I slept at five in the morning and then gave a quiz and then had coffee then was informed that the later classes were canceled and then after tossing and turning in bed for quite some time, i finally fell asleep and in that brief slumber, i had a crazy severance dream and i can attest to the fact that being severed is a horror story.
So, in the dream, i was a severed employee working on some paperwork. The perspective is primarily innie. There was a lot of filing. I was in a team of about 7 to 8 people. I'm was sorta the second in command. Milchick (he's severed, so the character looks like him, with similar vibes) was the first in command. I am not on a severed floor, tho, as in it's not a weirdly spacious basement with no windows, but instead, it has windows and all that, but everything is locked. The place has a giant fancy warehouse vibe about it.
Okay, so at the start, I'm very nervous and feeling guiltish, like the feeling you get as a child when you are voinv behind your parent's back and doing some shit and you are just constantly shitting bricks about whether you'll get caught. Soon, from a conversation with a fellow worker, i learn that I've been recently introduced to a resistance like movement that's about asking questions and figuring out what lumon really does and what our outies are like and all that, sorta like what's happening in the show, but in the dream, it was a huge community of innies. It's a bigger network and so much more organized. Anywho, I'm always nervous about this and someone in a Cobel/Milchick-from-show position (unsevered lumon raised cult person?) asks me a sus question about it and I'm very nervous now and very anxious to prove that I'm not associated with the resistance and all kier is god. Before i can answer and am stumped for a bit, this person gets called out of the room. Milchick, who's been observing the entire exchange, figures out what's up and asks, "How long?' And i don't answer, and he goes.'You better be careful because i have gone a long time, and it's not a pretty path.' He says like a positively insane person, starting with the restrain in the mirror-paperclip scene and ending with an abandon that's weirdly artistic like the dance scene (whut???). After saying this, he runs out and in a meeting area kinda place for the innies, where there are currently quite some innies, he starts screaming about the resistance and how lumon is evil and all that, and this is when i know I'm fucked. Coz this is a critical moment for me - 1. From lumon, to show the superviser (cobel person) that im not associated with the resistance, by shutting milchick up coz the first in command has gone off the rails, the duty directly lands on second in command, me and my response to this situation will be under much scrutiny. 2. From the resistance, how i treat milchick will show all the others in the common area whether i could be entrusted with the more sensitive resistance info. So I'm again, shitting bricks. ( Beyond that, there is a certain anger towards the entire situation, coz i needn't have to be here, my outie put me here. And i exist for just this. It's completely avoidable. ) So, after a few moments of shock, i recover and yells at milchick to be silent "as one mustn't destroy the peace at a common area with such slander." I think i passed the test, coz i saw the person who introduced me to the resistance kinda bow their head a little in my direction. Similarly, the supervisor, cobel person, didn't bother me anymore.
I'll tell the rest after class, coz now i have a class.
Okay, class done.
So anyway, ig it's the next day now, and im a little more involved with the resistance and all that. So im in the room where I'm working and on the opposite wall is a door with a window on it. There are stairs on the other side of the door. And, out of the blue, an older woman comes up the stairs with a file with my name on it.
She asks if the name is of someone i know, and for whatever reason, we were able to open the door, and i checked the file. It seems like a file about my outie's life - it turns out that my outie was an engineer at a nuclear power plant, and due to some grave error on my part, the plant melts or something and a the disaster claims the lives of many and affects the envt and all (chernobyl like but of a smaller scale cause we were able to identify the leak earlier(?)). Unable to live with myself, i became a severed employee. I don't know how to feel about all this, and i lie that i don't know anyone of that name. We get back to working.
So, slowly, i (innie) get more and more distrustful of the admin, and so does my department. We demand answers, and we are more aggressive than the characters in the show - like straight up, we are not gonna work if we don't get answers. So, the higher-ups send mark s and dylan g to placate us, give us motivation, and whatnot. Here, Mark s and dylan g are like they were at the start of s1, being all like the work is mysterious and important, and its better to obey because the admin won't always be nice. But the whole thing quickly devolves into chaos, till my dept breaks a chair or something and threatens Mark s and dylan g at knife(?) point. We don't actually want to hurt them, but we are driven to a frenzy like fear situation. It's all very anxious, sweaty, and a little teary-eyed.
Then something something happens, and they are able to placate us, and as we were returning to our work stations, my outie awakes, i.e., the glasgow block is done on me.
Now i get outie perspective - so after helly r's Otc and helena's apology, im not super convinced that innies are being treated well. And i have conflicting ideas about the whole thing, like my reasoning for severing, was hopefully some part of me gets to live a better life than i am doing, to get another shot at life, atleast one with less guilt. So, when i hear that innies are being treated like shit, i was not comfortable at all. So, on the outside, i was sorta getting into what the anti severance people had to say. First, i found a bunch of surface level stuff that didn't really seem to understand what being severed is actually like. Then, slowly, i found more and more sensible takes, communities of retirees and vigilante peeps like Reghabi. So, i work with someone and all, and anyway, it is my outie that orchestrates the glasgow block.
So outie i wakes up and from the conversation of my innie's coworkers get the impression that we are being treated horribly and all that. Also, the place looks very concerning and dangerous and all that. I storm off to meet with the cobel kinda person. On the way, there is a little place that's a bit like a carnival stall with children's games and food. I look at it and am struck by its beauty, in the sense that it transports me back to when i was younger and when i loved this kind of thing. Also, i kinda involuntarily am filled with a sense of immense happiness - i wonder if my innie finds happiness in this and realises that a younger me would absolutely love the place. I start crying because there's a part of me that experiences happiness and joy. I am not sure how to feel about confronting the admin about the working conditions because I'm scared they'll fire me, and then the version of me that can feel happiness will be forever lost. So i just stand in front of that stall and cry my eyes out, and my innie's coworkers comfort me under the impression that i am the innie.
And then the dream ends.
Side note:
Something that really struck me was how different it felt as an innie and an outie. As an innie, i felt like a child. I felt like a part of my being was missing. I felt hopeful and less cynical and more uncertain of things. I felt rather light, although not necessarily good.
As an outie, i felt a filling out of my personhood. I felt like most of the stuff about me was with me. I also felt very heavy and burdened by the years.
