a/n: just another one shot based on a song cause im a sucker for those lmao and the end is v v lame im sorry
no, we’re not friends
nor have we ever been
we just try to keep
this secret in our lives
from the beginning, calum knew he would never be able to see you only as a friend. the way you smiled at the lamest jokes and how you always prepared his coffee exactly the way he liked it when he stopped by your place were the things that often popped on his mind whenever someone talked about you.
he knew it, you knew it, all of his friends knew it, but he didn’t want anyone else to know it too. the beauty of a secret was knowing you’re supposed to keep it, as he heard from a song you blasted on his car when he handed you the aux cord. he liked this sweet secret but felt like he couldn’t step forward while he had it. often on the spotlight was his place and he didn’t want to bother you with the stuff he was used to, so he didn’t take the final step. he didn’t ask you to be his but he knew you were; you liked the sensation of being securely wrapped in his arms and the kisses he would place on your temple while you spent time among friends. so you did belong to him, not because you were asked to but because you were willing to.
but if they find out
will it all go wrong?
and heaven knows
no one wants it to
so i could take the back road
but your eyes will lead me
straight back home
it was impossible not to notice calum’s colours after he had met you. a delighted smile always made its way to his face when he remembered he had you to welcome him home whenever.
but home wasn’t a place anymore. it wasn’t four walls and a shelter. it was the smell of coffee and your green apples shampoo. it was two arms ready to be wrapped around his waist and a head that rested on his chest while he placed a kiss on top of it. it was walking around the wooden floor of your house with his socks on and having you complaining they were going to get dirty. it was the way you always shared your earbuds with him and showed him new songs you found out and figured he would like it. it was your tired smiles after a long day. it was the feeling of your lips in touch with his. it was you.
everyone noticed the new sparkle on his eyes and how happy he looked. no one but his friends knew the real reason, assuming it was being back on the stages with the upcoming tour or the soon release of his band’s new album. he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t that too but he was even more satisfied to have that as an excuse of his outbursting happiness caused by you. he still liked to keep you as his secret, believing that if too many people knew about it, it could all go wrong.
his friends were grateful for you and his fans were too. though they didn’t know it, they didn’t want that smile to fade away from his face. no one did.
and if you know me
like i know you
you should love me
you should know
he still hadn’t asked you yet. he thought you didn’t need the question and his lack of attempt upset you sometimes.
to everyone, you were friends and, sadly, you actually still were. but you knew and he knew that the feelings were bigger than that. you both knew the love that rested peacefully on each other’s chest but didn’t attempt to give it attention yet.
he was talking about his friend’s previous public relationship as you sat on your couch across from him. you knew that, if he was to make things official, he wanted to make it to everyone. to the world. and you weren’t quite sure if you were ready for that and neither was calum about himself.
above all, he was afraid of the commitment. afraid of being responsible for one’s heart even if he already was. afraid of hurting and getting hurt. he was afraid that he might not ever be ready for that, so he simply let things be as the way they were. he still didn’t take the step forward but he also didn’t dare to take a step back.
friends just sleep in another bed
and friends don’t treat me
like you do
and i know that there’s a limit to everything
but my friends won’t love me like you
the fan spinning on the ceiling was the only thing to be heard apart from calum breathing softly. his skin was warm against yours as you laid on your bed, your head on his chest and his inked arm snaked around your waist. your fingers played endlessly with his and he stared at them, a small smile curving his lips up.
he felt his chest warm and it wasn’t even because you were laying on top of it; it was warm inside. you made his heart feel warm.
he was lying if he said he had never felt something like that before. pouring his heart into a song and running his fingers through the strings of his bass also gave him that feeling. doing that in the company of his best friends gave him that feeling, but you were something else. the warmth was different, it was something none of his friends could ever make him feel. it felt like he belonged to that moment and to you. it felt like finally reaching something he didn’t even know he was searching for. he felt at ease and like his life was complete at last.
you shifted on his arm and he, only then, realised you had stopped playing with his fingers. you were now supporting the weight of your torso with your elbows, facing calum with an intrigued expression.
