What I appreciate about SweetDream is the range. The same companion I built can text me, send a voice message, hop on a call, or appear on video. I choose how close I want to be in the moment.
Having all of that under one roof, and all of it high quality, is the real value. Chat, photos, video, voice, calls, and live cam aren't scattered gimmicks here, they're one coherent companion. sweetdream.ai ties it together.
synopsis Robby return back from his sabbatical lonelier than ever, his soul searching having lead him straight back. But when he finds out one of his best residents secret he might have just found something to live for... (15.4k words)
warnings language, typical un-accurate hospital stuff, kids, reader is a guardian to a kid, angst, fluff, smut-ish (breast play, oral f! receiving, penetration) robby is as always emotionally constipated
author note robby is actively trying to be a better man/ a happier man so if it feels out of character it's probably for that reason. i've had this idea for so so long and i'm really proud of how this turned out though the ending might be a bit rushed. also this is a long one so i do fully expect this to not do well but i hope you like
The Pitt masterlist. Last Robby fic.
“You’ve got to find somebody man, to help you dance through the darkness.”
That’s what Jack had said and honestly, Robby thought he was joking, further reinforced by his mention of his therapist and song lyrics.
Then Robby went away for three months. He looked at every person he met and passed by; in diners ditched on the side of the road, in gas stations that were quiet- around lakes where people went to get distance from the world. Everyone. He looked at them and wondered, is it you? And if not, why can’t it be?
But they were all fleeting, hardly there long enough for him to get a good look.
Maybe they had families to go back to. A family Robby once dreamt of.
“I thought I’d be married with a wife and two kids by now,” he’d told Samira, in a desperate plea to apologise, or find common ground, or find a way to make her not hate him.
He wasn’t sure it worked.
By the time he got back, Samira was gone, Al-Hishimi had secured a place in the Pitt that wouldn’t be questioned and everyone was walking around him on egg shells.
Is this what he spent three months ‘soul searching’ for?
Nobody knew if they should ask him if he found what he was looking for, but he'd come back empty handed and he guessed that was enough for people to tell.
“Hey, Robby. I heard you were back,” you greeted on his first day.
“That I am.”
“Nice to have you back.” You didn't ask how he was, you didn't ask how he was feeling. You hardly even glanced up at him as you took your place in the nurses hub and began to chart.
“Good to be back.” It wasn't far from a lie.
You huffed out a smile.
Robby lingered at the station, un-sure where to go or what to do. He was still trying to find his footing. He hadn't felt so insecure since his med student days, when he was pacing behind Adamson like a puppy dog. If Adamson could see him now, could see him weak and weary, what would he think?
He was spiralling. He'd been back for an hour and was spiralling-
“Hey, you actually think you could take a look at a patient for me?” you asked, leaning over the counter hopefully.
Robby looked down at you leaning over the counter, fingers curling and un-curling with a pursed smile.
“I could just really use a second set of eyes.”
Robby patted down the back of his hair and nodded, following you as you took a chart and led the way. He listened as you listed off about a seventy-two year old man, fractured tib-fib, broken hip. You added the scans you'd ordered and he agreed with all of them. When you suggested neglect, Robby nodded, like it was all a cue for him.
“You’re a very capable doctor,” said Robby, dragging out the words once he'd assed Mr Lockwood's status. “You knew what he needed.”
Your shoulders lifted. “Yeah. Well… I just wanted to check.”
Robby looked at you, shaking his head fondly. He knew you were only trying to distract him from his running away mind. He didn’t realise he was so transparent to you but when he thought about it, it made sense. Whenever Gloria was around it was you who pulled him away with some trauma or desperate patient. He'd thank you by dropping off granola bars at your chosen computer of the day. When the department started to close in around him you were always there to mention you thought an ambulance was on the way in. It never was but you suggested grabbing the freshest air you could.
“How did you ever manage without me?”
“I coped. I made a character AI of you and asked for help.”
Robby wasn’t even sure what that was but he smiled. “Was he better than me?”
“His jokes were funnier.”
He couldn’t stop the chuckle that left him. The first in a long time.
You smiled with him too before the both of you became distracted by Lupe walking the halls. She was as a member of the Pitt as anyone else, only less welcomed when her arrival meant a disturbance in chairs.
“There’s a woman and little girl out there, asking for you,” Lupe said to you.
Robby looked from her to you, finding your body still, face crestfallen. Before he could ask what was going on your trainers had squeaked along the floor as you rushed off.
“What’s going on?” Robby asked.
Lupe lifted her shoulders. “Little girl and her teacher came in, asking for her. Have the same last name and everything.”
Robby looked to where you’d disappeared. You had a kid? Or a kid that knew you well enough to ask for you and take your last name? He tried to recall a lot of the conversations you’d shared over the eighteen months he’d known you but couldn’t remember a mention of a kid ever coming up. Truthfully, there wasn’t much invitation for life outside of the ED talk. You spoke about patients and maybe what you’d be up to on the weekends if you had them off. Nothing more.
Robby loitered without knowing he was doing it.
You walked back in in less then five minutes, a small girl in your arms, her head tucked between your neck and shoulders and lying there with your arms secure under her legs. “Dana!” You called.
The woman peeked over her glasses, not at all surprised at the tiny human in your arms.
“Well hey honey, what’s going on?” She asked.
You stopped in front of her, letting Dana crook a finger in the girls face but Robby wasn’t close enough to see the effect the action had. “She fell, is there a room?”
“Sure, eights open just there,” said Dana. “You wanna get someone else on the case?”
“No. No,” you said.
“I can take it,” volunteered Robby.
Dana and you looked to him.
At the turn of your body, Robby got a look at the small girl. Her hair was similar to yours, maybe lighter. She was small, maybe six in a rumpled school uniform. Her little black shoes were scuffed but there was no injury he could see. It wasn’t till the light in the room tilted that Robby saw the litter of tiny cuts mapping the girls face. Rounded cheeks, a nose like yours and eyes watching everything wide.
Robby smiled and held out an arm, coaxing you to the room behind him. “Hello,” he greeted with his best uplifting voice. He was a little out of practice. “I’m Doctor Robby. What happened here?”
“She fell,” you said, heading through the door he held open. He closed it gently behind him. “Some school apparatus, she was chasing a boy and tripped.”
“No I wasn’t,” her small voice spoke up.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “We’re gonna set you down here and take a look, okay? You’ve got the best doctor on hand.”
You looked to Robby with nothing but trust. It had been a while since anyone ever thought him the best. It had been an even longer time since he felt trusted.
Lying the girl on the bed Robby got a closer look on the cuts.
There were plenty of them taking up only one side and a small one on her neck. They were angry red but only a drop or two of blood cascaded. There didn’t seem to be any tears and he could tell without further inspection they would not need stitches.
You fell back onto the chair as if the sight had you sickened but Robby knew you saw more blood in a day than some do in their whole lifetimes and never once faltered.
It was different when it was family. Robby was guessing that’s what had you going pale in front of him.
“Okay, so…” Robby trailed off.
“Leena,” you said.
Robby nodded. “Leena. How’s the pain, on a scale of one to ten? This big or this big?” He dragged his hands apart in different variances of depth.
“It doesn’t hurt,” she said in a small voice, hands tucked neatly in her lap.
“You can say if it does,” you told her, hands laid out on the bed to be close.
“It doesn’t.”
“You must be very, very brave then, huh?” He asked with a kind smile. He was trying to focus on the little girl, on the features that weren't yours, instead of catching your gaze that flickered between focusing on him and the kid. “Did you trip? Were you pushed?”
“I fell,” said Leena.
“But were you pushed? Did someone push you?” you asked her, reaching across and brushing back some hair that had fallen from her ponytail.
Robby watched the display and felt a pang in his chest, like someone had hit a bell and it was ringing on. He'd seen affection shared between parents and children, either hurt and in the ED or outside, when kids dropped an ice cream or fell and parents dropped in front of them with soothing hands and wide eyes. He'd watched it and always tried to remember the feeling of warm hands but only came up cold.
As much as he thought seeing a fellow human die leeched something from him, Robby wasn't sure seeing another human feel love didn't bring something back to him.
“No, I tripped,” she said again.
“Okay, okay,” you said, pulling on a smile.
Robby continued. “Okay, can you follow my finger with your eyes.”
He went through the motions of dragging his finger left to right and watched her small eyes follow him. “Ok, good job.”
Examining the small kid with your eyes steady on him, it felt like every ounce of his training amounted to this. To looking after something that was yours. So, he planted his gloved hands on the girls head and moved it around, trying to find any spots of pain, shining a light to analyse pupil reaction and even pressing his stethoscope to her chest and back to check her breathing.
“Everything's okay right?” you asked.
Robby smiled at you and at Leena, resting his hands on his knees. “Everything looks okay. We'll get the cuts cleaned for you and a band-aid on that particular one-” he gestured to the angriest in question. “What do you say? Get you patched up and back to school? Missing any important classes?”
