BPD Resources

[submersumtempestas]

Book of Rage

The Book of Rage is something I developed to help me manage my overtaking, all encompassing, sometimes mortally threatening, irrational action fueling, always impeding negative thoughts & moods.

What you will need:

A notebook or sketchbook

A writing utensil

Optional:

Velcro

Ribbon

Decorations

Mood stickers

Markers and crayons

Page One: The Mission Statement (of sorts)

Page One is where you introduce yourself to yourself, but also make a promise to yourself to heal. Page One should set the tone and inspire YOU whenever you read it.

My page one goes something like:

“Hello. My name is X, but I’ve never truly associated myself with that name and have a barrage of preferred nicknames. Here are a few of them: (list of nicknames)”

“At the time of this entry I am X years old. I have BPD.”

“In this journal I will attempt to chronicle my extreme emotions, work through them, and develop a coping mechanism to retrain my thinking patterns.”

This next part of page one is very important. Please do not disregard including this next part. I have found it to be very grounding while coming up out of a serious down. Note that while I am in the serious down, this next line doesn’t help, but after I’ve worked through the bulk of the emotion, this next sentence brings me to tears with hope for myself.

“I will heal. It will be ok. I will love myself”

That was my Page One. Yours may be different, longer, shorter. It may take up two pages, three pages, half a page. The importance is in the components, which are:

 Solidify a sense of self, which I have done by including all my pseudonyms through the years in one list as well as including my diagnosis (which, since obtaining, has set me free to explore healing options)

Set a goal for the book, and get into the thinking pattern that this book is a good coping mechanism, if not a necessity, for your process in better understanding and managing yourself

Realize that improvement is possible, your feelings and emotions are valid, and that the future is bright. 

About the Rage Page

Now to get into what the bulk of this book will be: Rage Pages. A rage page is exactly what it sounds like, a page filled with your rage. Raging mindlessly and into the abyss of your notebook is better than raging into the real world and doing something irrational, most will agree. 

The Rage Pages have such a larger purpose, though. Not only are they a space to release your negative thoughts and feelings in a fiery spiel of “fuck it all”, but they are a space to pull yourself back together and analyze your emotions.  

Over time, your rage pages will outline a map of that part of you. Your triggers will surface and you will be able to identify them. Your worst “times of day” or “states of mind” will start to make sense. Your irrational thought patterns and emotions will begin to be able to be understood by you, and that’s important. 

 That’s what this book is all about: self learning, self understanding, self love, and healthy release of those destructive thoughts and emotions. 

So, when you’re feeling exceptionally emotional in any way and are having trouble controlling your emotions or actions, turn to a new rage page and have at. 

Rage Page Formula

Date: The date, fill this in later if you don’t know. Be sure to fill this in, as the dates are how you track your progress and growth.  Time: Don’t feel the need to get too specific, or get as specific as you want. “Just woke up” “after lunch” “6:32pm on a Wednesday” “sunset” are all perfectly ok! Everyone perceives time a bit different.  State of Mind: List every emotion you are currently feeling, or describe your current state of mind. Intensity of Emotion: Feel free to develop your own actual scale, and be sure to include “numbness”. I, personally, will sometimes become so negatively emotional I become numb. The emotions are still present in a way, but I am numb to the world. I also don’t have a scale, and some of my entries are “Over 9000″ or “Like Six but Building”. As long as you know what you’re talking about, whatever you put here is a-ok

What Happened: Here’s where you let it ALL out.  Scribble. Write sloppily. Write what happened. Write everything that lead up to those emotions, write anything anyone did to you-or what you did to them. Use no censors and just go ham, let it all out. Take up six pages with “FUCKIN’ MC FUCK FUCK” if you need to, in all caps, in your worst handwriting. It’s your rage page(s) and you keep letting it out until you calm down. 

