Hey! This blog is being archived, read all about it!
I will be here: https://asteriixa.tumblr.com/
So, this blog is almost two years old now and it’s gotten quite untidy. I made it when I knew less about How to Make Tumblr RP Blogs and I’d like to turn over a new slate with all my new knowledge. For example, my tags are a wreck (and mainly why I’m doing this). Not only is tag replacer dead but so is quick tag. The new blog will have far simpler tags that tumblr can’t murderize so easily. Besides, my old tags are kinda lame and the vibe is killing me. Bonus, brand spanking new, cool url. I also have a lot of dead blogs following me, or people who doesn’t seem that interested in interacting. This is one way of thinning out the herd, per se. Beyond all that, I wanted to refresh Xion’s character a little bit. My impression of the KH story has changed dramatically since February 2019 and I’ve been malcontent with some of the writing.
Xion is staying 95% the same with some minor adjustments.
1. She is brown now. She should’ve always been brown due to Sora, Kairi, and Riku --and by extension Xion-- being implied to be Eastern Asian. I didn’t know that when I started the blog. Her face claim is asian as well, and her skin tone should match that. Here’s my chance to fix it.
2. Xion keeps her keyblade but refuses to use it-- symbolic of my hatred of drawing said keyblade. She uses a cool sword now, because like, she deserves it.
Yen Sid: do you have a keyblade
Xion: yes
Yen sid: will you use it
Xion: no
3. Xion does not lose her memories after 358/2 Days. I wrote this plot point as a concession to Nomura to justify Xion’s survival, but I have lost all respect for him and will not give him a luke warm glass of water in hell. Xion losing her memory was often confusing to partners and heavily muddled plots. The amnesia trope is stupid anyway. This was one I wanted to ditch for a while and now I have an excuse.
I will try to keep as many threads as possible in the transition, and I will be saving old writing that I want to keep. If you could like this post, or give me a kick via IM/ Discord, that’d be very helpful for keeping track of interest. Otherwise, thank you all for your support and love over the past year-- it’s been a blast.
Hey! This blog is being archived, read all about it!
I will be here: https://asteriixa.tumblr.com/
So, this blog is almost two years old now and it’s gotten quite untidy. I made it when I knew less about How to Make Tumblr RP Blogs and I’d like to turn over a new slate with all my new knowledge. For example, my tags are a wreck (and mainly why I’m doing this). Not only is tag replacer dead but so is quick tag. The new blog will have far simpler tags that tumblr can’t murderize so easily. Besides, my old tags are kinda lame and the vibe is killing me. Bonus, brand spanking new, cool url. I also have a lot of dead blogs following me, or people who doesn’t seem that interested in interacting. This is one way of thinning out the herd, per se. Beyond all that, I wanted to refresh Xion’s character a little bit. My impression of the KH story has changed dramatically since February 2019 and I’ve been malcontent with some of the writing.
Xion is staying 95% the same with some minor adjustments.
1. She is brown now. She should’ve always been brown due to Sora, Kairi, and Riku –and by extension Xion– being implied to be Eastern Asian. I didn’t know that when I started the blog. Her face claim is asian as well, and her skin tone should match that. Here’s my chance to fix it.
2. Xion keeps her keyblade but refuses to use it– symbolic of my hatred of drawing said keyblade. She uses a cool sword now, because like, she deserves it.
Yen Sid: do you have a keyblade
Xion: yes
Yen sid: will you use it
Xion: no
3. Xion does not lose her memories after 358/2 Days. I wrote this plot point as a concession to Nomura to justify Xion’s survival, but I have lost all respect for him and will not give him a luke warm glass of water in hell. Xion losing her memory was often confusing to partners and heavily muddled plots. The amnesia trope is stupid anyway. This was one I wanted to ditch for a while and now I have an excuse.
I will try to keep as many threads as possible in the transition, and I will be saving old writing that I want to keep. If you could like this post, or give me a kick via IM/ Discord, that’d be very helpful for keeping track of interest. Otherwise, thank you all for your support and love over the past year– it’s been a blast.
it wasn’t for a lack of interest. he didn’t dislike xion. not like he did most of the others. their noses so high in the air. the contempt as thick as their ulterior motives. a push and pull she wore better than anyone else, most days. small shoulders in their sag and something that bordered on bizarre in a voice less hollow than he’d once considered it. leaking into the pluck of a string.. the tune that adopted a drawl unintentionally ceremonious. “ then i guess i don’t have anything to worry about, huh ? ” being caught slacking off had turned into a pastime had turned into a nuisance had turned into a chore. shirking responsibilities he might’ve been more pressed to care about, had he been fitted with incentives. besides the permission to maintain this level of existence. drag the soles of his boots through choking corridors and up the same stairways, day in, day out, and out… and out—
offered attention pulled at the creases of demyx’s otherwise neutral expression. an adopted alternative to a smile he’d not cared to forge. pretending for either of their sakes that the dark wasn’t meant for solitude. that she’d not stumbled on him in a pursuit of it. away from those reports that sat, waiting, on a desk cluttered by untouched food because feigned hunger was best entertained with a partner. someone better than the gnashed teeth of a false superior. someone better than another punching bag that took some weight off his shoulders. made the turn, back to looking out over all that nothing, simple. they took care of themselves. xion needed his concern as much as he wanted to pretend he could give it.
but if she was going to stay there…
“ so what was it ? ” the big showdown that dampened the hair he’d noticed stuck to her face. scrapes and scuffs. it was the buzz in the lower levels of the castle. whispers between mouths that hadn’t cared to shield themselves from his ever-curious eyes and ears. “ way cooler to talk about work than to try and act like you’re not enjoying the tunes, xi. ” way cooler to fill him in on what his neglectful nature had allowed to slip through the cracks. why it was so quiet. why his absence hadn’t been thrown under the latest microscope. left him luxuries and her that labored, sweaty look.
two chords and it’d picked up a new lilt. a somber chorus that bled into a simple melody as old as arpeggio itself. from a before he couldn’t put a memory to. from fingers that moved with more grace, maybe. knew how to fill up the bones of a song that couldn’t find much other than empty notes, here. sound without feeling, after all, always settled wrong.
“ i was here first, ” would be there after, by the looks of her, “ i pick the subject. ”
Music was a foreign concepts. Sometimes it fluttered down the halls like the taste of a distant memory. Old melodies and favored tunes offered glimpses of the pleasure of a heart. The nostalgia was too painful to bear and so it never lasted long. In the midst of Sora’s memories were the songs of his childhood. The rock-and-roll and pop that sounded from the radio. They’d bury the device in the sand and the commercials would reach all the way out to the water. Call this 1-800 for a vacuum service. The particular top 100 song was a tune for her nightmares. Then there was Demyx who played his own music. To the annoyance of Saïx who would prefer Demyx do his work than preform his entertainment. Although anything that made Saïx froth at the mouth and chomp at the bit, pleased Xion. The best Xion could say about Demyx was that he stayed out of her way.
The plucking of the strings forced Xion to admit that he maybe knew what he was doing. There was something rhythmic and rhyming to the strings. A pretty harmony that just sounded good. She couldn’t do it, that was for sure. There was no way her fingers could ever configure into those complex combination. She couldn’t figure out how the touch of a string could produce those sounds. It seemed so complex and impossible, yet alluring in its simplicity. If her own pride would let her. She’d like to sit down for a while and listen. There were so few chances for peace and quiet these days. It was fighting and fighting and fighting, more and stronger heartless. All to some grand conclusion that was utterly worthless. Kingdom Hearts dangle over their head like anvil. She couldn’t be blamed for wishing for some escape.
She made no admittance. Xion leaned back against the wall, to the left of the doorway. Her shoulders slumped, gaze searching out at the horizon line. The World That Never Was went on and on and on, cityscape as far as the eye could see. It was so dark, a dreadful and dreary nightfall. Her knees gave way beneath her weight. Xion crumpled to the floor, legs crooked to rest her elbows. She sighed, long and drawn-out, diaphragm compressing with released tension. She wasn’t leaving, he wasn’t leaving, and there was a time she was okay with Demyx’s presence. A time before she knew better. It wasn’t fair, that she had to work so hard and he got to sit-up here, playing ‘tunes.’
“Fine,” Xion grunted. She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture, “Pick the subject.”
