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(4/7/16)

I wish I never spent that time with Nick this weekend.

I’m so sad and irritable and I feel like faking sick so that I can sleep until tomorrow morning. The sadness has persisted for 4 straight days and I don’t know how to stop it

———— And another thing– we’re not rich but I’ve never known a money issue in my life. But I psych myself out about being dirt poor and not being able to afford anything and it makes me feel like I’m drowning

booty-called

My problem is that in my mind, no one will ever compare to Nick, because no one ever has. I compare every guy to him. I look for Nick in every guy. And then I get sad because I’m unrealistic.

When I describe my perfect man, it’s literally a subconscious description of him. I can’t help it

I've always wanted to continue my life in NYC-- but I'm set dead on moving to Texas or Tennessee or something after graduation because 1. Hate the city after all 2. Closest chance of finding a Nick there

(4/7/16)

I wish I never spent that time with Nick this weekend.

I’m so sad and irritable and I feel like faking sick so that I can sleep until tomorrow morning. The sadness has persisted for 4 straight days and I don’t know how to stop it

———— And another thing– we’re not rich but I’ve never known a money issue in my life. But I psych myself out about being dirt poor and not being able to afford anything and it makes me feel like I’m drowning

Wow I've been so sad all day. I just don't want everything to end when he graduates it can't just be over

fknsex

Wow I’ve felt completely sick for the last day and a half. I just want him to get into law school here I just need one more year

What school do you attend? You don't by any means have to answer. I just have a feeling you attend a school like Penn State haha

Nope not penn state haha but similar

4/3/16

If somehow he miraculously gets into our Law School, that's it for me. I'm not playing anymore, I'm making moves and making it happen 110%. But I could already be too late

4/3/16

Yesterday was a huge day party for Greek life in Nick's backyard. I left the party early to get food, and he texted me all concerned about where I went. So eventually I went back to his house and spent TWENTY FOUR HOURS THERE. It was amazing. We barely hooked up in the time I was there. And he did something with me that he's never done before and swore he would never do with any girl. He's not sure if he's getting into law school at our current school. I'm praying he does, because these could be our last 30 days together for good. I honestly can't even think about it

Guilty for 2 (3/20/16)

These past few weeks have been really focused around Dan. Everything with us is so good, and then I just went and hooked up with Nick. I like both of them and I don't think I'll ever get to narrow it down. Nick and I spent most of our time together just talking, but I could potentially have just 2 months left of ever knowing him if he doesn't get into our university's law school :(. I'm so scared and sad :(

PLEASE SEND HELP

Me and Dan haven't been Snapchat friends in a few months because we deleted eachother. Regardless, I would still send him nudes and videos of this male stripper when I was really drunk to his inactive Snapchat name. But we just became Snapchat friends again and he got like 7 minutes worth of nudes and stripped videos and I want to die lmao

2/28/16, 2:23AM

This is a good time to write a post because drunk but not wasted Nick and Dan rejected me tonight. One day I'll find someone perfect who is worth my time. I keep thinking Nick is perfect but he's NOT. Sober me, please read this. Nick isn't fucking who you think he is. He is a fucker just like the next kid. It's really hard for me to internalize just because I'm positive that I fucking L O V E, LOVE this kid. In love. And that's hard for me. I looked up at a star tn and cried which sounds really stupid, but I looked up at this star on my way home from a frat party holding my drink friend because I know my perfect guy is out there somewhere and maybe he's looking at the same sky

2/25/16

He was lying on his back this morning and I had myself tangled around him. My head was resting on his shoulder and while he was sleeping I was just staring up at the left side of his face taking visual screen shots in case I'll never see him again after May. I don't think I've found anyone else in 3 years because I never wanted to

About last night (2/20/16)

Went out with my sorority (how the fuck did I end up in another sorority I DON'T KNOW but yes it's official I'm a member and they let me not pledge). I had every intention on going to Dan's house at the end of the night. I walked out of the sorority house and down the steps to head on my way but NICK WAS STANDING RIGHT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS OUTSIDE! He was walking on his way to the bar. I literally took a running leap into his arms I was so happy. So I immediately abandoned Plan Dan And I kind of feel bad but whatever. I'm honestly in love with this kid and last night was perfect

Chlamydia outbreak please kill me 2/17/16

I get the following message in one of my GroupMe’s from an acquaintance:

“Alright this doesn’t leave the group chat or someone dies. Now we should be able to trust each other so this shouldn’t get out. Have any of you had sex with or done anything other than make out with Name 1, Name 2, Name 3, Name 4, Name 5, Name 6, Name 7, Name 8, Name 9, Name 10, Name 11, Name 12, Name 13...., “Other Nick”? You may have chlamydia.” (because she has chlamydia and has slept with over 15 people this month alone).

Now I had just posted 10 days ago about how I’ve NEVER hooked up with a random guy before in my life, but I did 10 days ago with “Other Nick.” We didn’t have sex, but everything else.

So now I’m freaking out that I have an STI/STD along with about 15 other people that I know of who are involved in this big orgy of a circle. Waiting for my results is so fucking painful I do not want to have to tell “original” Nick and Dan please if I do have something please kill me. I think I’m 100% fine because I didn’t get sex with Other Nick but please just kill me.

DUI

Dan asked if he could come over the other night and I said "yeah if you have a DD don't drive yourself" because he had been drinking. And so he DRIVES and totals his car and gets a DUI. If anything happened to him o would have felt so guilty but I literally told him not to drive

I've never done this before I need a church (1/7/15)

I have NEVER hooked up with a guy I just met. EVER. I've never hooked up with a guy I've known less than like 2 months. But I met this kid Nick (lol) last night and we just strolled right into his room and one thing led to another. I didn't have sex with him, but I still feel dirty and weird about it. Oh well. He was nice though but I don't wanna talk to him ever again

A new sorority. what have I done.

All I wanted this week was to go to parties, and my best friend invited me out with her sorority (unrecognized, off-campus, party girl sorority). But they love me and *shocker* want me to pledge. Guys, I am NOT pledging or joining another sorority. But they want to make me an honorary member (don't have to pledge in automatically in) which I'm not completely opposed to. But I literally get sucked into this cycle this is like my 18th time lmao

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