You know how Ilya says he started having sex at 13 or 14, and if we go by the book evidence Shane was dating and occasionally having (mostly oral) sex with women from sixteen or seventeen… Consider: neither of them really did the horny teenage making out for just ages with no goal in mind. How good is it for them when they stumble into just… doing that?
i did write about hollanov making out like teens in shane's childhood bedroom in this fic ofc. but obviously that is not the first time they discover this.
sex is definitely complicated for the both of them -- in very different ways. for ilya we have the fact that he certainly started having it too young. but he also really enjoys it as escape, as intimacy, as touch, as something he needs bc he is a very physical being. but you're right i don't think he was just making out with a girlfriend in hs or with sasha. there was always a goal in mind. to get off. to distract. to find comfort and physical relief from grief and his ugly home life and also he just really likes it. i don't want to pathologise ilya's relationship with sex but he certainly uses it as a means of escape/self-medicating/whatever you wanna call it. but also sex feels good and he's good at it and we all know ilya likes to be good at things. so he has fun and he loves being a whore and he is comfortable with his body and happy to be used and use others to get off. what he hasn't done is just kiss kiss kiss.
for shane its all so complicated it might as well be astrophysics. shane has enjoyed kissing. kissing is nice. girls have soft mouths and it feels okay and its fine that he has to squeeze his eyes tight and concentrate really hard when a girl goes down on him and its fine that he has to think of anything else when he returns the favour. its fine. he's never made out with anyone really. girls have kissed him and given him hickeys and tried to make out with him but shane is almost like a drill sargent about it. intent on getting them both off as quickly as possible so the experience is over. there is no lingering.
so the first time ilya kisses him shane feels it all the way down to his bone marrow. all his nerves feel tingly and he feels drunk and -- well, you see it in ep one -- he is leaning in for more and something in him just... ignites. and suddenly he is kissing and touching and wanting to get ilya off -- not to end it but because he really wants to make ilya feel good.
and then there's years and years of hook-ups and the kissing is a constant -- except for that time in vegas -- and ilya knows that the way they kiss isn't normal. he knows that the way he needs to kiss shane to feel good and satisfied is a fucking problem. he fucking loves kissing shane almost more than he loves fucking him. and it is a massive fucking problem. ilya knows hook-ups. he has hooked up with women who don't kiss -- even with svetlana there isn't that much kissing -- and almost all the men he's ever hooked up with have been quick, aggressive encounters in dark bathrooms in Moscow clubs or hotel rooms and there is NO KISSING. it's about getting off and kissing doesn't get anyone off. except it does. it gets him off and he wants to be kissing shane all the time.
so kissing becomes a unique part of hooking up with shane but still, like you said, it's not horny teenage kissing. it's not making out. it's kissing up the staircase as they grab and tug at each other's clothes. it's kissing as ilya presses into shane from behind and ilya holds shane's chin and angles his head back. it's kissing goodbye at the door after even though that is not something he should absolutely not be doing. kissing shane sweetly on the mouth and murmuring 'bye'. stupid stupid stupid.
but then they're at the cottage and -- well, the first time they kiss it turns to grasping, clutching, needy fucking. it turns to getting each other off as fast as possible bc it has been months and ilya hasn't fucked anyone else -- has only wanted shane -- and he is desperate bc sex is how he connects, how he feels present, how he distracts too, how he finds intimacy. and so its quick and rough and needy and there's kissing kissing kissing but there's still sex too.
but then it's later. they're inside after shane has put out the fire pit and they're on the couch inside, watching a movie supposedly. shane is watching. ilya has completely blacked it out. shane's hands are in his hair and scratching at his scalp and then down his back, up and down the curve of his spine. and ilya is spread out on top of shane and he feels so warm and comfortable and he wants to kiss shane so bad and he's thinking about it over and over as his scalp tingles but then he realises wait he can just kiss shane. like that's the whole point of being here together. so he shuffles up a little and nudges his nose into shane's nose and kisses him once, twice, three times. sweet, dragging kisses. not heated or demanding or expecting. kissing just to kiss.
and they keep kissing. shane's hands in ilya's hair, his thumbs brushing ilya's earlobes, over ilya's jaw, over his pulse point at the juncture of his throat. and ilya's hands are under shane's sweater, just pressing his palms into shane's warm skin. not trying to do anything else. the movie is still playing but neither is paying any attention to it. and they kiss kiss kiss until ilya's mouth feels sore and his brain feels heavy and when he pulls back shane's lips are red and shiny and ilya just hums and leans in to kiss him again.
they kiss like that for so long that the movie finishes and netflix starts autoplaying some other film but who fucking cares ilya is pressed tight to shane and shane is sighing sweetly and touching all over ilya's face and neck and back and ilya is touching all over shane's waist and chest and back. it's so nice. he feels stupid with it. just kissing shane is making him so happy it shivers through his entire body like something living. and shane, well shane has experienced a lot with ilya. and he never wants it to end usually anyway but for the first time he understands why his friends would sit in the corners at high school parties just making out for hours. why his friends would be so pleased with their kiss rashes. making out was nice. he felt like he finally understood it. and suddenly he wanted to be sitting in ilya's lap in the corner of a house party and just kissing him as music played and his friends talked loudly and he wonders if they would have been friends in high school and he asks ilya this and ilya says 'of course' and shane asks him to explain and ilya just groans and tells him to shut up because he wants to keep kissing and shane keeps asking silly questions. who cares about who they were in high school and if they would have been friends. they're friends now and shane is grinning because 'we're friends?' and ilya is rolling his eyes and saying 'yes, hollander.' and then they're kissing again and shane is smiling into it and both their mouths hurt and they're both hard but they dont do anything else. they'd had sex already three times that first day. and they were both too tired to do anything right now but lay intertwined on the couch just kissing kissing kissing.
for the rest of ilya's stay at the cottage they make out in all sorts of places. on the dock by the water. by the fireplace with a blanket wrapped around them both and ilya half in shane's lap. in the kitchen with shane sitting on the counter. in bed when they wake up in the morning and the sun is still only just rising and they want to fall back asleep so they kiss until they fall back into dreaming. they're making out everywhere. because isn't it just so nice to kiss the boy you've had a crush on since you were a teenager.