Leena shoulders reached her ears. “Math.”
Robby huffed out a smile. “Do you like math?”
Leena gave a firm shake of her head.
You chuckled from her side. “Afraid that runs in the family.”
Did you have a family? Was there a whole other aspect of you that Robby never knew? He imagined every drive back you'd been driving back to Leena, who'd run at the door reaching for you, he imagined someone else in that home, welcoming you with kisses.
“I like art,” said Leena.
“Art's a good one,” Robby agreed. He knew there was very other little tests he needed to run, that it was probably just a collection of cuts but he found himself growing comfortable on the stool. If he sent Leena back to math class he'd feel like a villain.
“I do lots of drawings,” she said.
“Yeah?” asked Robby. “Maybe you can draw me something, sometime?”
Leena smiled in spite of half her face and it was a wide smile. The kind a kid had never given Robby before.
“What do you like to draw?” he asked.
“Butterflies!”
“Good. Good, I like butterflies.”
You were watching him with something like awe. He gave you a slight and small nod to step outside with him. “Hey Leena, how about I get Dana in to braid your hair the way you like while Doctor Robby and I will see about the best band-aids, huh?”
She nodded again, mumbling a little okay.
Robby lingered in the door way, un-sure if he should look away as you leant down to caress her cheek and press a kiss to her forehead. He held the door open as you followed him out.
Dana approached the two of you, concern etched between her brows. “Hey, how's my girl?”
“She's fine,” said Robby in spite of his confusion. “Couple cuts, no head injury.”
“Are you sure?” you asked, gaining his attention. You gulped under his gaze. “I know you're probably sure, but shouldn't we do a head CT? Just to check.”
He shook his head, pressing his hands in together. “I really see no reason to, she passed every test, no cut seems deep enough to even need stitches. I don't want to put an un-necessary bill on you.”
“Money isn't a problem,” you waved off though he could already see the mental calculations in your eyes.
“You two have lots to talk about,” said Dana, a hand on both of their shoulders. “I'll sit with Leena, okay?”
“Thank you, Dana.”
“Course.”
Out of interest, Robby watched Leena's face light up when Dana greeted her with wide and waiting arms. The kid went into them like it was natural and Dana laughed like they'd done it a thousand times.
Robby dragged his gaze back to you. “I-” he wondered how best to start this conversation. Maybe you didn't even care to have it. “I didn't know you had a kid.”
You sighed, leaning against the nurses hub. “Nobody does, not really. Dana and Frank only, they've been a big help.”
Robby didn't feel betrayed. Afterall, the two of you were really only co-workers. He knew you were a good doctor- great even, and he liked having you around because he had no doubt you'd succeed in taking care of patients and doctors alike. He trusted you to always do a good job and if you needed it, ask for help. Outside of work you were a mystery, you never stuck around for a beer even after the most gruelling of days, never took invites out if they were heading to bars but somewhere along the way even Robby had stopped taking the invitations.
You had a better reason than him.
“Besides, she's not my kid,” you said. “She's my sister's but she upped and ditched two years ago and Leena's dads a no good piece of shit so I took her in. The adoptions papers only went through a few months back.”
A few. Say maybe three months ago? Robby knew you'd seemed more stressed than usual but it was a bad day and everyone was looking worse for wear. He hadn't even thought to ask what your problem was.
“I had no idea,” he said, hand around the back of his neck and feeling the heat there. Between you having a kid and Frank's (past) drug use he was starting to think he had no idea what went on in his emergency department.
“Yeah... well... I didn't want to air out my family drama. Didn't want people to start volunteering to cover shifts or stuff,” you said, looking down at your shoes.
“And Frank?” he wasn't jealous. He had no right to be. Curious was a better word for it.
You explained, calmy. “His son goes to the same school, he helps with school runs and things, when he can. If the other needs it we'll do sleepovers so one of us can relax.”
You had it all figured out. Robby should have guessed you did.
“Nobody else in the picture?” he asked, hands sliding into his pockets. “Nobody else helping you?”
“No. Parents help sometimes but they're in another state. It's just us girls.”
Your eyes were drawn to where Dana now sat on the bed with Leena, having her turned around and was gently combing through her hair with her fingers. You watched with a smile and Robby watched your eyes gloss over.
“You okay?” he asked.
You nodded with a broken hum. “Just don't like the thought of anything happening to her, s'all.”
His hand came up to your back before he could stop it. A rare display of human emotion he would call it. Robby felt you relax under his hand, body slump. He felt your reaching up with every inhale and let his hand follow your back down as your breathed out.
It was oddly one of the most intimate moments he'd shared with anyone in months. there'd been only cold and empty beds on the road and he'd lost any sort of connection with Noelle long before he left.
“Sorry. Sorry.”
“You don't have to apologise, she's your kid.”
You lifted your shoulders. “Niece, really.”
Robby titled his head and caught your gaze, sternly. “She's your kid.”
It took a moment of Robby looking at you for you to nod and accept it.
“Okay, I will deal with your patients, you go sit with her for a while,” he said.
You straightened. “No, oh no I can, I'll just-”
He held up his hands. “As your attending it's not a request. I'm telling you to go sit with her, I'll come by soon and start getting her cleaned up.”
There was more argument in you, Robby knew it but you reluctantly nodded, your love for the kid outweighing your need for the job.
“Okay, okay but if you need help-”
“I'll know where to find you.” Robby watched you retreat back into Leena's room, a grin perfectly put in place. You climbed up next to her, settling an arm around her, gently lying your head atop Leena's head. and that lonely feeling returned to Robby with a pang of vengeance.
He'd returned under the hour with gloves ready, a box of sterile wipes, thin gauze and a selection of the best band-aids pedes had to offer.
Leena was leant over a table hard at work for most of the cleaning. You were at her side on the bed while Robby stayed on his stool on the other side, leaning over to dab gently and try to ease the biting pain for the six year old. It was he and you who seemed more concerned about the probable pain sterile wipes gave her. Leena was only focused on the drag of several colourful pencils over a once blank A4 sheet of paper.
“I think my favourite's purple,” she said in answer to his question five minutes ago about her favourite colour.
“Purple. Good choice,” he said with a nod.
“Last week it was red,” you said with a fond smile as you watched her swirl around the paper.
“And yours is blue,” said Leena as you nodded.
Somewhere deep in his knowledge Robby wondered if he knew that already. He knew your water bottle that you always forgot to take home was a blue of sorts, that the undershirts under your scrubs were often blue and your fleece was that colour too.
“Do you have a favourite colour?” Leena asked him.
Robby surprised himself. He had to think about it. When was the last time someone had asked for his favourite colour? “I like... green.”
“I could've guessed that,” you mumbled.
Robby's brows rose in surprise. “Could you?”
“You wear it a lot.” You shrugged like the fact of that was nothing to you. It was a lot to him.
“Dark green, though,” he said, knowing that to kids green was just green. This he was saying for you. “Like the greens of a forest. That kind of thing.”
“Did you go to a forest, on your road trip?” you asked, fingers lazily moving over Leena's hair.
“Not really,” he said. “Past by some woodland areas on my bike.”
“You have photos?”
“Sure, on my phone.”
“You'll have to show me sometimes.”
Robby didn't want to wait for a sometime that may never present itself. Nobody had asked about his trip, not even Jack- though he'd texted plenty over the three months it felt like Robby was taking that trip with him.
He un-locked his phone and slid it across the bed to you. He figured you were younger and knew how phones worked probably better than he did.
Yet the phone lay stranded on the bed in your hesitation to grab it. Eventually you did, starting to finger through the pictures he'd took on his trips. He knew what they consisted of. Long and windy stretches of road with trees overcast, pictures of blue skys and clouds, maybe a couple menus from places he'd eaten so he could zoom in and read it. Couple screenshots of google maps and bnb confirmations.
“You know, a bunch of us didn't think the trip was real,” you said flicking through them. “We thought you were just gonna hide in your apartment for three months.”
He clocked his head to the side. “The thought crossed my mind.”
You looked back down to his phone from a sudden buzz. “Oh. You've got a text.”
Robby took back his phone when you offered it, catching Noelle across the screen. He slid it back into his pocket without replying. “You two ever been on holiday?”
“Vegas!” cheered Leena loudly.
You gave Robby a sober look that was telling him not to ask. “Frank's is like a holiday.”
“Frank has-has an ice machine in his fridge!” said Leena.
“Height of luxury,” you agreed.
He imagined you and Frank together at his house or yours, lounging around and watching the kids play in a surprising domestic setting. Robby had no idea if Abbey and Frank were still making it work but his wife didn't factor into the picture in his mind.
“Okay, nearly done here,” he uttered, wiping away with the gauze anything wet left over from the wipes.
“You know what band-aid you want yet?” you asked.
Leena thought hard before pointing to a glittery sort of one that wasn't actually glitter but looked close enough to it. “Here you go!”
