Body Dysmorphic Disorder

This is a personal tumblr about my experience of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I recommend anyone suffering from this to seek therapy, specifically CBT with Exposure Response Prevention, but other people find relief in other types of therapy. I also hope this can help people who don't understand the disorder and/or have friends or family suffering from it. Body Dysmorphic Disorder can be misunderstood sometimes by people and the media, associating it with vanity and superficiality, I hope this page can help to explain that that is not what BDD is, it is a complex psychological disorder which can be helped by treatment.

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[body-dysmorphia]

i see many different versions of myself, as a lot of us with bdd do. i look good in a certain lighting or whatever, but i also have bad versions with bad lighting etc. it’s hard for me to know which to believe and i usually get so caught up on the bad. do you have any advice for this? should i try to not look when i know it’s not what i like? i love your blog by the way, it’s one of the most helpful for bdd. <3 much love.

Instead of avoiding yourself, and by this I mean for example.. avoiding a mirror that's infront of you when washing your hands because the lighting is too bright, I would try and build the resilience to be able to briefly glance at yourself as people often do, and hold in your mind the fact that people look different under different lights. Everyone does, everyone looks better in some lights, worse in some.

I know what you mean about it being hard to know which to believe, and I think getting better from bdd requires a lot of tolerating uncertainty. If I start to think about how I look in different lighting too much, I start to get really wrapped up in anxiety again.

Personally if I notice I'm thinking this way, I try to calm myself down by reminding myself how everyone looks different in different lights.

My skin for instance can look completely different in two photos, in a cold bright light it can look full of blemishes, and then in a warm light it can look as smooth as anything. I have resigned myself to thinking that how I look is both of these ways, or sometimes inbetween, depending on where I am, and that other people will not be focusing as much as I am.

:)

[body-dysmorphia]

i have a really bad habit of doing absolutely anything to change my appearance. i have cut my own hair and shaved off half of my eyebrows within like a month in hopes that something will help. i always end up feeling worse. i hate that i will do absolutely anything because of the smallest chance that i will look better. i’m just wondering if anyone else has these tendencies and maybe how to stop acting on them/fighting the urge to want to change so so desperately.

Hey,

What you're feeling and doing is completely normal for someone with bdd.

You could call it camouflaging.. Problem solving.. Really common with bdd.

I'd like you to know that it is normal within the disorder, so that you don't beat yourself up about it too much. The feelings you're having about your appearance in the first place will be bad enough I imagine. I know it's hard but I'd try and remind yourself sometimes that your behaviour is understandable due to how you're feeling.

With my personal experience, my anxiety about how I look has always been very vague. There is just something about my face that makes me anxious and doesn't appear normal to me. I can't always work out what it is, so in the past I've tried various types of problem solving. But obviously I was trying to find physical solutions, which just made me focus more and more on my appearance, and become so obsessed and hyper critical.

Something that helped me was learning about the thinking and behavioural patterns that keep body dysmorphic disorder thriving. Learning that was I was doing when I was trying to change my appearance was potentially making me feel worse and actually seeing myself as worse.

Perhaps reading Overcoming Body Image Problems by David Veale could help explain things better. Or trying to cut down on certain behaviours step by tiny step. You could write down the things you usually do, or want to do, and work on reducing them slowly. It will cause a lot of anxiety, and tolerating that anxiety I think is the hardest part in successfully changing compulsive behaviours. I struggled a lot, I often gave in, but I think each time you try you become a little stronger.

https://bddfoundation.org/helping-you/getting-help-in-the-uk/

[5oil]

[body-dysmorphia]

Possibly an unpopular opinion,

But I believe without the medias hyper focus on appearance, my Body Dysmorphic Disorder would still exist.

The focus on appearance, distorted images and perfectionism certainly doesn't help, but my disorder exists outside the media, and started at an age where I was really uninfluenced by this world. [I didn't read magazines as a child, I was completely disinterested/unaware of the beauty industry growing up]

I feel a bit weary and misunderstood when I see Body Dysmorphic Disorder being equated to general insecurity and body hang ups (which I am not saying are pleasant either), and being portrayed as a direct response to the beauty industry. It possibly, probably, is really affected by this for some people, but I feel misrepresented sometimes when I see popular tweets and posts about body dysmorphia/body hangups= body dysmorphic disorder, and the media being seen as the root cause for this mental health problem.

--

Just want to clarify I am not a fan of the media/beauty industry either though, and find it all kinds of toxic sometimes.

[body-dysmorphia]

Hi, I’m currently debating going to my doctor about body dysmorphia as I have every symptom, I have watched many videos and I identify with majority of it, it’s starting to really impact my life negatively and holding me back but my GPs have been useless helping me with my anxiety and depression so I don’t feel like I can talk to them about this because they might turn me away with no proper diagnosis or help. Do you think it’s something I can deal with alone?