It’d been a while since she last got to ‘talk.’ Or even, to listen. None of the other Organization members were willing to keep a conversation with her anymore. Running away broke some secret trust. The long lasting, oppressive silence, was her punishment.
“What’s the local gossip, what have you heard?” She wouldn’t pretend there wasn’t a second angle. No one talked to her anymore but they talked at Demyx a lot. He was in the castle for longer hours than her anyway. Maybe, she could find her next edge. Another chance to escape. Anything to break away from this trap.
A brow rose while watching Xion. “You think its okay with your dads if you get into that?” A brief pause to assess the damage. “I get reminded of the toaster debacle by Jewel almost every time you disappear when she’s around. I think you’ve made a lasting impression.”
“If I had a nickle,” Xion said. Metal bits and pieces were strewn across the kitchen table. A roll of tools laid out at her left elbow. She gestured wildly with a screw driver, “For every adult that asks me that I’d have enough to pay for my college tuition.”
“I can build a motorcycle,” Xion drawled. “You don’t think I can fix a blender?”
“An obvious choice is still a choice!” came the rather facetious answer, clicking her armored heels together, the wolfen watcher’s hands raised in a lofty gesture that somehow felt teasing in spite of their surroundings. “Take it from someone who knows: defyin’ what you were made for is an active decision. You’re not the only one set on this path, right? It’d be easier for you to walk away and leave the fate of the worlds to those who fate has been kinder to.”
Phos knew what it was she picked and prodded at; for all her bravado and , Phos liked to consider herself the observant type, and there was a grimm tale this little shadow of spitfire carried on her shoulders. She also knew that her prodding and bluntness had started a fight more than once. But still……this girl stirred an ancient curiosity in the timeless guardian.
And she was so terribly bored.
“Unless….” A sidelong glance was cast her way, a peculiar glint to the citrine eyes beneath the hood as she watched the girl’s reaction. “Your heart is tellin’ you otherwise?”
The strange guardian of the graveyard was an enigmatic young girl. Xion could see in crimson eyes an ancient haunting. Like all the ghosts of the keyblades looking through, back at her. An old legacy in her heart. A fingertip’s touch away was steel cold as ice. The question was simple: How long? When did it begin and where does it end. From the second of their creation they had not known peace. What if, they were never meant to?
“My heart knows fighting,” Xion said. “So, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll fight, and I won't stop until I’ve won. Not just the battle, that’s not enough, but the whole war.”
Her heart whispered of peace. Of quiet moments at the river side. The rustling leaves and the beauty of a serene field. Moments when the tension in her jaw was fleeting. There was a reminder that there were once friends. Ice cream on a tower, hiding from the darkness and the brutal strife of their lives. It wasn’t real, it was fake, it’d be gone in a heartbeat. Xion longed for it nonetheless.
“And what about you?” Xion queried. Her shoulders pulled back, back straightening, “Are you really content to be stuck her for all eternity, hanging-out with the dead? Someone did this--” Xion gestured at the graves. “Doesn’t that infuriate you?!”
Having ascended to the upper city, the car pulled out of the elevator and turned onto a side street; its progress, however, was almost immediately brought once more to a halt. Under different circumstances, such a delay would have necessitated promotions of rank and file to footstool duty, but the universe, it seemed, was doing everything in its power to keep Scarlet in good spirits. A squadron of Shinra regulars were marching down Junon’s main thoroughfare, and an open-air cafe at the corner permitted her a relatively unobstructed view of her pride and joy: the Sister Ray.
A contented sigh escaped Scarlet’s lips as memories that had passed beyond the horizon years ago rose once more, illuminating her countenance. She wasn’t even a member of Advanced Weapons Development, then; no, she had been stuck in Public Outreach, penning puff pieces and propaganda - a complete waste of her true talents. Not that she was the one wasting them; to the contrary, she had spent countless hours off the clock drafting designs for weapons, daily expanding the portfolio that would eventually justify her transfer out of marketing hell. It had been on a vacation that she’d first conceived of the idea for the Sister Ray, and for four years she’d turned theoretical calculations into plausible specifications, page by page detailing how her dream might be a reality.
Until finally, someone gave her the chance to fail.
He’d meant for her to fail, the previous Director. It had taken him years, but finally he had figured out that she was using him to advance her own career, and so he tried to see her out the door. He underfunded and understaffed the project, assigning her only the most incompetent of Weapons Dev’s engineers. He did everything he could short of direct sabotage to ensure the Sister Ray exploded right in her face - but it hadn’t; in spite of the insurmountable odds, its first shot fired clear over the Western Continent. She had it on good authority that he’d watched the televised inaugural shot from the comfort of his office, and gone white as sheet in the face of her success. She’d taken great pride in giving that interview, returned to Midgar to find herself an overnight celebrity, the toast of the town; but even still, she’d have given anything to have been present in her predecessor’s office at that moment, anything to drive that honeyed blade further into his heart.
Xion’s words called away from that imaginary scene, back to the backseat of the car which, the procession having passed, proceeded to pull into the upper city’s main thoroughfare.
“I assure you, the Sister Ray is worth every gil Shinra has invested into it. It is a knife pointed at the throat of Wutai. If they as much as look at us the wrong way, we need only jab, and the peninsula will be ash. That is why AVALANCHE pours so much of its efforts into disabling it. Surely they have managed to infiltrate our ranks with their own. I would not be surprised if men of noteworthy stature here in truth were sympathetic to their cause. That is why you are here. As you say, you have experience dealing with AVALANCHE. You know their scent. You will find them, and you will dispose of them - and you will be given the favor you deserve - won’t you?”
Scarlet’s face alit with bright pleasure upon the appearance of Sister Ray. A true, genuine delight that was uncharacteristic of her usual displeasure. The symbol of Shinra’s power was a realization of her vast ambitions. Scarlet was a narcissist, convinced of her own awesome prowess. The self-estimation wasn’t undeserved. They stood in the shadow of the proof. Sister Ray, the supposed terror of the Wutai. If Scarlet could remove her own biases, she could see what Xion saw. A massive target for their all present enemy: AVALANCHE. Perhaps it could destroy a battalion of soldiers on the other side of the ocean but it would do no such thing if the seditionists had their way. Xion heard all the ideas and the philosophies of AVALANCHE, and Shinra. She did not care for the reading materials. The little pamphlets handed out on the regular to the soldiers. There was only the mission and Scarlet laid out hers with clarity.
First, Xion must root herself into the resistance of the area. She must speak with the guards, the patrols, the commanders, and the agents. The obvious youth of her face would not endear them to her advice. That did not mean they could not be influenced towards competence. Least of all when Xion lead by example. Her experience with AVALANCHE was that force was not an effective tactic, even though it was the favorite of Shinra. Press on AVALANCHE and it scattered like mice to the gutters. It was flexible, amorphous, and adaptable, unlike the rigid design of Shinra. No, she must be systematic in rooting out the leaders and powers of the organization. Break the foundation and the whole thing will crumble.
The car paused at the gate to the base. The driver flashed identifications for the guards. There was a flash of recognition in the man’s eyes when he saw Scarlet in the back seat through the window. No doubt he’d seen her on the TV. He waved them through with parted lips and a loose jaw. The car rumbled back to life and passed the gate. Beneath the muzzle of Sister Ray, the massive gun casted darkness over the base. Evening would follow the sun, Xion reasoned. With the mountain at their back, morning would be late anyway. There was no inconspicuous entrance for Scarlet. The driver parked right in front of the base headquarters. The Soldier’s positioned at the entrance stepped away from the door to open the door for her.
Xion pushed open her own door, stepping out into overwhelming sunlight. She blinked, taking in her surroundings for the first time without the lens of the car window. The base head quarters was a massive, dark building of concrete and steel. It had few windows, likely for security reasons. On tactical balconies, ledges, and on the roof, Soldiers stood guard with rifles slung in their arms. The air smelled of metal and pollution, mingled with sea salt. The murmur of the ocean hung at the edges of her hearing. Through all the industrial noise and rumbling vehicle engines. Reminded her of home. A piece of Midgar, supplanted into the countryside. Plans of subversion and work were put on the hold in her mind. Nothing would happen until all the pleasantries and tours were aside. Xion waited for Scarlet to join her on the curb.
