seolran makes it a habit not to cry in front of people. especially those she's not particularly close to. the thought of being vulnerable enough to let someone get a glimpse of her true thoughts and emotions leaves an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. despite her efforts, she finds herself in this very predicament. eyes filled with tears in front of an acquaintance? friend? she's honestly not sure how to accurately describe their relationship, but all she knows is that he's not someone she would want to see her cry.
but the scene in front of her always evokes tears: as twilight falls, the timeline of the two main characters intersects. taki desperately running to find mitsuha at the shrine. mitsuha doing the same. it's a love story that transcends space and time.
she wants something like that for herself.
not wanting to draw attention to herself, she discreetly brings a hand up to her face, wiping away a stray tear. she takes the chance to glance over at jinyoung, wondering if the movie is affecting him the way it’s affecting her. she feels a flash of annoyance when she sees his rather blank stare; leave it to a meathead jock like him to not understand the true brilliance that is the kataware-doki scene of your name.
she turns her attention back to her phone, leaning closer as mitsuha gets ready to write her name down on taki’s hand—and the screen goes black.
“what the fuck?” she whispers, angrily snatching her phone from where it sits perched up on the mini table. she taps the screen with more harshness than necessary, as if doing so would magically make the movie reappear. she knows she's being irrational, but she feels as though the black screen with the empty battery icon is mocking her.
after a few more seconds, she turns to face him, tears still her in eyes. “ugh, my phone would die at the climactic scene. it’s a long shot, but would you happen to have a portable charger on you?”
Do you ever say you're going to be gone for two/three days and then disappear for a month? No? Just me? Well... anyways. Jokes aside, firstly, BIG, BIG welcome to all the new muns and CONGRATULATIONS to all the muns that took on second/third characters while I was gone!! Following in the footsteps of everyone else, I'm doing a plotcall to get more threads for Seolran. I don't remember where I left off plotting with most people, so I am going to start fresh. If we have a dinosaur thread together and you're bored of it, I'm happy to work on something new together!
As a little incentive to get everyone to interact with Seolran (and as a MAJOR apology because I dropped the ball and disappeared while plotting with 15465461454 people), I'll write the starter for whatever we come up with! So hit the heart if you want me to hop into your dms!
he once worked with a sports psychiatrist who told him to ‘visualize success’ before matches. supposedly it had its benefits; as if the mental imagery of success would somehow help manifest it in real life. being the skeptic that he is, he never quite bought into it fully, but sometimes gave it a try.
well if the power of visualization had any legs to it, right now, he wasn’t doing himself any favors. yes, he had started the fire by first putting into words the notion of him dropping her; but he’d argue she was the one who poured gasoline onto the flames by… threatening him? was that a threat that he heard in her voice? or was it a thank you? either way, the threat is what rings louder in his ears, and he’s now ‘visualizing’ a disgraceful tumble to the ground, which he imagines will be accompanied by more embarrassment and the judgmental snickers of those around them than any real physical pain.
on her cue, he gets up in one swift motion. he wonders if this is how horses feel, and suddenly feels a bit bad for them. it’s easy at first, and he quickly swells with confidence — enough so that he dares to mess around a bit, intentionally wobbling a little bit just to sike her out. maybe he takes it a bit too far, because there’s a split second in there where he genuinely feels as if he’s losing balance before he pulls it back together. he wonders if she notices, but of course has no way of reading her expression. he supposes she’s shooting dagger at him anyways. “well, i suddenly have an increased appreciation for your teammates,” he taunts out loud, not really sure if she can hear him.
feeling her tap on his arm again, he drowns out the ambient crowd noise and tunes his ears to her voice. when it’s her asking if he’s okay (with unexpected sincerity in her voice), the corners of his lips twitch, threatening a smile. he could just freely smile — not like she can see him — but he doesn’t. turning his head back just a tad, he responds. “yeah, i’m okay,” he assures her. “i’m not hurt. just perpetually crippled.” it’s sarcasm, though he quickly realizes that sarcasm may not convey as well without the facial expressions as accompaniment, so he follows up with a thumbs up in the air for avoidance of doubt.
with that, the strobe lights come on, and an instrumental starts to filter through the speakers — one that he can’t say he recognizes… but the crowd generally seems to. and then all of a sudden, the man of the hour finally takes the stage, and the crowd comes alive with a thundering roar. well shit. this might be more than he bargained for.
she can barely focus on his response, too preoccupied with feeling like she’s on top of the world—figuratively and literally. sitting on jinyoung’s shoulder has given her the second-best view of the concert. the first would be if she were standing in the front row, but alas, it was not meant to be. she relaxes her body to get more comfortable, though she’s mindful that any shift to their shared center of gravity might knock them both over. as she scans the crowd, there’s a brief moment where she feels guilty of now being a physical barrier to someone’s view, especially considering she was complaining about the same thing happening to her moments ago. im seolran, feeling guilty? she’s surprised herself. however, the feeling quickly dissipates the moment she hears the beginning notes of busted play.
she can’t help it that she has a tall “friend” and is resourceful not above manipulating people to do what she wants. no, the rest of the crowd just needs to be as clever as she is.
it takes a couple of songs for her to realize that trying to enjoy a show on someone’s shoulder is not the most comfortable; other than fist bumping like a frat boy and nodding her head to the beat, how else is she supposed to dance? she supposes not being able to dance freely is what she must sacrifice to get an unobstructed view. at least at this height, she can scream her heart out and not worry about potentially deafening someone.
admittedly, the thought of checking in on jinyoung only occurs when woodz take a small water break and talks with the crowd. reaching down to tap his arm (though it ends up being more of a jab), she waits for him to look at her (and if she has to hold back her giggles because she’s enjoying having him up at her, no one needs to know). “you know, if the football career doesn’t work out for you, i’m happy to give you a spot on my team. it’s as if you were made to hold me up in the air.” she teases, though she knows with certainty he would firmly reject the offer.
