Blackwood Writes

The thoughts, musings, and conclusions of a bisexual, self-aware, creative.

[blackwoodwrites]

Red Flags

Here’s where I dump the thoughts I can’t get rid of. I’m still learning things about myself at this age and it makes me glad. It shows I’m still growing, at least still capable of it. 

I met someone recently. Attractive, talented, charismatic, tortured artist. One with daddy issues and an interest in certain binding pursuits. Not just any pursuit you see, my slice of the pie. Or rather my flavor of pie. 

Having grown so much I’m self-aware to the point where I really do see the red flags in the beginning. I kind of miss the days when I still had optimism. Where the rose-colored glasses masked those flags.

Also, I recently discovered there’s an actual label for something I’ve felt my whole life. I instantly accepted it and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I have no outlet and it’s driving me batty.

This thought process is turning said red flags rose and I’m literally having an internal battle with myself. This is keeping me up at night. 

[blackwoodwrites]

I’ve spent the last 2 days crying over a 12 year old baby that was never born. Some wounds will never be healed in a lifetime.

[blackwoodwrites]

The pandemic has hollowed me out. I have no patience, no empathy, I have nothing left to give and people find it convenient to latch on to me like barnacles. Go away.

[blackwoodwrites]

Feathers For Laura

COMING SOON

[blackwoodwrites]

There’s nothing I found worth living for... save fear. What kind of life could that be...

[blackwoodwrites]

Tonight I drew a hot bath and cried. I sobbed in the safety of that tiny body of water and added to it my tears for the world. For all the innocents lost, bystandars hurt, rights trampled upon...

I’m afraid of the news cycle and it’s shocking new delivery of madness and pain every 24 hours unending. I’m enraged at the generations before is who promised us a better life. Well where the fuck is it!?

What you left is is rotting and we’re going to torch the rest to the ground because it’s about time, it’s overdue, and you dinosaurs have ruled too long.

Fuck you.

[blackwoodwrites]

When people tell you “all lives matter,” tell them this.

Of course they do, just like all body parts matter. But if you break your arm, you don’t get a body cast you get an arm cast. Because that’s the part that needs care and attention.

[blackwoodwrites]

I’m coming for you, you little goblin.

[blackwoodwrites]

Do you ever try to reach out to the queer community?

[blackwoodwrites]

Given the choice, would you choose murder or divide?

[blackwoodwrites]

Walking downtown on a Saturday day night I had the guts to walk directly through a Congress of vagrants loitering on the south west corner of 4th ave and ?

I hear a few “you’re beautiful “ and “wow” but a brave chap shambles out of the pack following me and says slurring, “what are you doing tomorrow? Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Thanks but I have a girlfriend” I quip back, internally begging the gods of traffic lights to give me a walk signal before I actually have to break stride. Hermès obliges and, as I cross traffic away from them I here another “wow”, and a “it’s always easier to accumulate girlfriends when you’re a girl.”

I laughed to myself, resisting the urge to shout “it’s true!” But hurried among at any rate not wanting to catch any more of their attention.

It’s a risk, as a queer woman (or any woman), to turn men down. Either something is fundamentally wrong with me or I just haven’t found the right dick. Women, people... have been raped over it. And yet, if I tell the sexually aggressive stranger (and sometimes friends/aquatintenses ) that I have a girlfriend they are less likely challenge that person in that role in my life versus if I have “a boyfriend.” That is challenged.

So I say what I say regardless of it’s truth for fear of my safety on the streets...

[blackwoodwrites]

This was kind of nice to realize.

[blackwoodwrites]

You  need to know

I will never love you again. I may never love again at all.

[blackwoodwrites]

I am happy for them. I want to be. So I keep telling myself that it is so and sooner or later the smile I make with that statement will be genuine. I want it to be genuine...

[blackwoodwrites]

“Calm as water, strong as stone; one foot in front of the other I go.”

— J.m.blackwood

[blackwoodwrites]

Sometimes it’s funny how things come around again. I needed to see this tonight and here it was popping up as a suggestion. Thanks Tumblrs

[blackwoodwrites]

I saw you this weekend. Walking around with someone even taller than I 😂 Do they hurt you like I did? Is it worth it?

[blackwoodwrites]

“I am made of magic and stardust, I deserve someone made of the same stuff.”

—

jennhopkinsart (via wnq-writers)

So @wnq-writers posted my quote but credited my partner instead :-/ at least I know it was liked…. This is the second time credit has been attributed to someone else, I want to encourage people to submit my work but I’m discouraged.

[blackwoodwrites]

This was me... 😳my heart is so full!