Not calm yet? Scribble circles. So upset you only can write one sentence? That’s ok. Too numb to do anything but write super analytically? Go ham. Would prefer to draw a comic or express yourself through a drawing? DO IT! Even if you need to talk about what a piece of shit you are (you’re not a piece of shit btw), do that. Write “I Suck” 40 times and draw a sad llama.

The point of this is to regulate yourself and your current emotion to where that emotion or mental state is not fueling your actions. Whatever you need to do with that ink to express yourself and calm down, you do just that. 

DO NOT MOVE ON TO THE NEXT STEP UNTIL YOU ARE CALMED DOWN.  IF YOU ARE STILL THINKING/FEELING STRONG EMOTIONS & CONTEMPLATING IRRATIONAL BEHAVIORS, CONTINUE RAGING. DOODLE. SCRIBBLE. COLOR THE WHOLE PAGE IN BLACK. PLAY DOTS WITH YOURSELF.  LITERALLY ANYTHING.

Emotion Analysis: Remember back when we listed every emotion we were currently feeling, or described our current state of mind? Now we’re going to go deeper into them, and figure out why or what triggered those feelings. List out all of the emotions as a bullet points. Next to each emotion, write out why you are/were feeling that, what triggered the emotion, and if you can identify the thought process leading up to that emotion, do so. 

 Over time, you will begin to see correlations between what happened, your emotions, what triggered them, and how you reacted. Your head-space should be clearer than it was at the beginning of this page, and you should be able to at least semi-rationally identify causation. 

Conclusion / Solution / Next Step: You’ve raged. You’ve ranted. You’ve let it all out, and you’ve identified the causes of your emotions to your best ability. By this point, you should be pretty calm and thinking rationally, maybe even beating yourself up. Stop beating yourself up if that’s what you’re doing. Now, we focus on what we are going to do with the information we have learned. 

Your conclusion / solution / next step should include anything you’ve learned from the experience (so long as it is not self deprecating), such as needing to take a deep breath and not respond immediately next time someone says that thing, or knowing that you just can’t drink with certain people, or avoiding a location, or eating before doing the thing.

 It should also include any solutions you have come up with (so long as it’s not harmful to yourself and others) such as apologizing, talking rationally with someone who upset you, getting ice cream, writing a strongly worded but respectful letter. 

The third and arguably most important thing is to highlight your next step, which could be a combination of your conclusion & solution, or something else all together. A next step could simply be what you are going to do next, which is vital to outline if you are feeling numb or feel as if you are shutting down or disassociating. Here is where you will give yourself a task to execute, and follow through, even if it’s to make tea and read the next chapter in your Harry Potter book.

Example of a Rage Page

Some things have been altered/cut short

Date: 8/24/2015

Time: Like 1:30 pm or SOMETHING

State of Mind: Stressed, Alone, Abandoned, Hopeless

What Happened: I was at the doctors and had to hit the “fuckyou” button on my friend, because no calls allowed, and he started acting like he wasn’t important, and I got really, really mad. I sent a lot of angry texts. 

Emotional Analysis:

Stressed: I had coffee, life activities like the doctor make me on edge

Alone: Having nobody to call when me and my one friend get into an argument, going to the doctors all by myself, not having any family living near for support

Abandoned: Unsure footing in current relationship, nobody to talk to when my one friend is mad at me

Hopeless: No help for me. No sure footing in relationship. Nobody to talk to, really.

Conclusion: I was triggered by having my feelings and thoughts assumed, and by the construed perception that my health priorities come secondary to anyone else’s needs.

Solution: It was miscommunication.

Next Step: Apologize for the barrage of texts I sent when mad (before I caught myself), work on not getting so mad in the future.

BUT WAIT WHAT ABOUT THOSE OPTIONAL MATERIALS

If you’ve gotten Velcro, wrap your writing utensil in one bit (I recommend the softer bit) and put the other bit on your notebook. Alternatively, glue the ribbon to both your book and the pen. Now your pen won’t go missing!