“what are you thinking about?” you questioned.
he raised his free hand and flew it to your hair, running his fingers subconsciously through it. he stared into your eyes a bit more, enjoying the feeling of getting lost in them, before opening his mouth to finally answer.
you tilted your head to the side a bit and gave him a teethless smile.
“me too,” you stated, matter-of-factly. “i think i love you.”
he wasn’t taken aback. it was no surprise to him that you felt the same way as he did, but hearing the proper words pleased him in a way not even finally finishing a particular hard song could.
“i think i love you too.”
we’re not friends
we could be anything
if we tried to keep those secrets safe
no one will find out
if it all went wrong
they’ll never know
what we’ve been through
“so what is your big worry then, calum?” you raised your voice at last.
you stood in the middle of your kitchen, your arms wide open as though you were waiting for a believable answer. you could already feel the hot tears drowning your eyes but you would not let them fall, though you wanted to get rid of them so you could look at calum’s rigid face properly and not like an image out of focus.
you were exhausted. you were used to being introduced as a friend and you were also used to not being shown affection in places that other people than calum’s band mates were, but you finally had it. you were tired of pretending. tired of acting that something that clearly did happen, didn’t exist. it was the last drop, and it was enough to overflow what you had being hiding deep down inside.
“it’s not a big of a deal y/n, honestly” calum spoke, keeping his eyes on anything but you.
“it may not be for you,” your voice cracked and you settled your arms down. “but it hurts me when you tell people we have nothing and look at me as if we really didn’t. we’re not fucking friends and you know it!”
he crossed his arms, his gaze still on the corner of the room opposite from you. he chewed on the inside of his cheek as he replayed the moment on his head one more time.
you needed to go grocery shopping when calum appeared on your front door and he decided to go with you. you were analysing the shelf in front of you with calum on your side, keeping a considerable distance between you two, when an old lady walked in your direction. calum stepped a little bit closer to you to give her some space to reach whatever she wanted from the shelf, but she kindly smiled at him and shook her hand in refusal.
“no dear,” she said. “i’m just passing and wanted to let you know what a cute couple you two are.”
calum looked back at the old lady in shock and then at you. his eyes were wide open as if the woman had just told him an atrocity. he quickly looked sideways to make sure no one had heard what she said and you turned your gaze down at your own feet.
“we’re-” he started, looking from the lady to you and noticing your sudden change of mood. “we’re not a couple.”
he peeked at your hurtful figure with almost apologising eyes but still trying to remain convincing. the lady looked at him as if she didn’t buy it but walked away anyway.
now, on the low light of your kitchen, he avoided watching the tears that started to run down your cheeks. a long sigh escaped his lips and he finally gathered the courage to look in your direction.
“i’m sorry,” he mumbled. “i never meant to hurt you. god, that’s the last thing i’ve ever wanted, but i couldn’t take the risk of someone else hearing if i just thanked her.”
you shook your head, not really knowing why, and saw calum walking slowly to you. he reached out for your body, pulling your shoulders in his direction. you let him involve you in his warmth and calmed down with your head on the curve of his neck. once the tears had finally stopped, you looked up.
“i’m sorry too,” you whispered. “it’s just that… the way you looked at me, it almost felt like we really didn’t have anything.”
“but we do,” he reminded you, each of his hands on one of your shoulders as he looked right into your eyes. “and i love you.”
“then what is your big worry?” you repeated softly but hoping for an answer.
“i don’t want to end this,” he explained. “i don’t want to screw everything up, so i thought that keeping it the way it is won’t let it all go wrong.”