“I wonder how many ‘good soldiers,’ here,” Xion remarked to Scarlet, quiet and beneath her breath. “Have conflicting loyalties. Many of these men were recruited from the local area. I wouldn’t trust even the base commander farther than I could throw him.”
A List of Reasons Why I Hate the ‘Sea Salt Family’
AKA It’s Sunday Tuesday and I’m back at it again at Krispie-Kremes
(Abuse tw; violence tw; salt tw; suicide tw)
I have mentioned, in passing, my problems with the prevalence of the Sea Salt Family in fandom and my problems with it. I’ve never written a comprehensive post on it before. It’s Sunday though, I have the salt, so let’s do it.
The Sea Salt Family is roughly presented, but not explicitly laid-out, in canon. At the end of KH3, Xion, Roxas, Lea, and Isa are shown sharing ice cream on the clock tower together. Since the introduction of Xion and Roxas’ character, ‘sharing ice cream’ has been a declarative statement of friendship and camaraderie. It was the origin of their friendship. Thus, the inclusion of Isa is a signal of his admittance into the reformed friend group. The intention of this scene was to show the reconciliation and unification of these characters. To cement this, it seems that Nomura has bundled Roxas, Xion, Lea, Isa, and the Twilight Trio, into a shared plot. They are mentioned in Re:Mind, by Riku, as searching for Sora through Roxas and Xion’s memories.
Common fandom interpretation takes this one step farther. The assumption is that Lea and Isa have adopted Xion and Roxas. This puts Lea and Isa in a parental role over the kids. Often times, this is done in a shipping context for Lea and Isa. Sometimes Lea and Isa have a good relationship, with two lovingly adopted children. Other times Xion and Roxas become contention points for the main ship-- Isa’s punishment for being a jerk is taking care of the kids.
Fandom does take into account that the canon scene itself in KH3 is flawed. Lets overview Lea and Isa’s relationship, with both of the kids.
Roxas spent the majority of 358/2 Days oblivious to the machinations going on around him. However, he identified a rift between Axel and Xion that developed in the midpoint of the year. He recognized that Axel had done something to estrange her and by the end of the game, blamed him for it. He was also angry at him for attacking Xion the first time. When Xion ran away for the second time, Roxas confronted Axel and forced the truth. Axel had been lying about Xion --sometimes intentionally to assuage Roxas’ concerns-- and then attempted to justify his actions to Roxas.The revelations of Axel’s lies --and outright manipulation, diverting Roxas from finding the truth-- causes Roxas to leave the Organization. Axel later attacks Roxas (twice) when Xemnas orders him to do so. At this point, Axel makes no attempt to find an alternate solution. Axel is enraged at Roxas for leaving and even forgetting him (which is a weird thing for an adult man to feel about a child, I might add). He is mocking of Roxas’ confusion in the data Twilight Town. Axel then attacks Roxas with the implicit intention to kill Roxas. Thus, we see that Axel’s relationship to Roxas is manipulative and built on lies, instead of trust. Axel also shows little regard for Roxas’ autonomy (”You’re coming with me, conscious or not.”). Roxas knows that Axel will lie to him. Roxas knows that Axel will assault him. If Roxas enters the post-KH3 relationship with no reservations then he is an oblivious moron.
When it comes to Xion I do not give Axel the benefit of the doubt. Axel is introduced to Xion, by Roxas. At the beginning of their friendship he does not see her face. He becomes aware that she is a replica but decides to give her a fair shake, due to his experience with Repliku. Eventually, he does see her face. They seem to get along for the first part of the game. However, when Xion goes to Castle Oblivion to learn the truth about herself-- Axel moves to block her. He gaslights her (’there’s nothing to see here’) and grabs her to stop her (a violation of her physical autonomy btw). She goes on into the castle and Axel does not mention the incident to Roxas (a lack of transparency and honesty in relationships). Xion is missing for almost a month. She returns, speaks with Roxas (who also grabs her and violates her physical autonomy smh), and is then attacked by Axel. Axel kidnaps Xion and returns her to the Organization against her will. Xion did not want to return to the Organization. Roxas requests that she return with him and she moves away from him. Before Axel attacked her she was going to leave. (Later, Nomura attempts to feebly justify Axel’s behavior by saying Xion is glad he did this. We’ll call that Xion attempting to assuage Roxas’ worries). Xion later goes to Axel for advice about what to do. Axel implies that she’s ‘stealing more than her share’ from Roxas. We are, as a reminder, talking about Xion killing herself here. Later, Axel lets her leave, and then still follows Xemnas’ order to attack her and kidnap her again. I do not believe there is any love loss between Axel and Xion. He betrayed her, gaslit her, attacked and assaulted her, kidnapped her (twice), and showed a cruel disregard for her autonomy. There is no reason for her to trust, or even like him. Their ‘friendship’ ended around day 255 in Castle Oblivion, and any attempt for Nomura to convince you otherwise is deliberate attempt to write over the real trauma that Axel caused her.
Saïx and Roxas have few interactions. However, I read Roxas and Xion as child soldiers. They are slaves, they are working for no payment. Saïx is the man in charge of them. He hands out the missions. We are shown that Saïx primary concern is their efficiency in collecting hearts. Roxas and Saïx interactions include Saïx telling him what his mission is, and how to prepare. Saïx, however, outright pits Roxas and Xion against each other. Even at one point, attempting to have them murder each other. (If you read the manga, and want to consider it for analysis, Saïx even attacks Roxas). Their relationship is cold, hostile, and interlaced with the knowledge of Saïx obvious emotional abuse of Xion. No reason for Roxas to trust, or even like, Saïx.
Take everything above about Saïx and double it for Xion. The profesional and cold demeanor of Saïx is stripped away to reveal an openly hostile, cruel personality. Saïx insults and degrades Xion (”You were a mistake we never should have made”.) Xion refers to him with fear and wariness, often fearing his retribution for failures. He misgenders her and disregards her personhood. He does this out of a self-stated jealousy. He sees Axel growing close to the kids and then lashes out at the easy targets. Saïx outright abuses Xion, and the threat of harm is as effective as the actual action of doing harm. Saïx wanted Xion dead, and as best as I can tell, she knew it. I have no reason to believe that his opinion of her would change from 358 to KH3. It does not make sense that Saïx after KH2 would attempt to ‘save’ Xion. He doesn’t remember her and he wouldn’t remember her all the way until the Keyblade Graveyard. Vexen’s notes would not include Xion’s personality or any of her relationships, she was, at best, two weeks old when he left for Castle Oblivion. Saïx is not shown interacting with Xion in any manner in KH3. In fact, the ‘Xion’ introduced in the Keyblade Graveyard is not Xion. Xion is in Sora’s heart. So, not only is their relationship confusing in KH3, it’s also not meaningful. Vexen mentioned Saïx wished to ‘atone’ but we never hear Saïx true intentions from the horse’s mouth. Or, if he just did it to make nice with Lea. He still refers to the kids as ‘Lea’s friends.’There is no established development between Xion and Saïx proper. Xion would have no reason to believe that Isa no longer wants to kill her, and Isa would have no reason to no longer want to kill Xion.
Despite all of this, Nomura wants us to believe that all of these characters are reconciled. The text offers little to believe that this is the case. There is not a single scene where any of Isa and Lea’s past behavior is addressed, or an apology made. Nomura’s reading of his own text fails to recognize the abuse and trauma that he wrote Xion and Roxas’ experiencing. He has a fundamental lack of understanding of the consequences and psychology of his own characters. Furthermore, he believes that the friendship they built in the Organization stands on its own. Even though Axel: gaslit, assaulted, kidnapped, and manipulated both. For example, Nomura reads his threat to Xion (”No matter what, I’ll always bring you back.” = ”I will always return your to your abusers, regardless of your wishes, even if I have to assault you to do so.”) as a promise and declaration of friendship. Why else would Xion tell Roxas that Axel kidnapping her is a good thing? Nomura believes that the Organization -- even though we’re talking about the group of people who abused, enslaved, and murdered them-- is good for Xion and Roxas. Why else would the ‘symbol of their friendship’ be the Recusant Symbol in Re: Mind? Thus, their friendship with Axel is good for them. Why else is it romanticized in KH3? Therefore, there is no reason to confront or discuss previous acts of abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, or assault.
