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[notfunctionalbeing]

I'm alone

Alone

Alone

Alone

Alone

Alone

Always, always, always alone

[not-sickenough]

It’s all a lie

No one loves you

So keep starving

[bulimicb1tch]

I <3 mornings because I haven’t done anything wrong yet (eating)

[notfunctionalbeing]

I try and try and try and try, but no matter what I do or stop doing, I always end up in the same fckng place feeling broken, empty, and alone

[notfunctionalbeing]

I wonder if one day I'll go to bed without hoping I don't wake up the next day.

I wonder if one day I'll have something I want to wake up to.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I keep on chasing something that'll never be mine.

I keep on taking whatever leftovers you give to me as if they were love.

I keep on degrading myself so that you stay with me.

I keep on lying to myself, about all that I want, all that I need, and all that I'll ever have.

I keep on hurting myself over and over and over so that you're spared.

And you fcking call me selfish.

You fcking call this "life".

[notfunctionalbeing]

That song is just a song. That place is just a place. That moment is gone. What you believe you need is just an idea, an altered memory; what you miss lies within you. It can't exist without you. You're not tied to it, you're holding it. You can let go.

Let go.

[notfunctionalbeing]

Is there any ANY reason at all for which I'm still here?

Is there any reason for me to be alive? I tried, I tried so hard to leave, to let go, why am I sill here?

It doesn't make sense. Why did I survive? What for? WHAT FOR?

[notfunctionalbeing]

I've never been lonelier than now that I'm supposed to be doing better.

You can't tell anyone whenever you're feeling down because then it's all lies, you're a lie.

I'm not a person anymore, all they see is a timer; I'm just something about to happen.

Even when it gets better, it doesn't. It'll never, ever be.

[notfunctionalbeing]

In the middle of the night, when you feel empty, and sad, and lost, when things just don't make sense and you feel utterly inadequate, when you accept you'll never be enough, when everyone is asleep while you cry your eyes out in silence, or even screaming, but unable to ask for help, or advice, or just to be heard...

That's when you know, when you truly know.

You are alone.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I'm going to do it tonight.

I've had enough.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I'm tired of feeling like my mind is not mine.

I'm tired of not having control over myself.

I'm tired of trying to try.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm just tired.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I fell for someone just to find out I'm worthless.

I mean, I knew. But it always hurts to be reminded that, no matter what, I'll never be fucking enough.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I realized that I'm not afraid of dying alone. I am afraid of dying empty... And I think I will.

[notfunctionalbeing]

For someone who is planning on killing themselves soon, I sure spend too much time telling people it's gonna be okay

[notfunctionalbeing]

Today I overheard my mother and brother talking about me. They talked like I'm a situation, not a person, not their family. I'm just a fcking "something" to keep in control, a problem that can't be solved but has to be endured.

Today I self-harmed again after almost three awfully difficult months of trying to keep myself together. So, great. Thanks for your fcking support, I'm sorry my broken mind is disturbing you so much. But hey, I did try to take me out of your otherwise magnificent lives, maybe next time don't stop me.

[notfunctionalbeing]

I long for my past so badly because there's where I left my future.