If you’ve gotten the ribbon and don’t want to use it to connect your pen, glue the ribbon around your notebook with the ends hanging over where it opens. Now you can tie the notebook shut to “trap the rage”- or to simply keep it shut. I bring mine everywhere and sometimes it flops open, so I’ll probably be doing this soon.

Decorations - decorate the cover and make it yours.

Mood Stickers: Use mood stickers to express your emotions, if you can’t find the words

Markers and Crayons: To express yourself with, or to decorate your book with

I hope this helps someone! I got the idea from these anger management worksheets I had to do when in Anger Management some almost ten years ago. 

[bpdhelper]

Abandonment Lifetrap

Hi all. I said a couple of times during the week that I was doing a write up about abandonment and how it affects people with BPD. 

This write up comes from the same source as the earlier Vulnerability Lifetrap write up and it is a book called  Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program To End Negative Behaviour And Feel Great Again by  Jeffrey E. Young (also available on Scribd in PDF form.) 

In my opinion this book is well worth investing in if you are wanting to investigate yourself and your BPD and provides good, in depth knowledge about self discovery and how to take control of your life with easy to follow methods of self-help, that for many can be very empowering. 

Trigger warning for mentions of alcoholism, and mild threats of domestic violence.

Please, before you start to do the exercises or even read this, it is important that you have good support around you. Learning some of this information and relating it to ourselves can be an unpleasant jolt to the system, and often in our journey of self discovery we need close friends around us for support when it gets tough. Please make sure you have this and most of all if you need to call someone in a more urgent situation, have numbers at the ready. 

If there are any problems with the document, please message me.

ABANDONMENT LIFETRAP DOCUMENT

[bpdhelper]

Hi :-) 

I’m going to post a little about disordered thinking today and hopefully provide some methods for you to recognise the different types of anxious thinking you may have, and also a little exercise at the end which can hopefully help you combat the anxious thoughts and change them! 

Remember, it may not happen straight away but I fully believe that by knowing the thought patterns you can gradually learn to change them if you wish too :) I realise it’s will be hard; being stuck in a negative thought cycle can sometimes become a crutch that for some, changing them represents a change in their whole sense of self. This can be hard to overcome. Go at your own pace friends, and if it feels uncomfortable - stop. Get yourself something nice and try and again another time. Always remember to reward yourself for any positive changes!! 

Here goes!

Some of the most common examples of distorted, biased or unhelpful thinking are as follows: 

“All or nothing” type of thinking

When we see things as either black or white. If something is not perfect then it must be disastrous. One mistake means complete failure. 

This is completely unrealistic. Life is not that clear cut. There are many shades of grey.

Over Generalisation

Where after one unfortunate event we assume it will happen again, every time. For example, once turned down at an interview we may feel convinced that we have no chance of ever finding a job. 

This will certainly make us feel bad, but there is no justification for seeing one instance as proving a rule.

Mental Filter

This is where people tend to pick out a negative or worrying detail and dwell on it exclusively, thus seeing the whole situation as bad. 

This will certainly make us feel upset, but we will without a doubt be missing out on some positive aspects. 

Discounting The Positive

Anxious people have a strong tendency to say that positive experiences don’t count for some reason. We may say a successful event was a “fluke”!

This makes things seem worse than they are and means that we don’t let ourselves take pleasure from positive events or our successes. 

Jumping to Conclusions

This involves assuming the worst when there is really no real reason to: For instance, expecting failure before having tried. 

Clearly this kind of anxious thinking will only increase anxious feelings. 

Catastrophising

When we exaggerate the importance of our own imperfections or errors or fears e.g. “I made a mistake - that’s terrible - I can never show my face here again.” When we turn commonplace misfortunes into disasters, in our minds. 

Remember, we do not think about other people’s mistakes in the same way. 

Emotional Reasoning

Where we believe that, because we feel so afraid, there really must be some danger, or because things feel so dreadful, we believe they really are in a mess. 

It is most often the case that anxious feelings are not realistic.

“Should” Statements 

For instance, thinking we “should” be able to stay calm all of the time or we “must” never get angry. 

