Sweet Seals For You, Always
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will byers stan first human second
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art blog(derogatory)
KIROKAZE
PR's Tumblrdome
bliss lane
ellievsbear
NASA
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
Today's Document
tannertan36
Xuebing Du
sheepfilms
Product Placement
if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
Show & Tell
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@blueberrysadventure
I love that you can just grab kittens. old cat have achy joints and a sense of dignity that you have to play into, so you gotta be deliberate and respectful in hoisting them, but if a kitten is whirlwinding past you, you can just reach out and snatch them. and they'll be like 'mamma mia, I never did nothing :p' and writhe around and lick your fingers. highly abductable animal
free museum trips are wasted on unappreciative middle schoolers. let me go
So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.
The question?
“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”
Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*
Landlord: *looks smug*
Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?
Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!
Pub: *more laughter*
Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*
Landlord: Fuck. Me.
Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF*
Landlord: How did you even know that?
Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?
Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?
Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.
This is my new favorite post.
It’s truly fucking wild that a) Harry is canonically obsessed with Malfoy and literally follows him around and loses interest in his favourite hobbies because of it, b) Harry is actually right about all his Malfoy theories because he KNOWS Malfoy better than the others and has been paying attention to Malfoy for YEARS in a way no-one else has been, c) Draco straight up refuses to confirm Harry’s identity at the Manor even as his parents practically beg him to and despite knowing the retribution he’ll face if Voldemort finds out, d) Harry specifically saves Draco (not Goyle) from the fire despite the extreme risk of remaining in the room any longer, e) like I’m so serious this is SO INSANE Draco RIDES ON HARRY’S BROOM BEHIND HIM he has his ARMS AROUND HIM they are SHARING A BROOM AS HARRY SAVES HIS LIFE Draco is clinging to him THIS IS A LOVE STORY you can’t make this shit up!!!! f) and it’s DRACO’S WAND that Harry ultimately needs in order to SAVE THE WORLD, and Draco’s wand responds just as well to Harry as the wand of one of his closest, longterm best friends.
currently obsessed with british murder mystery tv shows where all the murders happen in the same town in every episode and everyone's just like oh yep there goes another one, just another day in shirefordtonstead
This is where the people who colonized Cabot Cove came from.
The absolutely essential aspect of these stories is complete, unbroken, total genre-blindness of all characters. If they, even momentarily, realize that their small town actually has a shockingly high murder rate, the effect is ruined. In an urban crime show like Law&Order or whatever, the cops can go to anybody on the street and say "We're investigating the murder of Jackknife Bob" and the witness is just like, "He got whacked? Oh well, I didn't do it." But in a Small Town Murder, it is absolutely imperative that everyone the detectives talked to is shocked that such a thing could happen! "Dear me, a murder? Right here in Shirefordtonstead? Good heavens!" Ma'am, it is season seven. You are the fifth proprietress of this quaint antique shop. The first three were murdered, and the fourth was the killer. In the normal, rational world, living among this high a murder rate would have a profound, dare I say traumatizing, effect on your worldview and your perception of your own safety. But you are not of the normal, rational world. Your unshakable and clearly counterfactual belief in the safety and stability in your surroundings is built into your character. And for this I love you. Never, ever change, Tiny Quaint Friendly Villages Full of Constant Murder.
The world i want to live in
I should run for president so the media can find my tumblr posts and show them to america
i was once being blackmailed so violently on Tumblr that the fbi got involved, and I will tell you right now: in the deathmatch between the fbi and the Tumblr search function, the fbi did not win. They ghosted me and I continued toget blackmailed for years after that.
god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything
holy shit bronze age pro sheep bone gamer girl
there’s absolutely something to be said about ‘booktok’ books being largely wattpad quality written erotica i’m certainly not reading them however having seen a guy on tiktok make a video like ‘all the women in your life are READING PORN’ about a book he picked up and read in his FEMALE FRIEND’S HOUSE in a tone of scandalised horror and disgust i actually don’t think men should be making those criticisms. he said he picked it up expecting a romance and was horrified it was GOONER SHIT he said specifically like ‘who are you getting your pussy wet FOR??’ in a tone of revulsion. idk man im not sure shes the weird one. i kind of wish you were dead
"a lot of books that are successful on booktok are not very good" and "people can read what they want and we need to stop being so fucking weird about women enjoying erotica" are both correct statements
the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ has only been actually typed once by a single person, everyone else who has ever used it has just googled “shrug emoji” and copy-pasted it
why repaint the mona lisa
As someone who has painstakingly typed it out because I forgot there were other options, I can guarantee my forgery was not up to the quality of the original.