The story of 358/2 Days is not a story of two children shaking free of the shackles of their abusers and oppressors as they grow into their own, independent, unique personalities. It is a story of two children who are abused and manipulated by the adults in their lives. Who are then murdered and discarded as soon as they hold no use for the plot. Xion’s entire character is written with the intention to motivate Roxas to leave the Organization. That is why 358/2 Days was created as a game. That is why her character was introduced. The systematic stripping of her autonomy and personhood is present in the text itself, and the meta-text. She is fridged, and then that death is milked for man pain of Roxas and Axel. Nomura’s own sexism created and destroyed her character. So, much to the point that when fan consensus demanded she be brought back: he gave her no lines and no personality. He couldn’t even muster the spine to give her an original moveset for her Re:Mind data fight-- she’s just a copy of Roxas. That’s all she is to him and that is all she will ever be to him.
And the fandom seems, for the most part, to be in concurrence with Nomura. We have asked Xion and Roxas to be in a healthy relationship with the two adults who have overtly abused them. The problem is not the writing of the Sea Salt Family. That trope, on its own, is fine. The true problem is the fandom’s failure to address the abuse in the Kingdom Hearts story.
Saïx actions, as poignant as they may or may not be in the rescue of Xion and Roxas, do not absolve him. Saïx used his position of authority and power over them to cause them tangible harm. Emotional abuse hurts as much as physical abuse and the effects are long lasting. Especially, when we know that Xion and Roxas were completely subject to Saïx. As far as Xion was aware, if she disobeyed or failed him-- her life was forfeit. What Saïx did in KH3 was take the first step of reconciliation. He fixed his most obvious mistake which included being complicit in the murder of children. Good for him. Now, he has to make tangible changes in his behavior. He must make apologies that shows he understands what and how he was wrong. This apology should be voluntary and not forced by Lea, or whittled out of him by the kids. He must take responsibility for his actions and preform further restitution. He can’t shove blame on the kids, he can’t say ‘Xemnas made me do it.’ No, Saïx caused them harm, and he has to be responsible. Anything less is in an incomplete, false apology that does not match the severity of his actions. And even if he executes a perfect apology, guess what?
Xion and Roxas do not have to feel grateful to Saïx. They do not have to forgive him. They do not owe him anything. He was their abuser. If they do not feel ready to forgive, they don’t have to. Furthermore, forgiveness and healing is a process. One and done will not realistically fix the level of trauma that these children have experienced. I have seen the expressed attitude that of course Xion and Roxas would forgive Isa. They’re good kids! To which I ask, would bad kids not forgive their abuser? Xion and Roxas would still be good kids, even if they don’t forgive the man who abused them. That’s not how this works. They are the victims here, they have been done harm, and they deserve the space to heal. If they do not want Isa in that space, then that is their right. Maybe, Roxas and Xion decide to forgive Isa, maybe it takes time, maybe they never do. It depends on how they work through their pain and trauma. Of course, repeat all this with Lea. Because as much as the fandom likes to give him a free pass for his ‘good intentions.’ Those ‘good intentions’ still hurt Roxas and Xion. You could say his actions are justified given his circumstances. That does not change their impact. Xion and Roxas know --based on Axel’s own behavior-- that he will throw them under the bus if it’s convenient. They have not met Lea. They do not know him. They have no reason to trust him. It is Lea who must do the work to fix that. Not Xion, not Roxas, it is Lea who has to prove himself trustworthy again.
It’s alright to draw Xion, Roxas, Isa, and Lea having ice cream together, or living a happy life. However, it is also necessary to address the problems. How does Xion feel living with Isa, who misgendered and emotionally abused her? Does Roxas feel at all threatened by Lea, knowing that he once attacked him? How did Lea and Isa work to address their mistakes, and reconcile with the kids? How are they addressing the real trauma that Xion and Roxas have experienced, especially the stuff at their own hands? Most depictions of ‘The Sea Salt Family’ skip past all the hard work and jump to the fun part. We’re shown Lea ‘forgiving’ Isa, when it is not Lea’s place to do so. We’re shown Lea bringing Isa, Roxas, and Xion, into his home, with little regard for how this may affect the kids. I feel as though in most depictions, Xion and Roxas are accessories to Isa and Lea’s romantic relationship. Another point of conflict or a source of fluff. This ignores the autonomy of Xion and Roxas, it ignores their struggles and character. Worse yet, it echoes Nomura’s own erasure of their trauma. Don’t write Lea and Isa adopting Xion and Roxas if you’re not prepared to talk about everything that comes with it.
Also consider that Xion and Roxas are extremely vulnerable. They have between them, total, two whole years of experience. They have never gone to school. They have never had friends outside of the Organization. (The Data Twilight Trio are not their actual ‘friends’ and Nomura makes no sense, I’ll die on that hill). I cannot state how easy it would be for Lea or Isa to continue a pattern of abuse with them. You say, Lea and Isa would never do that! To which I say, they have done that, and we have little canon proof that they wouldn’t do that.
Are you catching my problem here?
Do you see why having Roxas and Xion get a happily ever after with their two abusers is not a good idea? Because Nomura did not write a true redemption arc for either Isa or Lea, we do not see any fundamental changes in their character. Axel has been showing willing to commit cold blooded murder. Can you show me how he is now prepared to take care of two extremely vulnerable, traumatized, and abused children? Maybe, in your own writing you don’t think Lea is prepared to take care fo the kids. Okay, that’s fine, there’s some nuance-- but do you still write him taking care of them? Why do you think that is the best situation for Xion and Roxas? Because they have nowhere else to go. How is that acceptable? Knowing that the two children who have been abused have so few resources available to them that they have no choice but to stay with their abusers? Maybe, as a fandom, we need to stop caring so much about Isa and Lea’s feelings, and start caring about their victims.
I don’t want my reader to leave this essay and think, ‘I can’t write Sea Salt Family.’
You can write Sea Salt Family, but you have to order some nuance.
Think about the best Redemption Arc in living memory: Zuko. Zuko was shown kidnapping and attacking Katara in Season 1. Yet, I am perfectly fine with Zutara as a ship, why?
1. Katara is shown capable of standing-up to Zuko, defending herself, and challenging him. In Siege of the North Part 1, she is shown equal to, if not superior to, him in skill and power. Katara can kick Zuko’s ass and he knows it. By the end of Season 1, there is no longer a power imbalance between them. Abuse requires a power imbalance and Katara and Zuko are shown standing on equal footing.
2. Zuko and Katara then have a change in their relationship. Zuko has his change of heart in Ba Sing Se. In the crystal catacombs he shows empathy to Katara that she responds to. He even takes this point to issue his first apology. However, he betrays this budding trust by following Azula in attacking Aang.
3. Zuko reconciles with Katara and builds a friendship with her. This includes Zuko apologizing for his past actions. But also doing what he can to fix his mistakes. He works to understand and listen to her anger and pain. He helps her find the man who killed her mother, on her request. He allows her to take the space and time she needed to address her trauma. Not just what he did to her, but what the fire nation did to her. He shows a clear change of behavior and remorse for his past actions. Katara and Zuko, by the end of the series are friends who trust each other. I can believe it because of the intentional work and time the show put into the relationship.
Now look at the above. You tell me where Isa and Lea did all that in canon? Think about point 1, Katara and Zuko are pretty much the same age, as two years of difference between adolescents is not a significant age gap. Xion and Roxas, are literal toddlers, and Lea and Isa are in their late-twenties. There is a natural power imbalance between these characters caused by age and experience. Which means it’s even more on Lea and Isa to take responsibility. Furthermore, what about point 1 or 2? Xion barely has any lines in KH 3. We do not hear her story, we do not hear her experience, and we do not hear her accepting the apology Lea did not make. Canon is flawed in its execution of the Sea Salt Family. Fandom has a real chance to step-in where Nomura failed and succeeded. Yet, over a year since KH3′s release, I have seen few attempts to do so.
Abuse in relationships can be addressed. Abusers can take responsibility, apologize, and make amends for their actions. I do believe that Xion and Roxas can forgive Lea and Isa, if and only if, Lea and Isa earn that forgiveness. I believe that in theory the Sea Salt Family could be a wonderful example of found family, forgiveness, love, and healing in media. However, in practice, most examples of it fall short. The challenge there-in, is to write and portray the nuance, complexity, and triumph of a real relationship. Not a superfluous, weak, or shallow one, that looks pretty and is heartwarming, but instead a deep story, that is deserving of the characters it attempts to represents.