Such rigid statements are over-demanding and unreasonable. They cause unnecessary pressure and, very often, guilt. 

Labelling and Mislabelling

This happens when we label ourselves as a “useless person” on the basis of a mistake we have made. When our total idea of ourselves is determined by something we have done or a mistake we have made. 

That makes about as much sense as defining ourselves as “joiners” because we have put a shelf up!! 

Personalisation

Where we tend to assume that where something goes badly, it is entirely our fault. For instance, if our child has a poor report card then we blame ourselves. 

Personalisation usually causes guilt. It leads people to assume complete responsibility for happenings that are almost certainly due to many factors. 

EXERCISE

Make a column with three rows. Name these 3 rows as follows:

Anxious thoughts          Thinking Errors           Reasonable thoughts

The next time you feel unmistakably anxious or upset, note what you are thinking. alternatively, imagine you are in a difficult situation or about to do something you dread, bring to mind those thoughts you usually have at these times, i.e the first thoughts you would have. Write your thoughts in the first column under the heading “Automatic Anxious Thoughts”. These are the thoughts or ideas which cause your emotional upset. 

Next, look at these “automatic thoughts” you have writen down and decide what kind of errors you have made. Refer to the previous list of thinking errors. Write in the type of errors in the second column. 

Now, for the third column. The task is to substitute more reasonable, objective thoughts. It may help to imagine what someone else might say or think, reassuring and sensible. Imagine if you were giving this advice to a friend or somebody else you are close too. The point of the exercise is to train yourself to be objective and reasonable. So you need to believe what you put in column three is accurate. If you are unsure of this, then maybe you could ask a close friend or family their opinion. 

So there we go. I hope this will help you recognise negative thought pattens and help you begin to change them into more ordered and positive thinking. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions. 

[bpdhelper]

Vulnerability Lifetrap

Hi all. Here is the link to a google drive document with information regarding the vulnerability lifetrap. This includes information explaining what the lifetrap is, how it may manifest, and gives you ways to deal with and eventually overcome this lifetrap. 

The resource has come from a book called  Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program To End Negative Behaviour And Feel Great Again by  Jeffrey E. Young  

Fair warning: some of the text is less than PC and contains some ablest language. However it is important to understand that the context of the book relies on actual therapy sessions and so some of the examples used are by actual people and therefore will reflect the language that they used. It is not meant to harm or offend however I do realise that this may occur anyway. Also, some of the examples used are a little ‘dated’ - it was printed almost 20 years ago. Again, the examples are still relevant, and even though in the climate we face at the moment with the increase in poverty and homelessness, it may be possible that the threat you face is likelier than the scenarios depicted may suggest - but please do not dismiss this as a valuable resource for you to use when you are feeling hyper-vigilant and distressed. 

Vulnerability Lifetrap Document

[bpdhelper]

reblogging again for those that might have missed it. 

[bpdhelper]

I’m so sorry I haven’t been around on this blog for a couple of months guys - life has been keeping me extremely busy. I promise i will answer the asks I have in my inbox over the next few days and also type up another booklet for you to read. 

xx

[bpdhelper]

everyone left me... i split pretty badly a month ago and now my datemate broke up with me and my best friend wants nothing to do with me. i fucked up really badly and i don't know how to fix it. i miss them and i want them back so badly... everyone always leaves and im sick of it.

Sometimes we fuck up, we do, and sometimes we fuck up badly. I don’t know what you did, but you need to try and assess whether forgiveness is justified. People don’t have to forgive you, it’s important to understand that and to make peace with it, because if you truly want people (friends and other loved ones) to have autonomy then you must be willing to allow them to make their own decisions about what is best for them if you fuck up. I know that probably won’t make you feel better, but its the truth. 

