Do you think it's wise for you to be here? @blackfeathersflurry - Tumblr Blog

{From the 00€}

A special note for you all

-rules included-

00€: First and foremost, I truly appreciate those of you who have come across this blog and viewed its contents. It means a great deal and I hope to see it get larger as time goes on. Second, the lot of you are absolutely wonderful. I am grateful for all of the attention and flow that I have gotten. I didn't think it would get this much traction. And while this is an ask blog, as well as a letters blog, I would like you to know what is in the fray. Take it away, Seph!

A chosen theme for every month. (00€: Won't tell you what it is until you see it.)

A set goal to increase the flow, challenges and themes for @blackfeathersflurry .

@feathersflurry has officially begun posting the series Fractal for your entertainment. This includes the story of how I came to be, MUW's story and so much more. Please understand that it is a light read, though it is intended for older audiences, and is not for minors. A chapter list will be available soon.

Once again everyone, thank you all for your support. I know it's not much. But a small amount can still make a huge difference. Hmm...Anything to add, Seph?

Sephiroth: I think I'm being written far too out of character. However this blog takes place a good while after the events of Advent Children.

00€: Exactly! And it's an AU. Soooo, we are taking a bit of a different direction with this. Basically acknowledging that you were a decent dude forced into some bad circumstances and that your psychotic break did some...a lot of damage. And that sum-a-lot of damage needs atonement. With a sprinkle of intensive therapy.

Sephiroth:

Sephiroth: Just get to the rules.

00€: YOOOOU GOT IT! TAKE IT AWAY, MUW!!!

[MUW's Declassified Sephiroth Survival Guide]

For the sake of traffic, we ask that you do not spam the blog. This keeps things fair for other users and allows others to have a chance to get their asks answered in a timely fashion.

While we like to encroach on difficult topics, we at blackfeathersflurry prefer to stay on topic regarding Final Fantasy, characters in the FFVII universe and it's expansions as well as potential discussion in regards to obsession and ideation regarding the works of its creator Tetsuya Nomura.

Please remain respectful to the character MUW and visitors while on this page as bullying will not be tolerated. There is a one strike rule. Anyone within violation will not be allowed to commence in further activity, and will be barred.

For reasons going forward, it is alright to seek solace via letters and asks. However, it is best to remember that this is an ask blog of a fictional character. More complicated psychological effects that are beyond ones purview are best left to a professional. This is not only for legality reasons, but also for the health and safety of all parties involved.

Please remember that consent is everything. And if you ask for a specific behavior without applying the proper descriptions or channels, the MUW will write within the confines of SSC to ensure that everyone who views the behavior of the character has a firm understanding of what the public party got themselves into. As this is an adult blog.

We appreciate the enthusiasm, but please do not abuse the anonymity feature. While this blog may have spicy content moving forward and on the occasional post, please do not assume that your 🌶️🌶️🌶️ content will be answered under anonymity, or without consent. You neither asked, nor are we certain that you are an adult or a minor. This place is intended to be safe for those who are meant to enjoy it. AWAY from those under the age of 18. If we have to, we will bounce it up to 25.

We under @blackfeathersflurry love receiving questions and tags. But please know that we have just as much of a right to refuse or respond to any that may seem abusive or ill intended. We hate to put this ground rule down. However this is being put in place for a reason.

Finally, as repetitive as this has been, no minors. Period. This is an adult space. And because this is an adult space, NO MINORS ARE ALLOWED. I need to remind people that the character, Sephiroth, is by and large a CANONICALLY 30-31/32 year old man. I am aware that he is fictional, but for the sake of posterity, please keep this in mind. I will repeat myself every single time on this.

00€: Thank you for your time everyone!

#rules #blog rules #ask blog #dear sephiroth #sephiroth #sephiroth rp #ffvii remake #final fantasy 7 crisis core #blog admin #final fantasy vii #ffvii rebirth #ffvii rp #ffvii au

It's been a while.

I suppose I should explain to many of you the reasoning behind my absence....or not. Simply because that is not owed to you. I've been manipulated throughout my life enough to know that such things, when demanded, are an act of subjugation and a means of collecting information for later acts of intimidation and control.