“how are you doing though? still able to enjoy the show?” there’s a glint of excitement in her eyes as she asks her next question. she’s reminded of the time they had lunch with each other and she unleashed a flurry of questions as well, but this, she’s not actually trying to snoop around in his life. “isn’t he an amazing performer? and to think he just got out of the military less than a week ago. if you weren’t a fan of him before, this performance is definitely going to make you one.”
not my fault!
yohan and seolran ( @blvebeary ) break a telescope.
if you asked yohan who he thought he'd be spending his saturday night with, seolran would've been close to dead last on the list. and yet, here they were. against all odds, they were spending a weekend night together willingly. well... sorta. the small group that yohan had come with had sorta dispersed to do their own thing. him and seolran had just run into each other by chance, and the rest is history. maybe he's just in a good mood because of the festivities (and maybe she was too), but... he was having a nice time. she wasn't bad company, actually— not that he'd ever admit that.
they'd even managed to snag themselves a telescope despite the small crowd. now, he was no stranger to laying out and stargazing, but these things were nuts. you could literally see saturn's rings if the focus was just right. they'd been told not to touch it, only to look through the eyepiece, but... well, he wasn't really good at following directions. whoever adjusted the focuser on this thing sucked at it— they definitely needed to pay more attention in astronomy club meetings... and he wanted to see the damn rings! it was a recipe for disaster, and he knew it, but he touched it anyways, slowly turning the little wheel to see if he could get a clearer image.
seolran had even given it a shot too, so really, how bad could it be? it's not like they were actually moving it. honestly, it seemed like they were figuring it out. slowly but surely, the rings were coming into focus. they were definitely headed in the right direction— he was, at least. yohan stood up from where he was crouched down to look through the eyepiece and watched as seolran turned the focuser counter-clockwise. "dude!" he whisper-shouted, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that they were doing exactly the opposite of what they'd been told. he goes to lightly swat her hand away, twisting the wheel in the other direction. "it's this way. you're literally undoing all of our hard work." (jury's out on whether he was actually correct about that or not— probably not. yohan doesn't know one thing about telescopes).
he bends back over to see what things were looking like after their adjustments, but there's no 'looks good!,' no 'keep turning it to the left,' and no 'oh... maybe you were right,' just a sharp intake of breath before he flings himself back from the telescope, hands flying up in surrender. there was nothing to look at— it was just pitch black. "you broke it!" he hisses. it certainly wasn't his fault. "man, why'd you even touch it in the first place?!" as if he wasn't just as guilty as her.
once upon a time, im seolran wanted to be an astronomer. (she still secretly does.) she’s so infinitely fascinated by all the cosmos has to offer. who could blame her for consuming countless documentaries about space and sticking her head into more academic articles and textbooks than she would like to admit? however, you can’t exactly tell your tiger parents that you’d rather be an astronomer over a lawyer or engineer (or maybe even a politician and news anchor like themselves), and expect them not to say anything. needless to say, it was a very awkward conversation that ended with sarcastic laughter and a “no” that she could not argue against.
she’s content with her major and future career path now, but that does not mean her interest and love for the field have disappeared. so when the university announced that the astronomy club was going to bring out their fancy telescopes for the official afterparty, seolran immediately knew she had to get there early to ensure she could claim a telescope for herself.
things did not go exactly as planned because she somehow ended up having to share one with kang yohan of all people. it’s not like they’ve had any major conflicts; seolran’s just sure that neither of them likes the other all that much. but she’s ecstatic to get her hands on a fancy telescope, so she’s not even that upset. (the general festivities also help.) even yohan’s stubborn insistence on seeing saturn’s rings and completely brushing off her attempt to help adjust the focuser could not put a damper on her mood. or, at least she thought so. the moment he flung accusations that she broke the machine, seolran feels her mood drop, eyes turning sharp as she shoots him an annoyed glare.
“did you hit your head before coming here or something?” the glare is now gone, replaced by a sickly-sweet expression, though her words reveal her true feelings. “if so, we need to get you checked out. i think you’re suffering from short-term memory loss.” she gestures at the telescope with a small nod to her head. “there’s no way i broke the machine. “ her hand comes up to her chest as she talks about herself. she leans in closer, letting her mask fall off—they’ve spent enough time together at ophiuchus meetings to know that the innocent and sweet image she’s portraying is false. “you were the last one to touch the thing.” she whispers, trying to not attract attention to the two of them, lest they want someone from the astronomy club to come and find out his screw up. (as though her arrogant ass didn't also try to fix the telescope).
"we wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't have the bright idea to try fixing it ourselves!" she says, tone sharp. "scoot over. let me see if i can fix the mess you got us into."
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep - beep, izna
or, investigating everything in im seolran's phone
Random Details:
Absolutely not necessary, but Seolran has two phones. One is for her personal use (iPhone 15 Pro Max in White Titanium), while the other is used solely for her blog (Galaxy Z Flip 7 in Mint).
Both phones have privacy screen protectors made out of tempered glass that have definitely seen better days, but she can't be bothered to replace them.
She likes swapping out her phone cases every other month, and of course, each case has a matching phone charm and/or pop socket. Exhibit: x,x,x,x,x,x,x.
Her home and lock screen (on her personal phone) are almost always of herself. What can she say, she likes her face.
Wipes down her phones with an alcohol pad and microfiber cloth every Sunday night.
Even though no one can see it, inside her phone case, she has a photocard of WOODZ. Maybe one day it'll be replaced with a picture of a cute guy, but for now, her favorite solo artist will do.
What app or platform does your muse spend the most time on vs. the one they actually enjoy the most?