I don't want to say you can't deal with it alone, but I think psychological therapy.. Support.. Is always going to help if it's done properly.

Gps can be hit or miss, some are great and compassionate and pass you on to suitable people, some don't really get it, and some are dismissive.

Could you take a friend of family member with you to help advocate for you if needed?

Best of luck with this. I really hope you are able to access adequate care, to find a gp who listens. In the mean time here are some books I know have helped some: Overcoming Body Image Problems Including Body Dysmorphic Disorder

The BDD Workbook: Overcome Body Dysmorphic Disorder and End Body Image Obessions with Worksheet

And some information on types of support for bdd https://bddfoundation.org/helping-you/getting-help-in-the-uk/

https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/Psychological%20therapies%20(IAPT)/LocationSearch/10008

[body-dysmorphia]

-> i hope youre doing okay and having a good day. and i hope the people in your life are accepting and willing to support and be there for you, you deserve that <3

Thank you!

And the same for everyone else 🙏🏻

[body-dysmorphia]

i have a lot of hard time with the part of my diagnosis which is "perceived/slight flaw." without getting in to numbers, i will say i accidentally lost a LOT of weight due to stress, and so i know my flaw is no longer 'perceived,' and it's killing me to know i cant get back what i lost. it sucks even more knowing i cant find a single other person with the disorder who feels they need to be fat to look good. i feel very alone in that. like even with others w the disorder, i'm still all alone.

Hi :)

I wonder if anybody reading this will be able to relate.

In my expression of bdd, I feel some parts of my appearance look better the smallee I am, and some look worse the smaller I am. So I can relate a little personally.

I think with body dysmorphic disorder, even if there really is a small 'flaw', our perception of it is so much more exaggerated than what others really notice. I have used those (terrible) apps where you can move your face around and change it a bit, and I've showed close friends me before and after--after being when I've fixed what I believe is my huge flaw. And the people I show can never even see the difference, they can't see that I've changed anything. But to me the difference is huge. It's between looking normal and looking hideous.

I know it's hard, and I am really sorry you are struggling with this disorder. I don't if my reply will help at all, bdd is so personal.. And so resistant to change.. But i can relate somewhat to what you are saying, with extra weight I feel some of my flaws stand out less. You're definitely not alone.

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“Nurturing your own development isn’t selfish. It’s actually a great gift to other people.”

— Rick Hanson

[body-dysmorphia]

today i had to stop one of my camouflaging techniques. it has been so difficult. i don’t know if you have had to do anything similar, but i wonder if it ever gets easier? will there ever be a point where, eventually, i start to feel okay with this “new version” of myself?

Hello 💛

I have tried to drop similar behaviours before. It is really hard, sometimes I have had to drop them slowly and gradually because doing it at once was too hard. I think it does become easier but it's not always a linear process. Some days it may feel as hard as the first day you tried, but I think if you end up having more days of progress no matter how small it may seem, that is what counts.

I hope you start to feel comfortable with yourself, I know many people who have gone from very severe bdd to a high level of acceptance and compassion for themselves. And I myself have come along way if I think back on how bad it used to be.

So there is always hope :) x

[body-dysmorphia]

Okay... I feel like I have bdd, I’m to worried to go to the doctors because they might think I’m just being vain and also I don’t really know that much about it? Like what are the symptoms?

Hi!

Okay, so sometimes doctors don't know much about bdd, but I hope that by now most do. I would recommend bringing it up yourself, and saying you've done some research online and you think you might have it and would like an assessment.

The criteria for bdd is

Appearance preoccupations: being preoccupied with one or more nonexistent or slight defects or flaws in their physical appearance.

Repetitive behaviors: performing repetitive, compulsive behaviors in response to appearance concerns. These can be behavioral e.g mirror checking, excessive grooming, skin picking, reassurance seeking, or clothes changing. Others can be mental acts – such as comparing one’s appearance with that of other people.

Clinical significant distress or impairment: The preoccupation causes significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Not better explained by other diagnosis: For example, if the preoccupations focus on being too large or weighing too much, these concerns could be better explained as an eating disorder.

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So to summarise: thinking/worrying about/analysing your appearance a lot, feeling distressed, it impacting your social life.. Work life.. Relationships etc, checking how you look or comparing yourself or trying to 'fix' or hide yourself. These are all signs and symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder.

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Lots of people with bdd are worried about speaking to others about how they feel because they don't want to be seen as vain. People with bdd are actually the opposite of vain, they have such low opinions of their appearance. It's sad that some don't understand the disorder and judge people for it. I really hope the vanity stigma gets less and less as awareness and treatment progresses.