So, my dear feathers, if it is all the same to you, why don't we allow this old SOLDIER to keep the details of my disappearance mum.

Recently, a little bird has flown the coop. I do not wish them well, as they've made life to someone near and dear for me difficult. I suppose this is the motivation for my decision to come back. To interact once more, one could say. While the limelight is my least favorite position to be in, I've already seen that damned commercial.

You know the one.

And I...I don't know how to feel about it (MUW wants to try it, so the advertisement certainly worked as it was intended.). The partnership between the Final Fantasy VII department and Asahi was clearly well placed but they could have used anyone. Anyone who was not me.

To tell the truth I wanted none of this. I wanted nothing to do with a spotlight or heroism that was shoved onto me since adolescence. I wanted nothing to do with the empty praise or spokesmanship for the military conquest of a global corporation's insane marketing scheme.

No. I am not talking about Asahi. (Obviously, but I feel like I have to make that clear to some.)

This is probably the part where I say that I'm a lone wolf.

Pfft. Absolutely not. I've learned from those who support me that such notions aren't healthy. To believe that one is a lone wolf would project unhealthy ideals of masculinity, and I do not wish to do that. That is not me....atleast, not anymore.

Which is why I am simply happy coming back. I am happy being here and present while continuing to heal with the people I care about.

(OOC has been involved in external activities in the new town we've moved to. It's quiet. Which is nice, but as they say, it's not the roads.)

I wish to convey that I like how quiet things are.

And while, yes, there are people in my life who enjoy the spotlight in small waves; the ability to walk around and look up at the stars on the beach at night brings a great deal of longing to my heart. Or atleast stalking around in the mountains. Somewhere that is pleasant and natural that is brimming with life would do.

Other men will try to tell me that I am acting like a whiney little child. Let them. Those men know nothing about vulnerability as it was beaten out of them, just like it was beaten out of me. They were manipulated into believing that brutality and stoicism is equivalent to strength and that emotions are a weakness. It's often portrayed in the media we see and even fitted to suit the male gaze. Where things like sexual assault for men, let alone sexual harassment are non-existent. Crying? I think not. Diversity or men who are cared for by their partners in a positive light without a comedic framing? Think again.

Yes, this got political. But in todays society, we can't afford to not be political. It's better to be that way in order to protect the people we care about. And it's especially better to have an understanding of the history. SOLDIER operated using Spartan tactics and belief systems with Centurion organization skills, as well as a Roman political system. In doing so, it created a belief system that anything could be conquered through negotiation or deadly force. While one would think that SOLDIER also followed the guidelines of Japanese military warfare, it is only partially true. The Japanese Military warfare incorporated was battle tactic. Not politics or propaganda. So while, yes, there were female operatives within the ranks, their presence is rarely ever talked about or known. The most prominent in my mind would be Lucia, whose specialty was marksmanship. But, that being said, the female operatives did not have a practical uniform for SOLDIER given that the gear consisted of a Jacket and a pair of short shorts with thigh highs and boots. I don't think that the men have anything practical either. The most sufficient were with the full coverup and capability of managing most terrains and climates within capacity. But that is just me speaking as a General.

Circling back-

Given that Rome denied women the ability to have Economic rights and clothing restrictions adhering to the beliefs of the senate from 450 BCE-195 BCE with Lex Oppia being passed during the second punic war, it's understandable to see how it heavily affects the present as we see it today. (I am not agreeing with it.)

Likewise with the Augustan Marriage Laws from 18 BCE-9 AD, where Roman women under Emperor Augustus's rule were required to produce children in order to gain control of their inheritance, thanks to the emperors proceeding of legislation.

Finally, there was the following of Christianity where Emperor Constantine introduced laws restricting the rights of women to initiate divorce.

But all in all, we get pretty decent gladiator films that take place during some ambiguous point in that era. I suspect I may end up getting drawn as a centurion in a week or so.

(OOC: EEYUP!)

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #final fantasy vii #final fantasy vii rebirth #ffvii #im back #im tired

A subtle little relapse...