SEND 💀 AND I WILL WRITE MY MUSE DYING SUDDENLY AND VIOLENTLY IN FRONT OF YOURS. || ACCEPTING
@blackasteriia asked:
💀- Kane
It didn’t have to end like this. That’s the funny thing, isn’t it? None of this had to happen. It all could have been prevented.
But that’s the case for most things.
There didn’t have to be a fire, did there? He didn’t have to be in the basement, did he? The hospitals hadn’t been necessary, had they?
And he didn’t have to die now, did he? Or maybe he did. Maybe this was the universe deciding enough was enough. He’d survived so much that should have killed him.
Time to pay his dues.
One of the most obvious things about Kane was that he was a big man. Large and strong and powerful. His life had left him largely resistant to pain. In short, he was tough to kill. A good guard dog. And his brother trusted him. Somehow, for some reason, his brother trusted him. He trusted him to watch Xion. So he was. Or, he had been watching her. She was inside the change rooms, getting some quiet space after something had set her off. He got it. He needed alone time sometimes, too. It was part of recovery, the books said. Part of processing. She’d get out when she was ready. In the mean time, he’d made his way to catering to get her a water bottle, waiting idly for the arena staff to get some more.
“Hey, Kane!”
Well, shit. He looked to the side, then shrugged off the wall. Kept his arms crossed, though. Didn’t dignify them with anything more. Didn’t see the need.
Oh, there were a lot of them. Corporate scum.
(A part of him wondered what he’d done. He tried to shut it down.)
He didn’t give them a greeting. Didn’t feel like talking. He just counted the people before him. One, two, three, four, five… More approaching. Great.
He rolls his shoulders. Okay. They clearly were here for a fight. They barely got “Vince says-” out, one of them popping their knuckles, before he swung.
Crack.
Oh, that was satisfying. And this was chaos. Pure, utter chaos. Screaming, yelling. Fists flying. Blocked the first. Jab the gut, cross the jaw. Duck. Pivot. Grab him, throw him to his buddies. Catch. … They’re not good at catch. Grab another by the neck, lift him up–
Thud.
He staggered. A dull pain nestled in his spine. Turned with a vicious hook. Another sharp crack, loud and wet.
Hands on his shoulders. Grabbing. Pulling. He struggled. Threw an elbow. A solid fist across his jaw. Vision blurred. He struggled. Threw one of them off. Almost got the other–
Smack.
The chair dented around his skull. Red stars exploded behind his eyes. Staggered again. He shook his head. Tried to clear the daze. Swung blindly. Connected with something. He wasn’t sure what. Another sound like a bell ringing through his skull. Not his brother’s.
(He wished this was his brother.)
(Was this his brother?)
Didn’t get much chance to think beyond that. Another vicious blow. Something broke wetly deep within his chest. He struggled to his hands and knees, bared teeth in a subhuman snarl of very human defiance. He wasn’t ready to die quietly. He would never be ready to die quietly.
(Had been silent for so long already.)
(He would die screaming.)
(He would die screaming.)
Hand lunged out. Burning. Scorching. Searing.
His fingers sink into flesh and keep sinking. Cooked meat wafts through the air with a scream that isn’t his. He pulls and they fall and his teeth sink into a pulse and tear. Red runs down his face and he doesn’t know how much of it is his. Doesn’t care. Almost makes it up–
Another crunch.
The red behind his eyes faded to black. The ringing in his ears goes deafening, then silence. Doesn’t even hear his niece’s screams.
Only a steady beat-beat-beat that fades to nothing.
He frowns, brow furrowing. … She didn’t look fine. But then, he was one to talk. And as tired as she is, he doesn’t think an argument will help. So instead he sniffs and nods, motioning for her to follow him.
“Fine. That case, why don’t you sit with me for a bit? Gotta do some last-minute paperwork before bed.”
He doesn’t, not really. It can wait. Hell, some of it, he can’t do until he gets in touch with the Fords. But he can fill in bits and pieces, and if he can get her to sit down quiet by him, it might be enough to help her get some rest.
SEND ME ‘FIVE TIMES + A WORD’ AND I’LL WRITE A DRABBLE ABOUT OUR MUSES BASED ON IT. || ACCEPTED
@blackasteriia asked:
‘five times + fear’
This is not something he’d ever prepared for. He knows that. Hell, he’s always known that. He isn’t made to be a parent. He isn’t made to have a family. He is Death. He destroys and he is alone. He is always alone.
Except, now, he isn’t. There are people who depend on him. People who need him. People who, maybe, he needed, too. He can’t let them down. No matter what, he can’t let them down.
Especially not Kane.
Especially not Xion.
He knows why he has to take care of Kane. That’s his little brother, his brother who he only just got back, his blood. He would never - could never - abandon Kane again. Never.
He doesn’t know why he has to take care of Xion. It’s not that he’s complaining. It’s not that he’s upset. He just thinks she could’ve chosen much better. Someone capable. Someone who had even the slightest idea what they were doing. Someone better than him.
He sighs, wipes a hand down his face, pushes his hair back. Sits on the rocking chair on the front porch and watches as her silhouette retreats down the path.
He is the destroyer of worlds, and he has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.
—
He sees himself when he looks at her. When the hunted, haunted look enters her eyes, when her hackles rise and she tenses at shadows, he sees himself. He sees Kane. He sees someone who’s been hurt and broken by the world over and over until only sharp edges remain, someone who’s trying to figure out how the pieces fit together without cutting themselves and failing time after time.
It was painfully familiar.
He thinks to himself that she is far too young to have such grief upon her shoulders, but perhaps that is a mirror, as well.
That’s one of the reasons he knows she’s there. Watching, waiting. Because he would do the same. Sure, they could make nice, and Aeleus had still given them both the okay, but he was still a new person, in a new place. He’d wanna scope it out, too. After all, everyone in a small town like this knew there was nothing more dangerous than a stranger.
He turns the page of the newspaper, scanning down the obituaries. (Had to make sure nobody was missed.) Satisfied, he nods, folds the paper, and tucks it under his arm. Puts it on the table for Kane (he’s still asleep; rough night) before heading back out towards the workshop. As he passes the chair, he sets down a plate. It’s nothing special, but he knows it doesn’t need to be. A hungry stomach doesn’t discern.
If the sandwich is still there when he gets back, he’ll assume he was wrong, and she’s not there.
But he likes to think he knows this place pretty well, and the shadow behind that bush was a bit bigger than it normally was.
—
It all came together so perfectly. That’s what Paul said. Kane assumed he knew what he was talking about. And to look at it now, it seemed that he was right. This was almost too easy. Like it was supposed to happen.
And maybe it was.
‘Divine Justice’, that was the phrase. He had worked so long, suffered so much, to see this day. The fire. The basement. The hospitals. The torment. The misery. It all lead to this. After this, he could rest easy, right? He’d be safe. His father would be safe. They could rest. Because it was all his brother’s fault. Everything was his brother’s fault. A liar, a monster, a manipulator–
(Right?)
But it would work this time. Paul said it would. He knew best. And his brother had seemed different lately.
He’d seemed alive.
Heartbeat, (slightly) warmer skin… The Deadman was, ironically, alive. Was, in this case, meaning ‘past tense’. No longer.
His brother lies at the bottom of the grave. He doesn’t move. Not aside from the shallow, unsteady rise and fall of his chest. His eyes were closed.
Kane is dimly aware of people screaming. Shouting. Cheering. The bloodthirsty roar of a frenzied crowd. It’s background noise, white noise, static, familiar to the point of nonexistence. Somewhere, Paul is laughing. Vince is cussing and barking orders to somebody. There’s a ringing in his ears that tunnels deeper the more he tries to ignore it.
His brother still isn’t moving.
(A broken action figure, shattered at the bottom of the stairs after a spat–)
He doesn’t need to drown out the cacophony to know what it must sound like as his brother’s lungs fumble with each breath. The scent of fresh grave dirt and ancient grudges rise up with the scent of sulfur and a feeling that he can only assume is triumph.
He finally did it.
He finally won.
He was finally free.
The first shovel pierces the dirt and it sounds like a gunshot. The second isn’t any quieter. Still, he hears the sound of Xion moving behind him. She lunges. He’s faster. He catches her easily, holds her back - don’t stop this, don’t ruin it. She’s screaming, and it’s so, so loud.
