[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

[loveridden1999]

[ceruleanheaven]

brought nothing to the gun fight. whatever man

[beardedmrbean]

[mynorthernattitude]

I'm shy at first and then im like donkey from shrek

[mynorthernattitude]

locked in? no. i'm tucked in. goodnight

[jusjuiceboxbox]

Welcome to being an adult! Featuring such injury causing events as

- sneezed wrong

- turned your neck a little too fast

- slept weird

- took the trash out to the curb and stepped at a slightly different angle than usual

- breathed

- failed to breathe properly

- breathed in the wrong stuff. Allergy time

- looked too hard at something too far away

- knees

[maxxie-or-smth]

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

[sandmandaddy69]

[harzilla]

Reblog to cast healing for your homies.

[unhingedfem]

Women have a great day <3 men beg for forgiveness

[trainingseasons]

I need a day between every day to recover from the day before

[haughtyraban]

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck

[evilnicegirl]

it’s bc im on that damn phone honestly

[so-many-ocs]

immediately after an interaction: i have GOT to get more normal oh god i need to get more normal immediately i have to get more normal or they're going to hunt me down they're going to hunt me down and flay me for sport

during an interaction: and why not put a little spin on it? why not add some conversational zest?

[plaidscully]

Mulder & Scully will wake up in the middle of the night & instinctively reach for the phone to call each other only to remember they sleep in the same bed now so they can just turn over

[scullee]

*scully whispering two inches from mulders face at 2am*: mulder it’s me

[the-big-mood]

Whoever stole all those KitKat’s

[thickness-protection-program]

Stop warning me about mature content I'm literally an adult