Diary Of A Borderline Girl With A Bit Of Humor

Living with Bpd and depression, just wanted to share some thoughts with other people that have to “live” with it

[traumaeyed-deactivated20210519]

bpd things

money? yeah, you’re gonna spend it all on useless things like excessive amounts of food and clothes in hope of making yourself feel better. then you’ll regret it five minutes later

 you hate yet love everyone and everything. hate. love. hate. love. it’s a never ending, exhausting cycle of intense emotions. there’s no in between

someone doesn’t respond to your message in ten minutes? it’s time to make dramatic assumptions. do they suddenly hate you? are they dead? 

you’re slightly inconvenienced? it’s time to commit suicide

all your relationships fail and you just can’t seem to figure out why

 you feel like everyone is the same. you see the same pattern over and over again in your relationships and your friends

you feel happy for once? well guess what, in about seven minutes you’ll feel like throwing yourself into traffic because Johnny didn’t want to share his pencil with you

nothing is worse than the overbearing feeling of emptiness that follows you daily and haunts you like a ghost

you’re constantly angry. just the idea of someone breathing in your vicinity is infuriating 

baths? did you mean: self-harm hours? 

everyone is against you including yourself

who is that in the mirror? is that me? Why do I look like that? I can’t recognize myself

 i’m sorry, what did you say? repeat yourself again. and again. sorry, i didn’t hear you. again. repeat yourself for the fifth time, i wasn’t paying attention i guess

you’re useless unless you’re perfect

therapy? no

 oh, is that a character I relate to? let me obsess over them for the next nine months

 you’re the most evil and horrible person you know, yet simultaneously the most pure and naïve person you know

you feel like the devil when you say no to someone

how about I split on my best friend for the eighth time today for absolutely no reason!

am I abusive? am I like my abusers?

 they said something that seemed weird to me… are they going to leave me? Is this the end? Is this all there is? Should I leave them? Maybe I’ll just disappear

you hardly remember anything from before the age of 10

nothing is real. we’re all going to die. nothing matters.

maybe if I get high I won’t overthink everything!

[beautifullyborderlinepd]

*has a moment of emotional turmoil*

*posts on the internet*

*gets validation from others who have felt the same way*

*feels better*

[bpdmoth]

FP: don’t worry! I won’t ever abandon you, I promise!

My BPD ass:

[vexingdelusions]

don’t u just love it when u ruin ur relationships because of ur impulsive nature? 😻😻 like yasss thanks bpd for taking my loved ones away from me 😩😩💦

[horny-and-depressed-dude]

Bpd is “I’m bored. Let’s cut my wrists and not eat in two days lol”

[sailorportia]

welcome to bpd, the mental disorder where your feelings are made up and your decisions don’t matter

[we-only-attack-ourselves]

Not mine, found on Facebook but so fucking relatable

[beccasgrinsekatze]

Invalidating sentences you should not say to someone with BPD

• Not everyone who does (insert dysfunctional behavior here) has bpd

• Everyone does that

• Everyone feels this way

• You always overreact

• Why are you such a drama queen

• I also do (insert dysfunctional behavior here) and I don’t have bpd

• Oh so you’re saying everyone who does (insert dysfunctional behavior here) has a personality disorder…yeah right

• Oh my God calm down

• Can you stop? You’re embarrassing us

• Do you have your 5 mins again?

[fightingborderline]

That bpd feeling when you know you are going to fuck up but you can’t control your feelings so you go on with what you were doing

[alexander-reformed-deactivated2]

recovery highkey scares me,, like,,, who am i without my personality disorder??? im no one bitch

[marluna98]

I feel like I‘m wasting my life

[siickangel]

i wanna die but it’s chill

[x-eleutheromania]

Not mine but accurate

[itsborderlinebitch]

when you have bpd… you don’t just become overly attached to people. you become attached to environments, routines, and feelings. we become so comfortable with things that make us happy and we crave that one constant in our lives and that is why we always feel so empty.. change is forced upon us because that’s how life is.. people change, environments, routines and feelings change and there is nothing we can do but break each and every time

[fisprettyinpunkyo]

BPD through my eyes

constantly questioning if my friends hate me

ignoring my friends and family because I don’t deserve any

staying silent around people in fear I’ll say the wrong thing or no one will care

not being able to keep a job more than 6 months because they become boring

feeling like I’m not myself and I know nothing about myself

changing what I want to do with my life before I even start anything

abandoning anyone that gets too close

scared that everyone will abandon me and they hated me all along

using drugs because fuck it

thinking that I hate the people I care about when I’m angry

hurting myself and carving negative words into my arms

losing my appetite for days and wanting to be thinner when I know I’m thin

obsessing over people and thinking of them every damned day

ruining all my friendships by pretending to not exist

hiding in my house until I feel as if the walls are closing in and driving my self crazy

not showing up for interviews

sleeping in my car and disappearing from anyone I know for awhile

being scared to be alone but canceling on all my plans

blocking and unblocking people

thinking you’re the biggest piece of shit in the world and loving you unconditionally a few moments later

scared that everytime you leave you might die while you’re gone

trying to get close with my siblings but only sometimes

having sex and then discarding people afterwards (not anymore I’m trying to make my relationship work this time)

starting to talk to people and thinking I may actually like them and then leaving without explanation

cheating on past partners or getting involved with people in relationships

constantly questioning my sexuality and changing it

making decisions before I think about any of it

thinking about marriage but then being scared off because of my commitment issues

working my ass off for what I thought I wanted but still feeling empty

doing things I don’t even like because I want to be a certain way or feel good about myself

denying I’m depressed when people ask but wanting to talk to someone about it

thinking about getting professional help but not being able to go through with it

looking in the mirror and thinking I look cute but only moments later I’ll never look good enough

never living up to my own standards because I have to be perfect even though I’m nothing

constantly questioning my past decisons and if I’d be happier If I changed everything

feeling completely content for a couple hours or days and then hating my whole life and wanting to die

denying that anything is wrong with me and then accepting my mental illness sometimes

striving to do better just to completely self destruct when I make something for myself

calling the people I love horrible names in my head when I’m mad because it would be too cruel to say

telling myself I hate hate hate someone when most the time I love them

having people say I’m manipulative when I never had the intention

being clingy then distant then clingy

making plans and apologizing for not being around as much just to not show up without warning

I hate the things I do, I wish I would be consistent with people because I end up hurting them. I make impulsive decisions without even briefly thinking about the outcomes because I just want happiness. Nothing ever makes me necessarily happy or upset it’s back and forth and I’m not even sure if I’ve ever been truly happy before. Or what I like to do. I don’t feel like I’m a real person just a empty shell sometimes. Just floating around completely lost in my own life.

[itsborderlinebitch]

10 bpd moods with salem the cat

[alexandraswriting]

“I have always been very attracted to danger. I guess some call me an adrenaline junkie, but its more than that. I crave things most people are too afraid to do, I am attracted to people others are too afraid to speak to. I try to keep my reckless behavior to a minimum, I really do. I try to be less impulsive, more structured, but I just get so bored. I guess at the end of the day some of us run with lions and some of us run away from them. I will never be the latter.”

— Danger // Alexandra