“Kane, let me go! They’re going to kill him!”
Yes. That was the point. Didn’t she understand?
They didn’t have to be afraid anymore.
—
He didn’t want this. He’d never wanted this. Even back then, back when he was young, this had never been his goal… Had it?
No.
No, not this. No matter how it had happened, he had never wanted to be a–
Paul drummed his fingers on the urn and Taker felt it reverberate down his spine. He cringed. He felt filthy. He felt powerless. He felt small. The sawdust gathered around his hands he focused on them. Focus on the work. Work. Just the work. He’ll be gone soon.
(He misses Aeleus.)
“Well, now, boy, hard at work, like always!” Paul laughed like it was a wonderful joke. At least he was in a good mood.
(He misses Xion.)
It was usually less painful when Paul was in a good mood. Later, he might think that it was grimly amusing how easily he slipped back into his old habits, but right then, he was focused on bracing himself for whatever Paul had planned for him. It would definitely not be good.
(God, he is so worried about Kane.)
“That’s what I like to see!” Paul continued. Another chuckle. Another tap on the urn. He wished he could tell Paul to stop doing that. He wished he could wring the bastard’s neck. Bury him deep so he’d never dig his way out. Rip his tongue out. Beat him to a pulp. Focus on the work. Scrape the wood. Imagine it’s the sound of Paul’s flesh sloughing off. Focus on the work.
“Hope you’ve been keeping in shape, too,” Paul carries on. Taker doesn’t look up because he hasn’t been told to. His jaw tenses without permission. “Cause you’ve got a match coming up.”
His stomach drops without permission. Oh, no. Another tap on the urn. Paul chuckles again, and the Undertaker can tell by the way his shoes screech (far too loud, too loud, too loud) that Paul’s turned to leave.
Focus on the work.
“Oh, my Undertaker,” Paul’s smile was audible. “Isn’t this wonderful? It’s just like old times!”
Just like old times. Yeah, it was. Except, in the old times, he hadn’t had a family around to take care of. He did now. He wondered if he’d ever see them again.
He almost hoped he wouldn’t.
Focus on the work.
—
Life was never simple. Nowadays, it wasn’t always bad, but it was never simple. They had a lot to plan for, after all. Growing up was a hell of a thing. … Especially when none of them really knew how it was supposed to work.
“You had everything you need?” ‘Taker asked, peering over Xion’s shoulder. There’s a list in her hand that they’ve managed to print off from the school’s web page. It was supposed to be comprehensive.
“I think so.” She nods. Kane leans over her other shoulder. He wrinkles his nose.
“Do you really need all of this?” He tapped a few items on the page with his finger. It all seemed… A tad excessive, but then, perhaps they’re poor judges. Xion shrugged. Kane shrugged in return.
“They think I do. I’d rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it, I guess.” She folded the list up once again and hefted the nearest suitcase. She carried it out to toss it in the back of the truck while Taker threw back the rest of his coffee. He tossed his mug in the sink; he’d wash it later. Didn’t want to be late.
“Anything else ready?” He called out the door.
“Yeah!” Xion tosses the bag into the bed. “The red suitcase and the blue bag!”
“Already got ‘em.” Kane said, making his way down the stairs.
“Alright.” Taker shrugged and scratched at his jaw. Xion grinned as she passed him on her way to the stairs.
“Think you’re more nervous than I am, Daddy.” She laughs, and he snorts, but it hides a chuckle of his own.
“Don’t be a smartass.”
“Would you rather I was a dumbass?” She grinned so brightly that he can’t do much more than roll his eyes and comment that there were enough of those, these days. Aeleus came out of the kitchen with a prepared bag of road snacks. Taker greeted him with a kiss and didn’t quite manage to steal a sandwich from the bag; before he could sulk, he was handed a different one.
“This one’s yours.” Aeleus pecked another kiss against his cheek. “Got the hot sauce you like.” Taker hummed and nodded once, crinkling the parchment paper wrapping in his hands.
“That’s everything.” Xion came back down with a book bag slung over her shoulder and another case in her hands.
“You sure?” Taker and Aeleus chorused. Kane and Xion exchange a look.
“Yes, Dad, Daddy, I’m sure.” She finished her trek down the stairs and made her way outside. Taker snuffed and followed, with Kane and Aeleus behind him. Xion threw the last bags into the truck bed, and Taker tossed a rope over the lot. After a bit of cussing on all their parts, they eventually got everything lashed down. Taker stepped back and sniffed, his hands on his hips as he gave the ropes one last once-over, then nodded his approval.
“Time to go?” Ael asked. Taker nodded.
“Yup.”
Xion and Kane hopped in the back of the truck. Their doors closed in a dull staccato as Taker slipped into the driver’s seat. Ael took shotgun, looking over his shoulder as he fastened his seatbelt. Taker took a bite of his sandwich and let the truck’s engine rumble to life.
“You excited, baby girl?” Ael asked, and Xion nodded as she pulled up a maps app on her phone. The little speaker let out clicking sounds as she typed in the university’s address. The truck rolled down the dusty road. Taker flipped the radio on to whatever station it’d been left at.
Just a little something to keep his mind off the fact that his little girl was growing up.
||First question is shown but the rest is under the cut because it’s a doozy||
13.
Thank you @lunsai for the fantastic header.
Let’s talk about Nomura’s portrayal of Xion’s gender in canon! We are introduced to ‘Xion’ through the eyes of Roxas. He sees a silent, hooded figure who he feels an immediate connection to. Xion does not speak to him for almost two weeks. They run a mission or two together. Then she removes her hood and he sees a young girl. She uses she/ her pronouns. Although there are attempts to misgender her, Xion seems uncomfortable with attempts to enforce a different gender than ‘female’ on her. Then, we have a conversation where we hear Xemnas’ --and assumably Nomura’s-- explanation of Xion’s gender. He says:
“But then through Roxas, Sora himself began to shape ‘it’ into ‘her’ giving Xion a sense of identity.”
Xemnas doesn’t care about Xion’s gender. He cares that she’s trapping Sora’s memories and ensuring that the keyblade remains in his use. However, the explanation of Xion’s gender leans into Nomura’s opinion of her character. Xion is not real to him. She is a fake person. Sora’s impression of Kairi, nothing more, nothing less. Her sense of identity comes from Sora’s memories that she stole from him and Roxas. Sora wanted her to be Kairi, so he made ‘it’ into ‘her.’ I know that Nomura doesn’t believe Xion isn’t a real person because she died at the end of the game. When he removed Sora from her character, there was nothing left of her. He even showed that with all of Sora’s memories, she is just Sora after all. Now, here are some of my observations:
1. It is terrible writing to build a character’s arc on them developing their own identity and personhood, then rip it away at the end. Xion’s story arc literally proves Xemnas right by its ending.
2. Xion’s ‘gender’ is subjective to Roxas’ experience of her. She is a girl only in the sense that Roxas wanted her to be one. As soon as she has enough of Sora’s memory, she visually becomes a ‘boy.’ Well, that’s kinda gross and objectifying isn’t it? It’s almost like Nomura wants all his protagonists to have their own pet Kairi--
3. Xion’s story is parallel --yeah, I’ll go with that word-- to the experience of being transgender. I have zero faith that Nomura intended that. Yet, we have a character that is assigned one gender at birth (although it is a non-gender, I guess?). Who identifies as a different gender. Who deals with misgendering and other attempts to force them into their assigned gender. Hell, it’s almost a good story. Saïx,the guy misgendering her, is treated with contempt. Well, it’s good right up until she’s murdered and the guy abusing her is proven right by de facto. It’s Nomura, though, can’t win it all.
Hey, you know who is a character that is a lot like Xion?
Steven Universe.
No, no, no, come back I’m not joking. Spoilers for season 5 of the show, though.
Steven Universe is a character that identifies as a boy. He has his mother’s gem and many people who see him, see her instead of him. Because of this, Steven is constantly misgendered and referred to as ‘Rose,’ or ‘Pink Diamond.’ Steven is compared through-out the show to Rose and struggles to live-up to her immense legacy. However, he affirms that he is a boy and that he is Steven. He wants to save the Earth and fulfill his destiny is his own Steven-y way. Through-out the series, we see him grow and mature into a heroic lead in his own right. In Season 5 we are introduced to White Diamond. White Diamond plays a role that could be considered akin to Pink Diamond’s mother. White Diamond claims that Steven is just another ‘trick’ and ‘game’ of Pink Diamond. Pink Diamond is hiding behind Steven in order to shirk her duties. So that White can restore her family, her home, and the order of the gem society, Pink must return to her station. To White Diamond, the problem is Pink being convinced that she is a boy named Steven Universe. Pink is so deluded she is even, ‘deceiving herself.’