The answer to both is YouTube. She enjoys that there is both long and short-form content (though admittedly, she's more likely to watch Reels than YouTube shorts). She's not much of a film/tv show person, but she enjoys watching documentaries and video essays on the app. Plus, she can watch fancams of her favorite idols on the app.
If they had to delete all but one app, which one would survive?
Once again, YouTube. The app has everything: from real-world news to creators recapping online drama. And although she is partial to Spotify (because she enjoys making playlist covers), she could always listen to her music on YouTube music.
What time of day are they most active online?
She always has her phone on her, but does not use it as often as people may expect. Is on it sporadically throughout the day, but for the most part, she's most active during the early mornings, from 5 to 7 AM, or late at night, from 1 to 3 AM.
What app on their phone is the most embarrassing or least expected one?
Had a brief period where she was into otome games (Mr. Love Queen's Choice, Love in Deep Space, etc), but she doesn't really have time to play them anymore (also because reality sank in and she's embarrassed about this phase). Has not deleted the apps because she spent actual money on them.
What was the last thing they took a screenshot on their phone?
A quote tweet responding to this. Sorry to the random idol(s) who got a botched editing job by their fansite. You will now live perpetually in Seolran's photo album titled "😂😂😂"
What does their camera roll look like?
She's a little embarrassed to admit, but she currently has almost 7,000 pictures. Could be worse, but that is still a lot. Has a lot of selfies, food and drink photos, funny memes, and random scenery pictures.
What do they keep in the “hidden” folder?
Nothing on her personal phone. Keeps all the evidence that people submit to aulait in her other phone.
What’s your muses most popular post across social media? How do they feel about it?
Her various blog posts, especially the ones where she recaps significant school events. She takes great pride in creating that much chaos. The one where she reposted her interview with the campus Tik Tok interviewer. Legend has it that the interviewer is still chasing after her, asking, "Are you speaking from experience?" She absolutely loves all the negative comments and responds to them with even more stupid answers.
How has social media changed your muse? Are they more or less social? More or less confident in themselves?
She is slightly less social. The existence of social media has made it easier for her to catch up on the lives of her old friends, so she feels less motivated to put effort into keeping those connections. Her personality also shifted since starting her blog. While she was never an angel, since starting aulait, she has progressively grown more judgmental and is losing her ability to empathize with others. Seolran also lies a lot more and doesn't really feel guilt for doing so.
most coaches will advise their players to not play for the crowd — the obvious reason being that they don’t want their players to get distracted or tilted. but honestly, most players (jinyoung included) can’t really fully block it out. if nothing else, he’ll sneak some looks at the crowd during pregame warmups or during breaks in the action; and he’d argue it’s only natural. otherwise, why wouldn’t they just play matches in empty stadiums without a live audience?
all this is to say, jinyoung does somewhat pay attention to who shows up at games. at least if there’s family or friends in attendance, it’s nice to know where they are sitting; may even greet the diehard regulars or the season ticket holders. sometimes there might even be a celebrity in attendance, or an exceptionally pretty girl in the first row (that the entire bench will somehow immediately start whispering about…), or some big-shot pro scout or national team rep. and really, that’s yet another reason he suspects that she’s not really as big of a fan as she repeatedly claims to be — because from the many matches in the past few seasons combined, he maybe recalls seeing her a whopping one time.
well, at least her response to his ‘career aspiration’ question was novel and certainly more convincing. for some strange reason, his algorithm last month was co-opted by chiropractor tiktok — the type of videos where people look like they’re getting their necks broken but somehow are relieved of a lifetime of pain — and he couldn’t stop thinking about it, about how amazing it looked. not quite the same thing (in fact, not at all), but he presumes ‘real’ doctors could have similar sway and pull online. “hmm,” he hums with an actual sense of intrigue, head nodding slightly as he weighs the notion and deems it worthy. “okay. interesting.”
and what about him? honestly her question makes him lose whatever appetite he has left, despite it being one he’s gotten a thousand times over. ‘legacy talk’ was unavoidable in sports — how many championships or medals you win, how many goals you score, who the ‘g.o.a.t’ is, etc.. it used to be an obsession of his too, until at some point, all he could think about before any game was wondering if it could possibly be his last. and for whatever reason today, he doesn’t feel like regurgitating to her his normal stump speech (agent and team approved) about ‘all i care about is winning’ and ‘championship or bust’.
“fifty years? you’re planning to be around that long?” morbid. he doesn’t mean it quite like that. “sorry. what i mean is that… sports careers are fickle. it can all be over in a blink of an eye. only takes one injury.” he talks about it coldly like it’s not his own living predicament. “and feels a bit early to talk ‘legacy’.” what he really wants to say to her faces is ‘who fucking knows?’ but he bites his tongue, shuts his mouth and stares at her deadpan, making it exceedingly clear that he’s done talking.
seolran likes the feeling of unnerving people, getting under their skin, and pushing them to the point where they can’t help but lash out. she can’t help but feel pleased with herself, when she hears the iciness in his tone and sees his deadpan expression. she meets his stare head-on with a pleasant expression, internally she’s fighting the urge to break out into an amused smile. throughout their entire conversation, she had been poking around in search of topics that would reveal his soft underbelly, and it looks like she just found one.
though, given his history (what little she knows about it at least), she’s not surprised this would be a sore topic.
she shakes her head, brushing off his apology with a small smile. “no need to apologize. you didn't say anything that isn't true. if anything, i should be the one saying sorry.” she pauses, as if she’s thinking about what to say next. “seems like i brought up a touchy subject. wasn’t my intention, but my apologies anyway.” the words are accompanied by a hand placed on her chest and a deep bow of her head, as if she were genuinely sorry.
and though there’s still so much more she would like to ask, seolran knows the conversation is dying. it doesn’t take a genius to see that he’s clearly done with their interaction. she reaches into her bag, fiddling around until her fingers clasp around her phone and pulls the device out. “well, i should head out now.” she says, as she unlocks her phone. “i’m already taken too much of your time.” (it hasn’t been that long since she’s actually sat down, though she supposes to him, she’s definitely overstayed her welcome.)
she props her phone down in front of his tray, screen showing the page to add a new contact. she blinks expectantly at him, a cheeky smile on her lips. “can i get your number though? you know, since we’re friends now.”
she thanks her parents for blessing her with such a pretty smile as he enters his number. once the phone is returned, she quickly gathers all her belongings and stands up from the chair. “i’ll text you so have my number later tonight.” she gives him a little finger wave as she walks off. “here’s to a new, and long-lasting friendship.”
