Welcome To BMU

Enjoy your semester! Do keep your grades up. Don’t ask why. ((A HLVRAI AU ask blog run by @projectsuvi, @dj-anon, @novastar-art, and @jodispooks, check out our /rules page!))

[blackmesauniversity]

Hello and welcome to Black Mesa University! We here at BMU take great pride in helping students realize the positive impacts of new knowledge, and employ only the best professionals to help you become your absolute best self.

From offering dozens of exciting programs in a range of academic fields, to serving as one of the world’s most dynamic research and innovation hubs, BMU strives to teach students how to make their way in the world, and leave it better in their wake.

As an incoming or returning student, we want you to feel as warm and welcomed as humanly possible with our staff! We’ve designed an incredibly modern software, not unlike “emailing your professors” at other colleges, where you can quickly and easily message any of our lovely faculty at any and all times to ask them your burning questions regarding your material.

Here at Black Mesa University, we care!

[blackmesauniversity]

yo can we use wikipedia and if not why not its useful as hell

People edit Wikipedia, dipshit. Use a reliable source. God.

[blackmesauniversity]

well feetman? answer the damn question, where’s your feet slug permit? -📼 anon

“Alright, you’ve had your fun. But this line of communication is for serious enquiries. Can we please keep it that way?”

[blackmesauniversity]

benrey, how can you get away with following freeman and coomer all over the place???

i got my id and my parking tag bro. got clearance.

[blackmesauniversity]

hey dr. coomer! what do you teach? also who's the dean? -scorpi

“I teach philosophy, though I also step in to substitute for many other teachers in Black Mesa! As well as that, I am fluent in 6 languages and have passing knowledge in many of the classes taught here! Although I’m no replacement for talking with your assigned teacher, I can certainly give you pointers on anything you may have trouble with.”

“And, aha, he prefers to just be called The Dean. There’s a rumor that he’s related to one of the teachers, but I wouldn’t go around telling people that without proof.”

[blackmesauniversity]

u got here by foot? where's ur shoe permit? u got a right to those feet slugs??

“I- Feet slugs??”

[blackmesauniversity]

we're being very serious Professor, I know I have My leg ticket,

“yeah bro, where’s your uh, your leg permit?”

“I am losing my mind. And you are why.”

[blackmesauniversity]

“so you dont have a parking tag, huh?”

“No???? Because I walk???”

“Passport?”

“Ah, I always keep my passport on me as well!”

”What are you two FUCKING talking about”

“Why, Gordon! A passport is a travel document, usually issued by a country's government to its citizens, that certifies the identity and nationality of its holder primarily for the purpose of international travel-”

“gunna have to uh. follow you around, bro. you cant be here without your passssss-port”

“Pfft, I-okay. Alright. You can follow me around dude, as long as you stop bugging me about identification, because this is absolutely wild.”

“nnnnnnnnah. you dont even have your parking tag, man”

[blackmesauniversity]

okay Gordon so what if you walked here, where's your leg ticket -scorpi

“what- What are you talking about, you’re joking, right?”

[blackmesauniversity]

are you the only guard around benrey?? or are you just understaffed?

“i‘m the only guard on this side of campus. why, am i not uh, am i not sexy enough for you people?”

[blackmesauniversity]

how big is your staff? whats the teacher to student ratio like?

“We have exactly-“

“too many. makes my job hard bro.”

[blackmesauniversity]

what do you teach professor freeman???

“I teach Theoretical Physics, It’s definitely a tough subject, but it’s one we see students really engage with” 

[blackmesauniversity]

so whos worked here the longest hmmmmm

“Why, that’d be the Dean! He’s a very valuable part of the staff, here at BMU!”

[blackmesauniversity]

well gordon? wheres your parking tag?

“I don’t- I don’t HAVE a parking ticket, I walked here,”

[blackmesauniversity]

“-Chairs vary in design. An armchair has armrests fixed to the seat; a recliner is upholstered and under its seat is a mechanism that allows one to lower the chair's back and raise into place a fold-out footrest; a rocking chair has legs fixed to two long curved slats; a wheelchair has wheels fixed to an axis under the seat.”

“Professor Coomer, I-I already know what a chair is.”

“Maybe so, Gordon! However-”

“Yooooo, what are you guys doin’ here? Is that legal?”

“Wh-I-Yes? Dude, we literally work here.”

“Mmmmmmmm gonna have to see your parking tags then.”

“Of course!”

“What???”

[GORDON, COOMER, and BENREY are now on school grounds!]