bluey and blue!

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Claire Keane
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if i look back, i am lost

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@bookpirate32
bluey and blue!
hey pal, take it easy! you're scrolling with way too much intensity. look at this horse
I have many Autistic Nightmares, but the top 3 are as follows:
Arcades
The Dentist
Getting My Hair Cut
Currently waiting to get my hair cut for the first time in a sports clips and I am absolutely about to lose my mind because I have no idea what happens in one of these places, no clue at all!!!!!
But I have a short dude ish hair cut so I figured I should go somewhere that specializes in cutting short hair and making it look Not Disgusting, but what the fuck is this MVP haircut stuff? They said cause it’s my first time I just get one? I don’t want to pay extra! I just need a trim!
Anyway if I die it’s because my body shut down from the stress have a great rest of your day
Extremely quick rant about how cute you are:
you are so cute.
TL;DR
you're cute.
TL;DR
ur cute
Thank you for these words of encouragement gold fish
Staring
thank you
florida hatsun miku i do not mkae the rules
“I want the inside of this house to feel modern, bright and new!” then why the fuck did you buy a vintage, dark and old house in pristine condition?????
this is so haunting to me i think about it weekly
??? gotham ???
oh no. I've been hit with an overwhelming wave of sadness. this sucks
wave over. everything rules and I rule. you rule
the way this was me 20 minutes ago isn't even a little bit funny lmfao
had a nightmare last night where I made a typo on a tumblr post
Tales of a drama queen
Tonight, I was talking to my mom about one of my younger siblings and I had a revelation about not only my childhood, but the human experience as a whole, I guess? So basically, I have a little brother who is, for privacy purposes, between the ages of 6 and 9 years old. My parents have had 7 children, the 3 youngest all boys, all between the ages of 6 and 12. Each boy has their own little slice of challenging behavior patterns, speech delay, and neurodiversity. We live in a small house given the size of our family, and there are currently 8 people living in the home including myself, although I am moving out at the end of the week to my new apartment. All 3 boys currently living in the home share a room, because there are only 4 bedrooms, and I have 2 teenage sisters who each have their own rooms. With that being said, the bedtime routine to get them all into their respective beds and asleep can be a challenge; some nights taking many hours and special supervision to achieve. It is not uncommon for them, as most children do, to be particularly rowdy once the supervising adult has exited their room.
Tonight, my brother F asked my brother D to toss him something (I think it was a toy), and the object hit F's finger. He then came out of the room and said, "D crushed my finger!" Almost immediately upon these words coming out of his mouth, I said to my mother (who is, by nature, an anxious person) "That is almost certainly not an accurate description of what just happened." (F was not in earshot when this was said.) She then said something under her breath that was painful for me to hear even though it was true.
"I know. That's what's so hard about him."
I became overwhelmed with feelings. She was right. With F, it can be very difficult to get to the bottom of what he is saying and feeling, as well as the facts of the situation, because the way he experiences the world is inherently very big. Nothing is small to him. I also was hurt for him that we, as his caretakers, were struggling to manage making space for his experience. It was strange because, for a moment, I was on the other side of my childhood. I was experiencing what, I'm assuming, the adults in my life had experienced when I was growing up, although I think I have slightly more self-awareness about what these feelings were as they were happening.
Little me spent the overwhelming majority of my life so far as an undiagnosed autistic. F's experience and mine, though not completely similar, share some distinct similarities. One of the ways my autism causes me to process information differently is that I, too, do not experience anything in a way that is 'small'. Everything I experience is large and overwhelming. The difference is, as an adult, I have language to describe things on more appropriate and real scales. F does not yet have the vocabulary to describe many of his experiences to scale yet. This is a circumstance that will change with time as he gets older, and we will each figure out how to make space for each other's experiences as it relates F's.
There is, however, another difference between the two scenarios I am currently finding or have found myself in. F has not been called and will likely not BE called a drama king/dramatic. Now, I could spend the rest of this post and probably several more posts talking about how AFAB autistics and non-autistics alike are more likely to be not taken seriously on any number of topics/areas of our lives due to sexism, and it is 100% true, but that's not the point of this particular word barf salad. When I was young, I was called the above names/described with the above descriptors whenever I would say something that did not align with the experience of my caretakers, teachers, and doctors. While I do believe that my gender had something to do with these instances, I think the primary, nasty, and pervasive evil that painted the way these adults interacted with my experience as an autistic person, but before that a CHILD, was a lack of empathy for what they considered small struggles.