"ooo yeah, i caught the beginning of epik high," she says, a little amused that they must've crossed each other in the crowd. though, by the end of dpr live's set, she was feeling exceptionally sleepy and probably wouldn't have noticed anyone unless they walked right into face. most likely.
she sighs a little as it seems seolran is leaving and she looks at the door forlornly. she doesn't even really want to be here, so technically she could just ... head home, right?
but then the olive branch is extended and jiahn is not the type to ignore divine intervention when it comes shining into her face.
"oh, if you don't mind, i would much rather ditch this party," she says, laughing a little, also a bit sheepish. she's not too tired just yet, so she guesses it would probably be better for her to go get some food than to go home and toss and turn in bed. or end up working on something when she's technically on a break for yeonchella. didn't want to burn out when it came to her business, after all.
it doesn't take long for her to fall into step next to seolran, feeling pleased that they had ended up in a better situation than getting drunk on the roof. now that they're leaving, jiahn's not even sure why she had agreed to go in the first place.
seolran gives a slight shake of the head, letting the younger know that she’s more than welcome to join her in the search for food. “come on, let’s get some food into our system," she says once jiahn is beside her.
she doesn’t make it a habit to eat so late at night—not particularly fond of how puffy her face gets the morning after a late night meal. she already knows that she's going to have to spend thirty minutes in the morning using ice to depuff her face, but that will be a later problem for her.
besides, it's problably best that she actually does eat, lest she wants the hunger to keep her up tonight. her stomach already feels like it’s genuinely eating itself. that’s what she gets for skipping meals in all the excitement of yeonchella. “tteokbokki sounds heavenly right now,” seolran says with a longing sigh. “or maybe some mandu. at this point, all food sounds good to me. what about you?” she says, lips curving up into a small smile.
she wraps her arm around herself, slowly rubbing her arms up and down to warm herself up (it might be summer, but she’s easily cold.) “i’m a bit surprised that you’re not going to have your own booth tomorrow.” she says to break the silence. “what do you have planned for the next two days then? any other artists you’re excited to see?”
lonely together
with seolran (@blvebeary)
some end of the semester party
the loud bass from the stereos was rather deafening, and as much as she tried her best to find a space in the entire apartment that allowed her to hear her own thoughts, all of harumi's attempts were unsuccessful. she also wasn't sure which made things worse: how tightly packed the place was with the never ending lines of people strolling in at every hour or the fact that she's somehow managed to lose sight of any of her friends. the same friends that convinced to going out with them as an end of the semester hurrah. they knew very well that harumi wasn't the partying type, but she did have trouble with saying no to others. harumi also told herself that maybe this time would be the time she would have lots of fun! granted, she always found fun in anything (for the most part at least) but there was no harm in a little party kind of fun.
except this wasn’t a little party. why she ever thought it would be, beyond her. but now, harumi was stuck in the corner of what she believes to be the living room, surrounded by strangers. she’s even sure that there were people there that never attend a class at yeonhwa. whoever the party host was must have big connections, she figures.
harumi takes in a deep breath of courage and steps out of her comfort corner to scramble her way through and out the front door for some well needed fresh air. with the standard red plastic cup in her hand filled with (by now diluted) tequila, she dips, dodges, and weaves her way between everyone in her path. from the “drunk of out their minds and were now dancing way off beat” group of friends and the…wait, was that couple actually trying to do the deed out in the open like that? harumi shudders at the realization, but quickly brushes it off. it wouldn’t be the first time something as scandalous as that were to occur at a party such as this. regardless, she managed to get through all kinds of clusters and groups of people with such skill and grace, it wasn’t long before harumi found herself…right back in the corner she started.
her shoulders slump in defeat, a disappointed sigh escaping as she leans back into her former position. harumi takes a sip from her cup, the burn in her throat making her forget of the absolute let down that was her getaway plan. another sigh slips out and her head casually turns to the side, spotting a lone figure standing not too far. the other young woman looked…bored out of her mind. poor thing, harumi thinks to herself. a warm, welcoming smile takes over her features as she approaches the unfamiliar face. “did your friends ditch you, too?”
among the stereotypes that surround cheerleaders, the one that she finds the most annoying is the assumption that they’re always peppy and love social interaction. (this being the one that was weaponized against her after she originally rejected the invitation to come out.) she’s been at this party for a little over an hour now, and she can’t say that she’s enjoying herself. the music is giving her a headache, and she’s finding it difficult to breathe with all the bodies in the room. she gives another precursory scan of the room, lips forming a slight frown at the various sights of the party. with this many people, this party has to be a safety hazard.
perhaps she would actually enjoy herself if her friends had stayed by her side (like they promised), but it only took them fifteen minutes after arrival to ditch her to do who knows what. they swore that they would come back, after all, there was someone they were dying to introduce to her, but seolran has a sinking suspicion that their words would remain a broken promise.