Alternatively, if you feel like their actions or unwillingness to forgive are not justified, try to engage them in conversation. Allow yourself to voice the fact that you know you fucked up, and that you are willing to have an honest conversation about it. If they agree to that, you need to be prepared for the truth of how your actions make other people feel, and either try to change them, or to let person go if changing is something that you cannot or are unwilling to do. Manipulating people to stay in any kind of relationship with you if you say you will change and then fail to either do so, or try to do so, is abusive. 

I’m really really sorry for the hurt and the pain that you are feeling, I understand how hard it is to feel alone and like everyone walks out on you, but also, that can be part and parcel of growing up (throughout our lifetime, not just when young) but if all of that I wrote above happens and they still don’t want to be part of your life, then it’s ok to feel shitty, but don’t allow yourself to imagine it dictates ALL relationships, because it doesn't. That kind of thought pattern is highly destructive. Have a look at some of the ‘booklets’ I have written above and see if any of them relate to you, and if they do I hope they help. 

[bpdhelper]

Hi, so I've been having trouble with dissociation lately because of posts that have been on my dash, and I want to blacklist posts tagged like that so I can minimize discomfort, but I'm not sure what to blacklist? Usually the posts are things that have like "all of your memories are false" and stuff like that. Do you have any idea what I could blacklist for that? Thank you!

You could maybe ask for your mutuals to tag things like that as ‘unreality’ ?

[bpdhelper]

Hi! I haven't been diagnosed with BPD (mental health awareness isn't very advanced where I live), but I've suspected I might have it for a long time. I have quite a specific question; I've noticed that I'm unable to 'receive' positive feelings from other people. I cannot feel like people love me regardless of what they say or do. I'm able to recognise positive emotion between two other people and I can tell when someone dislikes me, though. Is this a common experience?

Hi, I hope you are well?

I do believe that the inability to feel worthy of love can be a common occurrence with Borderlines, but I think it varies greatly in severity depending upon your upbringing. 

Generally speaking, that feeling of being unable to feel loved is a coping mechanism for a lot of us. Many people with Borderline have suffered neglect or abandonment as children (not always intentionally though), and as a result they feel that the person who abandoned them (likely a parent or close guardian) didn't love them; child mentality can often be unable to find logical reasons for abandonment so it becomes internalised in the only thing the child knows and that is the love bond between the abandoned and abandoner.  This is highly traumatic for a child to go through, and as such they strive to find love as a replacement, but also guard themselves against it for fear of being abandoned again. 

Sometimes it could be that children are raised in environments where love is paired with fear or punishment, so a child can only receive a manifestation of love and attention in the form of punishment. Or they are always waiting for things to get better, so often they are like rabbits in the headlights, in fear of what will happen next.  

Other times it could be that children are raised in environments that are highly controlling. This could lead to adults who believe that if they feel love back for someone who loves them then it could absorb them, it could control them, and their vulnerability could be exposed and then dominated by the person they are feeling for, whether it be a lover or a friend. 

Always it leads back to a disconnect between receiving love and admiration and the fear of being vulnerable to them and the tumultuous feelings that they bring. The fear of abandonment, control, pain or vulnerability. That fear can be so great that we shut down the ability altogether and convince ourselves that we are unlovable. 

I would really urge you to read the google document about Vulnerability and also Abandonment and see if these things relate to you. There is a lot of information within them that may help you recognise if any of this that you are feeling is related to being unable to open up yourself to vulnerability. 

I hope you are able to feel worthy of love soon. xxx

[bpdhelper]

Abandonment Lifetrap

Hi all. I said a couple of times during the week that I was doing a write up about abandonment and how it affects people with BPD. 

This write up comes from the same source as the earlier Vulnerability Lifetrap write up and it is a book called  Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program To End Negative Behaviour And Feel Great Again by  Jeffrey E. Young (also available on Scribd in PDF form.) 

In my opinion this book is well worth investing in if you are wanting to investigate yourself and your BPD and provides good, in depth knowledge about self discovery and how to take control of your life with easy to follow methods of self-help, that for many can be very empowering. 

Trigger warning for mentions of alcoholism, and mild threats of domestic violence.