Robby was taken a back as the piece of paper was thrusted his way, Leena's arm out-stretched. “Me?”
“For you, I put in as much green as I could but some of the trees are yellow cause the green pencil was broken.”
Robby was surprised by how steady his hands were as he took the paper.
The delicate art she’d been at hard work on was a map of colour. It looked like she’d drawn the very room they were in yet instead of monitors turned off they were surrounded by trees. For a frightening second it looked closer to the pedes room before Robby noticed the sun- a vibrant yellow- in the corner. She’d drawn herself on the bed in between two figures, one with longer hair and the other with spiky hair stood up right.
Robby swallowed back a choke. “This me?”
Leena nodded. “I made your hair cooler.”
“Leena,” you said with a chuckle.
“And I made my hair purple because that’s my favourite colour.”
Robby was still staring down at the drawing and trying to remember if this had ever happened before. It hadn’t. When he started dating Jakes mom Jake had already out grown the whole drawing pictures phase. No other patient has ever drawn him one. “This is-woah-thank you. You know what? I’m gonna put this in my bag for safe keeping and take it home with me- if you’ll excuse me-”
He dismissed himself quickly, lest you should catch onto the slight choke in his words and tears in his eyes. Robby did just as he said he would and folded the picture up carefully and slid it into back safely before stealing a minute in the bathroom.
He cried, unsure if it was tears of joy of grief that he never had anything of the sort sooner. That no matter how much he wanted it, he never got to the point in life where kids he imagined had become a reality. That no little boy or little girl with his last name had ever drawn a picture to go up proudly in his house.
By the time he’d wiped his eyes and chastised himself for crying over a little picture, he left the bathroom and you were already pressing one, two bandaids on the worst of the cuts.
“How are we doing in here?” He asked, standing in the doorway.
“Good,” you said.
“Did I miss all the gory parts?”
You smiled his way. “Goriest.”
“Good.”
Robby saw you glance at the clock on the wall, a small frown marring your features. It was past schooling hours now and there was still nearly three hours left of your shift. “I can cover you,” he said.
“Hmm? Oh no, it’s okay. I’ll call her sitter, see if she can-”
“I will cover for you,” he said firmly, stepping into the room. He eyed Leena. “What do you say? Think she should bunk off early?”
Leena nodded.
You looked at Robby with a crease between your brows but no anger in the plains there.
He shrugged innocently.
“It’s your first day back, I can’t dump my patients on you,” you argued.
“You can and you will,” he said. “I’m afraid I won’t take no for an answer.”
Robby didn’t want you to go. He wanted you to stay so he could ask a dozen more questions. What you did for Christmas? Was Leena a pancake or a waffle kind of person? Did she draw often? But as he looked at you and the love you gave to Leena, he wanted to know what it was like to be loved by you.
“We can get pizza,” said Leena.
“That sounds like a great idea!” celebrated Robby. “I'll get the discharge sorted.” He was out again, leaving the room like it was catching fire.
“All good, cap?” asked Dana.
“Yep. Allll good.”
He could feel Dana's eyes on him stull, not judging just lingering and watching.
“Didn't know she had a kid?” she asked.
“I did not.”
“She's a good kid.”
Robby didn't know if she meant you or Leena but nonetheless he agreed.
He got the discharge ready, dully aware of the several other cases demanding attention. He fetched your own bag ducked under the counter and slung it over his shoulder and ignored the flashes of a hopeful future he got. When he returned, Leena was already on her feet, her small bag slung over your shoulder and hand tucked into yours.
“Here-” he offered you your bag.
“Thanks. Are you sure?”
“I'm sure we will manage,” he told you. “Rest up. Take care of this one, huh?” Robby held back the instinct to ruffle her hair, an instinct he didn't know he had.
“Yeah, I think we'll do that. Thanks again, Robby.”
“See you tomorrow?”
“I have a day off tomorrow, but after that?” you asked, stirring Leena out the door.
“After that it is.”
You smiled again. “Thanks Robby. Leena, say thank you Doctor Robby.”
“Thank you, Doctor Robby,” she said with a toothy grin.
“Of course, anytime. But maybe let some of the boys do the chasing from now on, hey?”
Robby watched the two of you go, watching as Dana gave you both a hug and stirred you out, saying bye's to Emma and Whitaker on the way. He thought about not seeing you tomorrow and felt saddened. Had he ever used felt that before when not working with another staff member? He didn't think so.
It was only then when the two of you were gone that he remembered Noelle's text. Still, he did not pick up his phone to answer.
The next day was a drag, worse then his first day back, almost worse than his last day before his sabbatical. He dragged himself through the day, through procedures and traumas and patients, hardly remembering names, just barely getting a blur of faces.
When he got back to his apartment all he thought about was how cold and quiet it was. There were hardly any framed pictures of family because his mom had left him, he didn't know his dad and staring at pictures of his grandmother only upset him. He hadn't even painted the walls. There was nothing that gave away parts of himself, like he was guarding it.
Then he remembered the drawing from Leena and he unfolded it carefully, searching around his place to get some bluetac and stick it up there. What sort of loser didn't even have fridge magnets?
He settled down for the night, his tv low with some documentary he wouldn't pay any attention to and pulled out his phone.
He had last texted you six months ago, asking if you could cover a bad day. You hadn't even replied. You'd just turned up under the hour.
Hi. How's Leena?
It was near on ten at night. You were working tomorrow. He guessed it was stupid to text, you'd be asleep wouldn't you.
Hi Robby, she's doing good
Thanks again for all the help and letting me go early. Hope the patients were okay, I know Mrs Smith in three was a handful
Robby thumbed over the letters.
Oh she's nothing compared to Myrna. Glad to hear Leena's okay. She's a good kid.
He watched the bubbles appear and disappear.
You haven't seen her on a sugar high
Oh I dread to think.
That she doesn't get from me
Not a sweet tooth kind of person?
He typed girl and deleted it. He tried doctor but it felt too formal for the texting sort. He settled on person but still didn't like it.
Depends, really
Either Robby was a bad texter or he was out of practice. He didn't know what to say next to keep the conversation flowing. He tried a dozen half texts but hated them all. His phone started to warm in his hand.
It ended up being left there, with his insecurity and your silence.
Yet you still smiled at him when you saw him the next day.
“Hey, Robby,” you greeted.
“Hey, good morning.”
“Ah, is it?”
“Maybe it's not?”
“She got puked on,” said Princess from over the counter.
“And it's only eight am,” you groaned.
Robby settled himself in. Bag under the counter. Coffee cup next to his computer.
“Hey,” you slid up next to him. “I wanted to say thanks again for helping with Leena.”
“Oh, it was my pleasure,” he assured.
The day kicked off after that and the both of you had so little time to talk about anything else other than chasing EKG's and CT results. Until the both of you were filling up on coffee half way through the day.
“So Leena's back in school?” he asked.
“Yeah. If it were me I'd have begged for more time off but she's calling them her battle scars. Already starting to look better. Sorry for freaking out.”
“You didn't.”
“I wanted a CT,” you opposed. “I've talked family down from it before.”
Robby shrugged. “You were worried. It was normal.”
The two of you poured coffee, the clinking of spoons against the walls of the mugs filling the silence.
“You know, you could have told me. About her,” said Robby.
You looked to him, leaning back on the counter next to him. “Sorry, I know, you're my boss, I should've said something.”
He shook his head, slowly. “Not as your boss.”
He was offering as a friend, he guessed. However odd that seemed.
“I know, I know,” you mumbled, staring down at you coffee that was black like his. “I just... I didn't know if I'd be getting custody of her and I didn't want to talk about it. Then when the adoption came through you were... you were on your trip.”
His trip. The trip that he looked back on and realised how lonely the stretch of roads seemed. How empty the beds were.
“It looked nice, from the photo's,” you said. “Did it- was it everything you wanted it to be?”
There were bubbles of a lighter brown of his coffee.
“I dunno,” he said. Because he didn't know. It was the time away he needed and unlike everyone's assumptions he managed three months of it, just about. There were mornings where he went down to the lake and just sat there and he felt a peace he'd never known. When he started moving again, the peace drowned him.
“This place missed you,” you told him. “Really missed you.”
Underneath your words Robby almost thought he could hear something else there.
“I dunno. Place looks like it's still standing,” he huffed with a pitying smile.
“Oh please, we're all just putting on a brave face. Hardest three months of my life.”
The last time Robby had heard I love you it had been Jake's mom. He wondered if this was the closest he was going to get to those words again.
You slipped out the room then and Robby didn't see you alone until the end of the day when you were rushing to get back home. He wanted to offer you a lift but missed your fleeting figure.
He went back to his lonely apartment, pressing the on button on the tv and playing it as background goings on. Was it a sad habit he'd gotten used to? Just to seem a little less lonely.
He carried the thought with him in and out of the shower, over to the small kitchen where he could scrounge something up.