she kept herself busy by exploring the apartment and striking up conversations with the people around her, only to excuse herself after ten minutes by saying that she needed to refill her drink. (she wonders if any of them noticed that she never took a sip from her cup in the first place.) at this point, all she wants to do is go home. the only thing holding her back is the promise she made to head out with her friends. she could break this promise, much like she assumes they'll break theirs to her, but her annoying conscious won't let her leave in case something happens.
seolran tucks herself into a corner of the room, arms crossed, as she continues to observe the partygoers and their various antics. she's in the middle of taking a sip of her soda when harumi approaches. it takes a second for her mind to register that she's being spoken to, but she quickly nods in response. "yeah," she says breezily, eyes scanning the room once more before settling on the younger. seeing the warm smile, seolran reminds herself to play nice. she's bored and irritated at her friends, but she shouldn't take her feelings out on someone else.
she relaxes her body, turning to the side so that they're directly facing each other. "they saw someone they knew from another class and ran off to speak to them. haven't returned even though it's been 45 minutes. it is what it is," she says with a small shrug. "what about you?" she gestures to the crowd with a slight nod of her head. "how long have your friends left you to fend for yourself?"
an eclectic collection of replayed songs this summer
courtesy of im seolran's spotify
half 2000s throwbacks and "recent" songs from her favorite artists. during the school year, she mostly listens to classical music/instrumentals because the lyrics distract her from her studies. summer (and winter) break is when she has more time to explore/find new artists. however, she's a creature of habit, so she mostly listens to her old favorites. if she finds a new song she likes, she will definitely loop the hell out of it to the point of getting sick of the song. and if she doesn't get sick of the song... then it can go into her 'favorites' playlist.
anyways, without further ado, im seolran's 2025 summer playlist titled:
2000s lovesick teen girl vibes.
glamorous – fergie ft. ludacris
starting off with a banger. the song elicits two kinds of dreams from her: one where she robs a bank with someone and drives off into the sunset to live a lavish lifestyle, the other where she marries a rich man... again, to live a lavish lifestyle. reality sinks in and she realizes she is the rich man she constantly dreams about.
flower rain – youha
she loves that youha is going through her hot girl era in the us, but seolran can't help but wish she would also go back to putting out bangers like flower rain. perfect song to sing in the shower tbh.
stickwitu – pussycat dolls
yes... she likes this song because baby green corduroy covered this song. also, she's secretly a lover girl. no boyfriend to date, but still obsessed with love songs like this.
thinkin bout you – woodz
this song could be swapped out with multiple other songs from woodz's discography... but can you blame seolran? he's such a talented musician. thinkin bout you is definitely a song she listens to when she wants to regain some energy from a long day.
come clean – hilary duff
does she sing this song in the mirror after taking a shower and pretend that she's hiliary duff staring outside a window, singing to the rain, like the music video? maybe... but really, doesn't everyone do that when they listen to this song?
love or die – cravity
pop rock banger... chef's kiss. sings and dances to this song in her room. definitely holds her hairbrush up pretending it's a microphone. will never admit to doing these things though.
don’t forget – demi lovato
single since birth and no situationship in sight... but sometimes a girl just needs to induce the feelings of experiencing a heartbreak to feel alive.
disaster – taeyeon
forreal her favorite vocal tone. sometimes a girl just needs to induce the feelings of experiencing a heartbreak to feel alive pt. 2
too little too late – jojo
another song she likes to sing, staring into the mirror after taking a shower. definitely does not have the vocal chops to sing the song, but thank goodness the walls in gaeum building are thick.
gravity – fifty fifty
another song she does not have the vocal chops for... but it's such a pretty and magical song. definitely something she listens to when it's late at night; sometimes will take a walk and put this song on repeat.
walk away (remember me) – paula deanda ft. the dey
her favorite song to sing to when she's cooking for herself (most likely ramen because she can't cook). it also is a good song to prepare her body for a workout... because she likes grooving to the song.
daydream – kim sunggyu ft. borderline, tablo, jw
once upon a time, she was a gigantic inspirit. he has her favorite male vocal tone. no particular reason why she loves this song so much... it's just great.
will i ever see you again – green corduroy (red velvet)
she wishes she could erase her memories so she can relive the experience of listening to this song for the first time. felt like she was ascending to a higher plane. truthfully, this is a song that she listens to year round and will most likely never get tired of it.
here (in your arms) – hellogoodbye
if she were to have a western-style wedding where the bride and groom have a first dance... this would be the song. truly cannot remember when and where she first heard this song, but it has been ingrained in her mind ever since. listening to this song makes her want to go out and experience a great love story so she can understand what it is like to feel at home in someone's arms.
jiyul has, thus far, managed to avoid having to draw caricatures for the art club booth, which is a bit of a miracle. to be fair, he's in a lot of clubs and has been pretty busy with other aspects of the festivities.
today, however, he is not so lucky. it was really only a matter of time, and he intends to skip out of the booth early today to see baekyun and baek yerin, so it's really only fair, too. the booth is busy, and before he knows it they're pulling up another easel and tagging jiyul in.
he probably could say he really didn't want to do it, but this is jiyul, who can't say no to much of anything. so he takes a seat in the chair, smiles, close-lipped and polite as their "customer" sits down, and then turns his attention to the blank canvas in front of him.
he recognizes seolran, of course. he remembers her name, too, but he doesn't bring it up because he figures it's not relevant and she probably doesn't remember him.
much to his surprise, she does remember him, though. he offers a more sincere, albeit shy, smile in response. "yes," he replies, soft-spoken as always. "seolran...?" now that he says her name aloud, he's worried that he's wrong. no, it's fine. even if he is wrong, mistakes like this happen all the time. surely she won't think too badly of him if he got her name wrong.
