Podcast Appreciation Blog | Doctor of Botanical Fleshcraft | Will tag for things on request | Follows from: @ipswitch-north | Podcast recommendations encouraged
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Contrary to my username, this blog does not contain sexual content.
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My asks are still open if you want to give me podcast recommendations. I appreciate being given recommendations.
Requests for me to give you recommendations are open, but unlikely to go through as I am very tired and busy. I hope to one day not be very tired and busy so I can make lots of recommendations again.
Lists of what I've already heard can be found here (audio drama A-Q), here (audio drama R-Z), and here (TTRPG pods). Check before asking if I've heard something.
I don't listen to erotica or musicals.
Don't recommend something with a sex scene without also providing the timestamps to avoid it.
I don't care about romance (genre). Shows with romance in them are fine, it's just the genre.
My focus has historically been sub-par for improv, but try your luck.
I'm generally not interested in non-fiction podcasts, but I am open to natural history stuff.
Will listen to basically anything else.
Violence, gore, body horror etc. all free game/encouraged.
TL;DR: me and my family have found some stability with a kind air bnb host that we've befriended, and she's willing to let us stay with her as long as we can deliver $600 a month
this is the most stability i've had in a long while, and i need all the help i can get to stay that way (at least until can land myself another job)
i am so grateful for the help i've gotten up to this point and i wouldn't even be here without your generosity and kindness
donation links available below
paypal
cashapp
my main fundraiser
once again thank you! if i can just make this monthly goal, it could mean my whole life could finally change for the better~
it would seem that times or changing, but i'll need some help if i want that change to last! $600 a month and i can guarantee a place for me and my family to stay!
at the moment, reaching that amount is urgent, though it won't stay that way for the next couple days if i can make that goal tonight!
“wherever I go, whatever I’m doing, I’m taking you with me.”
content warnings for terminal illness, suicide, panic attacks, hospital.
today, for me, is THE audio drama sunday OF ALL TIME. when my friend recommended me the bright sessions 9 years ago today in 2017, i was in the midst of my first real heartbreak. thought nothing would ever have meaning again, that my anxiety would swallow me alive, and nobody could understand the pain i was in. then i found sam, joan, caleb, chloe, mark, adam, and owen. and that’s how i found lauren. i try all the time in many different words and ways to express just how much this podcast and lauren have meant to me for the past 9 years, and now i’m gonna do that again. might seem a bit trauma dumpy, but i promise there’s a point to this. i’d already been seeing a therapist, but sam and caleb and chloe and joan helped me discover a lot about myself that i never would have known without them. a lot of times it felt as if lauren had taken a script right from my heart and was giving it back to me, something i never knew i was missing, through these voices and this found family. i thought about ways i could thank these people for helping me with so much, and this is how i discovered the bird app. and what’s STILL unbelievable to me is they immediately reached back? i was starstruck every time, and it turns out we’re all just people who love art and wanna share that. so i really enjoyed screaming into the void and having the folks who created the things reach back, it remains so special to me every damn time. the next year, a friend of mine died by suicide at 15, and that was the worst heartbreak i had ever experienced. that year i often thought of caleb going through his high school experience, and i’m convinced some of empathetic tendencies to protect and connect come from him. in 2019, i graduated high school and still decorated my graduation cap afterwards. i decorated it with holographic gold paper, cut out lightbulb fairy lights, and chose this quote from owen: making the mistakes we have makes us uniquely suited to do better in the future. i don’t even know of it exists anymore, but i’ll never ever forget it. towards the end of 2019, the infinite noise came out. being a new adult at college, i wasn’t able to make it to the book tour so instead i carried the infinite noise around with me on campus for a good few months. oh man, it cracked me open and i loved every word. lauren had found the perfect words to describe a lot of what i’d been feeling for a long time and never knew how to say. ‘you keep me green’ is forever special to me for a billion reasons- so these hearts are (after the stencil fades) green. green is the color i associate with the bright sessions, because of caleb and adam and the infinite noise, lauren’s first book. we all know how 2020 started, let’s skip right past that to the fall, when lauren announced a neon darkness & the college tapes. god that was such a fun moment in time