In his jogging bottom pocket his phone started to buzz and he was almost content to let it buzz, expecting it was Jack checking in or Noelle asking if she could come over. But he checked it anyway and your name was flashing across his screen with some generic background picture.
Robby didn't even think as he answered it quickly. “Hello?”
“Doctor Robby?” said a small voice. Leena.
Robby turned his cooker down, set his spoon on the side and honed in on the little girls voice. “Leena? What's up? Is something wrong?”
“I-I drew you another picture but forget to give it to you.”
He laughed, glancing at the drawing he had on his fridge. The bright colours stood out in his apartment, the touch of light in the dark. “Another picture? For me?”
“You have yellow hair in this one.”
“Well I have been looking for a change.”
“And-and we were gonna ask you to come around, for a sleepover,” she said.
Robby's brows rose. “A sleepover, huh?” Robby knew he was bad at dating and having friends but he didn't think anyone over twenty-five used the term sleepover. “Where's your-” he cut himself off in panic. What did Leena call you? Her aunt in blood but did Leena call you mom because that's what you were to here? Were the two of you on a first name basis?
“She's in the shower,” said Leena. “And-and we can make pasta at the sleepover and I can show you my drawing.”
“That does sound fun.”
Robby forgot all about his dinner, the feeling of hunger diminishing into a hunger for something else as he listened to Leena talk about her drawings and her favourite bunny teddy and her room and the fact you'd just brought her some new glitter pens. He entertained her the whole way through, forgetting what it was to think about blood stains in scrubs and intubations.
“Hey bean,” your voice sounded in the distance, lighter than he was used to hearing. “Who you taking to?”
“Doctor Robby!”
There was a rustle on the other end of the phone where he could hear Leena giggle and you mumble before he heard you again.
“Robby, hey!”
“Hi.”
“I'm sorry, I give her my phone sometimes to play games and stuff. I'm sorry she called.”
“No, no, it's fine, she was telling me about another drawing she did.”
You chuckled. “Yes, I forgot to give it to you today. I left it on the counter.”
“My hair is yellow, I heard?”
“That it is. I'm looking at it now and got to say, quite a change for you.”
“Think I could pull it off?”
“I dunno, you'd have to surprise me.”
Robby caught the ache in his cheeks from his smile that had been out of use. “Talking of surprises, I heard I'm invited for a sleepover.”
He heard you grumble down the line, some protests getting stuck in your throat. His mind fell blank. He'd gotten it wrong. It was just some rambling from a six year old who'd soon forget his face and name.
“Yeah, not-not a sleepover, um, Leena hasn't stopped talking about you since she was in,” you said with an awkward laugh. “She was wondering, well I guess both of us were. Maybe you'd like to come to dinner some time. Only if you ever wanted to, you know. It's just, Leena...to say thanks and all...”
Robby hadn't gone for dinner in months, maybe years. His casual hook-up's were always whatever he had in or takeaways. It was more about the sex than it was the connection, the pumping of hearts and sweat along bodies than the holding of hands over dinner tables.
Not that that's what you were inviting.
But it was something new.
“Leena's asking me to dinner?” he asked, prodding you for more. For just that something extra.
“Okay... I'm asking if you'd like to come to dinner. I promise I'm not a terrible cook.”
“You can't be any worse than me,” he said. His own dinner was already growing cold, only half cooked on the stove.
“Not a good cook?”
“Never learnt to be, you could teach me.”
“Maybe I could.”
Robby went to sleep that night, after Leena and you kept him on the phone for nearing an hour, he slept with the closest thing he'd had to hope since.
It took another week for the dinner date to be arranged. With busy schedules and Leena's schooling and sitter times it was hard to get to talk about it. Not that Robby hadn't seen you. There was a new dynamic around the Pitt and Robby knew everyone else was picking up on it.
How slowly yours and Robby's bags gravitated towards each other under the nurses desk. How your new favourite computer to chart on was the one across from his. How Robby was now religious with his five minute coffee break that always coincided with yours.
Jack saw it in glimpses in the mornings and evenings and teased him. Dana saw it happening in front of her and smiled. Princess and Perlah said whatever they said in Tagalog, Robby thought it best not to know what those two were saying.
Where he'd only once caught glimpses of you now you were a new religion.
“Tonight?” he asked as the two of you loomed over a badly bruised hand in eighteen.
“Tonight?” you asked.
“For dinner, if it works for you,” he said as indifferent as he could.
“Tonight. Uh-”
“If it doesn't work or you don't want me to come-”
“No, no, it's not that,” you said at once and Robby sighed in relief. “Leena would give me the silent treatment if I cancelled.”
“She does that?”
“I once washed her blanket and shrunk it and she didn't speak to me for a full two days,” you told him. “She only broke because I drove us by her favourite ice cream place.”
Robby nodded, peeling back a layer of dead skin. Usually he turned his nose up at patients sticking their nose in their phones and never one looking at their doctors, but now he was thankful for it. “A worthy cause.”
“My place is probably a mess,” you said.
“I don't care.”
“And I probably don't have anything in to make something fancy. Tomato and basil pasta is probably the best I can do.”
“That's good.”
“No garlic bread.”
“Oh, now the deals off.”
You bit back a smile but Robby didn't try to hide his. “Well, hey, if you think you're up for it.”
“I am,” he nodded.
Robby hadn't been able to shake the presence of you or Leena from his mind. He didn't know if this was part of his healing journey or just what was becoming of him but he went to sleep re-reading your texts and looked forward to when Leena snuck away to call him while you showered. He liked coming in in the mornings and finding you there, carrying on the conversation from texts the night before. Coming out of trauma's where patients were lost he looked for you and whether you were smiling or as loathed to see death, he felt better for having you there.
“You wanna come around after work or go to yours first?” you asked him, not backing away from his challenge.
“I'll change first, you can text me your address.”
“Wait-” said the woman that had been stuck in her phone the whole time. “Are the two of you like dating or something?”
Robby looked to you and was happy when you didn't deny it.
He went home as soon as Jack decided the hand-offs were done. Where once he waited for all his day-shifters to go home first he left Whitaker, Santos and Langdon in the care of Al-Hishimi as he darted for his bike.
His wardrobe had never seemed more drab and empty then when he got out the shower, towel wrapped around his waist as he looked at the varying shades of greys and greens and blues. Robby started to think he should have lingered with Jack and put up with his teasing just to ask him what was the best thing to wear on a date that totally wasn't a date with you and your six year old.
He settled for his best pair of jeans (the one that hadn't started to fade) and a grey shirt that was his cleanest and a jacket.
On the way to yours he stopped off and grabbed a bottle of wine. It felt like the right thing to get, for you. The sort of thing that good men did. He looked at the chocolates and sweets and picked Leena up a small pack of something. On the ride over he feared your preferences for wine, if you even drank. Or if you let Leena have sweets and chocolates.
He held them in his hand and stood outside your apartment door, stealing moments to listen into your little life.
The TV was on, some kids show it sounded like. He could hear searing in what he guessed was the kitchen. A whole life he was wedging himself into.
He knocked and that life burst.
He heard feet running, stopped by you who said something about opening doors and Leena shouldn't.
You swung the door open. “Robby, hey! Come in.”
Aromas of tomato and basil- as you said- welcomed him in as he closed the door behind him.
“Doctor Robby!” Leena came running up to him. In the span of a week most of her cuts had healed over leaving little lines of scabs in its wake.
Robby battled the instinct to kneel down and greet her as if he was going in for a hug. Kids didn't hug people they hardly knew. “Hey Leena.”
“Here's your picture!”
“Oh woah.” Robby thought that having already gotten it out of his system with the first drawing she did that he wouldn't have the urge to cry. He was mistaken when tears sprang to his eyes as he stared at the picture. It was him, Leena, you and something else with four legs with a sunny background and his hair yellow as promised.
“That's the puppy I'm getting for christmas!” she celebrated, pointing at the dog.
“Really?” Robby glanced back at you and saw the small shake of his head.
“Leena, why don't you set the table, dinner's nearly ready!”
She rushed off to the small table nestled in a corner of your open space apartment.
“She's been dying to give you that drawing,” you said, coming to stand next to him and wiping down your hands.
“I brought wine,” he said, showing you the bottle. He watched you blush and took the time to drag his eyes over you. He wasn't accustom to seeing you in anything but dark scrubs but you were in a yellow long skirt that danced over the floor when you moved and a shirt that ran over the curves often hidden away from him.
“Thanks. You didn't have too.”
He lifted his shoulders. “I brought Leena something too but I don't know your rules on sweets,” he said, handing you the packet.
“I'll say the sugar high is worth such a nice gesture.”
Nice gestures. He could do nice gestures. He could do a lot.
“You need help with anything?” asked Robby, following you over to the kitchen.
“No. You're our guest, Besides you're about to get the grand tour of all two rooms.”