"ah, um..." he looks from the canvas to the girl and back again, trying to determine what will be easiest for him to draw. "whatever is most comfortable for you, i think...i'm...kind of a slow artist." he smiles sheepishly. hopefully she doesn't expect to be in and out too quickly. he can't take too long, though. and she says adorable, clearly expecting something impressive.
i'm not really that good, he wants to warn her, but he doesn't want to make her uncomfortable and feel obligated to reassure him that he's probably fine. and he is probably fine. he's just not nearly as artistic as his brother or mother. slightly above-average at best, he'd say.
"i'm really just drawing you from the neck up, so, however you want to sit is fine," he elaborates. he'll work with whatever she gives him.
while she may intentionally ignore the signs, seolran is quite good at picking up people’s feelings—it’s a talent she’s honed especially over the past two years from observing her peers. his shy smile and sheepishness remind her that (sometimes) her personality can be a bit much.
the yeonchella air has left her feeling more docile (considerate), so she’s mindful to turn her excitement down a notch. also, it is probably best that she conserves her energy for the rest of the day. the last thing she wants is to crash before she can see the top three acts she’s been dying to see.
“alright,” she says, significantly more calm compared to her previous statements moments ago. “i’ll just sit like this.” seolran relaxes her shoulders, sinking back further into the chair. her hands are clasped together in her lap. however, they don’t stay connected that long. she lifts them up to wave off his concern for being a slow artist. she doesn’t mind waiting longer if it ensures that she gets a cute memento.
“it’s okay, you can take your time. i don’t mind waiting if it means the caricature turns out cute. also, i’m not in a rush right now.” she’s not entirely telling the truth—she has to meet up with reiko in an hour, and she does want to grab a bite before the concert. tut one little white lie never hurt anyone. “i’m ready when you are,” she adds as an afterthought.
she allows their conversation to be consumed with silence for the next minute or so, despite the burning urge to say something. as a cheerleader, she’s used to having multiple pairs of eyes on her at all times, but there’s just something unsettling about being gazed at when all she is doing is sitting. after another minute, seolran decides to break the stillness. She trusts that he will tell her to stop speaking if he truly needs her to remain quiet so that he can maintain his focus.
“so, how have you been?” she questions, going the small talk route to make it easy on both. and because she can’t resist her urge to snoop for stories for aulait constantly: “has anything interesting happened to you lately?”
seolran’s voice is loud, but faraway somehow. mouse feels like his head is underwater as he tries to make sense of what’s happening. he’s starting to put the pieces together, however strange it still seems to him that he’s in seolran’s apartment of all places. on top of that, he’s pretty sure he’d texted hyunwoo. he almost remembers seeing hyunwoo last night as he’d stumbled in and drifted off to sleep. then again, he'd really outdone himself last night - the more he thinks, the less he remembers hyunwoo and the more he remembers... desperation?
half-ignoring seolran, though he had heard everything she said, he opens his phone. he checks his texts; to his surprise, he had texted hyunwoo asking if he could crash at his place, but the text never went through. either way, he would've been an unwelcome guest. he's not sure if it's better or worse that he'd shown up at seolran's instead.
"um, i don't know... what to say," he admits belatedly, sliding his phone back into his pocket. admittedly, this is a new low for him - recently, it seems he's been subconsciously conducting an experiment on just how far he can push his luck.
the whirring of the blender stops, allowing room for a ringing silence to take its place. he approaches the kitchen, one unsure foot in front of the other.
"thanks for... letting me in...?" though he isn't certain how much control she'd really had in the situation. she could have called the cops on him, though, so he's grateful that she hadn't. he doesn't say as much in case he's viewing the disturbance as a worse situation than she is.
he should leave. he should turn down her offer and get the hell out of her apartment. he knows that he should, but he's staring wide-eyed and hopeful at the blender. he's never really been one to turn down a handout.
there’s a brief moment when her cheerful mask falters, gaze turning sharp with annoyance from being (half) ignored. it’s a pet peeve of hers: not being acknowledged. however, the sharpness dissipates as quickly as it occurs. putting herself in his shoes (a decision somewhat uncharacteristic of seolran), she can understand why he would need some time to orient himself. it must be unsettling waking up in an unfamiliar apartment. not that she has experienced it herself—she doesn’t make getting wasted a habit of hers.
she brushes off his thanks with a soft, yet unamused hum. it’s not like she could have left him outside, banging on her door for the entire night. not when it meant she would get shit for bothering the rest of the floor. she supposes she could have just called hyunwoo herself, to get him to drag mouse to his apartment, but she wasn’t even sure if he would be awake that late.
she sets the blender down, using her now free hands to gesture at him to take a seat at the (pink) barstool across the counter. “so, what do you remember about last night,” she questions, as she busies herself with preparing his drink. (twelve ounces of liquid, slightly sweetened, exactly seven ice cubes, a glass cup, and a glass straw—the ultimate drink aesthetic of those social media influencers.) she slides the cup over to him once she’s finished, bringing her own drink up to her lips to take a small sip.