online. that fall was truly an atypical spooky season, we got to experience episode drops live (sometimes with no warning), and it was such a special way to let the fandom in on what was happening, like we were all in it together. the only thing i wanted for my birthday that year was to go to a bookstore and find AND on the shelf and buy it. so i found a time where not many people were there and took a risk for about 5 minutes, and i found it- then proceeded to not touch it for years. i don’t know why but damien was always important to me, even when he scared me, even when i knew he was just being a fucking garbage person and only doing harm, i just always wanted to know more about him and how he came to be that way- and i think that’s why it took me to long to decide to read, i didn’t think i was ready to face whatever morality shit was in that book. fast forward a little to 2022, the year i discovered atypipals. i don’t remember how, i just thought hey there’s a thing that says i can donate to them, let me try it out, and then i joined discord. even just joining was fucking terrifying because lauren was already excited that i was there and someone knew who i was from my screaming into the void
and it was the first time i had ever talked to anybody else about podcasts. i’m guessing that’s when the fascination really started to take full form, because i was pulled into a fan server that would help me find some of the best people i have ever known and these podcasts also took over their brains all the time. summer 2022 i go and meet some of the atypipals for a live reading for a pod that barely exists anymore but will forever have a special place in my heart because of this event. i remember thinking before it started that this may be the most excited i had ever been for anything. to get to see some of the people who had been only in my ears and on my screens for so long. i ended up going nonverbal out of excitement and also probably overwhelm but it was still one of the best days of my life. in 2024 the unthinkable happened and i wanted to crawl into a hole but i found comfort in knowing i could always go into my fictional world where the president was a dog so they could never have this to stress about. i also jumped ship from the bad place but i still miss it sometimes and the community that once was, because that was the place i had found all of the folks who made my favorite piece of media happen, that was where all of the live reactions had been. in 2025 i left the first place i had ever worked, and i donated each of the bright sessions books there. in 2025 i moved in with someone who broke up with me knowing i could not afford to move, started at a new job site, and discovered my mom had a terminal illness all in a few months time. 2025 was also the 10 year anniversary of my favorite podcast, so they were doing livestreams with different people to celebrate and it felt a little like the 2018 patreon times. i finally listened to AND and SFP, because i was trying to capture any amount of serotonin i could. i grabbed hold of that joyous nostalgia i had been feeling and nursed it into something special. when the bright sessions started, samantha barnes (voiced by lauren) was 25. sam was special. she became my comfort character, my constant, her self regulation skills for the time traveling panic attacks helped me tons with my own. in the epilogue, that was released in november, sam revealed that the appointment was a lifeline. she told joan, “You reached back. That's all I needed. Right then, at the very limit of what I could take, all I could do was try to reach out, grab hold of something, anything. And you reached back and held on. And I'll never really be able to thank you for that.” it immediately struck me- that was the way i felt about the bright sessions. i had been trying to find the right words for years, thinking nothing i ever said would be able to express the amount of gratitude i felt. sam said those words while talking about that first time she met joan when she was 25, and i’m still 25. every time i’ve needed something uplifting, when everything was going wrong and i didn’t know what to do, a new podcast episode or instagram video or atypipal message or livestream link would pop up. as if lauren knows exactly when I need it. a few weeks ago, my mom was in the hospital and while i had the pods in my ears what i grabbed onto when i wasn’t supporting her was desperate hollow. it was my source of serotonin for the week, and became a (still going) hyperfixation. i tried explaining that sentiment to lauren and she sent me a message that i’ll cherish forever: ‘i will always reach back’. i was joking around about getting that tattooed instead. then comes the idea from beloved nicky: you have two arms to reach back with. so with some digging around in my apple data (never again) and the help of some new pod pals, I found the date that I started the bright sessions: today, august 2nd, in 2017. the friend from my hometown who introduced me to the bright sessions moved to the same area as me, and i knew i had to get them on board to go with me to get this tattoo. at first, i wanted it on my wrist because that’s where lauren has hers.
