attack, I didn’t realize that my moments of sudden anguish that left me sobbing and gasping for air wasn’t a universal phenomenon. I thought everyone hid most of themselves, haphazardly concealed by a series of careful explanations and distractions to keep the truth from causing a scene. I thought it was normal to not always breathe right. But each story is a little different and now my world crumbles. The sun will rise again.