All Of It At Once

Ramblings. Me. This mind I cannot escape. We all welcome you here.

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It’s 2017

And I’m made of steel,

I’m a breath of fresh air

Invincible

And with a will stronger than the moon,

It’s the first snowfall of my life

And even though

There isn’t an oven in sight

To keep the homeliness warm,

I am full of bright ideas

That keep me safe

From the winters

I have seen

My footsteps

Leave their mark in the snow,

I watch them disappear

As quickly as they came

And sometimes it makes me wonder

If I’m even real

It’s been five years

And I closing in

On the hand of a land

That refuses to hold my hand back,

I am still adjusting

To the harsh winters

But I don’t have my warm ideas anymore

How do you hold on

To the soft touch of hope

When the world outside your window

Grabs it by the throat

And chokes the life out of it,

Puts the optimism

Out of its misery

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Prompt: Dancing with a dinosaur

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Would you trust

My anxious fingers

To hold a heart,

I have been told

That I’m clumsy

When it comes

To delicate matters

And I have to tell you

That I’m still carrying

The skin of my mistakes

Under my fingernails,

They’re muddy and red

With the blood of my troubles,

My anxieties have seeped

Into my bones

And I’m carrying

This weight around,

Shackled on my toes

Love, I think I have forgotten

How to breathe

@tiiawrites

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Boys should wear dresses

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Sunflowers and real people

🌻

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*IMPORTANT* If you click the link to my bio, go onto my website and sign up for the newsletter, you will get exclusive access to three of my favorite poems from my upcoming book: Brown Women and Beauty. If the title does not say enough as it is, I will tell you more about it in said newsletter too. So go sign up and help this become a thing, also for the wonderful women who are helping with the book and what it stands for! ♥️ https://www.instagram.com/p/COuNcNHAfUo/?igshid=1qoxg4bborctc

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*IMPORTANT*
If you go onto my website (tahirasasafkhan.com) and sign up for the newsletter, you will get exclusive access to three of my favorite poems from my upcoming book: Brown Women and Beauty. If the title does not say enough as it is, I will tell you more about it in said newsletter too. So go sign up and help this become a thing, also for the wonderful women who are helping with the book and what it stands for! ♥️
https://www.instagram.com/p/COuNSWwA0on/?igshid=1oiv3jdgtp7t0

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Daughters of narcissistic mothers; this Mother’s Day.
(The full post is on my blog, link below) My most recent memory of my mother is her sitting on the edge of my bed, screaming at me and my mother and picking up a decorative rock that my boyfriend had given me and blindly throwing it at the wall. Funnily enough, it is the only memory I have of being in the crossfire of my mother’s anger. The bruise on my leg where the rock hit seems to forget that sometimes. I have spent ages learning and unlearning and now all that I am mostly left with is the fear of a man’s anger. I want to dive into picking apart the effect that a toxic mother can have on her daughter. Mother’s Day was warmth and the feeling of home. Now it smells like danger.

https://www.tahirasadafkhan.com/blog/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers-this-mothers-day?fbclid=IwAR31spOrpUdO6E8JvcQUmufeQ4ofsMrFopzpRMLKm4wn1GTyrdyx2YfjyWg

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Daughters of narcissistic mother’s; this Mother’s Day — Tahira Sadaf Khan

Mother’s Day used to remind me of flowers. Of soft petals brushing up against your nose when you bend to smell the bouquet that you got your

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Daughters of narcissistic mothers; this Mother’s Day.
(The full post is on my blog, link below) My most recent memory of my mother is her sitting on the edge of my bed, screaming at me and my mother and picking up a decorative rock that my boyfriend had given me and blindly throwing it at the wall. Funnily enough, it is the only memory I have of being in the crossfire of my mother’s anger. The bruise on my leg where the rock hit seems to forget that sometimes. I have spent ages learning and unlearning and now all that I am mostly left with is the fear of a man’s anger. I want to dive into picking apart the effect that a toxic mother can have on her daughter. Mother’s Day was warmth and the feeling of home. Now it smells like danger. https://www.tahirasadafkhan.com/blog/daughters-of-narcissistic-mothers-this-mothers-day?fbclid=IwAR31spOrpUdO6E8JvcQUmufeQ4ofsMrFopzpRMLKm4wn1GTyrdyx2YfjyWg

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I’m petty as hell but at least I admit it ✨ https://www.instagram.com/p/COqRcWahNE-/?igshid=1di5klif8x99w

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This just belongs here

[straithusband]

not to be horny on main but i want you to get in bed next to me right now and tell me about your day

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I can hear summer

Knocking against my window sill,

Bright through the fog

And warm besides the winter-

He laughs

(He laughs)

And I can hear

The crackling of the fire,

Warm hands and safety

In the cold of the woods

That I have come to love,

But then he laughs

And I can feel the cold

Slipping through my fingertips,

The blue fading away

Into soft galaxies

Like velvet against snow

And I almost tell him

Of how I feel like I have memorized

Every note of his laughter,

Wrapped myself in the safety

Of every curve of his lips

And I almost don’t understand

Why I can hear summer

Knocking on my window sill

But then he laughs,

He laughs

And I can feel spring

Forming against my fingertips,

The blue of hurt

Colours itself a shade of red

That does not remind me of anger,

He laughs

And I’m a believer again

-Tahira

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I want to ask my mother

To lay me to rest,

My head in her lap

And I want to forget

For some moments

That I am supposed to run,

Turn away and fight,

That I’m supposed to be

Away from this,

I want to turn this around

And escape into moments

That I have only ever heard of,

Of what does not exist

In my memories

The love I might have felt

For the father I might have known,

The one I found shelter in

And not the one that sounded

Like my deadliest storms,

And in sounds I refuse to believe

Even when their silence

Has me up against the wall,

Teeth barred at me

And fingernails digging into skin,

How long until I can breathe

And look around me again,

Violence turned comfort

And mortality turned hope,

For maybe

I won’t have to do this

Not much longer,

Not forever

And maybe not once again

I don’t quite know anymore

How I’m supposed to carve

Ink into this disaster,

Ask me once more

How I feel

And I’ll almost tell you

That I wish I didn’t,

I want to sleep

Under the open sky

And just not run anymore,

To not have my father

Be turned into my enemy,

To not have my mother

Be my thorn,

I want to fall

And not need to get up,

To not have another morning

I am tired of mornings

And of nights,

Of the air around me

I want to ask my mother

To lay me to rest

And just hope that I don’t get up

To bother her again,

I want to turn this around

And forgive my father,

Or not have the need to

Want his love at all

From myself I want nothing more

Than for my bones to stop hurting,

For my world to stop spinning

Like it is trying to hurl me out,

For these years to stop

Feeling like the decades off my life,

For my mortality

To finally show itself

And if I wish to die with the stars

Does it mean I’m crazy

Even if I ask for it, like you would for sleep

-Tahira

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A post shared by Endevie (@endevie) on Oct 7, 2020 at 12:26pm PDT

Hey! Go check this out rn!