I am hit with a reminder of how much I detest humans at times. Many of you are disgusting and vile creatures and frankly nothing but foul smelling refuse in my eyes. I frequently find myself pondering how evolution has managed to get us far enough as a species.

Yes.

You read that correctly.

I said us.

Meaning I do actually consider myself one of you (regrettably). But I do maintain the focus that there is a balance to the detestable individuals who seek to harm others for their own gain. There are those who are kind and genuine. Those who will reach out and offer food without asking anything in return. It was hard for me to grasp that. And I do admit that it still is at times.

In my life there were people who I could have turned to who were not vile. Who could have helped me. I never hated the world as I did in the beginning. I shut it out....mostly.

Nature was nice.

Presently...

Some are trying to understand the world around them. They try to scramble under the pressure and determine whether or not there is a misunderstanding. And it is difficult to find the courage to discuss the matter.

I understand this all too well...

Especially knowing when there may be borrowed time.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii #final fantasy vii rebirth

favorite-aesthetic

The stars are beautiful

blackfeathersflurry

[00€: We are back everyone.]

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #dear sephiroth #ff7 crisis core #final fantasy vii #ffvii

OOC: Good evening/Morning everyone...wherever many of you might be. I do apologize for the lack of posts as things have been pretty hectic in my life as of late. Due to family medical complications, mental health declines, an incline of hectic life occurrences and change and a recent passing of an acquaintance I am afraid I am going to put the blog on a temporary hiatus. And for that, I have to apologize. I never intended for this blog to be put on hold for so long. I wanted to do something that I and others could enjoy...but...really...this was just...I'm sorry.

I hope to get back to posting soon.

Thank you for your patience.

Until then, feel free to send in your asks. Sephiroth and MUW will see them upon our return.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #final fantasy vii #ff7 crisis core #soft sephiroth #temporary hiatus #ask me anything

The Difficulties of Keeping Your Head High

I am not healed. I refuse to confess that I ever was. And to take a step forward by any stretch of the means, only to take several steps back is frightening. This begins to eat away at a person. When it does, it leads to broken friendships and hazy mornings where you have no idea where the person had gone. Only the memory of "Don't come back..." stuck inside your head. You miss them. The fire that kept you warm with the other party burned you, but by your own design. Not because it hurt you. But because you stoked it far too much and stopped. Then you went back to starving it. Then feeding it...and then starving it for long periods of time. Because the idea of "distance makes the heart grow fonder" somehow makes sense to you.

But to that person, you are telling them that they aren't good enough.

When that person has trauma involving abandonment and is unable to voice it, it's almost impossible to know how your actions affect them. And while the person in question is from a military family, communication has never been easy due to the lie of needing to power through their struggles. Having to keep their head high when someone mistreated them or made them feel as though they were smaller than a bug only did so much for their self worth. To the point where my being away became acceptable.

In retrospect, MUW eventually felt like they had to give up. There are things happening in the background that are reminding me of my old life and I must enforce change to rebalance it. This is by all in tense and purposes a means to figure out how to work on managing a relationship and not adding to the trauma of someone else. Let alone your own. This is not a keep your head held high situation. It is not a negotiation. If this scenario is occurring between your friends and partners, it is a must scenario. If they dismiss it, then that is that. There are things that I wish I could turn back and fix.

Aerith, Nibelheim, Cloud, My cohorts...Zack.

However, a friend of mine has stated that the only way is through. Not hold your head high. While powering through something that causes emotional damage or stress, that actively causes pain and is not good for you or others is what many do, it doesn't mean one should.

As I have said, I am not healed. I will never say that I am. I am trying to ensure that I make it there. But I would prefer that i not hurt others along the way.

I have failed at that.

Lets get back up, fix the behavior and try again.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ffvii #soft sephiroth #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au

aspecmemesdaily

Source | Day 89

#acespec #ace pride #not asexual #but support those who are #final fantasy seven

plotmancer

Ultimate List of Weapons and Arsenal for Fantasy Setting: Purpose and Who Uses Them. Writers save this!