Before he had a chance to ask what you meant he felt Leena tug at his hand and start to drag him off to her room. He listened as she explained everything to him. That her room was painted in rough streaks of a light pink because you let her chose and repaint it. The walls were plastered with drawings from her own hand and some that were done by you, or even Dana and Frank.
Around the apartment he caught framed bits of art on the walls and small golden and silver picture frames of you and Leena. There were some of you, younger, smile as wide as it was these days. In one you were in a cap and gown, holding a certificate and smiling at the camera.
You were beautiful then, you were beautiful now but staring at moments captured in time he was overwhelmed with it. With your smiled and that if he turned around he'd find it there on your face.
“Dinner's ready!”
Was this the sort of life he was missing out on? The coming home to noise and smells instead of cold loneliness. Robby imagined the small arms wrapping around his legs for a hug as Leena would rush off to find her latest masterpiece. How he could dump his bag at the door and come to find you, wrapping an arm around you and littering kisses on the skin he'd been eyeing all week.
Was this what Jack was talking about?
The three of you sat around the table, eating pasta and watching as Leena tried desperately to slurp up a piece while she yapped about her day at school. You and Robby sat with a glass of wine each and you'd poured Leena's juice into your last wine glass so she didn't feel left out. He listened intently when Leena spoke and answered every question she had about being a doctor.
“She's never asked me this much about being a doctor,” you grumbled playfully.
Robby reached under the table and patted in your knee and didn't even think about the action until he saw the heat crawl up your neck. He let it linger.
“I even know how to check breathing,” boasted Leena, unawares to the heat creeping in between Robby and you. Oblivious in the way kids are. “I've got my own stethoscope.”
You shrugged. “Cheap of amazon.”
“That is impressive,” said Robby to Leena. “You looking for a job?”
The rest of the meal passed in similar talk, the three of you chattering and laughing like it was natural. He imagined every meal the two of you had had like this. Only happy he'd been invited to see a slither of what it was like.
“Okay, you need to clean your teeth and get to bed, it's getting late,” you said.
Robby didn't even notice the time but the whole of your place had dimmed in the darkening sky. For once, he hadn't been lost in thoughts about if Jack was coping in the night shift or not. He hadn't listened out for sirens and wondered what sort of emergency was rolling in.
“But-”
“No buts, school tomorrow, go brush your teeth, please.”
Leena sulked slightly as she slid out of her seat. “Will you be here in the morning, Doctor Robby?”
He stuttered for the first time that night.
“He's not staying the night, honey,” you said, piling up the plates and gathering the cutlery.
Her eyes pulled wide, hands limp at her sides. “Will you come around for pasta night again?”
Robby hoped so. He hoped this wasn't a thank you for looking after Leena when it was his job. He hoped soon this seat would be ingrained with his figure.
“Robby can come by anytime he likes,” you said with a promising tilt to your voice.
“Yay!” celebrated Leena and decided that was enough encouragement to go brush her teeth.
You were laughing with a fond shake of your head as you balanced the plates and watched her rush off.
Robby stood, taking his own and both their wine glasses in hand. “I got it,” he said, side-stepping you. Your eyes clashed together as your lips hung open, watching him pass.
“No. You're the guest, I can clean up,” you said.
Robby had already set his dishes down and grabbed yours too, setting them all in the sink. He rolled up his sleeves and moved his body around to block you from reaching in. “I got it. Go see to Leena,” he said so casually.
You lingered, watching him.
Were his wrinkles of age showing? Did he look tired when he finally didn't actually feel sleepy? Were you counting all these things against him?
“Okay,” you said, giving up. “But be careful. You keep being useful and I might just make you stay forever.”
Robby smiled down at the sink. He could think of worse things.
He diligently washed the dishes, found your tea towel and dried them. He opened every cupboard and draw to find where everything went and had your kitchen mapped out in moments. He wiped down the counters, washed off the stains from your dishcloth as best he could and tided the table you'd all sat at.
Time had ticked by and when Robby looked back you were leaning in the doorway, watching him.
“I had no idea you were so homely,” you said, wandering over when he caught your gaze.
“Just being good.”
“Trying to get an invitation back?”
“I thought that was guaranteed,” he teased.
You chuckled as Robby threw on his jacket and you followed him to the door. “Thanks for coming,” you said, standing at the door as he stepped into the hallway. “It meant a lot to Leena.”
Robby's heart thumped loudly in his chest. “Just Leena?” he asked.
He made you blush once more and straightened up, puffing up his chest.
“No, not just Leena,” you said.
Robby nodded, keeping back a smile though as you smiled down at your feet. “Well, thanks for having me.”
“You're good with her, you know,” you said. “Do you- I mean is there kids other than Jake?”
“No, no,” he said with a firm shake of his head. “Never.... I dunno. Found the time. Found the right person.”
Wasn't it the same thing he'd told Mohan, in so many words? That once, when he was younger he wanted it all. The career, the promotion, the wife and the kids. He discovered the hardest of ways that he couldn't have both.
You tilted your head. “You're still young.”
Robby chuckled. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
The two of you lingered outside your apartment, neither willing to be the first to go.
“So, I'll see you tomorrow?” you asked.
“Tomorrow.”
You smiled, teetering on your heels like you were about to.... reach out. “See you then.”
Robby carefully integrated himself into your life in the weeks that followed. He was all but invited in. You didn't start your day till you greeted Robby, till you had his smile.
It was practically a guarantee to everyone that if Robby was on a case you wouldn't be far. That if there was a trauma you were now getting your choice of them. Maybe once people would have complained or said something but now they watched with a small and appreciative smile that finally, something was working for Robby.
After work it became routine for the two of you to part together if you had the same shifts. Often times you'd ask when he was coming over next, complaining that nobody washed dishes as well as he did yet he knew it was the company you craved. Just as he did.
Leena had started hugging him, had started letting him draw with her and there was a small mural of her drawings pinned to his fridge at his apartment. The small drawings were enough to warm the space ten fold.
Around the small dinner table you and Robby would pass touches. If you wanted something passed (something that was well within your reach when Robby thought about it) he would pass it with a brush of his fingers. His knee would bump yours as he spread himself wide just to have the excuse to touch. He'd clean every time he came around as you settled Leena in.
Sometimes he left after that with lingering conversations in your doorway. Other time he stayed for a coffee or a wine or a glass of water and the two of you sat on your couch that had seen better days and talked about anything and everything. He learnt everything about you and finally, Robby hid nothing about himself to you.
Robby needed this. Needed you like he'd never needed before.
“Frank,” said Robby one day. The two were taking small steps to recovery, Langdon was learning not to push and Robby was learning to push just a little extra. “You take Leena for sleepovers sometimes, right?”
Frank eyed him, lips tilting up. “Yeah, good kid, hoping she'll rub off on Tanner one of these days.”
Robby slid his hands in his pockets and eyed around them. “How would you feel about taking her tonight?”
“Tonight?” asked Frank.
He nodded. “Yeah. I think Leena would like it and I know someone who would be grateful for the break.”
Frank glanced past Robby's shoulder to the general whereabouts of you. “Has she said something?”
“No. She's just... tired. Could do with a break. So tonight, it would be a big favour to her?”
Robby knew it might have been a bit cruel to ask knowing that Frank was in the motions of trying to do anything to get on Robby's good side again but at least he didn't actively exploit that fact. He just hoped the implication was there.
“Er, yeah, sure. I'll just go and arrange it with her.”
“Great. Thank you, Frank.” Robby offered him a fist-bump and though stunned, Frank took it with a slow smile.
Robby didn't think you were tired, or at least he hoped you weren't because he had every intention of taking you on a date tonight. The sort you could dress up for- if you wanted to- the sort that didn't require a six year old. There were things he wanted to do, stuff he wanted to say and more than anything he wanted an hour alone with you where blood wasn't pouring.
He found you an hour later, handing over a tablet to Ogilvie and shooing him off. “Hey.”
“What's up?”
“Nothing, nothing,” he said leaning his weight over the counter as you took a seat behind it. “I heard Leena's got a sleepover tonight?”
Your lips pulled into a smirk, your bows furrowing as you nodded. “Funny you should hear that, Frank and I only just sorted it out like, half an hour ago.”
Frank. Perhaps Robby should have been a bit more upfront about being discreet.
“Word travels fast,” he said with a shrug.
You hummed and nodded, standing up and leaning next to him. Your arms folded over the counter and your elbow dung into his. “And you didn't put Frank up to it.”
Robby eyed you, playing your game. “Now, why would I do that?”
“I don't know, you tell me.”
Robby pretended to think about it, shaking his head side to side. “I mean it does seem a shame if you have the night off to waste it.”
You smirked. “Who's to say I'd be wasting it?”
“Are you gonna make me ask?”
“Yes, I am.”
Robby was rusty in areas of dating but he figured you could limber him up. He nodded his head back to the door as if the two of you could leave at once. “Dinner tonight? I don't cook, you don't cook, somebody else does.”