did you install a katakana keyboard just to type it or did you have to Google “katakana alphabet” or something and copypaste from that
Pretty sure I just did a vaguely cursed bootleg thing like this:
-\_(“✓)_/-
that’s a guy who has lost control of his life. there is no more cheerful nihilism in his smile, no more mischief in his eyes. that’s an emoticon with clinical depression
not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl… what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀
If ANYTHING is a heritage post it’s this.
This Pride I hope that all of you never ever forget that no amount of sanitizing your sex life or sanding down of your LGBT edges will make bigots accept you. So, don’t debase yourself by capitulating an inch to them, especially in ways that throw your fellow community members under the bus.
You are a degenerate faggot in the eyes of bigots whether you’re wearing a nice button down and slacks with combed hair or leather daddy kink gear. So stand with the freaks who will stand with you until the end—long after the bigots have abandoned you despite your claims to be “one of the good ones.”
The first time it happened James felt weak on his knees. Glassy grey eyes, pouty cherry lips trembling violenty. Deep frown sitting on that pretty, pretty face.
It was all wrong. James wanted to vanish it.
"Please, James," Regulus whispered softly. His eyes were swimming with tears.
"Love," James sighed, "We already have four cats."
"But, look at her," Reg begged, "She's lovely. And lonely. Poor little thing. I even named her. Rosie."
"Love--" James opened his mouth but shut it pretty quickly. Because tears were running down on Reg's cheeks now. Fuck, it was painful to look. James' heart shattered.
"Okay. Alright," James said too quickly. "Anything. We are keeping her. Please don't cry love."
Regulus blinked slowly clutching the tiny black kitten into his chest tightly. Rosie just sat there without a worry of the world. Quite cozy in his dad's hands. Seemed like she already loved Regulus. God, she even has grey eyes..
"Can we really keep her?"
"Yes, we can love."
Regulus smiled triumphly. With a cheeky grin he wipped away his tears and smirked lightly.
"Love!" James stepped forward, mouth wide open. "Oh my god, you can't do that."
"I didn't do anything." Regulus answered kissing the little cat.
"You fake cried." James complained with a pout.
Regulus laughed. It was like music for James' ears. God, his husband's beautiful. He might need to marry him again.
"Not my fault you fall for it every time."
And that's how the Black-Potter household end up with tiny kittens every time.
“this ship isn’t canon” to YOU. I, however, am delusional
people online:
"you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" showing all of their books or something or rather.
Like girl I have been reading absolute smut on A03 since I was nine years old, my brain is that asylum... I am a danger to society people.
fun fact one of the world champions in pepper-eating contests is a trans woman and she actually faced significant backlash because people somehow thought she had a biological advantage. to eating spicy pepper
update bc i went back and checked: her name is brianna “the chilli queen” skinner and she set a record in 2017 by slamming back 23 carolina reapers consecutively. she only stopped when told to by the referees, and the next year she stepped down out of boredom. queen
Here's a picture of her, by the way
And her super supportive wife
I just heard my mom tell my brother, “when you die, you will go outside and garden until your father says you’re done” and it took me a second to realize that my brother was playing a videogame and this was not a theological discussion.
Purgatory
The Garden of Death
Watercolor and gouache by Hugo Simberg, 1896
I think the reason I kin Reg is more prominent now. I want to be Sirius. I want to be–but I can't. Maybe I will be Siri someday, but right now I can't. I'm a coward. I want to run away like Sirius. I want to scream in anger like Sirius. I want to rebel like Sirius. I want to shout at my parents like Sirius. I want someone to run to, like Sirius. I want to find a real family like Sirius. I want to be brave like Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. I want to be free. I just want to be free. Please let me be free.