through the process of planning these tattoos it has become something special all its own, matching on both wrists to be two arms and hands reaching back, with hearts that connect if my wrists are together (thanks blake!). when i met lauren again this summer, that actually ended up being the most excited i’ve ever been. online friends for years were standing in front of me and we’d come from all different parts of the continent just to be here because of this strange woman and her unusual therapy podcast. that morning at tafcon, shoutout to re: dracula folks, there was a bracelet making station. sitting there trying to figure out what to make, it dawned on me. i knew the quote was super important to both of us but i didn’t know how emotional she would get and after that i felt absolutely invincible- so i asked her to write it out for me for a tattoo and she almost cried again! it was all so worth it because look how fucking cool and beautiful and special holy fuck these are part of me forever and every time someone asks me about them i get to tell them a version of all this!!!!!!!!!!!!! so in case anybody missed it, hopefully this post clues you in- i love the bright sessions with all of my heart. because of this podcast, all of the incredible people at the audio fiction convention i met, and especially lauren, i’m going to try my damndest to use my background in community care to make a difference in the audio fiction sphere. because as long as we keep trying, we don’t fail. 💚🫂
oh gosh, mir, I am for real crying a lot right now. words can't express how much this means to me - I genuinely can't even process what I'm seeing. my words, my handwriting, on your body forever. that's an honor I'm not sure I'll ever adequately earn, but know that I'll cherish it forever, and always work to be the person you can count on to keep reaching back with her stories.
this last week has really been a "why is making art so fucking hard" kind of week (which maybe I'll share more about on a plus pals stream sometime in the future) and this is such a wonderful reminder of why we do this - why we make art, why we share art, why we need art to survive. the epilogue of TBS says this, but making that show saved my life and it means the world that it means so much to other people.
thank you so much, mir. for this, for all your support through the years, for the beautiful soul you share with the world!!!! I appreciate you so so so much <3 you keep me green!
If I had a nickel for every time one of my favourite fiction podcasts had a episode where a character in a position of authority nearly dies because of their over-committment to putting on a Gilbert & Sullivan production that goes chaotically wrong, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.
我愛 Jack Young. I’ve only had him for a day and a half but if ANYONE hurts him again I’ll kill everyone in this room and myself.
I jumped for JOY when I heard him say he was from the Guangdong providence (though I didn’t grow up in China, I was born in Hong Kong and raised there til my teens) and when he said 媽媽和爸爸, and I even heard a 家姐 in there!! Sometimes it’s silly of me to forget that a person of colour isn’t just limited to the African Americans and etc, and I love the representation that MERCY gave me :))
Anyways. Love Jack Young. 11/10 character and I’m still on episode 1.7!
sometimes I’m like fuckkkkk theres too many fiction podcasts I want to listen to and then I remember I have the rest of my life to listen to all the fiction podcasts I want
“This has both our names on it”: Viewing Fleet and Clara’s relationship in Victoriocity through a queerplatonic lens
TL;DR: By Season 3 of Victoriocity, Fleet and Clara have developed a committed emotional partnership that certainly moves beyond the purely professional. Whilst very much operating as a duo, they can be interpreted as often rejecting or subverting romance-coded elements in their relationship, instead embracing a unique dynamic that can be read as resonating with the concept of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR).
Buckle up because this is over 2,500 words long! If you'd rather read it as a document, you can access it here: Fleet & Clara QPR Google Doc
Disclaimer: I'm not making any claims about creator intent, nor about how anyone else ought to interpret Fleet and Clara's dynamic. It's also worth acknowledging that queerplatonic relationships are inherently defined by the people in them and any attempt to apply such terminology to a story set in 1887 is obviously anachronistic (although whether that should matter when said story also contains a cyborg Queen Victoria is up for debate).
With that said, if we define a QPR as a committed personal partnership which is not entirely captured by the typical expectations of either friendship or romance but may contain some elements typically associated with either (other definitions of QPRs are available), I enjoy viewing Fleet and Clara's relationship through a QPR lens, and I want to talk about some of the reasons why I think this reading works.
***Spoilers for all three seasons of Victoriocity and the novel High Vaultage***
Detective duos
Even before we actually get into Fleet and Clara's particular bond, detective / crime-solving duos as a general concept have QPR energy to me (which probably predisposed me to this interpretation). It's the Holmes-and-Watson legacy. It's the use of the word 'partner' in a non-romantic context (‘associate’ or ‘companion’ can also serve a similar purpose). It's the intense trust and reliance on each other. It's the sense of being a recognisable pair, always appearing together, known as a duo, with skills and attributes that complement each other.