Please, before you start to do the exercises or even read this, it is important that you have good support around you. Learning some of this information and relating it to ourselves can be an unpleasant jolt to the system, and often in our journey of self discovery we need close friends around us for support when it gets tough. Please make sure you have this and most of all if you need to call someone in a more urgent situation, have numbers at the ready. 

If there are any problems with the document, please message me.

ABANDONMENT LIFETRAP DOCUMENT

[bpdhelper]

I'm not officially diagnosed, but currently questioning if I have the disorder? I idolize people often, and form deep personal attachments that feel like I'm addicted to the person (not romantically, usually it happens with adults bc I don't get much attention from my parents) that end with me hating them. I once took a personality test and the results were literally "inconclusive". I feel things more deeply than others do, I self harm & struggle with self hate & friendships. am I overreacting?

Hi there, I hope you are ok?

The fact that you aren't officially diagnosed doesn't really mean much in this respect. Quite often psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose BPD in patients because it is considered such a difficult problem to treat. Personally it took me 2 years and LOTS of reading and actual presented evidence to my psyc before they would give me an official diagnosis of BPD which paved the way for me to get actual treatment.

 If a psychiatrist is an option for you however, do try your best to get a diagnosis - as said, this can often help you gain access to treatments like dialectical behavioural therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy which will help you a lot. 

Your personal attachments to people do sound very like BPD like symptoms. People with BPD have a tendency to idealise people very quickly when they feel like they are getting what they want or need from them - but the moment they stop getting that then they will demonize them - often over something relatively simple. This idealisation can feel overwhelming and intense. The loss you feel from the loss of the connection can feel devastating. Do you often feel like you hop from person to person? You look for the attention and love from other people that you are not getting from your parents. 

Like my previous anon I think the write up that I am doing now will benefit you.

I think for the moment the most important thing to remember is that these people you are idolising are only human, ok? And human beings often screw up. They have their own things going on - things that you might not think are as important as your issues, but are important to them nonetheless. Try to keep that in mind before you put someone on a pedestal - remind yourself that these people are flawed, we are all flawed, and nobody can ever 100% provide you with the attention you need, nor, it must be said, should they be expected too!

You are an important person, but you must realise that you can have your own autonomy, you can do things for yourself if you realise your own potential. It won’t come straight away, these things take time. Sometimes you won’t see people for a few days or weeks, my god sometimes even months - but it does not mean that these people do not love you or care for you ok? I know that that can be hard to come to terms with when you have those negative thoughts in your head telling you that they don’t! But don’t listen, remember your worth! 

[bpdhelper]

A phyc told me last year he thinks I'm borderline while I was in drug detox. I show 8/9 symptoms and have showed a couple for years. I made a fake kik & I get horny go on and send dirty photos and videos of myself to men for attention and to feel loved. I live with my bf Of 2 years but I do it when he's at work. I love him and I feel so dirty and bad after I do it but next time im horny I go do it again ? Is this a bpd thing or what I don't know why I do this :/

Hello lovely, I hope you are ok today.

This does very much sound like something someone with BPD would do. The need for attention and love stems from issues with dependency and abandonment which can cause you to act in reckless ways in order to get attention from anyone you can, even if it causes the people who you love, and the people who love YOU to back away (or even leave). 

I have a write up that I am in the middle of typing up at the moment about Abandonment (and the one afterwards will be about dependency) and these may help you a lot. Hopefully I will have it finished in the next couple of days.

In the meantime, really have a think about why you do these things, and reflect upon how it is impacting you and your mental health. If it is possible to speak to somebody about it then please do. Think about what your thoughts are before or during these times when you seek out others to fulfil your needs or fantasies - not just that you are horny but specifically what is causing you to seek fulfilment with other people rather than the person whom you share a relationship with and try to consider ways you can distract yourself from these thoughts or feelings you are having. 