“I think they call that a restaurant.”
The two of you laughed like you were teens going on your first date, cheeks turning to a blaze.
“So, what do you say, tonight?” Robby had never been so afraid of rejection before. He'd flirted with women and the idea of what they could mean to him, drinks in dingy bars that he recycled every few hook-ups. Sitting down for dinner to learn more about each other had his nerves frayed.
It didn't help when you took your time to think about it.
“Is it formal dress?”
Robby smiled and nodded. He was already thinking about the sort of dress you might wear, the kind of way you'd do your hair.
“Okay,” you nodded. “It's a date.”
A date it was.
For the rest of the day everyone had to put up with you and Robby floating around each other with careful taps on each others shoulders and glances that lasted longer than needed. You charted next to each other and still took you coffee breaks while everyone else rolled their eyes with fond smiles.
By the time you both got home there was only an hour till your reservations, and for you only an hour to get Leena sleepover ready and drive to and from Frank's.
Robby was insistent to do all the things that made a date, a date. He didn't meet you at the restaurant no matter how much you suggested it would be easier on the both of you. He wore one of his nicest shirts where the buttons weren't hanging off by threads. He walked to yours, taking his time to calm his racing heart. He went through the motions of buzzing into your place and taking the stairs up.
It was only when he was standing outside of your door did he think he should have brought a bouquet of flowers.
You opened the door and any insecurities died.
Your dress was red, not overly modest but hiding enough skin where you wouldn't feel the chill in the air. As beautiful as Robby thought you were in scrubs, you were breath taking in red.
“Is it too much?” you asked when Robby realised he'd been quiet for too long. “Am I gonna make a fool of myself?”
“N-No,” he said, his hand fumbling over the shirt where his heart was hidden. “You look beautiful.”
You blushed tilted your head aside. You closed the door on your apartment that Robby knew like his own slowly behind you. “Well, thank you Doctor Robby.”
The name had never fallen so sweetly from your lips.
“Oh, you shouldn't call me that outside of work,” he said.
“Why not?”
Robby slid an arm loosely around your waist. “Because I like it too much.”
The restaurant was bathed in a golden glow, low jazz music playing as the two of you were sat, a bread basket placed that you didn't hesitate to start on.
Where Robby was afraid the conversation would stutter, that you'd only have work or maybe Leena to talk about or you'd be embarrassed to be seen out with someone who looked old enough to be your dad, you didn't. It turned out, outside of work you liked to talk and when not in Leena's company, you didn't stop.
The starters were brought, wine poured, main courses served all through out and not once did a pregnant silence fall.
“I have to ask,” you began. “Why ask me out? We've been working together two years. I didn't think you saw me like that.”
Robby inhaled. “Maybe I didn't. I don't think I saw past my own nose for a long time,” he said honestly. As he thought about what to say he shivered, pressing his hands into his legs.
“I don't think that's true,” you said. “You're a great doctor.”
“And that's about it. I am nothing else but a good doctor. I thought, riding off on my motorbike might've helped, help me... find something or so-” the word fell flat on his lips. Someone. “I woke up one day in a shitty little motel and realised my whole life had flashed me by and all I had to show for it was even shittier patient satisfaction scores.”
“They can't be that bad,” you said.
Robby levelled his gaze on you with a you don't want to know look.
“Can I be honest with you?” you asked, leaning over the table. “I really hated your motorbike.”
Robby rolled his eyes but a smile was tugging at the corners of his lips. “Okay, I get it, nobody likes me the bike.”
“Nobody liked that you didn't wear a helmet.”
“I wore a-” the argument died on his lips when he thought about the drives into work where he felt the first thrill of not wearing the helmet. He told himself it was nothing when everyone knew it was bigger than that. “So you don't want a ride?”
“I never said that.”
Maybe it was the wine on your lips or the way your foot grazed Robby's shin that had his eyes flickering between your and your lips, stained with fading lip-gloss and berries.
He imagined taking you back to his, pressing you into his mattress and tasting what was hidden under the dress. Robby wondered how you'd wither under his touch, how you'd taste when he dips in a finger, a tongue.
But Robby wanted to know even more what it was like to wake in the mornings with you. How the sun framed your features and how your hair would look fanned out on his pillow.
“I...” he trailed off with a breath, averting his gaze from you. “I want something real. Something that...”
The dark expression that had clouded your gaze a moment ago faded away.
“Listen, Robby,” you began, clearing your throat. “I know the kind of guy you are. I know about your whole seven week itch kind of thing with women. And as much as I wish I could be that for you. As much as I like you, I have to think about Leena. I've probably let it go on longer than I should because god the kid adores you. But I- we can't just be something to tie you down till your next one.”
“You're not,” he said at once.
“You have to be sure of that, Robby,” you said, suddenly sombre. “I know you've been out soul-searching or whatever but I can't just be a temporary fix for you. Neither can Leena.”
He shook his head and repeated himself. “You're not. You're not, Leena's not. I'm trying to be all in, trying to do it right, trying to take you on a date and be good to Leena. I'm... trying.”
Did you want him to try? Did you want him to give up?
You tilted your head, spinning your emptying glass around. “You're doing okay so far.”
“Okay?”
“If you get desert you might be doing very good.”
Robby tutted a laugh, tongue poking out in his cheek as he opened the desert menu, eyeing you over the edge. “Fondue sound good?”
Deserts were ordered and Robby thought he was losing his mind. With every graze of your heel as you crossed your leg or every stretch of his to brush against you sent shivers over him. He could hardly focus on his desert (that you all but bullied him into getting) when you were in front of him, humming in delight at the taste of yours and slowly dragging the spoon to your lips.
By the time the bill was placed Robby was all but throwing his card down in spite of your arguments. He'd swiped it and written a tip before you could even fetch your purse.
You started the walk back to your place and at some point your fingers brushed his and he took your hand in his and pressed himself close to you and you didn't flinch and he felt like he could fall in love with you then and there.
“Thank you for the dinner,” you said as the both of you stood outside your locked apartment door. “And the chat. And paying and getting Leena on a sleepover.”
“You don't have to thank me for that,” he said, hands in his pockets.
“Okay. Well. Thank you anyway.”
He nodded and you nodded but didn't reach for your keys.
“You should probably head in,” said Robby.
“Why?” you asked.
“Because you shouldn't be looking at me like that on only the first date.”
“When you think about it we've had plenty of dates. Leena was just always there.”
“Suppose you could look at it that way.”
You nodded, head raising to see him. “She's not here now.”
Robby would look back to your first kiss with hazy recollections on how it happened. All he knew was one minute you were in front of him and the next you were against him and your apartment doors, the numbers digging into the back of your head.
His lips sort yours with a hunger he'd never felt, his hands dragging over every inch of your body he could reach.
You were soft against him. Your lips, your body, your touch. Your hands wound up his shoulders, bringing him in closer until every straining part of him was pressed into you. With the desire he gave to you, you matched in swipes of your tongue against his lips and the tugging off his hair that had Robby groaning. A hand fell next to your head, a hard slap against the door.
“I don't-” you gasped as he trailed his lips down your neck, feeling you tremble into him as he kissed and nipped and sucked and tried to find your perfect spot. “I don't usually do this.”
He hummed into your neck. “Make out against your apartment door?”
“And the rest of it.”
Robby kissed once at the slight bit of chest available to him before he straightened, cradling your cheek. “We don't have to. We can stop right now.”
“I don't want to,” you said and shoved your tongue into his mouth.
Robby held you with one hand, the other snuck into your bag, blindly reaching for a jangle of keys. He bumped your phone, a tube of lip gloss and a pack of something else. A strip of something else.
He pulled back and tutted, pulling them out and watching your cheeks pink at the evidence. Condoms. “Were you hoping for this, sweetheart?”
You lowered your head but Robby nudged it up, looking at you with a smirk. “A girl can wish right?”
He chuckled and dropped his head back into your neck, his beard scratching around the skin and his tongue darting out to sooth it. He pocketed the condoms and went back in search of your keys.
Reluctant to let you go, he fumbled with them and reached for the key hole all the while sucking a mark onto your skin, trying to write out an R in kisses there. Once the key slid in and the door gave on both your weight, Robby held an arm around you as your legs wrapped around him, bunching up your dress as he carried you in.
First, he leant you on the kitchen counter and pushed your dress further up while you fiddled and pulled at his buttons.
Then you both stumbled over the back of your sofa were Robby dragged your dress down your chest and sucked one of your breasts into his mouth while you pushed off his shirt and left claw marks on his back.
It was agony to part and get to your room where Robby worshipped you till the sun came out.
“Robby,” you moaned when he settled on his knees and licked into you, kissing over your folds. You were so wet and ready and waiting and Robby didn’t want to think the amount of times you’d been this wet and he’d not been around.
“Ro-Robby,” you gasped when he ripped two orgasms from you with his tongue, another with his fingers.