Melee Weapons

1. Swords

- Longsword - Used by knights and warriors for versatile combat.

- Broadsword - Wielded by heavy infantry for powerful strikes.

- Rapier - Favored by duelists and nobles for precision and speed.

- Scimitar - Used by desert warriors and pirates for slashing attacks.

- Katana - Carried by samurai for swift, precise cuts.

- Claymore - Wielded by Highland warriors for heavy, sweeping attacks.

- Falchion - Used by mercenaries for its chopping power.

- Cutlass - Preferred by sailors and pirates for close-quarters combat.

When the cosmos brings someone to you...

Treat them well. Be kind to them and do not laugh at their hobbies or interests. Enjoy it with them. Short of atrocious acts, I don't believe that that person could cause any harm by doing something that makes them smile.

Unless that smile quite literally lights up a room.

Then the question entails as to whether or not it's arson or a fault in the electrical system.

[00€ Disclaimer: This page does not condone arson or violence of any kind. Smokey the bear says only you can prevent forest fires.]

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #soft sephiroth #ffvii au

tinyperson00

lets start a chain cause why not

1. take this quiz

2. do this picrew of yourself

3. tag some fiends!

I'll start:

Dude 💀

tagging: @kimetsu-chan @larz-barz @aceofstars0 @exymybeloved @explosivesamurai

aceofstars1

Soooo damn tired open tags today boys

foxonrollerskates

I mean, yeah

Tagging: @sapphosdickandballs @pulim-v @illiteratesblog

sapphosdickandballs

I loveeee tags so thank you :3

Didn’t have facial hair/short hair options so take like 14 year old me. Yes I died my whole head red. No I didn’t look cunty like I do in the picrew

no tags cause I’m eepy but do it if you want for sure

spira---mirabilis

I haven’t done a tag game in a while so I’ll join in

Pretty accurate

@heraldofcrow @fantomette22 @owl-mug + anyone else who wants to join in!

heraldofcrow

Thanks GG!! Why are we both Ophelia in the pool tho ajhdjs

@altocat @katyspersonal @rottenpumpkin13 @izunias-meme-hole @cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme

@asphodelflowers @shadowsageingempress @villaindevotee

sephirthoughts

well ok

well i knew that already

@deepgrounded

@siringadev

@soundcrusher

@demial4

@dezimaton

@getvalentined

@phantomyre-vincent-valentine

@depression-napping

yourlilkaiju

"A bit too nice"...?

K.

@lumine-no-hikari @rrahuntersblog

lumine-no-hikari

Ah! Thank you for thinking of me, @yourlilkaiju!

I got these:

...Uhhhh.... I dunno about all that, in the quiz result. 😬 The reality of living with C-PTSD is that I do have my "off" days. Plenty of stuff wrong with me, no doubt. I do work on it fairly constantly, though.

Let's see. Tag some friends, I guess?

@aprimreaper, @a-view-without-light-pollution, @bootshivers,

@blackfeathersflurry, @centzon, @conditionvarietysilence,

@dragoninthelabratory, @darthvodkas, @freelanceexorcist,

@heavenhistoria, @heraldofcrow, @not-sephiroth, @prismaticpichu,

@rottenpumpkin13, @sanguinull, @theinconvenienced,

@tinyfluffyshark, @verysmolspams, @valentimmy,

@wolfdogdavkun, @weirdbanana...

Does this look like fun to any of you?

blackfeathersflurry

Thank you for thinking of me, @lumine-no-hikari

I...think it may be a bit small for my build. Then again I don't think I did this right. I also think I made myself look like I'm part of the TURKs....

....

I'm wondering how that may have panned out. But AS FOR THE QUIZ RESULT, I don't believe that I'm perfect by any stretch of the means. This...like many things are practiced. So I thank everyone for their patience and kindness moving forward.

demial4

sometimes reddit has some good posts

sephirthoughts

i would do literally anything he said next question

yourlilkaiju

@sephirthoughts have you heard of Our Lord and Savior Sephiroth and his three disciples? They are very important as they have a very important role against Cloud and his demons in Avalanche. The fallen goddess Aerith has even joined them. May we come inside to further discuss the joys of Jenova and the life stream?

blackfeathersflurry

Oh for--

No.

