Purge Fic: Cock-and-bull story
@exquisitetomarrymortpurge
Thanks to grummy mick for the purge prompt: cock-
I'm in a Lucius head space right now, and needed a good giggle. Here you go!
785 words
~
“Severus, Severus, you can’t expect me to believe such a cock and bull story–”
“It’s happened,” Severus said gravely to his fellow Death Eater comrades. “Our Lord has finally lost it.” He raised the glass of firewhisky he’d poured himself before finishing it in one gulp. “We had a good run.”
“This is hasty judgement,” Lucius denied, eying the others gathered in his cellar—Rabastan, Rudolphus, Antonin, and Corbin. Severus poured himself another drink and downed that one quickly too. Lucius grabbed the firewhisky bottle with a chiding frown. “The Dark Lord is the most powerful and intelligent man to have ever walked the earth. We must have faith—”
“There’s no one here to eavesdrop, Lucius. You can admit it—things have gone to the dogs.” Peter squeaked, taking the bottle from Lucius and attempting to down it from the tip. Severus snatched it back quickly to stop him.
“As if I trust my words around two traitors,” Lucius hissed. “I’d be mad to believe anything either of you say.”
“The timing seems suspicious too,” Rudolphus interjected. “Didn’t we have a meeting with him yesterday? He looked normally evil then.”
“And wouldn’t there have been signs before this?” Rabastan added.
“Is this an attempt to swindle us again, Severus?” Antonin said gruffly. “Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice—”
“I was cleared, you know. The Dark Lord was eternally grateful for my service!” Severus said, waving the bottle. “And I don’t say this lightly, but on my honour—”
“You wear the honour of a dead man,” Corbin reminded him, arms crossed. “The only reason you’re alive is because you were vouched for. The brat favours you.”
“Forget it. There’s no convincing you lot. I should have never called you down here.” Snape downed the bottle.
“Severus, stop that!” Lucius tried to grab the bottle again. “At least have something more refined—we’re in my wine cellar, for great magic’s sake.”
“I should probably pour this in my eyes,” Severus groaned. “The image is burned into my retinas!”
“I saw it with my own eyes as well,” Peter admitted. “Both in rat and human form.”
Lucius looked at both Severus and Peter with disgust. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”
Severus hiccupped and wiped his lips with the back of his sleeve. “See for yourself.”
Severus was full of shit, Lucius thought as he strolled through the corridors of Slytherin Manor, led by Dobby—once his elf, now the Dark Lord’s. There had been no need to cause such a scene in his home and down all his liquor.
“Master is in the hall, sirs,” Dobby said, leading him through a door where the faint thrum of what sounded like war drums echoed. The more Lucius strained his ears, the more he paled.
Lucius walked in to observe a sight he never thought he would see in his lifetime.
“Five, six, seven, eight!” a young man in bright purple leotards—the pain in every Death Eater’s backside, Harry Potter—began to swing his leg up and spin in front of a mirror. “Come on, Lord Voldemort, the next beat has more power to match the song!”
The room was pounding with obscene Muggle music—I like to move it, move it—and beside the young man, in transfigured robes that were now grotesque silver sequined tights, the Dark Lord had his arms raised and was snapping his chest and legs with such force—
“Lucius!” The Dark Lord spotted him in the mirror, cheeks flushed. “Just the person I need!”
“We need to recruit Draco. As Harry here says it, he has an unfortunate face card that could have an impact on our future fans.”
“Keep up, Lucius. My Harry has made me see the light—there are better and more effective ways to spread our propaganda.” He gestured broadly. “Through music and dance.”
“Music… and dance?” Lucius replied weakly.
Harry was behind Voldemort, strutting his chest and moving his hips as if to drive home just how far he had corrupted their Dark Lord.
First it was the infatuation with the boy. Then they had to accept Harry as his equal partner—change some policies. But now this?
“How many more do we need in our group to go viral?” Voldemort suddenly asked Harry. They marched in front of the mirror and began to move to the beat in synchronised motions, thrusting their hips, like pecking cocks—completely unprompted.
“Another three would be nice,” Harry suggested. “If we have five, you can be the centre. Imagine, the first Death Eater boyband to hit the charts!”
“The centre,” Voldemort echoed, staring at his reflection in admiration. His smooth, bald head seemed to shine in acquiescence. “This has got to be your best idea yet.”
Harry grabbed Voldemort’s hand, he seemed to hold him like a prize bull, he smiled—very smugly at Lucius. “I know.”
baratheonpilled
areudirty
2087
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
tangentwithtanner
pixelskylines