“well, regardless of if you remember anything or not, it seems like you had fun,” she says. her eyes burn from exhaustion, but she doesn’t comment on it. after a brief pause, she turns away from him, reaches into one of the drawers, and pulls out a protein bar. “here, some sustenance.” she says as she slides it over to mouse as well. she’s not giving it to him out of the kindness of her heart. as if the blender waking him up was not petty enough, she’s actively pawning off the flavor she hates the most to him.
there’s very few things jeongmin values more than routine. the peaceful order of planning things beforehand and having them occur in the same way you expected is one of the simple pleasures of life, it’s truly a shame some people are too disorderly to ever experience it. turning the page of the book he’s reading, he takes a small peek at the watch on his wrist— a real analog watch, not those ben 10 looking contraptions people have the nerve to call watches—, and hums, low and pleasant, as he feels his day coming to an end. soon enough, he’ll put the book away, do a final revision of the things he got done and the things that he will do the next day, and finally get some sleep, just as his calendar dictates. another successfully planned and wrapped day.
another thing about jeongmin is that his phone is almost always on do not disturb, and he does not share his focus status. only his family, some friends, the mail app and calls from saved contacts are set up to bypass the notification silencing, the rest can definitely wait.
it’s finally when the call comes in that jeongmin finds his peace disturbed. putting his book face down on his bedside table, he reaches over to grab his ringing phone, face frowning as he reads the name of the person calling him. what ever could im seolran possibly need from him that she can’t talk her way into obtaining somewhere else?
listening to her, jeongmin gets up from the bed, thankful he hadn’t changed out of his outside clothes yet. “you know, i recently read that spiders tend to memorize your routine and only come up when they know you’ll be out, isn’t that so considerate of them? maybe, you should ask yourself what are you doing wrong that you’re going out of your routine right now. it’s not really the spiders fault that you’re out of schedule, is it?” he lightly taunts her as he grabs the things he needs before heading towards her dorm. “i’ll be there but you owe me now. and i’m not interested in those sweet corn meal vouchers you’re offering to whoever finds your water bottle.”
his comments over the phone have the unintentional effect of calming her frightened heart—not because they contain heartfelt words of comfort. rather, she feels her panic quickly replaced with annoyance and disbelief. leave it to eun jeongmin to be a killjoy and know-it-all. (still, the part of her that love learning files away this cool fact in the back of her mind.)
rolling her eyes, even though she knows he can’t see her, she replies, unamused. “thank you for the information, you encyclopedia. however, this must be a new spider who moved in, considering i’m always at home and awake at this time.” she pulls the phone away from her ear, clicking on the phone screen so she can see the time. only a minute has passed since she called him, but she finds herself impatient. the faster they deal with the spider situation, the faster they can go back to their regular program of not acknowledging each other.
“don’t be greedy now, i’m not made of money.” it’s not technically a lie; her parents fund her lifestyle, but it’s not as though they give her free rein with their riches. “unless… you’re saying that because you want to spend more time with me one-on-one at a fancy restaurant?” she jests, turning up the sweetness in her voice to annoy him. serves him right for wanting more from her. she already said please, is that not enough? she’s about to make another annoying comment, but she’s interrupted a knock on the door. hanging up before he can respond, seolran rushes to the door (of course, not before glaring up at the spider.)
“thank goodness you’re here.” she says, immediately after seeing him. “the little monster is directly above my bedroom door.” she drags him inside, using her free hand to point to the spider.
the cold water bites against her bare skin. legs submerged in the pool, she lets it wash away all the excitement and exhaustion of the past three days. she’s tired, cold, and a little on edge, but her mind is wired from one too many matchas to go home and sleep. so she sits on the pool’s ledge, taking in the relative peacefulness of the dying afterparty. for once, her mind is not on paying attention to her peers, trying to find moments where they slip up so she can feature their actions on her blog. (to be fair, she’s already gotten enough potential stories about yeonchella to last a month.)
seolran just wants to sit here, by herself, and dissociate from the world.
a loud shout breaks through her daze, a hot flash of annoyance coursing through her veins. the voices echo into the night, and seolran finds herself confused (and intrigued) when she recognizes both voices. one is more familiar than the other, but she supposes your brain does not automatically purge the vestiges of long term friendships after they end. she has half the mind to let both parties continue to make a fool out of themselves by publicly airing out their dirty laundry, but her curiosity prevails.
after drying off her legs, she slowly makes her way to the pair, craning her ears to listen to the argument more carefully. it’s the name agatha, and an accusation of a kiss that catches her attention, and she has to make an effort not to laugh manically when she realizes the issue at hand. the selfish part of her does not want to intervene, happy to continue listening to the public crash out, but she’s not entirely evil. (though she's sure some people might disagree with this statement.) the other part of her can't help the feelings of sympathy that well up when she listens to the genuine anger and pain in yuri's voice.
she sighs quietly, shaking her head for getting involved, before stepping out of her hiding spot. seolran brings her hands together, the clap echoing in the hallway to get both of their attention. she wears the mask of a concerned bystander as she slips between the pair to divert their attention off of each other.
“now now, you both. don’t you think this is a conversation you should be having in private?” she jerks her head to the direction of the pool, where she knows people are still lounging around. her eyes flicker over to yikyung, gaze expressing her disappointment in his actions. but it doesn’t stay on him for much longer. she turns her body to face yuri, lips curving up into an empathetic smile. “yuri, why don’t i walk you back to your apartment?”
as soon as her invitation was accepted, her face lit up and she clapped her hands together quietly, shaking her head and waving her hand around with a pfft escaping her, “it’s no big deal for me to treat you out, seriously!” her tone had become far more confident and positive than it was before, her posture standing taller and her smile genuinely reaching her eyes.
“sweet corn café?” she echoed, thinking for a moment about which café it actually was before nodding her head, navigating to the place in her mind. she had been there many times during her first year attending yeonhwa — she didn’t even like their coffee, only agreeing to go there since seolran wanted to. she nodded again and let seolran lead the way to the café, her mind already trying to think of ways to entertain the older during the ten or so minute walk.
“don’t stress over buying me something next time” next time. she insinuated there was a next time. sora’s smile didn’t fade the more she thought about it, the feeling of acceptance making her dopamine skyrocket. “i’m sure we can buy for ourselves or something, i don’t want to take too much from you.”
a silence fell between them as sora trailed behind seolran, unconsciously making sure not to speed up or take longer strides to match the older’s pace.
