Hello all, welcome to my blog. My name is Gem*. I’m a black lesbian living in London and living with Borderline Personality disorder (I will usually refer to as BPD and sometimes known as Emotional Unstable Personality disorder or EUPD). I was diagnosed just over a year ago and have struggled to find people outside of therapy to share my experiences with. I decided to start a blog because I found a lot of negative things about people with BPD and not a lot of community so, although I recognise that all of us with BPD experience it differently and our symptoms may vary I also I liked the idea of someone with BPD in the UK stumbling across my blog and being like “ooo, a me!”. I’m also hoping that this will be a kind of therapy for me, space for me to off load the thoughts that sometimes feel like I’m drowning in out on to digital paper. All my writings are based on my personal experiences and understanding of the world I live in. This space is not to influence the way others manage their experiences of mental health but I do hope that this space helps others like me feel a little less alone. With this blog I will also share other aspects of me, a short story or poem from time to time and my dreams because they are truly a representation of my own instability. Trigger warning, I will share periods of low mood and suicidal thoughts as well as some other sensitive issues. I will put a trigger warning at the beginning of any posts that reference these topics. *Pseudonym
I think one of the greatest challenges I face re connecting with people is their fear of my mental health issues and their perception of my behaviour. I dont see a way around this without educating people and people self challenging their own perceptions of "crazy". This all feels very big, and im not sure how to tackle this.
Today I had a catch up with my mental health worker. We discussed the low period I had been experiencing and how I was confronting my issues surrounding feeling like im incapable of changing 30 + year old habits/ behaviours/ ways of being.
I've got a long road ahead with many more lows and feelings of hopelessness but I desperately want a better life filled with the love and joy that we all deserve ❤
Audre Lorde surrounded by a grass. Smiling with a "what shit you talking now" look in her eyes, head cocked. Wearing a light pink t-shirt and a darker pink gilet. Oh, how i love Audre.
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