TW: talk of PPD and Miscarriage.
I find myself wondering when your love for me died.
Was it when I introduced you to the person who would take my place in your life thinking you guys would get along so well?
The person who brought you into the magical world that you are now apart of.
Ya that was thanks to me.
Was it when I had a miscarriage the night I told you I was pregnant?
Was it when I got pregnant again?
Was it when you told me “no hate no shade but watching you go through pregnancy makes me wanna get sterilized”?
Was it when I was 3 months postpartum sobbing on my living room floor texting you because I felt like i was loosing my best friend?
Was it after you told me you loved me and my baby so much and you were just busy with life.
Was it when you decided not to tell me you were having your new friends plan your bachelorette party after I had brought up starting to plan it so many time because I was so excited to celebrate you?
Maybe it was when you failed to tell me that you also invited them to your private elopement. But don’t worry. I got to find out in the back seat of the car after you insulted literally EVERYONE who came to celebrate YOU, well everyone besides the two important ones.
I think you said “idk why I invited all these random ass people”. People who flew in from other state just to celebrate you.
Other friends got to watch you get married in the dress that I went to help you pick out. Me and other friends who I can imagine were in the same boat as me.
You know the friend that you sidelined once I started coming around.
Are we seeing the pattern?
Maybe it was when you called me to talk shit on one of the two important girls for not being honest with her feelings. Or was that your way of trying to get it out of me that I was very upset about the situation.
Maybe it was at the party when everyone disrespected my husband to my face when I was having a meltdown because he was having a hard time being alone with the baby for the first time. My breastfed baby who was without her mom for the first time ever. So I could celebrate you.
Or maybe it was on that phone call I mentioned, when you acted like you forgot I was EVEN IN THE CAR. Like we didn’t hang out one on one and watch a movie until everyone came back to the bnb.
No I think it was when I didn’t take your side when you decided to rip apart someone in the most disgusting way over something that wasn’t their fault.
You know I may not know when the switch up happened but all I do know is that you didn’t love me. You love yourself. And no one could ever be loved by you the way you love yourself. That’s why you keep people close that don’t check you.
This isn’t my first rodeo with you ghosting our friendship when things don’t go your way. You’ve don’t to me sooooooo many times.
I have NO interest in even trying to talk to you about any of this because every bit of it happened after you knew how I felt. That I was scared I was loosing you. But instead you lied to me. You kept things from me. And then you acted like nothing was wrong. I tried to as well. I tried to act like I wasn’t devastated by you constantly bragging bragging about those friends to me, online. I tried to act like I was strong enough to watch you sideline me in your life while I was going through the biggest personal change I ever experienced.
I kept my mouth shut though. Because I was not about to be the one to create drama around your big day. Or give you anything negative to think about while you were enjoying your trip. Because even though you broke my heart over and over I still cared enough about you to leave it alone.
All I can say is I have NEVER been so destroyed by a person. Not a man. Not a ex. Never in my life have I ever been through when you have done to be TWICE NOW!
I have never felt more free. I’m no longer questioning things.
I’m no longer wondering what I did wrong.
I’m no longer wondering if it’s because I chose to have a child.
I never realized how much I would need this peace of mind now that I have it.
I’m writing this to clear my mind and my thoughts.
And if you’re seeing this I don’t wanna hear from you.
I don’t want a text in two years saying how sorry you are because the same thing happened to you and you understand what it feels like.
2087
titsay
areudirty
stormborns
