Until Hell freezes over

[bob-artist]

I bought this extremely soft mat for the ferrets, and it blew Kit’s mind.

[bloodynoseprose]

@proteri

[gmos]

are you a pink lemonade gay or a vanilla coke gay? sword gay or axe gay? cats and dogs gay or snakes and lizards gay? string lights gay or neon lights gay?

[gowns]

[allsadnshit]

I can’t stop thinking about this since I first saw it

[styna]

I was checking out at Walmart, and as I was reaching for my bags I said, “Happy Holidays!” And the cashier leaned in like she was sharing a secret and said “Merry Christmas.” So I smiled politely and said, “Blessed Yule!” And the look that spread across her face, you would have thought I’d literally stolen Christmas from her. If you’re going to make a point of wishing me a happy whatever-you-celebrate, I’m going to make a point of wishing you a happy whatever-I-celebrate, and if you think that’s wrong you should consider getting “hypocrite” tattooed across your forehead.

[childofearthandstarrysky]

It’s that time of year again

[styna]

A post I made has officially become an “it’s that time of year again” post and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t honored

[breelandwalker]

I will not take offense at being wished a Merry Christmas if it’s being offered sincerely, but I will always and forever reply with and wish people Happy Holidays.

Because I’m not selfish enough to think that my way of celebrating the winter season is the only one out there. (And where I live, there’s a lot of people who are.)

[whitepeopletwitter]

[transfemininomenon]

hey everyone thanks for coming to the show we’re Arlene Titty Pills

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Jovanka’s Chronic Fatigue Syndrom sounds like a kickass band name tbh

[memewhore]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[newtnewt92]

Fun things to say when someone tells you they’re going to go to the bathroom:

Stay safe

Congratulations

That’s what they all say

Different strokes for different folks

I hope you have the time of your life

But you have so much to live for

Please explain

[hollowtones]

basically, i think the general rule of thumb is: if someone REALLY wants the blood that’s inside of your body, and they’re like… a vampire, or a dracula, or some sort of mansquito, then that’s probably okay. a dracula and a mansquito are made for removing things like blood and swords from inside your body. that’s basically fine.

if something wants to get at your blood, and they’re, say, some kind of murdersaurus, or maybe a really big frog, that’s where the problems start to arise. a really frog is not made for removing blood, and your blood knows this, which is why it is so vehement about wanting to stay IN your body instead of coming out. 

unfortunately this will not deter a really big frog, because a really big frog is full of things like prizes, and value, and quite a lot of hatred, and it would REALLY rather like to replace any and all of those things with your blood, and basically by any means possible.

[fidefortitude-deactivated202011]

These words scan with a fantastic degree of confidence considering that together they make no sense at all

[jvlianbashir]

there is no validation quite like when people really enjoy something you cooked

[jvlianbashir]

winning the nobel prize <<< bringing home a completely empty container from a social function

[nessa007]

We’ll have to do dinner Thursday night instead.

[scoobycool9]

You can’t reblog this again until October 2024, so do it now.

[agender-vibes]

When someone asks what your gender is:

[minimus-ambus]

the gays: aw man i wish there was any kind of gay representation in transformers :(

jro, appearing from the shadows:

[edited-boomer-memes]

[chonce]

also we came to a WILD realization tonight: when playing rock, paper, scissors, people from the east coast and midwest go on SHOOT, and people from the west coast (who are insane) go on scissors. like WHY

[chonce]

tell me where ur from and whether u go on scissors or on shoot

[pancakeke]

[nocturneno11-deactivated2023122]

ME HONESTLY

i’m op

[gowns]