So, to prove her point, White Diamond removes his gemstone. Steven was born with this gemstone, he has never lived without it. We have been told that he is both human and gem. That Rose ‘gave-up her physical body’ to have him. It is not inaccurate to say that apart of him is literally his mother. This is the most critical question of Steven’s character, is he, after all, really just Pink Diamond hiding? White Diamond risked killing Steven to return Pink Diamond. The gemstone glows and out emerges-- Steven. Pink Diamond is gone and its time for everyone to accept it. Steven then embraces himself and reunites with his gem in a heartfelt scene. White Diamond is left to throw a temper tantrum, but eventually learns to appreciate Steven for who he is.
Now, can you imagine if Rebecca Sugar decided that Pink Diamond popped out of the gemstone instead of Steven? What kind of message would that send? Steven was never Steven. He was only Pink Diamond pretending to be Steven. He was never ‘him,’ only she pretending to be him. It would also work against Steven’s character arc. You know, his arc to establish himself as an independent and unique person, worthy of love, outside of his relationship to Rose? Yeah, that arc. So, now look at Xion’s character arc. Xion’s arc where her independence and identity were stomped on, thrown into the trash, then outright erased. Xion’s arc where she was constantly told ‘you don’t deserve to exist’ even though all she ever wanted was a life of peace with her friends. Xion’s arc which ended in her murder and her abusers absolved, with no consequences for their crimes against her. Xion’s arc where everyone who insulted, degraded, and oppressed her, was proven right. Now, look at Steven’s character arc. You tell me who did it better.
Steven’s story, like Xion’s, has echos of the experience of being transgender. (Quick disclaimer: I am cis and I will never be able to represent the experience of someone who is transgender as well as someone who actually has that identity. I will do my best though and please let me know if I misrepresent something.) He is misgendered and dead named by characters who struggle to accept his (or really, Rose’s) change in identity. Neither Xion nor Steven’s characters are one-for-one and I don’t think they have to be? His character arc works to affirm the lesson of self-love and acceptance of identity that the show hammers on in every episode. I have no idea how intentional Steven’s story is. I do know that Rebecca Sugar is a fantastic writer, with a deep understanding of her characters, and who understands queer identity. Any other outcome than Steven emerging from that gem would cause more harm to young, LGBT+ viewers than good. Xion dying at the end of 358/2 Days is an insensitive, cruel, and needless message of the ‘villain wins, your abuser is right’ directed right to the viewer.
Okay, so now that’s all cleared-up. Let’s do better by Xion than literally everything Nomura has ever done.
First of all, Roxas is not the deciding factor in Xion’s gender. We can keep the influence of Sora’s memories or whatever, but ‘Sora wanting it to be Kairi’ is not a good enough point. So, let’s rewrite that.
No. i had no biological sex and no gender identity at its inception. Whenever I refer to ‘No. i’ on the blog, I refer to it with neutral pronouns. I do this because No. i is not fundamentally Xion. Vexen could recreate a thousand No. i and none of them would be Xion. More than that, not all of them would be girls, or even boys, or individuals that don’t fit between the hard dichotomy. They could be anything or anyone they want. Xion however, came about when she was: named by Xemnas, lived under the influenced of the Organization members, experienced Sora’s memories, and made fundamental choices about her identity. Xion is a gradual creation and unique person who can’t just be ‘remade’ from notes. One of the influences on Xion was Larxene. An incredibly brief and one-sided influence, but effective nonetheless.
I once joked that Xion saw Larxene beat up Demyx one day and decided that girls are cool, therefore she wants to be one. Well, a year later, that is effectively blog canon. Gender is arbitrary and really more based upon our expression than any hard limits anyway. Xion learned from Larxene a few things:
1. girls are cool, boys drool
2. feminine expression and style is badass
3. making boys terrified of you is fun
4. be sassy
And Larxene uses she/her pronouns, and calls herself a ‘girl.’ Therefore, Xion will use she/her pronouns and also call herself a girl. And because Xion thinks of herself as a girl, that’s enough for her to be one. The influence of Sora’s memories may’ve pressed upon her the appearance of Kairi, but that’s only because Xion agreed with that image. Kairi was a suitable blue print to ‘be more girl’ and therefore more badass.
If you ask Xion about her gender she’ll just tell you she’s a girl. I don’t think she’ll ever really evolve past that either. It’s not complex to her. She dresses how she wants. She likes sort’ve feminine clothes too, purples, red, blues. Boots are pratical and shirts should be comfy. The next thing about gender is that we can choose how we express it and what it means to us. As an adult Xion can look at her gender as apart of her identity, one way she can define and describe herself. As someone who has fought so hard and struggled for so long to establish herself as a distinct person, the affirmation of Xion’s gender is powerful and meaningful to her.
||First question is shown but the rest is under the cut because it’s a doozy||
16.
I discussed in a previous post how Xion’s physical appearance relates to her overall self-conception. Because of the influences of others and her own experiences with the world, Xion developed into a young girl with black hair. When she was in the Organization she had blue eyes. However, her eye color changed to a dark brown after she left. This was a statement of individuality that differentiates her from Kairi and Namine. It is also how she approaches her own style. Xion is unique, she doesn’t follow the trends or ideas of anyone else. She wasn’t want to wear other people’s clothes, or act like her peers. Her brand is 100% pure Xion. Pro-tip, if you want to buy Xion new clothes: let her pick them out. Do not choose them for her. She will not wear them. Set her free in a clothing store and see what she comes back with. Whatever it is, you can be certain she’ll be happy with it.
Xion’s sense of style was a gradual evolution. In the Organization she wore the characteristic black coat, pants, and boots of the uniform, day-in, day-out. Her hair began to grow to the point it needed cutting. She did it with a knife. Fingernails were chewed off. Someone must’ve taken pity and taught the kids about soap, toothpaste, and basic hygiene. I hope someone did, at least. There’s no implication of it in canon though. She does not wear make-up and even if she understood its function, she wouldn’t have time to. There is little to no self-expression in the Organization. Xion is also a child soldier fighting to survive, appearance is way low on her list of priorities anyway. She doesn’t know anything about ‘style’ or ‘fashion.’ Clothes are functional, they keep her warm and they cover her. They also provide basic protection against the elements and attacks.
The first time Xion shows an inkling of concern for ‘style’ is when she alters her Organization coat. Even without her memories, she recognized that the Organization coat is a symbol that said something about her. Something she did not want to be said about her. She needed the coat to travel the dark corridors, however. So, Xion found a tailor and had them change the design to suit her. She had it shortened and the hood replaced with a collar. Vents in the sleeves made it so they could be rolled-up. She also learned a spell that cleaned dirt, blood, and other stains from her clothes. This is also the point where she realized she could wear the clothes she wanted. Xion never had more than one extra change of clothes, but it was her clothes. Here Xion found some preferences: she preferred pants to skirts, she liked boots, loose shirts were comfy, and she kinda liked necklaces?
The necklace I draw her wearing in her art, for example:
Is one that she made herself out of a piece of gem she found. She whittled and smoothed it down, then hallowed out a hole to loop a string through. Little things like that enabled Xion to find places for self-expression. However, her ‘style’ was cramped by the reality of her situation. She was still fighting to survive and once again her priorities laid elsewhere.
Once most adults are no longer attempting to murder her, Xion flourishes. She is never a fashionista, she never particullary goes out of her way to look Good. Instead, Xion understands that the ability to express herself should not be wasted. This freedom is valuable and just one more way to carve a niche for herself. It’s a statement of independence and power, a privilege she did not hav before. Clothes are always practical to her. She never wears heels for this reason. Still does not like skirts. Yet, she’ll color coordinate her outfits to suit her: blacks, dark, purple, blues, or reds. She probably has a small rotation of necklaces she likes. She has someone professional cut her hair, although it never grows past her shoulders. She looks clean and put together, confident in her appearance. Also she’s never wearing the stupid tacky apprentice outfit, she has self-respect. Even Xion knows that ascots are lame.
