~Bonzhur Bishes~

Sweet Little Unforgettable Thing

[incorrectbatfam]

Bart: I really like screaming.

Kon: Yeah, me too.

Tim: Let’s scream.

Tim: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–

Kon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–

Bart: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

All of them: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–

The Justice League:

[bonzhur]

Superman turning to Flash: Don't you wanna talk to him?

Flash: I'm just surprised Robin followed them, I expected him to be more.. Responsible? What do you think?

Batman: *secretly taking a video for Alfred*

[dead-robin-club]

Jason: My life isn't as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

[bonzhur]

Dick: What??

Tim: I'm not following.

Jason: *slams the wanted poster on the table and points at it* Look at those scars! That glare! They made me look so badass! This is so unfair!! Why can't I be like that?!!

Batkids: *just staring at the wanted poster then back to Jason, not finding any difference.*

Steph: *whispers* Should I tell him?

Damian: No, let him suffer.

[p0p-vulture]

Jason, pointing a gun to the sky: Is the sun bothering you, fam?

Bruce: Jason, no--

Damien, still groggy after a late patrol last night: -- Yes. Dispose of it.

[bonzhur]

Jason: Copy that! *Puts on a helmet and zips up a skin tight suit*

Bruce: W- What are you doing, Jason?

Jason: *pulls out a massive gun out of nowhere* Any second now- *gets taken by Kon* HASTA LA VISTA BABY!!!

[yeats-nana]

Stephanie: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.

[bonzhur]

Barbara: Did something happen-

Dick: Tim forgot their anniversary and spent the whole day playing with Kon.

Barbara: Ah, that makes sense.

Tim and Kon, hiding in undisclosed location out of fear.

[jasontoddsguns]

AU: Nothings changed other than that Jason is colorblind, he accidentally wears green instead of red, no one ever bothers to tell him.

[batkidsaremadkids]

Thug 1: It's the Red Hood!

Thug 2: ... That helmet is green.

Thug 1: Do you want to tell him that?

[bonzhur]

Jason: Alright Gentlemen, we're gonna have a talk.. *being all scary and cool, but his shiny green helmet isn't helping.*

Thug 2: *trying not to laugh*

Thug 1: *sweating bullets* u-um he's new..

[farewell-sanity]

Barbara, raising voice slightly so she can be heard on the other end of the aisle: Do you want some cereal-

Dick, at full volume: I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR CEREAL

[bonzhur]

Damian: *covering his face as he places some vegan products in the cart* If he continues to talk like that, we will leave him here.

Jason: *puts his cigarette boxes in* Yup, no argument on that.

Cass: *puts her candy in the cart and nodding*

Barbara: *rethinking the situation* You know what? Let's just leave him now, he's distracted in the self care aisle. *Pushes the cart to the check out lane.*

[anonymousarson]

Kon: you care more about your paranoid conspiracy theories than you do about me

Tim: that's what the government would want you to think

[bonzhur]

Wally: He has a point-

Kon: Don't even start...

[anonymousarson]

Tim: just learned the difference between wax paper and parchment paper

Steph: what's the difference?

Tim: one you can use in the oven safely, and the other you can also use in the oven if the thing you're trying to make happens to be fire

[bonzhur]

Steph: Did you-

Tim: Yup!

Steph: Did you atleast-

Tim: Nope!

Jason: *from the kitchen* THIS FIRE WON'T DIE! TIIIIMMM!!

Tim: And that's my cue to leave! *Runs for his life* Don't tell Alfred where I went!

[sleepyssnail]

Jon: As a young hero, I don’t believe senseless violence is how my dad would want me to solve things

Damian [In the distance]: RIP HIS HEAD OFF!!!

[bonzhur]

Cassie: Hey- *lands next to Damian with Kon* what's going on?

Conner: Oh, Jon is fighting his first criminal as superboy.

Damian: Yes and that insolent fool dare insult Jon by saying he will never live up to the likes of his old man, Superman.

Cassie: . . .

Conner: Say less. *Gets ready to beat the criminal for hurting precious Jon*

[timdrakesstepmum]

Villain: who are you?

Tim, on top of a vending machine, wearing sunglasses: Bitch

Tim: I’m a snacc

Tim: *falls off*

[bonzhur]

Bruce: *facepalming* No more coffee..