“so, do you have any favourites on the menu? i haven’t been there for a good few months,” she asked as they got closer to the café, already stressing in her head over what to order and fearful that she would choose something that might bring some sort of judgement upon her.
the overthinking came so naturally to the younger that she wasn’t even fazed by it in her own mind, finding her reasoning behind each action completely logical — seeing the desire for your senior’s approval as a given, not just for her, but for everyone.
her eyes landed on the sign of the café as they approached it, and she let out a mental sigh of relief at the lack of the crazy crowds she’d seen in recent weeks — a busy café only meant a bad experience, and she needed wanted seolran to have a good time. it was necessary (to her, at least). next time wouldn’t happen if they didn’t enjoy themselves, and she already felt like she was taking up far too much of the woman’s time just by asking her out to coffee.
it’ll be fine. all she had to do was be herself — right?
she eyes the younger quietly, before giving a slight shake her head at sora's denial of her offer. her shoulders lift into a shrug, but she does not say anything more to push the topic. still, she can’t help the slight amused smile that makes it way onto her lips. seolran is not entirely sure what she has done to garner so much attention, or perhaps, admiration, from the younger, but she’s not complaining.
she takes the nods as a cue to begin walking, letting herself take the lead during the walk. she does not mind the silence between the two of them—choosing to spend the newfound peace mentally organizing everything she had to do for the next couple of days. she has both a physical and virtual calendar, but engraving it into her brain does not hurt either.
“i’m partial to corn, so i enjoy most items on their menu.” she answers, humming softly afterwards. “the corn cheese bun is good… oh, and their curry pan. i don’t really drink coffee though, so i get their corn matcha latte. ah, they also have this really good watermelon ade during the summer. it's fresh watermelon juice and sparkling water. not many ingredients, but super tasty” she adds as an afterthought.
once they reach the café, seolran holds the door open and uses her head to motion the younger to answer. she lets out a small, pleased smile when she sees how many empty tables and chairs there are.
perhaps the hype died down, or perhaps most people left to attend to their dinner plans. whatever the reason, seolran is not going to complain about not having to stand around and wait for a table to open up. turning back to sora, she gestures to the empty seating. “shall i go pick out a table for us?” her nose crinkles as she has to push down the uncomfortable feeling that someone younger than her is buying her drink. however, she bites her tongue, not in the mood to go back and forth between who should pay. “do you have a preference on where you want to sit, though?”
once done asking his questions, he starts to poke lazily at his leftovers with his fork. but despite his body language suggesting negative interest, his ears are active and listening, and eventually he stops to give her his attention again. it’s the word ‘sibling’ that seizes it; his eyes wince for the briefest second as he can’t help but remember his own. and then quickly replaced, perhaps forcibly, with an amused smile because he thinks she certainly does give off ‘only child energy.’
the smile fades away in confusion at her next response. four what? his brows raise and lips part in desire to clarify, but she’s already moved on to give her next answer, which really turns out to be a question for him in return. is he having fun? “umm… no? not really?” seemingly gives her an honest response for once, but perhaps he’s lying to himself to some degree. there’s not much time for more introspection, because it’s onto the next.
“genie. would top the charts, even if it were released today.” answered with zero hesitation and a single firm nod. “and please, no. you really shouldn’t be so kind,” he rejects with a sarcastic tone of formality, eyeing the water bottle with a whole lot more suspicion now that he knows what it might truly cost.
and then at last, a question that manages to shut him up for a few seconds. in contrast to the rapid back and forth that preceded it, the few seconds feel like an eternity — at least it does for him. “i— well— babies don’t choose anything.” it’s a weak attempt at an escape dribble, and he knows it too; but it’s not fully fluff. there was never an affirmative ‘choice’ he made to play, per say; he just never chose to quit. and maybe that wasn’t much of a choice either. “some people are born into fates. i accepted mine. very superhero of me, i know.” the sarcasm lives on, but his tone is somehow more serious at the same time. “but sure. i guess i’d do it again. hopefully i'm better next time." his last statement is vague, but truthful in more ways than one; not that she'd know. he just wants to move on.
"well what about you? any grand hopes or dreams? maybe one of those kids here that came out of the womb wanting to be a nobel laureate or supreme court justice?"
there’s a method to her madness. ask silly questions, get a baseline of their behavior, then observe for moments when their baseline changes. she’s quick to pick up the slight wince, and the pausing when the conversation breeches on a topic that is not the most comfortable. she nods slowly as he speaks to signal that she is listening. (perhaps she’s listening a little too carefully.) but no matter, seolran merely files these topics away in the back of her mind.
“yes, truly. i think you are yeonhwa’s superhero. i’m surprised they didn’t throw a gigantic celebration when you decided to come here.” she says, tone perhaps a little too saccharine. she claps her hand together in excitement, shooting him another faux sweet smile. “they probably should have, i mean... you helped us beat our sworn rival. but, maybe i’m just being biased because i’m such a huge fan.”
she readjusts her body, leaning forward in excitement at his question. call her arrogant, but one of seolran’s favorite things to do is talk about herself. the shift to asking her about her dreams and aspirations has her mind racing with so many thoughts that she can’t contain. “oh heavens no,” she says, raising an eyebrow at his suggestion as though it were silly. “i mean, nothing against people who have those aspirations, but that’s so… typical. i want to be a social media doctor.” there’s a brief pause as she reconsiders her words. social media and doctor aren’t usually used in the same sentence. “i don’t mean those people who make armchair diagnoses on the internet,” she says, her tone suddenly serious. “i want to be a practicing doctor who has a social media presence to provide accurate information about diseases and actively dispel misinformation.”
she straightens her posture and blinks at him expectantly. “you’re allowed to clap out of amazement.” she’s only half joking. “what about you? what does the future have in store for you? other than continuing your career, i mean. but fifty years down the line, what do you see yourself doing? and what’s going to be your legacy?”
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