Romantic assumptions
Moving on to Fleet and Clara specifically, one aspect of their relationship that can be read through a QPR lens is how they are often in situations where other people believe or imply that there is a romantic relationship between them. Sometimes this is a deliberate strategy of theirs, and sometimes it’s imposed upon them by others. But I’d argue that there’s never a point where they both simultaneously seem entirely comfortable with that romantic narrative for their relationship. Usually one of them will actively deny the assumption or react negatively to the implication:
When Mrs Hampshire interprets Clara and Fleet as a couple experiencing “young love”, Clara might be happy to adopt this as an effective cover story, but Fleet seems unsettled and keen for them not to be perceived this way: “No. No. You’ve misunderstood, we are not, that is to say I am…” (S1E2)
When Warden Hughes assumes Fleet is the new Warden and Clara is the new Warden’s wife, Clara says “I am certainly not”, with emphasis on the ‘certainly’. (S2E2)
Fleet definitely doesn’t sound enthused when he realises Clara has gone for a married couple as their cover story at the Grand Salcombe: “I am sure I’ll regret asking, but by any chance am I [Mr. Theasby?]” (S2E2)
When Titus Byrne tells the pair “I take it you're happy sharing [a room]”, Clara responds with a horrified “What?” (S3E4) (Obviously sleeping in the same room isn’t inherently romantic, but it is often perceived that way.)
Of course, fake dating and external assumptions of romance are very common tropes in romantic will-they-won't-they dynamics, and these moments could definitely be interpreted that way for Fleet and Clara. But I prefer to read these instances as reflecting a different kind of closeness between these two characters. They have a sense of emotional partnership that allows a marriage cover story to seem plausible to others and that other people sometimes automatically assume to be romantic (obviously with some period-typical heteronormativity at play). But to me, it doesn't seem like either of them are fully comfortable with their relationship being perceived in a directly romantic way. Perhaps they are a couple in a different sense…
Proposal via door plate
The way that Fleet asks Clara to be his business partner has always seemed to me like a platonic version of when people find personal ways to surprise their romantic partner with a proposal:
CLARA: You bought me a door plate for your office? [...] This has both our names on it.
FLEET: What do you think?
CLARA: I like it. (S2E7)
Fleet could have just asked Clara outright, without going to the trouble of buying a sign that would have been useless if she’d said no. If it was purely a professional business proposition with no emotional meaning behind it, I think he would have just asked verbally. But instead, he gifts her a sign with their two names paired together: Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. There's something so intimate about that to me: about Fleet asking Clara whether she would like to be a duo with him in a more formally-defined but still non-romantic way; about him choosing to present this offer in the form of a gift; about the way he presents her with their two names joined together etched into metal and asks what she thinks; about the significance that this gesture attaches to their partnership; about him having enough trust that she'll say yes that the effort and vulnerability of presenting her with that sign seem worth it for him. And the gesture means an awful lot to Clara:
She thought about the door plaque he’d had engraved with both their names on it as his way of inviting her to be his business partner – typical Fleet, refusing to tell her so much as his favourite breakfast food and then to go and do something like that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. (High Vaultage, p187).
Anniversaries
In the special episode ‘Murder in the Pharaoh's Tomb', Clara says “And you know what else is a big occasion Fleet? It's our one-month anniversary.” She wants to celebrate the anniversary of Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. Their partnership holds a significance for her that means key dates associated with it are worth remembering and remarking upon.
When Clara first mentions their anniversary, Fleet nearly chokes on his drink, which seems like an instinctive reaction to the usually romantic connotations of an anniversary (see my point above about Fleet not being comfortable with their dynamic being perceived as romantic). But when Clara clarifies what she means, Fleet seems much more cheerful about the notion of their anniversary: “Ah, so it has.”
“Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner”
I get extremely strong QPR vibes from this moment, when Fleet introduces Clara to the sailors at Grave End:
FLEET: This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner.