Many times, over the years, so many times they are not countable, I was told that whatever I was experiencing, be it pain, joy, sadness, anger, anxiety, whatever emotion you would like, was simply not, and could not be, as big of a deal as I was making it out to be, despite that every time I was experiencing something and doing so in a way that wasn't what other people considered "proportionate" it WAS that big of a deal. This pervasive lack of understanding and empathy for my experience caused me to have a systemic mistrust in everything from my pain signals to my emotions. Over and over again, they were saying to me: "You cannot trust your body, you cannot trust your mind, and most of all, you cannot trust us to listen to you or help you." I will be in therapy forever about this. Every time my husband or sister says "it's not that deep", my fight or flight response kicks in.
I said something poetic about it to my mother, about how he simply doesn't have the tools to describe his experience in a way that allows us to clearly determine exactly what he's trying to say the first time yet, but until he does have the tools to share with us, we must work to make space for his experience as he learns to person for the first time. But if I am being truthful, there have been many times where I have not practiced this. Where I almost blatantly have not had empathy for another person's struggle or feelings because in the moment it just feels like too much work, and I find myself begging the question about how we are meant to find infinite space in our hearts for radical empathy for the experiences of others, no matter how difficult we find it, and how do you not let other people's experiences, ESPECIALLY the ones that don't align with, or even contradict, our own experiences. I said out loud, "We have to make space for his experience even though it's hard and we have to do that for everyone all of the time." And I'm smart enough to know that leads to burnout and burnout leads to apathy and apathy leads to DEATH. I don't have answers. I wish I did. But what I do know is that at least, I will fight for F to not grow up to live a life where he cannot trust his body, mind, and spirit the best I possibly can. And I think if I can at least do that for any children I might have in the future and for my brothers, that might be something close to enough.
Sorry for the run on sentences, it's Alice in Wonderland all up in this bitch. thanks for reading.
btw SAI was a wonderful, joyous, colorful and fun era and you're all stupid and mean for hating on her like that. SAI didnt do anything wrong, just admit you're full of nothing but hate and edginess. SAI brought us REDECORATE. SAI brought us SO much fun content, amazing tour pics, the backing band, pink haired tyler, the livestream, awesome merch and so so so much more. it's like so weird how so many people hate SAI.. it ties into the storyline, it sounds good as fuck, and sure its different from what they usually do but no artist, regardless of their medium, should feel like they need to stick to one thing all the time. yes, we're used to the usual sad tunes, but isnt it so refreshing to listen to the same man who wrote 'drown' and 'falling too' sing about some happy shit? like. he just wanted to be whimsical and full of joy.. it's not really that deep?? like hating on a FULL album and era is insane to me. could not be me!! SAI haters need to stand in the corner n think about what they did bc nobody's gonna disrespect my baby like that. shes just full of wonder and love, leave her alone.
and the fact that the craving (single) is ... let's be real here .. definitely about SAI era.. like the delivery is just astounding to me. they made it VERY clear that they put so much work and effort into making SAI happen, and they got soooo much backlash about it. causing them to think it was a "miss". it's just so unfortunate to me. I'm not super far up tyler and joshs asses, but damn, I'd feel that way too if most of my fanbase didnt like something I put a lot of effort into for them. thatd hurt me to my core.
moral of the story, ur all dumb and I hate u
Italian friend pissed me off so I crushed my pasta tonight
If you tell someone directly "that behavior makes me uncomfortable, please stop doing that to/around me" and the person keeps doing it and anyone tries to excuse it with "they're autistic, they can't help that they're bad at social clues", know that it's bullshit. Once you have verbally articulated a boundary directly to someone's face it is no longer a complex social clue, it's a direct request. And you don't get to ignore direct communication of boundaries because you're autistic.
Scaled and icy is actually like good.
that part in snap back where ty is looking in the mirror and the look he gives himself is so devasted and sad it's genuinely painful to watch