I was a cult leader....sort of.

Proxy of Kadaj.

It was a strange experience.

I am not a lord and Savior. Please don't paint me that way. Zack, Angeal and Genesis are not my disciples. You don't kill your disciples. They go on to tell others about your work and your movement. Does no one understand the concept of a dogma?

At the same time, do I need to remind people that I.DO NOT. WISH TO BE. WORSHIPED.

I don't. Please don't. Let me live my life. Let me have my moments where I interact with grace and dignity, at my own behest without being a general or a hero.

I would really appreciate that.

Unless I'm topping someone.

Then it's yes sir, no sir and please sir.

Otherwise someone gets a firm hand.

Who knows.

But after prediscussion.

SSC and all.

Go get some water.

#final fantasy 7 #sephiroth #ff7 #jenovas witness #ffvii sephiroth #ffvii remake #ffvii rebirth #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy vii #final fantasy vii rebirth

Hair care routine?

What products do you use?

Why are you people so obsessed with my hair care routine?

Since you asked:

I use Aussie and pat dry with a T-shirt. My hair is difficult to manage on my own.

#sephiroth #ask blog #ff7 #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth

Things that we do not tolerate....

Let's begin, shall we? While there have been some asks coming in from those who've decided to remain anonymous, we here at @blackfeathersflurry have decided to make the stance to ignore and delete these asks and move on. However, to make things abundantly clear:

Ableism: there are those with different capabilities that differ from our own and we need to respect that. Yes, there are limitations. There are days where the pain is overwhelming or things that aren't visible are taking away ones ability to properly function. Regardless, it is not our place to mock, judge, antagonise, deny agency or otherwise. If we find any of that within the precipice of this page, you will be barred and black listed. There will be no warnings.

Racism: discussions on what micro aggressions are are perfectly normal. Performing micro aggressions and racist comments however will not be tolerated. This, like ableism is monitored very carefully. Commentary on how sensitive marginalized groups are does count as a micro aggression, and a very obvious one at that. We do not recommend that you make similar statements.

Homophobia: we are very LGBTQ+ friendly in this part of the internet. We are even LGBTQ+ ourselves. Any homophobia within our presence will be met with extreme prejudice and highly unwelcome. Much like the Shinra security at a pride parade.

Transphobia: MUW identifies as She/they. I will allow you lot to figure this one out for yourself.

Bullying:We are aware that our readers come from all walks of life. We know this. It is however the 21st century and we are doing our best to create a more accepting community. However...we do not tolerate bullies of any kind. And that includes certain members of groups who shall remain unnamed at this time. Namely groups who look like, as 00€ likes to call them, "ugly little ghost gnomes with burger and beer stains on their bed sheets and call themselves grand wizards like pretend clerics". While she is a southerner, she doesn't like being represented by those people, as they "lack proper manners". We don't even accept any of their cousin groups. Tolerating intolerance begets more intolerance. To which it then becomes a cycle.

Sexual Harassment: this one takes the cake. People are lovely. We understand. 00€ writes content and short stories to create side and filler arcs for your enjoyment. There is even a story for how I got here and it gets...🌶️🌶️🌶️ Spicy. Chapter three is in process. But circling back to sexual harassment. Say you are chatting with someone and you tell them that they are attractive. That is a compliment. Then you get a bit salacious and that person becomes uncomfortable. The situation becomes tense. They tell you to stop and you keep pushing. Then that is sexual harassment. We do not appreciate that. I'm fairly certain we don't have to repeat the no warnings bit.

We may update this list as we see fit. But for now. Enjoy yourselves. Don't be strangers.

Drink some water.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth #anti bullying #anti shinra #zero harassment policy #one winged angel #ffvii first soldier #sephiroth rp #sephiroth blog

Regarding the post from last night.