CLARA: I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it. (S3 E3)
Fleet and Clara are partners, but not in the way the average person might assume from that word, which Fleet realises mid-sentence here. This is another instance of Fleet reacting negatively to the idea that their relationship might be interpreted romantically (see above). And yet, 'partner' (rather than, say, ‘colleague’) is the word that comes naturally to him in this moment to describe who Clara is to him. He then frantically emphasises the professional element of their relationship so as to avoid the romantic implication, but Clara is keen to proudly assert that there is a personal, emotional aspect to their dynamic too. They are first-and-foremost partners, and they are friends, and they do not want to be seen in a romantic light - this post basically writes itself...
“Her ridiculous detective.”
When Clara fears for her life at the display of the Lanterns, the narration tells us:
“she thought of her brother, her sister, her parents... Her ridiculous detective.” (High Vaultage, p172)
The fact that Clara thinks of Fleet in this moment of fear clearly indicates his importance to her, but I think the phrasing of this quote is particularly interesting. The narration lists Clara's immediate family: two of whom are dead (her sister and father), one of whom is publically mourning Clara's life choices (her mother), and only one of whom we have any real evidence of her having a positive relationship with (her brother). And then, separated from these complicated familial relationships by an ellipsis, the narration tells Clara also thinks of Fleet, “her ridiculous detective”.
Parents and siblings are familial relationships that tend to come with established expectations, in which the use of a possessive pronoun (i.e. her brother) to indicate the relationship is a norm. ‘Detective’ does not fall into this category; unlike ‘brother’, ‘sister’, ‘parent’, ‘friend’, ‘partner’ etc., ‘detective’ is not a word that inherently implies a relationship or that we'd usually expect to see preceded by a possessive pronoun. The idea of ‘her detective’ therefore stands out, giving the sense that there is a unique relationship being indicated here. The way in which Fleet is ‘hers’ is something that Clara has chosen for herself, something that they have shaped together. Who they are to each other can't necessarily be fully expressed using standard phrases that traditionally describe relationships between people. But Fleet is Clara's detective, of which she only has one, and who she'll think of in the midst of “the screaming of the heavens at the end of the world”.
Fleet is also the only one in this list of Clara's loved ones who gets an adjective - her love for him has detail. And while “ridiculous” might often be perceived as negative (it's certainly not a classic romantic endearment), it seems to me like there's such fondness in it in this context: the recognition of and affection for eccentricities, the idea that his importance to her is not (purely) based on his professional strengths but on Fleet as a whole - perhaps at times ridiculous - person.
“Settled”
When Clara and Fleet talk about Clara's mother’s expectations for her, they have this exchange:
"She's still living in hope that one day I'll settle down."
"You're not settled?" asked Fleet.
"I am." (High Vaultage, p259)
By ‘settle down’, Clara's mother of course means ‘marry’, ideally into “at least a minor baronetcy”. But Clara already considers herself "settled", just not in a way her mother would understand or appreciate. She's not looking to "settle down" into a lifestyle other than her current one. She is settled in a situation where Fleet is certainly her closest personal connection in London (and perhaps anywhere), and where the two of them work closely together, operate as a duo, and then go back to their separate homes. And this partnership with Fleet is a comfortable set-up that feels right for Clara exactly as it is, rather than being a precursor to, or a distraction from, the marriage ambitions that her mother wants for her.
I think this exchange also contains an implicit sense of the commitment between the two of them. Fleet wants to check that Clara is ‘settled’ in her current situation, of which working closely - and platonically - with Fleet is obviously a major element; Clara confirms she is. There's a subtle indication of their shared intention to be in this for the long haul.
As a sidenote, Fleet and Clara’s implicit assumption that their partnership is a long-term one can manifest itself in joking contexts as well as serious ones. Look at this exchange from S3E5:
FLEET: We're not bandits, we're just going to flag it down.
CLARA: We'd be terrific bandits!
FLEET: Let's just see how our current line of work goes.
I think it’s notable that, in this joking speculation, both Fleet and Clara use ‘we’ and ‘our’. The joke could have been phrased just as effectively if they were imagining only Clara becoming a bandit. But the suggestion is that, if either of them was a bandit, they’d be bandits together. Even if they changed their lives entirely, they'd still approach life together.