It's also really difficult taking that first step of speaking to the doctor. I think the nature of bdd makes it really hard to ask for help. I still find it difficult to say I have bdd instead of going with what my thoughts tell me which is 'I am just ugly'. But going against these thoughts and asking for help will be one of the best and bravest things someone with bdd will do. Best of luck with your journey, and please feel free to message me whenever.

[body-dysmorphia]

Can I still have body dysmorphia disorder if I sometimes like the way I look in the mirror at home.... but then as soon as I step out side and look in any reflective surface or are surrounded by a group I start to see that I actually look hideous and that people can see all my flaws.

I have body dysmorphic disorder and sometimes, rarely but sometimes!, I like the way I look in certain lighting or at certain angles.

I don't think it negates the diagnosis. If you're still significantly distressed by how you look at times and it is impacting your functioning, socialising etc.

[body-dysmorphia]

Hi I just need to rant sorry!! I was diagnosed with BDD a little while ago and being told my perception of my body is different than what I'm seeing has really been messing with me.i feel like nothing I've seen is real. I had to draw an outline of what I thought I was on a mirror and then trace what I actually am, and I'm not happy with either outline!!! My brain can't accept that I'm not what I am and it's terrifying!!! This whole thing is really stressing me out and I just needed to vent :)

Hey! No worries, rant away!I know how you feel, it's really confusing. I think 'getting better' from bdd requires a lot of tolerating uncertainty. And it's really scary to feel so uncertain all the time. Best of wishes to you and good luck with your therapy.

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7 Things You Should Never Be Ashamed Of

1. Listening to your intuition.

2. Respecting and standing up for yourself.

3. Making your own choices/ living your own life.

4. Taking time for yourself/ investing in self care.

5. Feeling and respecting your own emotions.

6. Following your heart, and Investing in your dreams.

7. Letting go of the past (that’s not who you are now.)

[body-dysmorphia]

Have you ever found that your fixations conflict? for example im fixated on my eyes so i pull my hair back all the time to tighten that skin around my eyes. recently started fixating on my hairline, which obviously looks worse with my hair pulled back. i don’t know which is worse and i get sick thinking about both of them. i don’t know what to do in this instance.

Yes! I definitely do. And it causes me a lot of anxiety. I also think I may look better with my hair down, but because I am so used to wearing it up I am too anxious to wear it down in public. And then I end up having this voice in my head telling me I'm just making myself look even worse..ahh. Bdd can be insanely annoying sometimes. Distressing, anxiety provoking.. but also really frustrating.

[body-dysmorphia]

I've been in a relationship for 6 months and it was perfect. Over the months, other things in my life have degraded (e.g. my career prospects) and it's affecting my self esteem heavily. My BDD has started playing up and I find myself having immediate distressing thoughts like "We need to break up because I'm too ugly to be in a relationship." I'd probably end up killing myself if I did do that. He doesn't get it so I just don't talk abt it anymore to save him. Just needed to vent. :(

Always feel free to vent! Sorry I have taken so long to answer, I've been distracted lately, my own bdd has flared up sadly. I'm sorry to hear bdd has been affecting your relationship so much. I think it's normal for it to get worse when you have stressful things going on, like you mentioned with career prospects, and in my experience the worse I'm finding my bdd the more alone and misunderstood I feel. Others around me don't seem to understand why I become the way I do. I'm not sure people without bdd can completely understand what it's like living with it, I probably wouldn't understand just how hard it was if I didn't experience it. It takes guts to try and explain your feelings to people, I hope you find a way to communicate with your partner how you feel, and if he doesn't understand, I hope at least he can be supportive and patient with you. Best wishes.

[body-dysmorphia]

Why is it that i feel so ugly with no makeup on but as soon as i put makeup on i feel much better? i feel like i look like a whole new person but i wear very little makeup so that makes no sense. also- i used to only like how i looked WITHOUT makeup. now it’s repulsive to me. i hate that i am seeing myself as uglier and uglier with time, especially since i’ve been working on my bdd. i expected it to get a little better but things are only getting worse.

Hmm. I feel the same really and I think lots of people do! I don't wear a lot of makeup, but I think I look better when I have some on rather than none.Sometimes I also try and challenge myself to go out without any on, so that I don't become dependent on it.I'd be careful not to get into any habits of perhaps increasing the makeup more each time and then feeling you can't go out with less. So I'd recommend to try little 'exposure tasks' like I do, of wearing less or none sometimes if you could try and tolerate that.Also when I wear makeup a lot and then look in the mirror on a day I'm not wearing it, my face can really surprise me! I look so different! So I think just a little makeup can really change a face, so what you're saying does make sense.