Remember, you are not a bad person ok? Sometimes our mental health makes it so difficult for us especially when we are doing things that make us hate ourselves. Eventually you will have to tell your boyfriend about what you have been doing and take some responsibility - but regardless of what happens you are not bad, but someone who is in the grip of problems that are overwhelming.

I hope my next write up is of some benefit to you. 

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Getting By Without Friends

1. See it as something that is temporary. Even though it hurts now, it doesn’t mean it’s permanent. You’ll find other people who will treat you well – so be gentle on yourself and recognise that it will pass. 2. Learn to enjoy your own company. See it as a time to reflect on your life, and really think through what you want for yourself. Also, find different interests you can do on your own – and maybe try something different you’ve never tried before. 3. Spend time looking after animal. Pets are accepting, reliable and loyal. They’ll never hurt your feelings – and are good company. 4. Treat other people you meet really well (talk to people at the checkout, or smile at those you meet). That will likely result in a warm, friendly response – and will remind you that others still appreciate you. 5. Hang out with those who like the same things as you. If you’ve taken up a hobby or you like watching sport, speak to people you meet at these events. Even though you don’t know them, they are still good company. 6. Don’t let this bad experience hold you back. Keep reaching out to others, have the courage to take risks and eventually you’ll find someone who will be a loyal friend – someone that you like and who will treat you well.

[bpdhelper]

Hi :-) 

I’m going to post a little about disordered thinking today and hopefully provide some methods for you to recognise the different types of anxious thinking you may have, and also a little exercise at the end which can hopefully help you combat the anxious thoughts and change them! 

Remember, it may not happen straight away but I fully believe that by knowing the thought patterns you can gradually learn to change them if you wish too :) I realise it’s will be hard; being stuck in a negative thought cycle can sometimes become a crutch that for some, changing them represents a change in their whole sense of self. This can be hard to overcome. Go at your own pace friends, and if it feels uncomfortable - stop. Get yourself something nice and try and again another time. Always remember to reward yourself for any positive changes!! 

Here goes!

Some of the most common examples of distorted, biased or unhelpful thinking are as follows: 

“All or nothing” type of thinking

When we see things as either black or white. If something is not perfect then it must be disastrous. One mistake means complete failure. 

This is completely unrealistic. Life is not that clear cut. There are many shades of grey.

Over Generalisation

Where after one unfortunate event we assume it will happen again, every time. For example, once turned down at an interview we may feel convinced that we have no chance of ever finding a job. 

This will certainly make us feel bad, but there is no justification for seeing one instance as proving a rule.

Mental Filter

This is where people tend to pick out a negative or worrying detail and dwell on it exclusively, thus seeing the whole situation as bad. 

This will certainly make us feel upset, but we will without a doubt be missing out on some positive aspects. 

Discounting The Positive

Anxious people have a strong tendency to say that positive experiences don’t count for some reason. We may say a successful event was a “fluke”!

This makes things seem worse than they are and means that we don’t let ourselves take pleasure from positive events or our successes. 

Jumping to Conclusions

This involves assuming the worst when there is really no real reason to: For instance, expecting failure before having tried. 

Clearly this kind of anxious thinking will only increase anxious feelings. 

Catastrophising

When we exaggerate the importance of our own imperfections or errors or fears e.g. “I made a mistake - that's terrible - I can never show my face here again.” When we turn commonplace misfortunes into disasters, in our minds. 

Remember, we do not think about other people’s mistakes in the same way. 

Emotional Reasoning

Where we believe that, because we feel so afraid, there really must be some danger, or because things feel so dreadful, we believe they really are in a mess. 

It is most often the case that anxious feelings are not realistic.

“Should” Statements 

For instance, thinking we “should” be able to stay calm all of the time or we “must” never get angry. 

Such rigid statements are over-demanding and unreasonable. They cause unnecessary pressure and, very often, guilt. 

Labelling and Mislabelling

This happens when we label ourselves as a “useless person” on the basis of a mistake we have made. When our total idea of ourselves is determined by something we have done or a mistake we have made. 