You only came a fourth time when he pushed himself into you, dragging out his pleasure till he was all inside. He’d held himself up with tense arms and tried desperately to pull himself together.
It was sex with the closeness of your body and knowing what your bed sheets smelled like, what framed pictures you kept closest to your heart in your room and the books on your bookshelf.
It was connection and the feel of you and the sweet sound of you calling for him that had him pulling out and finishing all over your chest.
And when he woke in the morning with you in his arms, the sun light through your curtains kissing you he thought, yeah, he could spend the rest of his life like this.
He pressed his lips to your shoulder, pecking the skin there and was gratified when he felt you push into him. “Morning.”
You let out a sleepy smile. “Good morning.”
“Sleep well?”
“Like a baby,” you mumbled, peering around your room as if you didn't recognise it. “What time is it?”
“I dunno.”
Your arm stretched out, trying to find a phone or a clock. Your stretching pushed you further into Robby and he took the chance to slide his arms around your waist and hold you closer.
“We don't need to know the time,” he insisted, eyes still reluctant to open.
“Robby,” you squealed when he tightened his arms around you. “We might be late for work.”
He turned you around to him, pressing you back into the bed. “Have a word with your boss.”
You smiled into his kiss, ignoring the dinner and wine that lingered in your breaths. Your hand twined behind his neck, twirling hair that rested there. “I don't think he'll like it if I'm late.”
Robby growled against your lips. “Oh, I'm sure he would.”
He couldn't stop the need that grew in him, in his limbs that reached out for you. A leg thrown over yours and nudging them open, a hand that trailed down to your stomach and pressed down, lips that became yours as he dipped his tongue into the nectar that was you.
So engaged in your activities neither heard the open and closing of the front door until feet padded over to your room and all but threw your door open.
“Oh, sh-”
Robby was quick in tugging the covers close over the two of you as you shot up, holding the sheets to your chest.
Leena stood in the doorway, grinning. “Sleepover!”
“Leena, what are you doing here?” you panted.
“Hey, sorry I-oh-” Frank appeared behind her, his daughter Penny on his hip and Tanner in his other hand.
“Jesus,” Robby huffed.
“Sorry, I-I didn't realise-” Frank started with a smirk. “I've got to drop the kids off with their mom and get to work. I'll let them know you're gonna be late.”
Your face screwed up. “Thanks, Frank!”
Leena dumped her bag and jumped up on the bed as if this wasn't un-usual. As if you and Robby shared a bed all the time. She clumsily made her way up and Robby arranged the sheets over his lap while you made sure every inch of you was covered. “Did you guys have an adult sleepover?”
“What's an adult sleepover?” you asked, brushing back her hair.
“It's what Frank said you two were doing,” she said.
Robby grunted and fell back in your bed. Of course Frank would tease, let ideas into Leena's head, he'd probably told half the staff the two of you were having an 'adult sleepover'-
His self-doubt was interrupted by a child's laughter and yours, the two of you laughing like it was some secret Robby was in this bed with you. And in spite of thinking what Frank might say, what everyone else might sat, Robby laughed with the two of you.
Robby figured that when he was a kid he was happy. Before he was eight and before his mom left him he guessed there were happy moments. As a med students he remembered drinks and nights that were a blur, girlfriends and holidays. Then he lost faith in happiness.
Until you. Until Leena.
Then came Noelle.
She'd been trying to get in touch with him since he got back but the hints had gone over her head. At first he'd said he was too busy then it hadn't been a lie. He'd been busy with you.
Yet suddenly it seemed Noelle was the only case manager available to the Emergency Department. At every transfer needing to be made she came down, at every case that they called for she was done in moments, the clack-clack of her heels against the floor telling everyone she was coming.
Including you.
You were hiding behind a computer, punching in letters and watching them appear on the screen.
Robby walked over slowly, ignoring Noelle down the other end of the ED, Dana keeping her occupied. He knelt next to you and pulled at his laces on his boots to look as casual as possible. “I didn't call her down.”
“Who?” you asked without looking at him.
“You know who,” he said.
Your lips pulled into a tight smile. Finally, you looked at him. “She likes you.”
Robby shook his head. He couldn't deny Noelle's feelings but he knew his.
It had been a month of bliss. A month of going back to your place after shifts, where he could lead you out of the Pitt and hold your hand as they went to yours, greeting Leena and dismissing the sitter. A month of lying in your bed and waking to the warmth of your body and breakfasts with Leena. He'd perfected a pancake recipe. He'd got his own shower-gel in your shower and a draw in your wardrobe that he cherished like a trophy.
So he knew when you were overthinking. He saw it in the moments you worried about Leena's grades from school. When you got in your head that Leena spent too much time with the sitter than you.
He knew you were thinking about Noelle and Robby even if you didn't say it.
“Does she?” he asked.
You levelled your gaze onto him, un-impressed.
“We had a past, that's what it is: past,” he assured you.
Your body shuddered as you took a deep breath and turned to face him. “I know, I know,” you said. “Does she know?”
“Yes. And I know.” Robby let his fingers trace the back of your hand. Every delicate touch felt like the first.
Your smile was his reward.
“Robby!” said a feminine voice from behind the two of you.
You found Noelle standing there first, eyes watching without giving away a clue to how you were feeling while Robby took his time in pushing himself up from the floor. He could use his knees and back as an excuse. Slowly, he turned to Noelle, resting his hand on the counter you worked at and hoping to feel your touch.
“Noelle,” he said plainly.
“I was hoping I could talk to you about Mr. Donald's transfer,” she carefully, manicured nails tapping on the tablet she held. “Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.”
“That is Doctor King's patient,” he said.
“She said that you were overseeing the case?”
Robby was about to speak when he heard your chair creak.
“I need to go see Javadi,” you said, dismissing yourself. You didn't glance back to him, even if Robby watched you disappear.
“I really didn't mean too...” Noelle trailed off with a smile, gesturing to your now empty seat.
Robby shook his head, trying to shake the thought of you out his mind. “It's...” he tried to think of something to say before realising he didn't have to say anything. “What are you doing here down here, Hastings?”
“Oh, it's Hastings now?”
“Just trying to keep it professional,” he said, taking the tablet from her and starting the walk down his department. He gave a curt smile to Dana who watched how close Noelle stood, he avoided Frank's eyes and glanced at Santos who watched him and Noelle with stern eyes.
“So that's why you haven't been answering my texts,” said Noelle, taking about you and not the case she was supposed to be down for.
“I've been busy,” said Robby.
Noelle was still smiling, sweetly. He'd once been attracted to that smile but any smile that wasn't yours seemed pointless. “Your latest fling?”
Robby didn't want to get into it. He didn't know what to call it with you. Was he your boyfriend though neither of you had asked in the traditional sense. Besides, girlfriend didn't seem a good enough word for what you were to him. “Sure, if that's what you want to call it.”
He caught Santos looking away, a furrow to her brows as she ducked back behind the computer screen.
“She seems nice,” she said. “Look I'm not her to be all bitter, jealous ex-”
Robby wanted to remind her she couldn't be his ex if they were never really together.
“I just wanted to see for myself,” she said. Her hand reached out and Robby felt a squeeze on his bicep. “See you around, Robby.”
And that was that. She left to go find Doctor King- because Robby was not on that case- and Noelle only lasted a few more hours floating downstairs before she returned back to her office. Robby truly forgot about it for the rest of the day, charts and what movie the two of you would watch tonight taking up the spare space he had in his head.
Santos was being icy with him. That he didn't understand but figured she'd get over whatever it was in her own time.
“Dana,” said Robby, sliding next to her.
Dana didn't even need to be asked. “She's catching some air in the ambulance bay.”
“Thank you,” he said, drumming his hand on the counter.
“Keep it PG out there!”
The air was warm as he stepped out, the dying light of the sun setting everything in pinks and orange. It almost made the place look bearable, nearly romantic. In the middle of it all you stood still, arms holding yourself and bathing in the light.
Robby smiled to himself, watching you a moment until he just couldn't help himself. He stepped over quietly and reached for your shoulders, ducking his head into your neck to pepper kisses in the warmth there. “Hey.”
“Hey,” you mumbled. Your body didn't sink into his, your hands remained tucked into yourself, your neck didn't move back to rest on his shoulder like it often did.
“Noelle's back upstairs,” he said, dragging his hands up and down your forearms. He'd hoped it would calm you.
You didn't budge. “Is she?”
He hummed, trying to spin you around to him. A part of him liked seeing you as you were, envious, protective. It reminded him he had someone to care. “So you can stop being jealous.”
“Jealous is not what I am,” you said with a scoff and stepped away from him.
Robby's arms dropped.
You weren't turning to him but Robby didn't think he'd be able to read your thoughts even if you were. Your back was tense and your arms couldn't decide whether to wrap around yourself or push back the hair that had escaped.
“Okay,” said Robby, hands on his hips to brace himself. “What's going on?”
