Musings of a Long-Distance, Midwestern Boston Wife

I just want to live a life worth writing down

[bostonwifemusings]

It seems like you’ve been in a long season of waiting. You’re like an airplane circling the airport.

[bostonwifemusings]

Self-Care

Self-care always felt like an excuse to be indulgent. Instagram-y. Candles and twinkle lights.

But I’m slowly learning, it’s taking care of yourself in the way that you need. It’s not that brownie (but it might be). It might be solitude, a shower, a glass of water. And there can be twinkle lights, but self-care isn’t always twinkly. Sometimes, it’s about surviving.

[boglio]

[bostonwifemusings]

We seldom go willingly into the belly of the beast. We have to be taught the way of descent. Transformative power is discovered in the dark—in questions and doubts, seldom in the answers.

Richard Rohr

[bostonwifemusings]

For Mal

To the long legged goddess

Lover of myths and mysteries

And cats.

[bostonwifemusings]

Restless

My body it never stops stirring

The fire inside me never stops burning

And even if my mind would let me sleep

What recharges my soul while my body gets rest?

It’s my body that sleeps when it’s my soul that needs rest

[bostonwifemusings]

For Mo

For the girl who loves words

But doesn't always use them

Because she knows silence  

And waiting  

And solitude  

Are just as important.  

[bostonwifemusings]

A Countdown of the Males in my Life

One misinterpreted.

Two offered me a drink and a smoke.

Three was an ass.

Four was courtesy, anxiety, and confusing.

[bostonwifemusings]

Stolen Kisses

I could have hit you with the curling iron in my hand

They said we didn’t have to kiss

And I was reassured

But you swaggered in during intermission

Grabbed my shoulders

Spun me around

Like a Brooklyn gangster

“C’mere doll, and give me a kiss”

And planted one on my lips

My never-been-kissed lips

I should have hit you with my curling iron in my hand

[bostonwifemusings]

Wrapped

sometimes at night

I wrap myself 

up in my blankets

and I wonder

what it would feel like

to have your arm 

wrapped around me too

[bostonwifemusings]

Dream

I’ve been dreaming of an open road, But my head and my heart can’t agree. Adventure Running Away Experiences Expensive Independence Loneliness Discoveries Discontentment

And deep within, repeating quietly I hear: But what about home?

Writing exercise #102 

[bostonwifemusings]

Yesterday I went for a run, the kind that is fueled by emotional necessity, rather than healthy motivation. I looked out at the piles of dirt and caught my breath, and remembered how amazed I was that these massive piles of dirt and stone stay standing through all the wind and rain. “What is holding this up?” And I wondered the same thing yesterday. And it occurred to me that I ask the same thing of myself. I look at myself and wonder if I’ll crumble, who I’ll hurt, and what I can weather. And God is like “It’s the same thing holding you both up.” So I’m a pendulum swinging back and forth between okay and crumbling, and that’s just where I’m at. But I can’t help but believe that this is an essential time.

Boston

[bostonwifemusings]

It’s a rough time, but it’s got an expiration date. It’ll keep going if we do.

Boston

[bostonwifemusings]

These are the times when growing up is not a straight line.

Bird

[bostonwifemusings]

And it’s overwhelming, along with everything else. Like the ground here; it’s been brown since winter, but all at once, after the snow, it’s suddenly green, and there was no warning, and everything changes. And it’s beautiful but it’s new. Sometimes you feel like creeping back to what’s been, but that doesn’t mean that will stop spring from coming.

Boston

[bostonwifemusings]

God, I’m sick of this, but I’m going to trust that you see what I’m going through. I’m gonna trust that you’re with me even in this.

Matt Carder, Pastor at Commonway Church, Muncie, Indiana

[bostonwifemusings]

GOD, your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness. For forty years now, GOD, your God, has been right here with you. You haven’t lacked one thing. Deuteronomy 2:7 (MSG)