out of context ❝ it's alway sunny in philadelphia ❞ starters
tw: ...many things, but mostly alcohol & drugs
“you know what it is, bitch.”
“i will eat your babies, bitch!”
“make it work.”
“science is a liar sometimes.”
“this car is a finisher car, a transporter of gods! the golden god!”
“oh! botched toe. i botched that one. oh, that’s a botched job.”
“sounds a little gay.”
“i just want to be pure.”
“your hair looks small.”
“tell me i’m good, tell me i’m good, tell me i—”
“i’m going to have a really hard time if we’re both cannibals and we’re racists.”
“it’s covered in bird shit.”
“everybody’s dyin’, bitch. let’s get you some fruit.”
“i brought along a saber.”
“oh, whoops! i dropped my monster condom that i use for my magnum dong.”
“is this why we had to wait for you to go to bed bath & beyond?”
“wild card, bitches!”
“he only works out his glamour muscles.”
“can i offer you a nice egg in this trying time?”
“ghouls.”
“toe knife.”
“creatine shits.”
“can i put beer in glue?”
“you light one bitch on fire and everybody freaks out.”
“speed has everything to do with it.”
“oh my god, nobody look!”
“we’re not giving you and eye. where the christ would we get an eye?”
“i will strike you down!”
“i’m learning some amazing moves from this guy.”
“um, one please. one rock of crack. one crack— one crack rock.”
“40th beer of the afternoon.”
“then we’re gonna throw you twice in the trash.”
“this is grotesque.”
“it seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the english language in general.”
“what’s up bitches? i’m a man cheetah. wanna do somethin’ with this?”
“you haven’t thought of the smell.”
“i’m schizophrenic.”
“i didn’t go to school for that.”
“everybody get a weapon?”
“what is your spaghetti policy here?”
“hey, you guys! watch me bust out this sweet jackknife.”
“goodnight, bitch.”
“i am shattered to pieces.”
“the boys are out tonight, huh?”
“newsflash, asshole!”
“well maybe you shouldn’t dress like a bumblebee, bitch.”
“am i gay for god? you betcha.”
“i must insist on being referred to as cat.”
“do you like it? it’s very generous.”
“let me get this straight. you want to put your baby into a tanning bed.”
“we’re crab people now.”
“i’m not scamming the government, if that’s what you’re saying.”
“i gained and lost 60 pounds in 3 months.”
“well first of all, all things are possible, so jot that down.”
“if you’ve got crack, let’s boogie.”
“no one is going into your asshole.”
“the thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gusts of a thousand winds!”
“we bet you’d like 3 charming men to take your trash from you.”
“what about your favorite food, what would that be?”
“i like to recommend to our first timers our signature cocktail, caribbean paradise. some people say it’s better than bustin’ a nut.”
“what is white trash about that?”
“surprise, bitch.”
“i forgot how to drive.”
“that felt good, was that sexy?”
“he faces his challenges instead of just retreating to the sewers, nude, to forage for rings and coins.”
“wait, that looks like a dick.”
“oh shit, there’s stickers. my god.”
“i don’t like to eat it with the skin. i’m not allowed to eat it with the skin. i’m not allowed!”
“see, you got no commitment. you’re finished! you’re never gonna get anywhere in life!”
“i eat stickers all the time, dude!”
“well, i’m gay.”
“that doesn’t sound right, but i don’t know enough about stars to dispute it.”
“i’m waterboarding your sister.”
“don’t swim to europe.”
“it’s my understanding that there is a war going on right now.”
“i will smash your face into a jelly.”
“gatorade. and it’s gotta be my favorite flavor — blue.”
“seize the gap, you old fat bitch.”
“i’m the trophy husband. he’s my bottom.”
“don’t say stage freeze, just do it.”