There was a siren singing in the distance and Robby had never hoped for an emergency more. To break whatever was going on. None of your patients had died, from what Robby had seen you were keeping on track with your successful treatments and patient satisfaction scores.
So it must have been him.
“Santos told me,” you said.
Robby didn't have to feign his confusion. His head slightly shook, shoulders moving with the movement. “Told you what?”
“What you said. That I'm your latest fling, or whatever.”
A thunder took over his heart, terror took the throne in his mind and his face fell.
Santos, of course. Her eyes had been accusing. She'd probably already been planning to tell you. He wished he could say it was a move pulled against him, but Robby knew Santos's heart was always in the right place and she'd said it to protect you.
Robby dragged his hands down his face. “Santos didn't hear all of it.”
“I don't think she needed to.”
“Noelle was asking me about you, about us, it was none of her business-”
“Am I fling to you?” you asked, turning to him sharply. Accusation lined your face, eyes rimmed red.
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
Robby huffed. “Jesus- fuck- all this cause of something Doctor Santos thinks she heard.”
“I need to know you’re completely in this,” you snapped.
“Have I not proven that?” Robby argued, stepping closer. “Am I not around every night? Am I not with you and Lena every night, every day off? I-I cook for you, you let me put Lena to bed, I fucking picked her up from school last week!”
“And how long are you going to do that for? Seven weeks?”
It was perhaps the most horrible thing anyone had ever said to him. He'd had patients spit only violence at him, had Jack tell him some hard home truths and heard Jake tell him it was all his fault Leah died. But this was the worst. Worst because you had every right to call him out on him. Horrible because it was his own history.
Would he ever escape his own self?
“Maybe,” he said, because that's who he was. A short-term, a quick bite, something on the side to take the edge off.
You backed up, looking away and gulping as if you hated your own words. No more than Robby hated them. “I need it always, Robby. You... you can’t make me love you and then say it won’t be forever. That’s-that's not fair. Not fair to me, or to Leena. Even to yourself.”
Robby felt a choke in his throat, the sort that made his eyes water and his face grow in heat.
You approached him slowly again and Robby expected you to walk right past, to feel a brush of your shoulder and nothing else for the rest of his life. Instead, he flinched at the feel of your hand on his chest, over where his heart was breaking. “You need to know what you want before you break Leena's heart.”
It went un-spoken but he was breaking his own and yours when he didn't stop you from walking away because Robby had never stopped anyone from leaving before.
The roof was Robby's only friend, the one constant in his life of comings and goings. His lover and his enemy wrapped up in one concrete, grey slab. The railing was a caution ignored as he favoured the side closest to the night. The side that with the wrong gust of wind, could send him over the edge literally.
He took himself up there after upsetting you as punishment to himself, battling with the parts of him he thought he was done with.
Why didn't he just say no? No, he would not only love you for seven weeks. For seven years, seven decades, seven centuries, until seven universes burnt out he'd love you and Leena and whatever else you wanted him to love.
But he didn't say anything and he let you walk away.
“You got twenty dollars?” asked Jack. He knew Robby and the roof's friendship and often rented his space.
“Why?” asked Robby.
“So I can get some beers up here,” said Jack, voice close behind him.
So close that if Robby was thinking of doing something stupid he could reach out and grab him.
“What are you doing here, man?” Jack asked. “Usually you're long gone by now.”
Robby had told Jack of what was going on between you and him, while you'd been tucked into his side falling in and out of sleep. Jack had text: he was happy for his friend, that he was proud of him for taking this next step. He didn't want to have to admit to his friend how badly he'd fucked up.
“Dunno where to go,” he said. His own apartment was rarely seen by him, a thin layer of dust taking up every surface. He'd took your place for granted.
“Yeah you do, course you do,” said Jack. “You go to her, man.”
Robby shook his head, holding back tears. “I can't,” he chocked.
“And why not?”
“Because-” Robby chocked, wiping away a tear that fell. He took a deep breath in, a deep breath out. “Because I messed it up, like I do fucking everything.”
Jack was quiet a moment in his contemplation. “Not everything. Not the things that matter.”
“Yeah I do. I do.” He rubbed at the heat on his neck, begging the night to relieve him. “All-all she wanted was to love me and I couldn't even let her do that. You know... Leena draws me pictures sometimes. I got two on my fridge. One in my wallet. Nobody-nobody's ever done something like that for me before.”
Robby had never told you how cherished Leena's drawings were to him, they were something too precious to voice to the fate that loved to take and take from him.
What good had it done him now?
Surrounded by his friends, Robby cried. For himself, for your own heartbreak in your face and how you'd have to explain to Leena why he had stopped coming around. Cried for the pictures in his apartment. Cried for himself.
“So what happened?” asked Jack like his friend wasn't crying, like this was all trivial. “You argue or something?”
Robby calmed himself. “Or something?”
“Then go get her, man,” said Jack.
Robby clocked his head, catching a look at the grey of Jack, the straight pull of his back as he remained casual. Was Robby not breaking down in front of him?
“Brother, there is a lot of bad in this world. So much. I told you, we see the worst of it and it can be easy to drown in it, to ignore the life rafts thrown because you know you'll end up drowning again at some point,” he said. “They are your lifeline. They're gonna be what pulls you back every time. I've never seen you happier then you are with them and I'd hate to see you let it go over something that can be fixed.”
Robby thought of your smile. How Leena always laughed dramatically when Robby mad a joke. He remembered what it felt like to kiss you and feel your pulse pick up. He thought about Leena's small arms wrapping around his legs.
“What if I can't fix it?” he asked.
Jack chuckled. “You're chief attending. I don't think there's anything you can't fix.”
He was about to argue with every patient buried because he couldn't save them, with his mom who left him and Jake who was still working on forgiving him.
He thought of you and how you stopped him getting too deep in his head the first day back, how after tough shifts you never asked, only sat him down with you at night and ran your fingers through his hair lightly. He thought of your hand on his chest as you told him to know what he wanted.
Robby had always known.
“So we good up here?” asked Jack, leaning back and hoping Robby would follow. “If you jump on my shift that's a hell of a lot of paperwork for me, and I don't want to ever have to explain that to your girls.”
His girls.
It was a slower trip down from the roof, the elevator quiet in contemplation before they landed back in the Pitt.
The night crew had all swapped with day, every single one of his having gone home, including you. He'd watched you leave all but having to hold himself back from running after you, from begging for just one more chance.
Why did he hold back?
Robby didn't say bye to Jack or anyone else. He slung his bag over his shoulder and took a long walk. He wished he could say he did a lot of thinking but his mind was a one tracked one that led him back to your door.
He had no flowers, no wine, only his own shaking hands as he knocked.
You opened the door, looking as terrible as he felt.
“Robby?”
“You're not a fling,” said Robby, gripping the strap on his bag. “I'm sorry. I didn't know what to call it to Noelle so I said anything. But you're not a fling. You're more than a girlfriend to me. You're my... you're my partner. If you'll still have me?”
You stood there, arm holding the door.
“I can't promise I won't mess up. That I won't have bad days. That I won't say things that I don't mean. I might shout and you can shout back and I'll apologise. I'll always apologise. But I want to be here, with you and Leena. Forever. When she gets older and starts hating everything, I want to be there. When she starts acting out and sneaking out I want to be there. When you get sick, I want it. If you decide you want a kid, I want it. If you don't, I don't. There is nothing I don't want with you. I-I want everything and more.”
The doorway felt electric. With every word he said he carried on, he said more and couldn't stop himself. It spilled out of him, everything, finally.
He dug into his back pocket and found his wallet where he carefully unfolded a picture of Leena's. It was her and you chasing butterflies while Robby watched.
“I always thought I wanted a family,” he admitted. “Really, all I wanted was you.”
You stood there, soaking in every word, hand gripping your door harder.
There was nothing else Robby could say and as you stayed silent he fought over the fact he'd done everything he could.
You stepped up to him and your hands cupped his cheeks and Robby fell into your touch.
You kissed him and Robby felt like coming home. Your body curled into his and he dropped his bag, where it would stay every morning and night, as he wrapped his arms around you. He felt his tears and yours between your kisses and drank them up and promised to never taste them again.
“Robby!” Leena rushed up, barrelling into the pair of your legs.
The two of you stumbled like a tower of Jenga as you pulled away and looked down to her. Your hand fell to her hair and Robby bent to hoist her up in his arms. He pressed a light kiss to Leena's temple as she giggled and he pressed a slopier one to your cheek.
You grinned bright. “We were gonna watch a film, joining us?”
“Sleepover?” asked Leena, after all, that's what she thought it was whenever Robby stayed.
“Yeah, sleepover,” you agreed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Forever?”
Robby grinned at you as Leena's arms wrapped around his neck. “Yeah. Forever sounds good.”
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you know a joke that never EVER gets old is when a character says smth like “I will NOT go to [place] and that is FINAL” and then it cuts to them in that place I eat that shit up every single time
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