“we’ve been through a lot for two people who aren’t in a relationship” you chuckled and calum only stared.
he nodded quietly, pulling you back again to his chest. you felt him breathing in deeply and wished you hadn’t said anything.
but then again,
if we’re not friends
someone else might love you too
and then again,
if we’re not friends
there’d be nothing i could do
as typical as it was, calum was knocking on your front door out of a sudden. you rolled your eyes with a invasive smile and made your way towards the door.
there he was, a cheeky smile on his face and some flowers on his hands that had obviously been taken from the neighbour’s front yard on his way to your house. you took them and let him in.
calum walked to your couch and sat on it as you began preparing a cup of coffee for him. when it was done, you sat across from him and started to chat as you usually did. talking about your day and the weird thing your coworker had brought to lunch this time, you were often interrupted by calum pecking your lips. you ignored it every time and continued talking, a smile creeping on your face.
“and then nate just came up to me asking if i had any plans for this friday and-”
“wait, what?” calum asked suddenly interested in your coworker. “what did you say?”
you tried to hold back the smirk that you felt growing on your face, not really succeeding.
“well, i said that not really.”
calum looked at you as he didn’t believe a word that at you said and you just stared back in silence.
“i really don’t have any plans for this friday” you said simply.
“that’s what you told him?” calum’s heart was already beating faster than usual and his fist clenched.
“yes,” you answered, enjoying to tease him like that and see his eyes grow in jealousy. “i almost told him i was already seeing someone but i couldn’t.”
“why not?” he asked, using a tone on his voice that sounded like it was the obvious thing to do.
“you know, we’re friends.”
calum stared at you blankly. was it really wise to tease him like that by something that he was really worried about? you thought that maybe not, but it was already too late.
“that’s ridiculous” he stated, crossing his arms and looking away from you.
you bit your lip nervously, settling an uncomfortable silence between the two of you that was only broken after some minutes that felt like ages by calum.
“are you going on a date with him?” he asked as if though he was being forced to do so.
you looked at him in disbelief. did he really think you would do something like that? indeed, you had nothing official but he should know you wouldn’t even think about doing such thing just as you hoped he also wouldn’t.
“i would never” you responded, offended.
he looked back at you, studying your every feature and probably looking for any sign that showed him you were lying. but he found any, so he gave in and rubbed the palms of his hands on his face.
“i know,” he seized your hand and sighed. “it’s just that you’re kind of right, you know? there’s nothing holding you back to me. i’ve never asked you to be in a relationship with me so, if there’s someone wanting to take you out, you could just do it if you wanted.”
your shoulders shake slightly with the chuckle you let out.
“there is something holding me back to you,” you said. “yourself.”
calum smiled and reached for the back of your neck, pulling it closer to him. he stared endlessly at your lips before kissing them and letting you show that you were, indeed, with him.
that’s why friends should sleep
in other beds
and friends shouldn’t kiss me
like you do
and i know that there’s a limit to everything
but my friends won’t love me like you
you didn’t take your eyes off of calum and the cocky smile he had on his face.
you had just come out of the shower, a towel still wrapped on your hair, as you checked your phone for the new notification. calum had posted a picture on instagram but it didn’t tell you anything. you unlocked your phone and your eyes grew when you saw what it was.
“calum,” you spoke slowly. “what is this?”
you didn’t have to show him what you were looking at because he knew exactly what it was about. he simply looked up from his phone as you were still frozen, the sneaky picture he had taken of you in one of your private dates on your phone screen. the caption was simple but it made your heart forget to beat for a second; a simple heart with an arrow through it.
“i’ve been thinking,” he got up from your bed. “and everyone was right all of the time, except for me.”
you raised an eyebrow at him but let him finish, not willing to interrupt him at any given point and listening to every one of his following words cautiously.
“i love you and i can’t do this anymore,” he began. “i can’t pretend we’re only friends anymore and i don’t want to. we have not been friends since we first met and there’s just no point in hiding it anymore, so i wanted to make things official. and now that it’s already instagram official,” he spoke through the sound of his phone beeping with the nonstop notifications and chuckled. “will you be my girlfriend, at last?”
his head tilted slightly to the side and you could feel your heart almost bursting in happiness, beating ten times faster than it should. you hugged him tightly, feeling his smile on your skin.
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
stormborns
