What is it like to be a deity in the body of a human? You told me a little bit about it before, but I would like to know more. Does it cause you body dysmorphia? Does it make it hard to function sometimes?
Hmโฆ Iโd say it brings more negative feelings than positive ones, in all honesty. This body is rather unfortunately laden with various issues, chronic illness, and other complications. Itโs quite unfortunate to deal with. Iโve had numerous medical operations because of itโwhy should a being such as myself be so unlucky as to be cursed with a body like this? Perhaps Iโll never know.
It does, in fact, cause a rather wide range of body dysmorphia as well. The best way I can describe it is like wearing a costume that is much too small for you. It feels as though every bone is either far too large or far too small to fit properly, as if everything has been squeezed into a shape it was never meant to occupy.
There is also the matter of the mind. This body is, in a sense, plural due to the various traumas that have affected it, so I am not always the only one whose thoughts and feelings I have to consider. Having to think and make decisions on behalf of an entire collective can be rather exhausting in its own way. I am accustomed to being a singular entityโor at least close enough to one, so having to account for other minds within the same vessel isโฆ an adjustment, to say the least. Of course, I have such experience from my canonโbut thereโs more than 50 others sharing this body, so itโs muchโฆ more of a bother.
Mortality is another difficult aspect. I sometimes forget that pain can have much more severe consequences in a mortal body than I am accustomed to. I can endure something and assume it is insignificant, only to realize later that I have pushed the body far beyond what it can reasonably handle. Iโm still not entirely accustomed to having physical needs, eitherโeating, drinking, sleeping, keeping warm, and so on. They can feel rather tedious when you are accustomed to simply existing without them.
There is also the loss of freedom. I was once able to exist wherever I wished, do as I pleased, and create whatever I desired. Now, I am confined to a single body in a single place, with far more limitations than I am accustomed to. I can no longer simply do something because I wish to do it; I have to consider whether this body is physically capable of it, whether I have the time, the resources, or whether some mundane circumstance prevents me. It is rather unfortunate to have the desire to do something and simply be unable to because of such limitationsโฆ Even things as simple as having to walk somewhere, being unable to carry something, becoming tired, or being prevented from doing something because this body refuses to cooperate can be rather a bother.
And yes, it makes functioning rather difficult, nearly all the time. Unfortunately, my host family isnโt particularly understanding of it, so I often find myself having to simply โpower throughโ whatever pain I happen to be in at the moment.
I do apologize for how long this isโI tend to get a little carried away when given the opportunity to speak about such things, and I wanted to honor your thoughtful question with a thoughtful answer. I thank you very much for asking. :)
