The Borderline Beauty

it was sorta good, until it wasn't. a memoir blog higlighting what it's like to live with borderline personality disorder - while black.

[user-boxer]

This user has a triggering blog

[borderlinebeauty]

Main themes: hopelessness, suicidal thoughts/urges

[borderlinebeauty]

amending this to say I now am living in a good space of recovery on most days ❤️

Sweet serenity. I earned it.

[borderlinebeauty]

5/3

Grateful that God is so good and I know he keeps his promises 🙌🏾💛 everything is gonna be alright.

[borderlinebeauty]

3/11

God really don’t play about meeeee. Like I don’t care. He be doing his big one. And I’m here to tell you that ALL things really do work together and is timing really is on so DIVINE. LIKE OMGGG. And ya know what, just because I feel good imma reach out to let my “friend” know I’m thinking of her.

[borderlinebeauty]

Thought about you really really for the first time in a while. Flashback to the feelings. Waiting for you to come back, us stop fighting. I thought about the knee jerk reaction of reaching out to tell you that you’re on my mind. But I know that’s probably not for the best. It’s weird. I don’t know how long it’s been. Haven’t really been keeping track, but I know it’s been something. Okay that could be a lie lolol but at least it feels like it has been. I wanna say I didn’t tell you happy birthday so yeah a long time checks out. First time not doing so, weird. I might’ve told u in advance tho I think, it’s all fuzzy. Anyways I don’t know what else to say and now thinking about what to say, I feel myself getting emotional so I shall wrap up. We really spent so much time in life together, in a short span of time, that even as memories fade I’ll always remember you being such an important part in my story. I’m doing well enough. I hope you are too 🤍

[borderlinebeauty]

Hello! You are receiving this because you are someone that I’ve identified as a safe person. If you’re open to supporting me maintain a more manageable life based on sane-thinking, keep reading💛

As of 12/2/25, I will be doing a daily praise report. What’s that?

Basically me sending the highlight(s) of my day to a support person, who will vary day to day. You could receive a “praise report” anywhere from once in a blue moon, a couple times a month, or perhaps weekly.

This will be quite a task for me, and maybe annoying for the two of us on some days. But it’s a great daily reminder of the slogan “I need people”.

I am grateful to have you in my life. Thank you for the ways that you have shown up for me 🩷

If you don’t have the capacity or desire at this time to do so, that is fine!! I want you to be well too. On the other hand, you’re more than welcome to share “praise reports” with me too 😌💕

Well to whoever is reading this, hey boo! I see you🩷 thanks for tuning into my story. I share so much of my dark emotions on here that I also like to bring the light when I can. Why not add this safe space to my list of “support people”. Truly I have a village on here and I’m thankful.

— now for the report:

1/18

I listened to my spirit and boy I’m so thankful. It ended up being a really good thing for some mess that was thrown my way. I was able to be prayed over instead of crashing out or breaking down, which I perhaps would’ve done had I saw that message after I listened to my mind and stayed home. But God. Thank you!!! And I saw him answer my prayer 💛

[borderlinebeauty]

According to my “family” one should only worry about someone being missing if they’re not an adult. Got it. K.

Nah u thought. Bitch fuck you.

[borderlinebeauty]

Really wanna scream and cry.

[borderlinebeauty]

just wanna cry.

[borderlinebeauty]

It’s funny (not really) bc I was just thinking about how damn I can’t even remember the last time I was suicidal 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Which honestly felt weird asf 😭😭 miss girl has been at the table for so long lol.

But then 💥 today there it was. It’s a lot going on rn so I guess it makes sense, but I am sad bc I was literally just praising myself for not having that automatic thought anymore. It’s almost as if someone wished ill on me. But maybe it’s just a test. One that I can and will pass.

On the bright side, it gives me a date where I can now keep track of how many days it’s been since the last one. Which I wanted to do and no clue when that was so eh good in everything I guess? I will survive……. r i g h t ?

[borderlinebeauty]

This time won’t you save me? Fuck. I just want somebody I can lean on…..which fine yes, in a codependent way but FUCK what I supposed to do when shit is hitting the fan and EYE need my own support???? I’m literally like quite literally in the middle of all this bs with my family. And then them other fuckers are of no use. I’m honestly so tired. I wanna text P so bad but I know it’s in our best interests not to. I wanna text this guy but fuck I’d probably look crazy. I’m tryna have standards. In this situation I’m definitely the prize, no need to put myself on the clearance rack but also it sucks bc I really really did like him. I’ve found myself yearning for him when things are too much. I need a fp bruh wtf. But I know, I know. Not best practice. So here I am talking to yall.

Will anybody save me? 12.8.25

[borderlinebeauty]

Sometimes i swear i don’t want kids bc living is just so fucked. I don’t wanna give this shit to anyone.

[storybookprincess]

changing my mindset from “if I don’t keep my home clean i’m a useless horrible failure” to “i deserve to live in a comfortable, clean environment, so i will do my best to provide myself with that” has been fairly life changing

and it applies to so much!!!! i try to take whatever i’m beating myself up over, like “i haven’t been eating enough veggies lately so i suck as a human,” and instead reframe it as “my body deserves all the important nutrients found in vegetables” and suddenly i’m ten billion times more inclined to actually prioritize eating more veggies

shame is a paralytic!!!!! self compassion is an actual motivator!!!!!

[borderlinebeauty]

rn i wish i could just stab many things.

maybe even kms.

i’m so sick of this bs.

it just hurts so bad.

i just want it to stop hurting.

will it ever fcking stop hurting?

[borderlinebeauty]

I just feel like fuck.

I’m taking so many damn medications. Another one added to the list. I feel like this is getting crazy?????

[borderlinebeauty]

I just feel like such an unlikable person and I really don’t know what to do with that other than k*ll myself……now two people have said they feel like we’re not a good friendship match (actually 3 if I include the guy I really liked). What the fuck does that mean? I just don’t know….i don’t know how I’m going to make it through this life so lonely.

[borderlinebeauty]

I need to cry.

I want to die.

Maybe that’s a lie.

This life just hurts, and I don’t know why.

[kosmogrl]

[borderlinebeauty]

LMAOO AYO