maya

- enjoy the ride with me - - borderline personality disorder -

[smores-crepes]

my brain: *remembers a repressed memory*

me: thanks! i hate it

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

You are still alive, and i’m very proud of you for that.

[breeeliss]

they don’t tell you what anxious impulsivity looks like. 

when people imagine anxiety, they always imagine risk averse behavior. you overthink, you’re deliberate, your thinking is catastrophic, and you’re always thinking through seventeen possible scenarios in which things can go wrong. 

but sometimes you’re so anxious and things feel so horrible that you do things without thinking because you want the bad feelings to stop. you say something stupid in a group chat, so you immediately leave all of your servers and block your friends so that you don’t have to see the aftermath. you’re unsure about your relationship, so you break up with your partner out of nowhere or you wake up one morning and just decide to ghost them so you don’t have to deal with it anymore. you’re uncomfortable at a party with people you don’t know, so you run outside and take the train home at 3am without realizing how dangerous that is because you just need to leave. 

your anxiety can get so bad that, in an attempt to feel safe and secure, you can’t predict what you’ll do next. 

[howtoautism]

how to stop endlessly analyzing your own behavior as if you were a scientific experiment

[dededeseseed-deactivated2020091]

When you tell ur self “it is what it is” but deep down you wish things turned out differently.

[done]

brain: don’t forget to feel terrible

me: oh yeah thanks

[neverwillyouknow]

My brain is getting more demanding again. I'm not sure how long until I take it again. It's like this incessant need, one I don't know how long I can ignore. And part of me knows I should tell someone about these thoughts to prevent them from coming into fruition. But another part of me only wants to keep the secret, let it fester inside my head. Then in a moment I can't take it anymore act on them and live out the consequences.

[mental-ch-illness]

just because someone is hurting doesn’t mean you have to too

[approvers]

[prozc]

me, looking in the mirror: i can’t bear to look at myself………i am Trash…..worthless 

me, looking in the mirror twenty minutes later: i am literally the most angelic celestial beautiful being……i am Undeniably flawless in Every way

[dog-teeth]

whos with me

[exhaustedborderline]

[sailorportia]

not to be dramatic, but i’m the worst thing that’s ever happened to me

[fairycosmos]

self reflection is a good thing but too much self analysis is so exhausting. constantly questioning your own motives and how you're being perceived and whether or not you're being real and what's authentic leads to such a convoluted mentality like. u don't even know who you are cause you just end up being a case study and not a person. i just want to let myself move through the world for a moment

[6sobs-deactivated20200701]

sorry for being mentally ill can we still kiss

[hope4gem]

There is still hope. There is still time. You will get through this. It will be ok.

[he1lokitty]

when someone asks you what your interests are and you have to stop and actually ponder it because you don’t have a true interest that’s lasted longer than 5 minutes. just bpd things!