If she ever wears make-up it is very minimal, at most. She also is never going to get a piercing, too much risk of it getting ripped off in a fight. She will, however get a tattoo. Saïx left Xion with a gnarly, ugly scar across her back from hip-to-shoulder. When she’s old enough she gets a tattoo to cover it up. What the tattoo is of, depends. Usually it’ll be flowers and vines, a simple but elegant design that works to cover the mark. So, a painful reminder of her past is covered by something that is her and nothing else. Furthermore, in her room, wherever it is in the verse, Xion tends to collect things. Little trinkets and objects from her various travels. She’s not unorganized but she’s not obsessive about a system. She likes things to be at hand when she needs them. Shelves are for books and knick-knacks. She likes to have a desk to study at. Xion isn’t one for artwork, typically. However, if given art to put on the walls she might comply.
10.
Xion isn’t traditionally creative, so you won’t see her make many works of art. She might doodle, she might hum, or write out a quick rhyme, however, she is not strongly artistically motivated. At least not in the way that is typically thought of as ‘artistic.’ Remember that Xion is a kinesthetic learner. Physical action is more important to her than an aesthetic ideal. In general, Xion will do things with her hands as an absent minded way to dispose of excess energy. Thus, the aforementioned carved stone necklace or her tendency to dismantle things. That or her little doodles, scrawled onto a page. If Xion is drawing or writing then it’s descriptive. Very grounded art that focuses on capturing details as she sees them. Xion isn’t an abstract person. She is concrete and focused on the space around her. It’s also apart of her general curiosity and drive to learn. Xion isn’t concerned with the lofty pursuit of high art. She’ll consume it, but even then I still wouldn’t consider her a ‘creative’ person. She doesn’t really listen to music and wouldn’t find a lot of joy in perusing an art gallery. Most paintings are boring man, I don’t know what to tell you.
Where Xion shows creativity is in her problem solving. Xion is well-wired for logic and math. She is capable of teaching herself calculus if given the resources to do so. She can take the information she is given to form a conclusion. Then, use that conclusion to ask more questions that lead to more observation. She uses deductive reasoning and is probably one of the few people not truly victim to the confirmation bias. Xion is trying to disprove herself. It lends to her paranoia and tends to make her a bit of a conspiracy theorist. She is absolutely the one with the red string and the cork board. It also will make her a brilliant scientist and healer. Xion will ask the questions, look from the angles, and think about the problem, in ways no one else will. She will look at almost any design and think ‘how can I make it more efficient?’ She will then think through the possibilities of that. All of these are signs of her creativity. They’re pragmatic, efficient, and adaptable, much like her.
Very little of this is evident until after Xehanort’s death. When Xion had the free time, the resources, and the ability to focus on it. Once again, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, even if Xion had the drive for creativity she wouldn’t have the resources for it. Nonetheless, she had to learn to how to fight the Heartless and adapt to the flow of battle. She also had to survive and exist on her own after leaving the Organization. All of these problems would require creative solutions. It just wouldn’t flourish in a tangible way until the people who were trying to kill her were all dead. So, she learns how to read, learns math and science, and begins to explore the world in a new way, with new tools.
7.
Xion is a three year old child soldier with extensive combat experience, a history of abuse, torture, enslavement, and neglect. She has no social supports, no parents, no friends, no family. She has spent two years living on her own, feeding and caring for herself. Her coping skills are near non-existant. She has not been taught how to regulate her emotions, which easily overwhelm her or she suppresses them altogether. Several key betrayals have left her paranoid and untrusting.
According to the DSM-5 the requirement for PTSD is exposure to a life-threatening event and Xion qualifies. She presents symptoms of involuntary memories, nightmares, flashbacks, and dissociation. She will avoid places or people who remind her of the trauma. Although, this is broad and often times Xion labels things as ‘threatening’ merely because they trigger her anxiety. Xion also has low self-worth, self-blame, emotional estrangement from others, and persistently struggles to regulate her emotions. She shows irritableness, hyper-vigilance, reckless and self-destructive behavior, startles very easily, and has deep sleep disturbances.
When Xion is avoiding Roxas and Axel at the end of KH3, that is part of her detachment from social connection. When she vanishes for two weeks that is her isolating herself to deal with anxiety and negative emotions. Xion is paranoid and is constantly calculating the chances that someone is trying to kill or harm her. This is a learned behavior from years of people betraying her and attempting to kill and harm her. Her nightmares are the most prolific. Xion cannot sleep without horrifying dreams of close calls in battle, her abuse, or torture. So, she avoids sleep like it’s the plague, going up to four days without rest. She doesn’t like to talk about her trauma, or think about it. Xion is very good at hiding her symptoms and her distress. She’ll usually isolate herself when emotions become too much to handle. Failing the ability to escape, she will express it as an explosion of pent-up rage.
She blames herself for what has happened to her. If she was injured in a fight then it was her fault. She should’ve been better. If she had been smarter, better prepared she could’ve prevented Xemnas from capturing her. Xion is self-destructive and reckless, she has very little regard for her own health or safety. She treats most injuries and wounds like they’re paper cuts, and is confused when others freak out over them. She hasn’t trusted someone since Axel first hit her. Everyone lies, everyone will betray you, they will all eventually attempt to kill you, at some point. From the position of an outsider this seems insane. To Xion it is perfectly rational and logical, a natural extension of her own experiences. Xion’s mental health is poor and her physical health follows it. Food deprivation means she is underweight. She looks like she doesn’t sleep. Her hair is a mess, her fingernails bitten to the quick.
Everything about Xion is a perfect storm of poor mental health and self-care. So, what can be done to help her? Like most problems Xion has faced, its solved by moving her up the Hierarchy of Needs. Providing her consistent meals, shelter, water, entertainment, and affection, gives her the space to focus on her own health. By giving Xion examples of relationships that are not abusive or neglectful, it can reframe her previous experiences. Xion can learn how to trust and to open up to others. It will just take time and energy to encourage her to do so. If it’s available, talk therapy would be invaluable to her. In the case it is not available, encouraging her to discuss her feelings and memories will help her process them in a more healthy way. Xion is very young and she has extensive, painful trauma that weighs her down. However, with proper help, love, and guidance, she can grow beyond her past. She’ll always be more jumpy, or nervous, or anxious than most, she’ll always have that suspicious paranoia. Her sleep habits will never be perfect and the nightmares will never truly go away. She is not resigned to an existence of suffering, however. Xion is adaptable and more than capable of healing.
Filing reviews is hardly the way that Heidegger had wanted to spend the evening. In truth, he had a visit scheduled to meet a ‘special friend’ over at the Honey Bee Inn. But no, he’d been forced to cancel and do this instead. As if he wasn’t at work enough already.
The general rolls up the sleeves to his shirt, for once, his military coat resting on the back of his chair. Although the air con soothes the hair of his arms and face, he’s still caught in the web of heat alongside everyone else in the ShinRa building.
His fingers sieve through waves of paperwork, the flood of them conquering half of his desk. Although Heidegger is an organized man, fighting stacks of reports had become quite the frequent battle…a battle that he seemed to lose time and time again.
Eventually, his hands fall upon the report of a certain ‘Xion’. He’s hardly cast eyes over her before and yet, her short-lived report leaves an impression. The general places a finger on the buzzer to his receptionist, a lazy ‘Send in Xion’ is enough to coax a ‘yes sir.’ He sits in wait, his eyes scanning the document. Fall-out from the Science division? Interesting.
Mountains and hills of paperwork piled on the desk. He shuffled through each leaf with callous unconcern. She did not look at him. She looked past him, eyes squinting against the sun glare through the window. Her hands twitched behind her back. Then curled into a tightened fist. The rumbling air condition echoed in an emptied building. It left a discomforting, silent white noise. Pounding in her ears and yet agonizingly quiet. Xion was used to being under review. Everything was a test. Nothing in life was free, she must earn everything she is given. She must prove her worth.
“Professor Hojo sent me, sir,” Xion reported.
They rehearsed all the things she should and should not say. How to present herself to the general with cool professionalism. The stern order: obey the General. It is essential she be loyal, helpful, and respectful. Prove yourself worthy of the costs of your creation. She has a great ebt to repay. The mission is most important. She must serve her purpose.