Batbois: *snickering and holding their laughter at the side, might also be video taping*

[incorrect-jasontodd]

Jason: Well, if you judge success by the number of enemies you make, that was a highly successful evening.

[bonzhur]

Damian: Well, he's not wrong

Dick: I just asked if you'd like pancakes for breakfast...

[bonzhur]

Is anyone still interested in UnLovable?

If y'all wondering what UnLovable is, well it's my story with a soulmate core. It follows the story of reader and Damian, but their red string snaps. What would happen if they meet?

I also wonder hehehe. I was in a busy schedule and couldn't continue it, so left it on a cliffhanger (I'm terrible ik). So for the reader here, should I continue it?

[batshit-birds]

Damian: *screams*

Tim: *screams louder to establish dominance*

[bonzhur]

Jason: *screams louder than them*

Dick: *joins in cuz why not*

Other batkids: *shrugs and screams as well*

[incorrectqus]

Damian: When I was small-

Jason: *laughs*

Damian: What?!

Jason: “Was”.

[bonzhur]

5 mins later~

Jason: *cursing up a storm while tied up and left in the rain by Damian*

Tim: *watching from the window* this is one of most tamed punishment he has done.

Babs: Alfred said he can't adopt another animal if he did anything extreme.

Steph: Oh that makes sense *eats popcorn*

[batkidsaremadkids]

Batkids Home Alone

But everytime they beat up/injure the burglars it's accidental and they never even realise there were bad guys in the house

[how-the-feathers-have-fallen]

Geeh Imma bow down to someone just to get it ficed

[peppersonironi]

Same! I'm kinda tempted to write it myself, but I'm not sure if so a good job. I'll put it on my to do list. :-)

[batkidsaremadkids]

Tag me if you do!

[unentitledtitle]

it’s gonna be like jason shooting at damian and ending up hitting one of the burglars back out of the window

i mean we all know they wouldn’t even look up if they heard something crash, dick swings from the chandelier too often

and they’re all used to their siblings sneaking around so if they sense another presence, they wouldn’t even question it

[batkidsaremadkids]

Haha, yeah

Or they leave an explosive slime surprise for one of the others and a burglar trips the device

[revenantbat]

Damian’s various pets are the only ones in the house that actually a) know there are burglars in the house and b) attack them on purpose. This includes Alfred the Cat knocking things over onto them from balconies etc, and Titus going mental for (seemingly) no reason and the whole fam trying to chew out Damian for it.

Damian found Tim making/eating a beef sandwich and hid Batcow somewhere in the Manor proper in hopes he’ll scare a sleep deprived Tim into thinking he’s being haunted by the ghost of that particular cow - one of the burglars is the one to actually eat the sandwich and generally does believe this. Even more so when his partner blacks out after taking a mouthful of Tim’s nightmare coffee.

I don’t know what Jerry is doing but I like to think they come into contact with him late enough in their attempt at robbing the house that a Billionaire having a pet turkey is less eccentric and more ‘so Wayne is one of those rich people but with barn animals’.

The Epilogue is Babs sitting the fam down to watch her ‘directors cut’ of the whole thing happening on the security tapes in the house.

Duke posts an edited version of the video (to preserve secret ids) on his social media with the caption “white people”

At least one batkid reples to this with the comment “You know what I think I’d make a good Batman” personally I like to think it’s Steph.

[bonzhur]

If someone draws a comic of this or makes an animation, please tag me 😂😂

[incorrectqus]

Dick: Raise your hand if you like me?

Jason: And if we don’t like you?

Dick: Then raise your standards.

[batkidsaremadkids]

Jason: How would that help? You already don't meet them.

[bonzhur]

Tim, Steph, and Damian: *laughing in the corner*

Dick: *cries in the corner*

Cass: *giving Dick a hug with her hand held high and a smile*

[anothertimdrakestan]

dick: alright who took my escrima sticks

jason: ha shut up karate kid

tim: you haven’t cleaned those in years no chance i’d touch them

duke: imagine having to use escrima sticks, couldn’t be me

damian: tt *sharpens his sword*

titus, who got a new metal chew toy: ▼・ᴥ・▼

[bonzhur]

Dick: TITUS!! *Chases after him*

Damian: LAY ONE HAND ON HIM AND I SWEAR GRAYSON!! *Chases after Dick*

Tim: *follows them with a camera*