I had to mull things over in deep thought over some coffee. MUW and I had a long discussion regarding the matter and what it came to. Last night's spiral felt very much like a waking nightmare as I stared up at the ceiling and watched the fan turn. And now it feels like I am suffering a deep set hangover from it all. I seldom ever drink as those are well...MUW's vices. I tend to try to keep myself as sober as possible. Yet somehow, despite not taking in a drop, it still feels like I have.

I know that there are those who struggle with these things to cope with their pain. Namely due to lack of access to other resources, or trauma from others using the system to manipulate those individuals. I have noticed that some systems remain unfair to those who are left in extremely vulnerable, if not dire conditions....I've seen similar situations in Midgar. While the reality remains, I still shift in discomfort that there is little power that remains in my grasp. My sway and influence is minimal. MUW remains dubious of the patrons of the system. She calls them leaches who treat the poor like cattle and the wealthy like golden harps sent from heaven. These people were the readon for her father's greed and her grandmother's death, apparently. But we are getting off topic. While change is important, so is kindness.

Money is empty and soulless, despite its necessity. Land, though needed and better left in the hands of a trusted family member, is best for providing for a town and a village. Wealth cannot be taken with you when you are gone. Neither can glory. Your title does not matter.

However, the way you treat others will always be remembered. The weight of your sins will always be carried whether you are alive or dead, and it is up to you to decide how to heal from it.

I am still having difficulty.

A friend of mine is being very helpful and patient in this regard. I cannot say how grateful I am for them.

Some days you may have a screaming match with yourself when it comes to whether or not you deserve to heal. Or whether or not you deserve good things. This is perfectly reasonable. So long as that screaming match does not reduce you to someone who chooses to habitually neglect and abuse yourself.

It becomes painful and you will feel the repercussions of doing so after making it a habit.

Keep this in mind.

Now...

My little wings....

Take care of yourselves. Drink some water.

You don't have to love yourselves. But do try to find common ground until you can atleast find a means to get along.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth #mental illness #mental health #self care #no this is not mass effect

Things have been...Sporadic, of late.

I can't find any other words to describe it.

When you have an ancient parasite eating at your mind and filling your head with violent thoughts about killing the planet, you often ponder what it means to truly survive. Having been a test subject in isolation for most of my life I had a roof over my head, food and a bed to sleep in, I should be grateful. But in exchange, my body was the product of gruesome experimentation and I had to endure a painful healing process. I cannot describe the psychological disorders that I developed along the way. When I was enlisted as a child, I was meant to protect. I was told to do good. It kept others happy. I have to make others happy....I have to be a hero....

A good product of Shinra...

A leader.

Nothing more.

.....

I don't know how else to possibly end this beyond telling you all to take care of yourselves. Set firm boundaries and remember to trust in the people who care about you. Popularity isn't everything when you feel lonely all the time. But few friends who keep you afloat are the greatest treasures in the world.

I'm sorry you all had to see this side of me.

Cont'd

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth #mental health #mental illness #trauma

"I Can fix him."

Don't.

He knows what he's doing.

If he doesn't want to be that way or can't control it, help him find the resources, but let the resources take it from there. He's not ready for a relationship.

If he doesn't want the help but instead chooses to continue the pattern, run.

It will only hurt you.

"But Sephiroth, MUW and 00€ fixed you!"

No, they didn't. I wasn't given a choice to go to therapy. Rather, it was one of my stipulations for staying with MUW. And MUW kept a stern distance from me for a good month or two.

"I can fix him.", creates an ideology that ultimately puts both parties into a toxic situation. Or worse, it gives an abuser incentive to take hold of a vulnerable individual. This not only creates a distrust in relationships, but also a distrust in men. Especially men like me. I am not going to deny that I am still going to do bad things as a way of providing for those in need or the people who have become family (I am not referring to bouts of rage. I'm not that unhinged and I choose to maintain self awareness and control.). These things, however, do not expunge previous histories of committing genocide or murdering innocent people.

"No matter what happens, chances are that I will leave Shinra in the end."

That is atleast close to what I said, if memory serves correct.

I didn't want to be in SOLDIER. It wasn't even my call to begin with.

Then I was in a library for days, like a man possessed.