Inseparable
Fleet and Clara have become a nearly inseparable duo in a way which is noticed by others. For example, after Clara and Fleet fall out in High Vaultage, Fleet meets with Keller, who says:
"You're here with me instead of barrelling across town with her, so I'm just assuming there is some thickheaded puffinry for which you need to apologise to Miss Entwhistle" (p335)
Keller, hardly the most emotionally perceptive man in Even Greater London, automatically infers from the fact that Fleet is on his own that he has had a falling out with Clara, rather than that they just happen to be in different places. When all is well, Keller expects to see the two of them together, whether or not they are in a position to be actively working a case.
Going back earlier in their partnership, Keller makes a similar assumption about Fleet and Clara being inseparable in S2E6. When Clara shouts her name amidst Keller's anti-Vidoc booby traps, Keller asks "Entwhistle? Which means… Fleet?" Again, there's this idea that if one of them is there, the other is likely to be there too - they come as a pair. (It's worth noting that this scene takes place less than two weeks after they first met.)
“Like a friend might?”
At the end of S3E7, Fleet suggests that he and Clara go to the theatre together. It would have been easy for this invitation to have been explicitly framed as a romantic proposition, or even for the nature of the offer to have been left more ambiguous. But Clara says "Archibald Fleet, are you inviting me to a social activity? Like a friend might?" The use of the word 'friend' directly labels this as a platonic interaction. And it's with that platonic lens on it that Clara is extremely excited to spend non-work-related social time with Fleet.
“Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.”
CLARA: My grandmother's ring, I don't suppose you managed to hold on to it? [...]
FLEET: Oh, it's been crushed.. I'm sorry Clara [...]
CLARA: No, you keep it.
FLEET: What? No...
CLARA: Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you not to run towards trains.
FLEET: Maybe. Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.
In S3E7, Clara gives Fleet a ring, which - as a gift from one person to another - is traditionally a symbol of a particular, legally recognised, kind of personal commitment. But when Clara tells Fleet to keep the damaged ring, down in the Underground tunnels after the destruction of the beast and Fleet's latest brush with death, it is quite a different situation to a wedding or a proposal. A married man would traditionally wear his wedding ring on his finger for all to see, but Fleet won't ever wear this ring like that. The ring itself has been bent into a different shape between the wheels of their misadventures, subverting the usual associations of a ring given from one person to another. (In a heteronormative world, those associations are particularly strong when the two people in question are a woman and a man.)
That ring is not an engagement ring, but it is Clara’s grandmother's ring, an inheritance from the blood family she never really felt she belonged in, now given to the man who might be a very different kind of family for her in London. That ring - with which Clara saved Fleet's life - is a symbol of their bond. And it therefore serves as a reminder for Fleet “not to run towards trains" and as a “good luck charm”. I like to think he'll carry that ring with him, perhaps in his jacket pocket - a little piece of his partner, kept close to his ticking heart…
Thank you for reading all of this!
If you’ve read all of this, I'm assuming you also enjoy the concept of Fleet and Clara as a QPR (unless you're really a glutton for punishment) and that makes me very happy! This was long because there's so much to say about them… And I wrote all of the above without even getting into: the potential to headcanon Fleet and/or Clara as aspec (which I don't think is necessary for QPR headcanons, but which is also fun); Clara's baggage around and discomfort with marriage in general; the speed with which Fleet and Clara become a ride-or-die duo; and the many other demonstrations of care, understanding, trust, respect, and affection between them that didn't feel as directly QPR-coded to me but are nonetheless wonderful. Please do feel free to share your own thoughts!
Hi friend! I haven't been doing Audio Drama Sundays for a while due to moving, etc., but I had to tell you that I finally started Lost Terminal yesterday! I found myself laying on the ground, painting baseboards, and all I wished was to be able to give Seth a big hug. I just finished S2 and I am so, so curious where things will go from here. (What the heck, Antarctica? Aw Maddie, my poor scaredy-cat. Wonder how things will go with Ivan? I hope Seth still gets visits from Ana & Alexander & Arina & Adrian.) I wasn't expecting the amount of music there's been, which has been a lovely surprise!
Anyway, thanks for recommending it to me many moons ago, and for continuing to encourage people to listen to it. I can't wait to hear Seth learn and grow and hopefully make even more friends!!
- Beka
Beka, hi! This is such a sweet message to recieve, thank you for it. Lost Terminal is such a kind show, and Seth really is such a sweetie. I'm so glad you're enjoying it.
