Authorâs Note: Iâm feeling angsty and this was a request by someone who will probably never read it. And before you ask after you read this, yes, the smut will come - someday. Enjoy this in the meantime.
There she was. Battered, broken and filthy but alive. Alive. It had been months. Months of agony, of loss, of hopelessness. But there she was.
Rowan couldnât breathe as her turquoise and gold eyes met his across the bloody ground that was littered with their enemies, such profound sadness and grief and pain heavy in her beautiful and miraculous face.
He tried to speak. His voice cracked. He tried again. âAelin.â
A sob tore from her throat and her knees came crashing down to the ground a second before Rowan reached her. If it hurt, she did not complain. She did not speak.
She only raised her slim, bloody arms to loop loosely around his neck and then Rowan was holding her, trying not to jostle his wifeâs broken body too much, to cause her further physical pain beyond what had been inflicted by those lying dead around them.
Each fresh mark upon her skin was like a knife to the gut. His failures, written upon her skin, everlasting.
âIâve got you.â He whispered, over and over again, as if trying to reassure himself more than her. âIâm sorry, Aelin, Iâm so sorry.â
âRowan,â her voice was low, gravely, as though she had spent too long screaming, crying. âItâs you.â
Rowan could sense the wonder in her voice, could sense that Aelin never expected to see him again. And when she finally did, he was covered in Maeveâs blood, in Cairnâs, repayment but also somehow not nearly enough vengeance for every new cut and scar she would live with as a reminder of her time here.
âI failed you.â Rowan sobbed into her bloody, matted hair, not caring that he could scarcely see the once honey-gold locks under the grime and grease. Only breathing deep, beyond everything that wasnât a part of her and into that wild, cackling embers scent that he had been missing for too long.
âNo, Rowan, I failed you. I am sorry.â She rasped, tears running lines down her cheeks, cutting a path through the dirt encrusting her face.
âNever, Aelin, you could never fail me. I never should have let you out of my sight. I should have made them suffer. I should have found you sooner. Oh, Aelin.â Rowanâs voice broke, his chest rising and falling in utter devastation and simultaneous relief as he held as tight as he dared onto the woman he had began to think he would never hold again.
âI should have told you,â Aelin whispered against Rowanâs blood splattered neck. âIt was my failure that landed me here, that took me from you. Rowan, I have so many regrets but please know, this was never your fault. I could have done more.â
Rowan knew deep in his bones that she was right. He could never tell her aloud because now that she was here, he would never fault her for the reasons she never told him, the reasons she acted as she had, to secure Terrasenâs future. âI forgive you. I forgive you.â He chanted, as though it were a prayer that demanded to be heard by the gods.
âI love you, Rowan,â her voice faded out and Rowan panicked, pulling back to make sure she was still conscious.
But as he pulled back, her body became too light in his arms and then she faded⌠and she was gone.
He was drenched in sweat, his breathing erratic and heavy. But most of all, he was alone.
She wasnât here. Aelin wasnât here, he hadnât found her, hadnât saved her. She was lost to him, forever.
It wasnât real, he realised, agony punching him low in his gut.
It had all been in his head.
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