In my canon...well I don't want to give spoilers....

Either way, I ended up burning down Nibelheim.

By this worlds standards, I should be somewhere close to 48-50 years old. However, being imprisoned in a time space limbo keeps you at the age of 31. And as I look at the math, you can see that there was quite a bit of time to reflect. I am perfectly aware of my behavior. And even though the physical age doesn't suit the mental, I am perfectly self aware of my actions as opposed to most men my age.

(No, I do not get the senior discount at IHOP.)

And when one is imprisoned in a time space limbo, you learn a few things in the in-between. For starters, you learn to reflect on your sins and determine that your actions are by every means yours. Even if you are under influence of Jenova and Mako addiction, they will still be yours and there is no changing it. Just like the person you want to "fix".

No matter how many times you try to chase down an unhealthy obsession to try and replace someone,or even someone to have some sort of an emotional connection with, be it through psychic link or otherwise; chances are...that person may beat you to a pulp. At best, not even want you back. And the latter is the best case scenario. I cannot be any gentler than this.

So the "I can fix him" mentality goes under the assumption that the person in question even wants to be fixed. It's ,at best, a form of cognitive dissonance.

Please remember that.

And for fucks sake drink some water.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth #fvii favorite leather daddy #mental health #i can fix him #ffvii rp #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy vii rebirth

eccedentesiast-skies

You’ve grown into someone who would have protected you as a child. And that is the most powerful move you made.

blackfeathersflurry

I saw this on 00€'s profile and they sent it to me. They felt need to bring light to a situation that in my self doubt of late it was best that I needed to have a light pick me up. However, I felt the need to share this myself. Regardless, I also would like to share this for whomever see's this blog. I share fireflies for MUW and those who look for peace in the night. They are also wonderful to watch. I reassure people who come across my page, regardless of whether or not they follow me. It shouldn't matter. I do not look to be idolized or worshipped. I look to reach out and try to keep a record of where I am going and how I am moving forward in the hopes that I can maybe provide someone to talk to while I do so. The past happened. I can't deny that it happened and it will take me a long time to heal from it.

I was unable to deny my position of the poor ethics of scientific experimentation. By my own father, no less. No one even reached out to tell him to stop. I was trained until the point of breaking. If I got it wrong, well...the results were unpleasant. The training varied. Intelligence....Combat...reflexes...speed....these things were not to be shy of the perfection that Shinra so demanded. To ensure that this perfection increased, my cells were infused with Jenova's each and every single time. I'm still trying to find rhyme or reason as to whether or not this was a punishment.

I was excited when I joined the military. It meant my days of isolation were over. However, it also meant that I would be watched and supervised at all times. I would be acting on Shinra and Hojo's orders. And I was too terrified to step out of line. Because if I stepped out of line, I would be put away again. The paper white walls and the glass would be all I saw from my day to day and the only privacy that I would receive would be in the night. In my blind spot where the camera could not watch me. I never thought about turning and cutting down my watchers without orders. I never thought about how being a child soldier was completely unethical. Not until the girl beyond the mirror nailed this into my head for the umpteenth time. And I was wounded. I would frequently get hurt. I would make friends and lose them in combat. I would even push myself to the limit and eventually find myself distancing myself from my platoon.

"We have orders." I would tell them. Frequently. "Don't get too rowdy. We have an early morning."

My compatriots will always remain fresh in my memory. The only other time I ever made friends was with three other SOLDIER's. All were first class. All of them died. All by mine or the third SOLDIER's hand. The third, Zack-was only beginning. He is the one I regret the most.

In time I may forgive myself for them. In time I may even forgive myself for the atrocities I've committed. I want a normal life.

So I have decided to create a better life.

In any case,

I hope everyone see's this and finds what they need within themselves. I know it's not always easy. It is actually rather difficult at times. It's even more difficult to forgive yourself.

#sephiroth #ff7 #ask blog #ffvii #dear sephiroth #final fantasy vii #ask me anything #ff7 crisis core #ffvii au #soft sephiroth #sephiroth x oc #one winged angel #final fantasy ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #first soldier

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