That makes about as much sense as defining ourselves as “joiners” because we have put a shelf up!! 

Personalisation

Where we tend to assume that where something goes badly, it is entirely our fault. For instance, if our child has a poor report card then we blame ourselves. 

Personalisation usually causes guilt. It leads people to assume complete responsibility for happenings that are almost certainly due to many factors. 

EXERCISE

Make a column with three rows. Name these 3 rows as follows:

Anxious thoughts          Thinking Errors           Reasonable thoughts

The next time you feel unmistakably anxious or upset, note what you are thinking. alternatively, imagine you are in a difficult situation or about to do something you dread, bring to mind those thoughts you usually have at these times, i.e the first thoughts you would have. Write your thoughts in the first column under the heading “Automatic Anxious Thoughts”. These are the thoughts or ideas which cause your emotional upset. 

Next, look at these “automatic thoughts” you have writen down and decide what kind of errors you have made. Refer to the previous list of thinking errors. Write in the type of errors in the second column. 

Now, for the third column. The task is to substitute more reasonable, objective thoughts. It may help to imagine what someone else might say or think, reassuring and sensible. Imagine if you were giving this advice to a friend or somebody else you are close too. The point of the exercise is to train yourself to be objective and reasonable. So you need to believe what you put in column three is accurate. If you are unsure of this, then maybe you could ask a close friend or family their opinion. 

So there we go. I hope this will help you recognise negative thought pattens and help you begin to change them into more ordered and positive thinking. Please feel free to message me if you have any questions. 

[bpdhelper]

Vulnerability Lifetrap

Hi all. Here is the link to a google drive document with information regarding the vulnerability lifetrap. This includes information explaining what the lifetrap is, how it may manifest, and gives you ways to deal with and eventually overcome this lifetrap. 

The resource has come from a book called  Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program To End Negative Behaviour And Feel Great Again by  Jeffrey E. Young  

Fair warning: some of the text is less than PC and contains some ablest language. However it is important to understand that the context of the book relies on actual therapy sessions and so some of the examples used are by actual people and therefore will reflect the language that they used. It is not meant to harm or offend however I do realise that this may occur anyway. Also, some of the examples used are a little ‘dated’ - it was printed almost 20 years ago. Again, the examples are still relevant, and even though in the climate we face at the moment with the increase in poverty and homelessness, it may be possible that the threat you face is likelier than the scenarios depicted may suggest - but please do not dismiss this as a valuable resource for you to use when you are feeling hyper-vigilant and distressed. 

Vulnerability Lifetrap Document

[bpdhelper]

Introduction :)

Hi all! 

This is my first post and what is my side blog, so i will make this as an introduction. 

My name is Sarah, I have BPD, have been diagnosed for around 10 years now. I have been a regular in therapy and have completed a LOT of it, mainly CBT, DBT, addiction therapy and some regular counselling.

Over the years I have collected a lot of fact sheets, help sheets and other resources which have largely been gathering dust in my cupboards. 

I’ve been on tumblr now for over 3 years and see a lot of people struggling with BPD who are unable to get access to the help that they need for a variety of reasons, so my main motivations behind creating this blog is to share some of the resources that I have with you all in an effort to spread knowledge and techniques in order to try and help you peeps out! 

Full disclosure - I do have a psychology degree, but I am NOT a psychologist. I do not practice psychology in any form, and actually have a lot of problems with western mental health practices in general. That saying, it would be reckless of me to deny that a lot of these methods do work, indeed they worked for me, however I am well aware that they will not work for everyone, in which case my advice would ALWAYS be to try and access whatever other services may be available in order to get the help that you need. 

Included in this blog will be self help resources from various sources (and i will include the source names, any journals I use and will provide the names of books and authors where possible) I will also include relaxation methods and also try and provide as many helpline numbers as I possibly can. 

As I am going to be typing up a lot of the resources myself (and providing them as google drive documents for you to save and use as you want) I will try to be as consistent as possible!

I hope this stuff helps you!! First resource to follow!